Separated and suffering.

[watson1195]

About 6 months ago my spouse of 17 years, told me that she didn't love me anymore and that she wanted to separate/divorce me. I have been willing to reconcile and she has become very hard hearted. We have three kids that are having to deal with all of this and it breaks my heart that they are having to go through all of this. I am struggling with anxiety and depression over all of this and I am struggling financially. The kids are going to be in my custody for 6 months out of the year,and I don't know how I am going to make it. I want the best for them and I really want to save my marriage but she is so unwilling. I am so frustrated with all of this.

 

[kary]

Iam sorry to hear about this. My brother is going through this situation. I read this very interesting point of Dr. Dobson. My Family Talk :: Solid Answers ::

 

[brokenclay]

Dear Brother Watson. Call upon the name of the Lord. We live in cruel times where our wives minds are being influenced by the enticement of the world. The laws are against you, but God is for you. Read Emptymailbags story on here. I will pray for you and Kary's brother. Praying for God to comfort you both. To favour you and our brother in distress. keep us posted. Continue on like Pilgrim in Pilgrim's progress so to speak. As well read up on spiritual armour. These are the end times. Aslo remember Christ died for the ungodly. May your mind be stayed upon Jehovah and be kept in perfect peace. Pray against the powers of darkness that no weapon formed against you and our brother may prosper. Amen!

 

[brokenclay]

Help for Battered Men

 

[brokenclay]

Help for Battered Men

Gospel Hymns For Daily Strength
Keep on praying to God on high,
Keep on praying, He hears your cry;
God will answer the sincere heart,
Keep on praying, He will do His part.
... Keep on praying, you’ll grow in grace,
Keep on praying and win the race;
Jesus loves you, His Word is true,
Keep on praying, He will answer you.
Keep on praying, He’s ever near,
Keep on praying, ’twill banish fear;
"Thro’ the valley" He’ll walk with thee;
Guide thy footsteps to eternity.
Keep on praying all through the strife,
Prayer will purchase a crown of life;
Heaven is ringing with songs above;
Hallelujahs, for a Savior’s love!
-KEEP ON PRAYING
Words: Fred­er­ick W. Van­der­sloot, 1906
Music: Mabel F. Goh

See More

 

[garet82]

i know its really hard brother, no one ever dream to be in this place. but we must trust n kep our hope to Jesus coz He is the only person that can comfort you n giving you strength to pass this all. please stay calm n pray and may you find the best way for your married life, family, kids n your life amen. God bless you

 

[savedandIknowit]

Surrender your wife to the Lord, let go of her in your heart, hold onto the Lord as you let her go, he can do more than all the pleading in the world to her, but also examine your heart,and confess it to the Lord your marraige, your husbanding towards her and fish out where possibly she could be bitter with you, what you said, what you didnt say, what you did or didnt do,and make it right with your wife, it may lessen her bitterness with you, get her to open up to you, you need to treat her as a sister in the Lord at this time if she is saved.I couldn't give my husband my whole heart because he treated other women better than he did in front of me, In my expectations of how a woman should be treated by her husband it was happening to other women and I was being spoken to like a dog, this has been addressed and I'm sure the Lord will lead me to let out more, I'm just using this as an example, try to help her by humbling yourself to her where you went wrong, A woman's heart is like a bank savings account, what you invest into it is what is stored up in her heart, and if she doesn't not know how to express her pain, anger her grievances with you then its locked it, and you will reap what you have sown in her heart, Pray that she will know how to express her heart and also your heart and be able to forgive you too, all marraiges can be worked out if it is in the hands of the Living God, divorce and separation happen because people give up and dont look to God always for endurance longsuffering and wisdom it helps alot to be open and humble, point her to Jesus and work on your relationship to be Christlike for Him Blessings, Julia

 

[watson1195]

Thanks Julia. I will continue to humble myself and hope for God to work on both of our hearts and entrust things to Him.

 

[CRC]

Your situation is so delicate and painful. My heart and my prayer goes out to you. Please be assure that what is stated in the Bible book of 2 Corinthians 1:3,4 which says
“
Praised be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of tender mercies and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our trials so that we may be able to comfort others in any sort of trial with the comfort that we receive from God“.


You will experience comfort in your tribulation. God will see to it. God loves families and your plight does not go unnoticed. Stay prayerful. (Proverbs 3:5,6)

 

[watson1195]

I have lost hope. Tonight's talk with her did not go well. I am wounded deeply. I wish there was comfort. Instead just sadness.

 

[brokenclay]

Brother. I know what your feeling. I'm praying God will give your wife a discerning heart to see the truth from the lies Satan will or has fed her. We as men are spiritual coverings. God will honour your desires. I've been through those times when my words meant nothing. Satan wants to keep you distracted from being a witness for Christ. May God strenghthen you and direct your heart and mind towards better things. Praying God will bring her to repentance and faith in Christ. Praying God will prepare your heart and mind to receive the manifold blessing he will bestow upon you. Praying for your children to learn of Gods faithfulness and your witness as well. In Christ, Larry.

 

[faroukfarouk]

Gospel Hymns For Daily Strength
Keep on praying to God on high,
Keep on praying, He hears your cry;
God will answer the sincere heart,
Keep on praying, He will do His part.
... Keep on praying, you’ll grow in grace,
Keep on praying and win the race;
Jesus loves you, His Word is true,
Keep on praying, He will answer you.
Keep on praying, He’s ever near,
Keep on praying, ’twill banish fear;
"Thro’ the valley" He’ll walk with thee;
Guide thy footsteps to eternity.
Keep on praying all through the strife,
Prayer will purchase a crown of life;
Heaven is ringing with songs above;
Hallelujahs, for a Savior’s love!
-KEEP ON PRAYING
Words: Fred*er*ick W. Van*der*sloot, 1906
Music: Mabel F. Goh

See More

Some great thoughts there.

Blessings.

 

[oldthennew]

Watson,
you said that your wife told you she didn't love you anymore, and you never mentioned if you loved her or not,
and now the children must suffer and be forced to take sides and try and please who ever asks for back/up
first in each and every situation.
our hearts go out to all of you, including your extended families.
may you both put your children first by turning to the only One who can help you all in your time of sorrow,
GB

 

[watson1195]

Watson,
you said that your wife told you she didn't love you anymore, and you never mentioned if you loved her or not,
and now the children must suffer and be forced to take sides and try and please who ever asks for back/up
first in each and every situation.
our hearts go out to all of you, including your extended families.
may you both put your children first by turning to the only One who can help you all in your time of sorrow,
GB

Yes. I do love her deeply. I guess that's what hurts the most.

 

[Hungry]

Watson, I'm sorry to hear of your pain. I don't know anything about your wife, but this is have learned about women over the years. Women usually refer to love as that excited attracted feeling when their emotions are stirred. It's easier to kill that emotion or "magic" in a marriage than cultivate it. Both partners become very relaxed and try less at being more "attractive". We allow ourselves to be vulnerable, presenting our weaknesses. Women are generally attracted to strength and confidence. They want to be pursued but not begged, cherished not worshipped. Being depressed and anxious are not going to bring success in life. So, life just slapped you around a little. Don't take it! Stand up and face it, slap back. If you are a child of God, you are royalty. Don't dwell in the now. Get a plan. Do some exercise. Work hard. Show the world how special you are. Play with your kids and enjoy them. Be the great dad you know you can be. Don't dwell on your weaknesses, develope them into strengths. Be joyful. Don't wait for something to go right in your life, it won't happen on its own. Sieze the day. Do it. You are not a failure. Now you say it, "I am not a failure!" Say it again and mean it this time, "I am not a failure!" I can't hear you, "I AM NOT A FAILURE, I AM A CHAMPION!" There you go, Champ, now the blood's pumping. These are not words, this is your battlecry to your new and improved life. Don't wish for the past, the best is yet to come. Be blessed my friend!

 

[EyezOnGod]

Brother,
I feel your pain as my wife took off with our baby to anther state while i was at work. I came home and didnt see her car. Thought maybe she'd gone to the store but after several hours of her not answering her phone i became very concerned. To make a long story short after 4 days she'd finally answers the phone and tells me she's with her mom and that she may not come home. Its been a cohple of weeks and if when she does actually answe the phone she's very nonchalant and cold hearted with her blount responses. What gets me is that her and her family are really strong in the Word but believes she needs her space for however long it takes. The enemy is a liar is what i say. I beleive satan is out to devour and break apart marriages but i will stay obedient to the Lord and our covenant. It is really rough and lonely and sometimes i want to throw in the towel but my love for God won't allow it. One of my main argument to my wife is that my baby son needs his father around and that i miss him terribly. I would bury myself in my grief over not seeing my 16month old boy grow. But one night it hit me....here i am crying to God about wanting my son with me and oh how i long and yearn for him when all the while he longs for...me, his child. He longs for a relationship with me, He's calling for me...and i've been so caught up with my own affairs that i didnt realize i placed Him second to my family...we as Christians would never admit to that but sometimes it is so.
So here we both are brother...broken before the Lord. The pieces only He can mend and make stronger but He's calling for us to come back to Him and He will take care of of our family (i have 2 other kids from a previous marriage in which i endured the same situation then). Yes the pain is unbearable at times but the Lord is weeping with us knowing He will bring us through but because He loves us so, He empathizes with us and it soothes my heart knowing that.
I actually started this account for this reason. You have a brother in Christ riding the waves with you, God as our captain guiding is through, keeping us afloat through the storm and soon it'll be smooth sailing and a brighter day. God bless you and give you comfort and a peace of mind Amen!

 

[shrimp]

Yes. I do love her deeply. I guess that's what hurts the most.

Then, express your love. Tell her you love her, give her flowers, treat her like a lady. Be a gentleman to her: open doors for her, help her with chores, sacrifice time to really listen to her. Talk with her, but let her do most of the talking, gently and calmly express your point of view, don't argue or be sarcastic.

Keep giving it to God. All of your frustration and pain should be placed and left in His hands. You are not in control, He is. Let Him do His job. Live Christlike. Ask yourself What would Jesus do? and live it regardless of the consequences.

God Bless and I hope for the best.

 

[briguy]

I've been thro the same thing and still separated after 6 years has anxiety really kicked in but I now no longer think about her has I try n be a good father for the daughter and grandpa for my grandson I also am struggling since all this happened she left me homeless for 4 years just started getting back on my feet then I just lost my job last week do to depression can only take one day at a time and be there for your kids the best you can.

 

[Bazman]

Hi Watson,

My wife left me for the same reason almost been 3 years. She is with someone else met him soon after.

Sounds like some on here are quite happy to blame you for your broken marriage but to me a marriage is between 2 people not 1. Infact it is between 3 as God should be included too.

Whatever caused her to say she doesnt love you doesn't matter she left you. She abandoned you. She rejected you and how some on here seem to be quite happy to blame you for that is beyond all understanding of Christian Love.

She is the one at fault. If she was unhappy she should want to make it work. She should have told you but she didn't well does that make it your fault?

Submit to God check that there you have not sinned. If you have then confess to God and ask him to give you wisdom to your wife.

Now if you do this and she is still unwilling then this is no longer your problem. This is hers.

Besides anything else if she is unwilling to work at this and you in your heart have done everything you can then leave it with God.

Some women in here seem to be telling you to practically jump through hoops that you don't need to. It won't work if someone doesn't want to know they are now the one who has to change and repent!


Whether a brother or a sister is unwilling to forgive or love they are the ones that will be held accountable to God regarding this. It has taken me a long walk to realise this in my life don't let it cause you to stumble in yours.

We are not always to blame for others decisions each person will have to give an account to God so guys please do not beat Watson over the head on this one.

God Bless to all.

 

[shelly55555]

i totally understand how u feel my husband deceived me to stay in UK and eh never loved me. I also been having depression anxiety only thing that's helped me is pray focusing on word of God and believing God can make my mistakes in to Good things. I also wanted to get back but my husband could not wait to do what he planned from start them plans did not include me sadly.