Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

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M

MissCris

Guest
#17,961
#17,961
I wonder when my emotions are going to even back out?

People have started avoiding me. I can't tell if it's because they have no idea what might come out of my mouth, or if it's the divorce stench that's driving them off.

I think I'm ok. I mean...I am, I just sort of want to kick stuff right now.

The anger...that's fun and productive. It gets me to wash the dishes when I otherwise might not, anyway.

I dunno. I had a fun day, but then the kids went to bed and I started another painting and the only sounds here are the fans running constantly and I just...I don't want to bug people, especially right now when I know I'd just be weird and annoying, but ohmygoodness I wish there was someone to talk to. Wonderful conversationalist that I am (that's not even true, I'm awkward and my brain shuts down when I talk), I'm bored with myself. I've already heard all my stories. In fact, I was even There for some of them.

Back to painting. I did make myself almost sort of laugh...that'll do for now.

 
Pipp

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
#17,962
Sep 17, 2013
5,542
2,721
113
Georgia
#17,962
shush woman.. you do not bore people ! I find you very interesting and funny and quirky.
 
Cee

Cee

Senior Member
#17,963
May 14, 2010
2,169
473
83
#17,963
I think right now I'm just working on being the best receiver of His love that I can be. Fear, apathy, confusion, powerless feelings, and condemnation are all signs to me that I need to rest in His love. So I've been doing that a lot lately.
 
Loveneverfails

Loveneverfails

Senior Member
#17,964
Feb 18, 2013
1,294
26
0
#17,964
That horrendous song "lemme take a selfie" is blasting from my mother's laptop right now.


0.0


Mom.

Mom stahp.

Stahp it mom.

Stahp.

Please.
 
Cee

Cee

Senior Member
#17,965
May 14, 2010
2,169
473
83
#17,965
Lol. Your mama has excellent musical pedigree.

Loveneverfails said:
That horrendous song "lemme take a selfie" is blasting from my mother's laptop right now.


0.0


Mom.

Mom stahp.

Stahp it mom.

Stahp.

Please.
Click to expand...
 
Loveneverfails

Loveneverfails

Senior Member
#17,966
Feb 18, 2013
1,294
26
0
#17,966
Cee said:
Lol. Your mama has excellent musical pedigree.
Click to expand...
haha she's streaming a filipino entertainment show. They do tons of singing and dancing, often to high energy techno-beat songs. She generally has no idea what the songs are about and claims she just likes to watch the dancing and silliness.

..but when I'm sitting across the room from her and hear songs like this coming from her laptop, I just can't help but facepalm. :p
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#17,967
#17,967
I can't sleep. Well, I did sleep, but now I've stopped.

...I just sat here staring at nothing for five minutes, and this weird thing happened in my head. I mean, weirder than normal weird, for me. I'm not sure how this is going to unfold...beware.

For all the lies that I believed
I wish that I could break your knees
And use you up like you used me.
I guess that I should probably
not be saying this.

But here's the thing, the whole raw deal-
I can't shut off the way I feel
and if you think that you can steal
one tick-tock more from my time wheel...
then You're the laughingstock.

I don't know, my head's a mess;
emotions, life, just stress I guess.
Oh hey, a cookie! But I digress.
I hated my strapless wedding dress
and every moment after.

I can't forget the cereal box,
the phone, the wallet, the dirty socks.
The things you threw hit hard as rocks.
I wanted to just change the locks.
I should have walked out then.

I'm not the girl you said I was!
I'll scratch your eyes out with my claws
for breaking vows, our wedding "laws".
Your touch hurt worse than rusty saws
amputating limbs.

I hate your words that crushed my heart;
I'm "fat", "no good", "not very smart".
I let you tear my soul apart.
Bleeding from your poison darts
Why'd I stay so long?

Guess I'm the joke here, I'm the clown
for letting you pull and push me down
for smiling when I wanted to drown.
This apartment's carpet's a nasty brown.
Gosh, I can't think straight.

I've not won yet, but oh! I've fought
to bring back the Me you caused to rot,
to remember the girl that I forgot.
You can keep the stupid van you bought,
I'll just slash your tires in the parking lot...
Ok, yeah, that's a lie.

But hey, guess what? I'm doing fine
despite this blasted uphill climb
to get my crazy back in line.
I'm slowly taking back what's mine-
You don't control me now.

I can't believe I've written this
crappy rhyming account of the abyss...
just a little more psycho to add to my list.
I don't mind if it's dismissed
as way, WAY TMI.
K thanx and bye?



 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#17,968
Aug 2, 2009
24,646
4,305
113
#17,968
Loveneverfails said:
haha she's streaming a filipino entertainment show. They do tons of singing and dancing, often to high energy techno-beat songs. She generally has no idea what the songs are about and claims she just likes to watch the dancing and silliness.

..but when I'm sitting across the room from her and hear songs like this coming from her laptop, I just can't help but facepalm. :p
Click to expand...
I like your mom already! :D
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#17,969
Aug 2, 2009
24,646
4,305
113
#17,969
MissCris said:
I can't sleep. Well, I did sleep, but now I've stopped.

...I just sat here staring at nothing for five minutes, and this weird thing happened in my head. I mean, weirder than normal weird, for me. I'm not sure how this is going to unfold...beware.

For all the lies that I believed
I wish that I could break your knees
And use you up like you used me.
I guess that I should probably
not be saying this.

But here's the thing, the whole raw deal-
I can't shut off the way I feel
and if you think that you can steal
one tick-tock more from my time wheel...
then You're the laughingstock.

I don't know, my head's a mess;
emotions, life, just stress I guess.
Oh hey, a cookie! But I digress.
I hated my strapless wedding dress
and every moment after.

I can't forget the cereal box,
the phone, the wallet, the dirty socks.
The things you threw hit hard as rocks.
I wanted to just change the locks.
I should have walked out then.

I'm not the girl you said I was!
I'll scratch your eyes out with my claws
for breaking vows, our wedding "laws".
Your touch hurt worse than rusty saws
amputating limbs.

I hate your words that crushed my heart;
I'm "fat", "no good", "not very smart".
I let you tear my soul apart.
Bleeding from your poison darts
Why'd I stay so long?

Guess I'm the joke here, I'm the clown
for letting you pull and push me down
for smiling when I wanted to drown.
This apartment's carpet's a nasty brown.
Gosh, I can't think straight.

I've not won yet, but oh! I've fought
to bring back the Me you caused to rot,
to remember the girl that I forgot.
You can keep the stupid van you bought,
I'll just slash your tires in the parking lot...
Ok, yeah, that's a lie.

But hey, guess what? I'm doing fine
despite this blasted uphill climb
to get my crazy back in line.
I'm slowly taking back what's mine-
You don't control me now.

I can't believe I've written this
crappy rhyming account of the abyss...
just a little more psycho to add to my list.
I don't mind if it's dismissed
as way, WAY TMI.
K thanx and bye?
Click to expand...
Wow I am really impressed by this, MissCris! I mean it all rhymes well and stuff and its well-written too! You should be a songwriter or something! :)
 
Pipp

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
#17,970
Sep 17, 2013
5,542
2,721
113
Georgia
#17,970
zeroturbulence said:
Wow I am really impressed by this, MissCris! I mean it all rhymes well and stuff and its well-written too! You should be a songwriter or something! :)
Click to expand...

I was totally reading it as a song too. Very interesting and sad and real. I really just wanna hug you Cristen. I know I say that a lot, but I just do.
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#17,971
#17,971
Pipp and zero-
thanks for appreciating what I was pretty sure was a crappy poem posted in the totally wrong thread :)
But really, thanks *hugs*
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#17,972
#17,972
Your poem is actually really quite good. There are a few lines that need more polish but it's raw in its honesty and heartfelt. Good on you, Cristen. :)
 
Nautilus

Nautilus

Senior Member
#17,973
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
53
48
#17,973
i should totally be sleeping. Instead I'm watching Richard Marx videos on youtube...just allow me to age myself for a minute...
I swear knowing I don't have to work tomorrow makes me not want to sleep.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#17,974
#17,974
MissCris said:
I can't sleep. Well, I did sleep, but now I've stopped.
Click to expand...
As always, your honesty in how you feel is refreshing and inspirational. As far as whether you have 'won' or not, remember most wars are won by battle after battle. Small and large victories. Every night you lay down to sleep (or just pass out, either one) is a day you won another victory. So the war may not be over, but you're piling up victories all the time.

 
M

MissCris

Guest
#17,975
#17,975
Nautilus said:
i should totally be sleeping. Instead I'm watching Richard Marx videos on youtube...just allow me to age myself for a minute...
I swear knowing I don't have to work tomorrow makes me not want to sleep.
Click to expand...
Sleep is over rated anyway. Hey! You're like, never in this thread. Whaddya think you're doing here? :p
 
Nautilus

Nautilus

Senior Member
#17,976
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
53
48
#17,976
allowing you all a rare insight into my brain? if I posted my normal streams of consciousness it might be like the ending scene from raiders of the lost ark...lol
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#17,977
Mar 26, 2014
4,433
2,418
113
#17,977
MissCris said:
I can't sleep. Well, I did sleep, but now I've stopped.

...I just sat here staring at nothing for five minutes, and this weird thing happened in my head. I mean, weirder than normal weird, for me. I'm not sure how this is going to unfold...beware.

Click to expand...
Yes I loved it. Now where's the vid about praying imprecatory psalms over your enemies? Ah here it is, excellent testimony from Michael Card (actually the whole talk on laments is good) The part about imprecatory psalms starts around 1:30

[video=youtube_share;pXBNwDOMMaA]http://youtu.be/pXBNwDOMMaA[/video]
 
D

didymos

Guest
#17,978
#17,978
Nautilus said:
allowing you all a rare insight into my brain? if I posted my normal streams of consciousness it might be like the ending scene from raiders of the lost ark...lol
Click to expand...
Are you that boring then? :rolleyes:


 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#17,979
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#17,979
Nautilus said:
i should totally be sleeping. Instead I'm watching Richard Marx videos on youtube...just allow me to age myself for a minute...
I swear knowing I don't have to work tomorrow makes me not want to sleep.
Click to expand...

Hold on to the night. Hold on to the memories.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#17,980
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#17,980
Yesterday was the ultimate Summer day. Other then the painful dentist appointment I had and the run to the grocery store. Kids swam in the pool, I grilled good food. We sat outside all evening and watched and the kids caught and released fireflies.

I live in the city, the suburban city, I mean it's not like in the middle of downtown or anything, but there is traffic and people, but around 8PM, things quite down and it's nice. Everything becomes sort of still and quite. Well except for some reason the man that lives across the street who's very meticulous about his yard started weed whacking something off of his fence, other than that it was bliss.
 
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