Question for the ladies

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BlueYetti

Guest
#1
#1
I've been Christian for many years in and out of the church, so to speak. It seems like every time I start improving in my faith, I become involved with a non-believer and get sucked back into the world. This time tho, I am not gonna let the secular world take hold again. However, I have also noticed that in past relationships that being a gentleman only leads to the Friend Zone, and physical measures lead to Hell.

Although I have no one in mind as a future companion, I would like to know some of the dos and don'ts of Christian dating, and how do you make a Christian woman feel beautiful without any type of advancement. I would really like for a friendship to evolve into a relationship and beyond one day. So if I could just get some replies of how to make someone feel beautiful without risking salvation and without entering the Friend Zone.

Thanks.
 
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Raine

Guest
#2
#2
Good question. :). I will have to say that women who seek romance from the worldly perspective will put a gentleman in the friend zone... But that is because they do not understand the beauty of self control and waiting for marriage.

A godly christian woman will surely notice you if you are a godly christian man. :)

For me, as a christian woman seeking a godly husband, I look at his heart and I look to see if his actions reflect his heart and the heart of God. I look to see if he is someone that I know I can trust and that I would be willing to submit to him for the rest of my life as long as it is within God's parameters. I look at how he treats and encourages others and me. I look to see what he does to grow his faith and when he falls, how does he pick himself up? Can I see myself supporting him in a way that best glorifies God? Do we want the same thing in The Lord?

So if you want to attract a godly christian woman, just follow what the Lord instructs you to do. :). Show her that you can love her as God loves the church. Show and tell her that she is your #2 and God is #1. God is very romantic. :). I'm sure if you seek him he will show you how to show her love.
 
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BlueYetti

Guest
#3
#3
Thank you.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#4
May 3, 2013
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#4
As for a tip, I want to share for whomever might read this:

Last month someone wanted to know if I trusted her... Suddenly she asked me the keys of my house, copies of them (A) and got several times upset when I told her she wasn´t the number ONE within my few priorities (B).

If some asks the keys of my house, that should be the one I´d marry (the good thing is, when you love that loved ONE, all the doors are unlocked, all those things are given, and there´s no need to ask when all things are given).

When you know some wants to be 1st than GOD, that person is self-centered, selfish and, possibly, narcissist.
 
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MissCris

Guest
#5
#5
I really think you're over-complicating it...if a woman is just going to keep you in the friend zone, she's probably not the right one anyway. And if you're being friend zoned by all the women you know, you're probably fishing in the wrong pond.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#6
Aug 2, 2009
24,641
4,300
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#6
I know i'm not lady but anyway..

I find that being nice, being a gentleman, finding things in common, and going out of your way to make a woman feel special only works if she already finds you somewhat attractive... otherwise its just a trip to her friendzone.
 
gypsygirl

gypsygirl

Senior Member
#7
Sep 19, 2012
1,394
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#7
hmmmm. well, everyone will probably feel differently about this answer, but i'll tell you what i appreciate:

+being listened to and heard. someone who makes me feel like i can share honestly with them, without judgment or poking assessment. bonus points if they actually are listening enough to ask a question further, or draw observation from it.

+someone who lets me warm up to them at my pace, and not feel like i'm being yanked by a dog leash down a path at their pace, and not mine. most guys seem to have a different speed than me.

+someone who shows appreciation for things about me that are different than my peers or other women and tells me about them. it's almost validation for me that they're paying attention.

+someone who doesn't make me feel bad or use emotional manipulation to constantly convince me of things. because i'm so easily guilted into stuff, i have a long history of guys trying to use the "guilt" card on me. while it does often work, it makes me despise them a little each time it happens.

hope this helps!
 
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BlueYetti

Guest
#8
#8
Nah...Haven't always ended up in the friend zone, only when I was trying to do things right. The initial "pick up" was the same as always and communication was usually there, just me being less aggressive that puts me there. That is why this question has been persisting my thoughts. I really do appreciate the responses.
 
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BlueYetti

Guest
#9
#9
It does, thanks.
 
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Eva1218

Guest
#10
#10
Glad that you are truly holding on this time around. The best thing to do is draw closer to GOD. What GOD has for you will be yours. You won't have to question. The love will just happen and take its course. Trust GOD.

The reason you have been falling is because satan knows your weakness you have made it known to him and therefore he will try and trap you with women who are ungodly to take you off course. Be wise your Salvation relies on it.

Blessings!!!!!!!
 
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BlueYetti

Guest
#11
#11
secularhermit said:
As for a tip, I want to share for whomever might read this:

Last month someone wanted to know if I trusted her... Suddenly she asked me the keys of my house, copies of them (A) and got several times upset when I told her she wasn´t the number ONE within my few priorities (B).

If some asks the keys of my house, that should be the one I´d marry (the good thing is, when you love that loved ONE, all the doors are unlocked, all those things are given, and there´s no need to ask when all things are given).

When you know some wants to be 1st than GOD, that person is self-centered, selfish and, possibly, narcissist.
Click to expand...
Totally agree, and that is what I am trying to get away from. Could not have said it better myself.
 
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jeremyPJ

Guest
#12
#12
Glad to see this issue addressed, one of my lifetime issues too. Without God it's either totally crazy, or most often the Friendzone. Too much this, not enough that, etc.


I found that secular women can be way to demanding, yet end up with someone that makes you say to yourself "whaaaat?"
And her and her friends are totally good with it! (?) life as a man these days can be beyond confusing.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#13
#13
BlueYetti said:
Nah...Haven't always ended up in the friend zone, only when I was trying to do things right. The initial "pick up" was the same as always and communication was usually there, just me being less aggressive that puts me there. That is why this question has been persisting my thoughts. I really do appreciate the responses.
Click to expand...
I'm going to have to agree with MissCris. Women can sit here all day and give your their lists of hopes, expectations, preferences what you could do right and wrong, but at the end of the day it won't matter without the right type of woman.

Right woman, or right type of woman. It's plain to see that's the issue. And you say if you try to avoid the physical aspects and get 'friend zoned' because of it, well, that's because those women are looking for physical relationships. The problem, according to your explanation, is that you are not finding the right type of women. And your suggestion that the initial 'pick up' is likely part of that issue.
Personally i am not in favor of the 'pick up'. I prefer friendship blossoming into more, rather than approaching a stranger and spending time and money getting to find out if i even want to get to know them. But that type of atmosphere/thinking is likely to dredge up a higher rate of lower standards in people. Because there's less depth and personalization to their goals. Finding a spouse. That's the goal! That's such a shallow mentality. Nothing personal. Just finding someone to live with and call your spouse.
If you want something more real i suggest start your foundations on something more real than a random casual encounter that leads to a date. Go slower, dig deeper, build friendships and see what happens from there. Worst case, in the end, you make a new friend from a quality person.
 
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MissCris

Guest
#14
#14
...I'd also like to add that it doesn't hurt to tell a woman how beautiful you find her, and like, be specific. And genuine. :p
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#15
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
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#15
MissCris said:
I really think you're over-complicating it...if a woman is just going to keep you in the friend zone, she's probably not the right one anyway. And if you're being friend zoned by all the women you know, you're probably fishing in the wrong pond.
Click to expand...
Sure! (if that refers to the above stated).

At that moment she thought she had stolen my heart... :p
 
gypsygirl

gypsygirl

Senior Member
#16
Sep 19, 2012
1,394
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#16
one more thought for me too:

you know, i've stopped looking at the ones that didn't work out as failures. i prefer to look at them as ones that God protected me from. or ones that i learned a lot about myself from, as well as who i both want and don't want.

"failure in relationships" isn't necessarily failure period.

occasionally, i remind myself that IF i wanted to be i a relationship badly enough, i could be. but there is no lonelier place than a bad relationship.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#17
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
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#17
jeremyPJ said:
Glad to see this issue addressed, one of my lifetime issues too. Without God it's either totally crazy, or most often the Friendzone. Too much this, not enough that, etc.


I found that secular women can be way to demanding, yet end up with someone that makes you say to yourself "whaaaat?"
And her and her friends are totally good with it! (?) life as a man these days can be beyond confusing.
Click to expand...
As far as it might be of my concern, I never deserved to be married and I wasn´t at the level of a good provider man. Secularized or not, Stats may tell ANY the reasons divorce is growing. :)

If there were EXACT records of people ending up their engagements or dating friendships, both women and men would feel discouraged. The good thing is GOD IS IN CHARGE. If any asks Him to lead that matchmaking, HE WILL; although the thread is addressed for tips ladies may give and all of them are very important.

Just excuse me for stepping in, but I saw a "good" personal reason...
 
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BananaPie

Guest
#18
#18
Well, it's been known that anemic conversations corrupt ethical manners. The Lord Jesus said that from the abundance of the heart, so the mouth speaks.

When you're full of the joy of the Lord, then that's what others (she) will know you for. If she cannot respect you for genuinely loving the Lord and goes mushy on you, then it's best to not mess with her.

Keep the Lord Jesus at the center of your life, and always include the Lord in all your thoughts and conversation. Godly women do gravitate towards where the Lord abides, and if the Lord Jesus continuously abides in you, then like totally, a dear sister will genuinely fall in love with you. :)


 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#19
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
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#19
BlueYetti said:
Totally agree, and that is what I am trying to get away from. Could not have said it better myself.
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No sir! I didn´t say it better!

It´s that I was drawn to something fresh I lived out and, of course, I could admit (without regret) I was in the wrong place (servicing a PC to a pastor´s) and I FELL in selfindulgency: I sinned!

After that failure (which always has a remedy) I took notes and i don´t mind sharing them because, men and women (sometimes) we play similar games and, in the long run, something is lost more than won (but I told that from personal experience) and I´m not playing as a victim (the role anyone could play) because I won more than I lose and, at my age, I´m getting ready to lose it all. (Mar 8:36 What good does it do for people to win the whole world yet lose their lives?
Mar 8:37 Or what should a person give in exchange for life?).

Amos 3:3 is the key to walk together!
 
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Ugly

Guest
#20
#20
gypsygirl said:
one more thought for me too:

you know, i've stopped looking at the ones that didn't work out as failures. i prefer to look at them as ones that God protected me from. or ones that i learned a lot about myself from, as well as who i both want and don't want.

"failure in relationships" isn't necessarily failure period.

occasionally, i remind myself that IF i wanted to be i a relationship badly enough, i could be. but there is no lonelier place than a bad relationship.
Click to expand...
I'm just quoting this because it was true enough it needed to be posted twice.
 
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