Does anyone else see this problem? My stomach is literally rotting to death because of the contrast of the sexually over-glorified, and the romantically excluded (where I find myself). I have prayed non stop about this. I have attempted suicide several times. Does the Lord extend mercy in this regard also, or does He show partiality to the ones like David and Solomon?
Not being able to self control, not having "money" to marry
- Thread starter MisterHarmony
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S
I'm still not sure of your question, or what you're trying to say, but here goes.
Do you mean the rest of the world with it's promiscuity when you say "the sexually over-glorified?"
If so, that's pretty much irrelevant isn't it? I mean it's just not an option for a Christian.
As for romantically excluded, I'm assuming you're referring to yourself? If so, a couple of observations:
-Have you taken steps to make sure you aren't "excluded?"
-Why do you feel excluded. That's giving one act (sex), way too much power over your life by basically planting an imaginary stake in the ground and saying "I'm never going to be happy until I cross this (sexual) threshold", and therefore you won't be happy until you're married.
-Women want a man who's happy when he's single so he's a complete man when he's married. If you need someone else to complete you, fix that issue first. The rest of the pieces may just fall into place.
Do you mean the rest of the world with it's promiscuity when you say "the sexually over-glorified?"
If so, that's pretty much irrelevant isn't it? I mean it's just not an option for a Christian.
As for romantically excluded, I'm assuming you're referring to yourself? If so, a couple of observations:
-Have you taken steps to make sure you aren't "excluded?"
-Why do you feel excluded. That's giving one act (sex), way too much power over your life by basically planting an imaginary stake in the ground and saying "I'm never going to be happy until I cross this (sexual) threshold", and therefore you won't be happy until you're married.
-Women want a man who's happy when he's single so he's a complete man when he's married. If you need someone else to complete you, fix that issue first. The rest of the pieces may just fall into place.
why do you need "money to marry" ? i'm not sure i understand what you mean.
when my wife and i got married, all we needed to come up with was $30 to pay for the license. we both worked low-paying jobs, but together we were able to live better (financially) than we could alone - cuts utility and rent payments in half right away! our combined taxes wound up lower too.
if you mean "$$ to court someone" i don't know what to tell you. i never wanted to marry a woman that expected me to buy her things i couldn't afford, including fancy dates or an expensive wedding & honeymoon.
my heart goes out to you though, and countless others in the same situation. make yourself accountable to someone in Christ, and keep yourself busy in good things, to help keep yourself from temptation and strong against it.
when my wife and i got married, all we needed to come up with was $30 to pay for the license. we both worked low-paying jobs, but together we were able to live better (financially) than we could alone - cuts utility and rent payments in half right away! our combined taxes wound up lower too.
if you mean "$$ to court someone" i don't know what to tell you. i never wanted to marry a woman that expected me to buy her things i couldn't afford, including fancy dates or an expensive wedding & honeymoon.
my heart goes out to you though, and countless others in the same situation. make yourself accountable to someone in Christ, and keep yourself busy in good things, to help keep yourself from temptation and strong against it.
Thank you for bringing to attention that I cannot both be happy in a sexual sense and follow God. It has to be one or the other. And since the suffering of not being allowed to have what I want has peaked to a point where I think about suicide always, I have to make a choice. I disavow from Christ. I just can't worship a name in truth that makes me suicidal. God made my body a certain way. He made my intense natural desires the way they are. It is better for me to be happy and not suicidal, then to be in a personal relationship with Christ that overwhelms me to the point of suicide.
I will not be happy until I cross a sexual threshold, and that is not because I hate God. Its because that is who I am and how I feel. It is the treasure in my heart and I am being honest with myself. It doesn't have to be more for me. Receiving affection and knowing I am loved physically is enough. Marriage won't make me happy. Only sex will.
I will leave the forums now. I wouldn't want to lead anyone astray.
I will not be happy until I cross a sexual threshold, and that is not because I hate God. Its because that is who I am and how I feel. It is the treasure in my heart and I am being honest with myself. It doesn't have to be more for me. Receiving affection and knowing I am loved physically is enough. Marriage won't make me happy. Only sex will.
I will leave the forums now. I wouldn't want to lead anyone astray.
S
Seriously?
No one ever said that Christians can't have sex, least of all not me. We just said you're going to have to be patient until you find the right woman and get married.
And you do realize that receiving affection and knowing you are loved physically is kind of a marriage thing right? That's when a man and a woman say "yeah, I care enough about you to completely take myself off the market forever." The "lets just hook up" crowd tends to break up quite often until they finally settle on their "one." Do you want that kind of heartache?
You really sound like you're throwing a spiritual temper tantrum here. I know because I have done the same thing over the same exact issue. Though not to nearly the same levels. If you really are considering offing yourself because you can't have sex RIGHT FREAKING NOW then you sound like an addict. No woman is going to be able to keep up with that.
No one ever said that Christians can't have sex, least of all not me. We just said you're going to have to be patient until you find the right woman and get married.
And you do realize that receiving affection and knowing you are loved physically is kind of a marriage thing right? That's when a man and a woman say "yeah, I care enough about you to completely take myself off the market forever." The "lets just hook up" crowd tends to break up quite often until they finally settle on their "one." Do you want that kind of heartache?
You really sound like you're throwing a spiritual temper tantrum here. I know because I have done the same thing over the same exact issue. Though not to nearly the same levels. If you really are considering offing yourself because you can't have sex RIGHT FREAKING NOW then you sound like an addict. No woman is going to be able to keep up with that.
I am a little disappointed with your lack of encouragement or compassion on me. You have not reacted to the same levels I have. Do you think its possible you have also not suffered at the same levels I have regarding this? Either way, I think you should be a little more gentle towards a brother who has been overtaken. You should be helping that one sheep gone astray not criticizing me.
Look, this morning I awoke to a vision of an aggressive demon of lust. My stomach has been hurting for about the past month, especially upon waking up. This morning, after I saw that and felt my stomach hurting, I began to cast out the demon of lust from my body in Jesus' precious name. My stomach felt completely better in a matter of seconds. Praise the Lord.
Look, this morning I awoke to a vision of an aggressive demon of lust. My stomach has been hurting for about the past month, especially upon waking up. This morning, after I saw that and felt my stomach hurting, I began to cast out the demon of lust from my body in Jesus' precious name. My stomach felt completely better in a matter of seconds. Praise the Lord.
And I am not an addict. I don't even have sex. I feel romantically neglected, and it is not good for man to live alone.
I get "overtaken by lust" about once every three days now. Does that meet the criteria of an addict? I will certainly admit that when that 3rd day comes around it is a biologically impossible to tame urge. It must be relieved. I repent every time, I have repented and cried while doing it to express my lack of controlling the urge and my love to God. Lots of emotional messiness. Could you please try to be kinder to me. I am very sensitive.
And the part about women not wanting to be with someone like me. That was hurtful. That's really why I want to kill myself. The exclusion and neglect. Not merely sex. Im not stupid. I know that sex without true feelings would hurt more. I don't believe those true feelings are so far away, though.
I get "overtaken by lust" about once every three days now. Does that meet the criteria of an addict? I will certainly admit that when that 3rd day comes around it is a biologically impossible to tame urge. It must be relieved. I repent every time, I have repented and cried while doing it to express my lack of controlling the urge and my love to God. Lots of emotional messiness. Could you please try to be kinder to me. I am very sensitive.
And the part about women not wanting to be with someone like me. That was hurtful. That's really why I want to kill myself. The exclusion and neglect. Not merely sex. Im not stupid. I know that sex without true feelings would hurt more. I don't believe those true feelings are so far away, though.
S
Then rephrase your statements please.
I have no patience for someone who claims they are going to walk away from Christ because they can't have sex or porn or whatever else it is they may want (seriously, it could be anything). It's a dangerous statement to make and a dangerous precedent to set.
If you're truly struggling and want help, this is a different matter altogether, I have a lot of patience in that case. I've literally been where I'm doing something that I know is wrong and praying for forgiveness while I do it, I felt so compelled to continue. No one should ever be in that dark a place. You don't have to be either.
I have no patience for someone who claims they are going to walk away from Christ because they can't have sex or porn or whatever else it is they may want (seriously, it could be anything). It's a dangerous statement to make and a dangerous precedent to set.
If you're truly struggling and want help, this is a different matter altogether, I have a lot of patience in that case. I've literally been where I'm doing something that I know is wrong and praying for forgiveness while I do it, I felt so compelled to continue. No one should ever be in that dark a place. You don't have to be either.
Man my brother you are in a tragic state, but please be careful about "disavow from Christ", please, that is the last thing you want to do and this will only make things worse.
I have been very blessed by God when it comes to a wife, so I'm probably not the best to give advice in this particular situation, but I have had the wife, the kids, the job, and still got to a place where I wanted to die every second of every day. I also want to suggest something that may not go over too well here, but are you sure you even truly know Jesus? I ask this because I too thought I was a true Christian before I even understood what one even was. I thought of this whole Christianity thing as a "belief system", and had my own doubts about the whole thing at times. Then my life was going very well, I was doing the church thing (like that counts for anything), and I thought life was great, and I was so very comfortable in my worldly ways. Then tragedy struck and I was really put to the test, my testimony is posted here if you're interested in the details, but long story short I wasn't even looking for Jesus when I was regenerated by the Holy Spirit, and it even took me a couple days to fully realize what happen. He came and saved me once my pride had been broken and I could truly submit my will to His, but at the same time I didn't even have to ask Him directly. It's kind of weird and hard to explain.
My main point here is that if this hard time has you close to walking away from Christ, you may have never know Him, and if that's the case then He is the answer to your dilemma here. I tried to word this as gently as I could, so if it comes off as harsh or too presumptuous I apologize, but I hope He guides you through this valley to be stronger in Him. If I can help in any way please hit me up, and if not I wish you the best in your struggles.
I have been very blessed by God when it comes to a wife, so I'm probably not the best to give advice in this particular situation, but I have had the wife, the kids, the job, and still got to a place where I wanted to die every second of every day. I also want to suggest something that may not go over too well here, but are you sure you even truly know Jesus? I ask this because I too thought I was a true Christian before I even understood what one even was. I thought of this whole Christianity thing as a "belief system", and had my own doubts about the whole thing at times. Then my life was going very well, I was doing the church thing (like that counts for anything), and I thought life was great, and I was so very comfortable in my worldly ways. Then tragedy struck and I was really put to the test, my testimony is posted here if you're interested in the details, but long story short I wasn't even looking for Jesus when I was regenerated by the Holy Spirit, and it even took me a couple days to fully realize what happen. He came and saved me once my pride had been broken and I could truly submit my will to His, but at the same time I didn't even have to ask Him directly. It's kind of weird and hard to explain.
My main point here is that if this hard time has you close to walking away from Christ, you may have never know Him, and if that's the case then He is the answer to your dilemma here. I tried to word this as gently as I could, so if it comes off as harsh or too presumptuous I apologize, but I hope He guides you through this valley to be stronger in Him. If I can help in any way please hit me up, and if not I wish you the best in your struggles.
I said I was walking away from Christ because I opened up to believers about suffering and was met with judgment. I can only handle so much suffering as a human. And you know what a lot of the time I would prefer not to be subjected to Gods discipline because to me it is torturous. It doesn't help anything either. Clearly.
Regardless of if I am following Christ or not, I thirst for death because the burden is way too ****ing much.
Regardless of if I am following Christ or not, I thirst for death because the burden is way too ****ing much.
I agree with you it's "way too much", and we CANNOT do it on our own. I think that's why you feel like you're beating you head against the wall. We don't "start being good" then get saved. You are right, all these rules ARE too much for us alone to uphold. That's why they say salvation is a free gift. We are reborn and THEN the Holy Spirit gives us the power to start fighting these sins. You must have Him inside you to even stand a chance. Even after it's a process and you don't just "become perfect" or anything, but I can tell you from my personal experience it can be BIG changes fast.
In my "personal" exsperiance after a lifetime of playing and loving video games, overnight I put them down, and I never even thought they were "bad" or anything, I just had all new priorities and had no time for them anymore. Now I see them as a distraction from God. I also looked at porn on a pretty regular basest, and the first time I tried after my rebirth all I could think about was "what lead this girl to have to do this for money", and "what's she going to say when her son or daughter comes across this in the future, and what if her parents see it?", and had to turn it off. I was regenerated a year ago exactly and have done neither in a year, all glory to Him. Now I don't even have a TV in my house. LOL, I jimmy Rogers, could have never done ANY of that by my own will. The Holy Spirit guides me and gives me power every step of the way and I LOVE it. It's no longer chains, and I am now truly free. What you are talking about will never be enough to fill that hole man. Only Jesus can do that, but you are here discussing it with believers, so He's still pulling you towards Him.
Again if I can help in any way brother, please just let my know. I will pray He fills you.
In my "personal" exsperiance after a lifetime of playing and loving video games, overnight I put them down, and I never even thought they were "bad" or anything, I just had all new priorities and had no time for them anymore. Now I see them as a distraction from God. I also looked at porn on a pretty regular basest, and the first time I tried after my rebirth all I could think about was "what lead this girl to have to do this for money", and "what's she going to say when her son or daughter comes across this in the future, and what if her parents see it?", and had to turn it off. I was regenerated a year ago exactly and have done neither in a year, all glory to Him. Now I don't even have a TV in my house. LOL, I jimmy Rogers, could have never done ANY of that by my own will. The Holy Spirit guides me and gives me power every step of the way and I LOVE it. It's no longer chains, and I am now truly free. What you are talking about will never be enough to fill that hole man. Only Jesus can do that, but you are here discussing it with believers, so He's still pulling you towards Him.
Again if I can help in any way brother, please just let my know. I will pray He fills you.
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Well I didn't feel like He loved me more than you when he took my right (dominate by the way) arm in a motorcycle wreak and gave me $1,200.00 for it, or when I lost my car right after that, or when the new one I got broke after 3 days. You think you want to die, with that "great family" you envy me for I wanted to kill myself every second of every day. You're not in as bad shape as you think, and there are people in this world that would make my story sound like a Dr. Seuss book. All I'm trying to tell you is there is only 1 way out and that's Jesus. I promise man it's not as bad as the world tells you it is, and Jesus is not just a comforting story, please just think about it. I would be more than happy to talk it out in any way you want, if you want.
S
You were met with honest advice, not judgment. Not once has anyone here condemned you for your actions, they simply warned you that letting this have so much power over you is going to end in heartache, and that you might end up making some mistakes you sorely regret.
Seriously a lot of us here have made sorely regrettable decisions in our lives. No one is judging you.
No one in here said a woman wouldn't want to be with you. In fact pointers were given about how to find a woman that wants to be with you.
As for every three days, that's a lot better than some guys manage. A LOT better.
Just step back and think about this for a second. I understand you feel an urge here, but if it took a while to sort your thoughts out on the subject and get that under control, would you literally die if you took yourself off the dating market for a month or two to get some perspective? It's a physiological urge that is strong, but it's not as strong as the need for oxygen, or water, or food, or sleep.
Seriously a lot of us here have made sorely regrettable decisions in our lives. No one is judging you.
No one in here said a woman wouldn't want to be with you. In fact pointers were given about how to find a woman that wants to be with you.
As for every three days, that's a lot better than some guys manage. A LOT better.
Just step back and think about this for a second. I understand you feel an urge here, but if it took a while to sort your thoughts out on the subject and get that under control, would you literally die if you took yourself off the dating market for a month or two to get some perspective? It's a physiological urge that is strong, but it's not as strong as the need for oxygen, or water, or food, or sleep.
Okay im not trying to mean or anything but how is it cc is the christian forum that gets all the coo coo heads? I mean im really not trying to be mean I dont know how else to say it, I have been to countless christian forums until I found cc and not one of them had as many ppl like this on them.
Are we just special?
Are we just special?
R
@Misterharmony
Well, hmmm...
First of all, I feel the same way you do about the not having a girlfriend bit.
Second, stop attempting to kill yourself.
I know that pain of being single. It sucks, hell watching other people having a good time or having relationships sucks. I hate going to church because of that. And honestly, I've even come to the conclusion that God doesn't want me to be happy in a relationship several times.
Still, first thing to do is to stop watching pornography.
I know you didn't say anything of that sort, but I have a feeling you do.
Most people who have problems with jealousy and intimacy issues are usually because they watch pornography or they watch too many sexual movies where their mind becomes warped. The thought of "if I don't have a relationship everything in life isn't worth living" comes a lot from movies and romance novels. T
You need to cleanse yourself to think clearly.
Prayer can help, but this is something that requires effort as well. God has already given you a brain, the ability to think and resources... so make your decision to use them. Coming on a forum seeking pity probably si not going to be a good idea, most people on forums, even this forum are not supportive, are not professionals and often times won't know how to assist you in developing such coping skills.
Anyone can come on ChristianChat and claim this or that, but honestly there are tons of people who post on forums who claim to be something they are not. Please, I'm imploring you to stop this behavior.
Well, hmmm...
First of all, I feel the same way you do about the not having a girlfriend bit.
Second, stop attempting to kill yourself.
I know that pain of being single. It sucks, hell watching other people having a good time or having relationships sucks. I hate going to church because of that. And honestly, I've even come to the conclusion that God doesn't want me to be happy in a relationship several times.
Still, first thing to do is to stop watching pornography.
I know you didn't say anything of that sort, but I have a feeling you do.
Most people who have problems with jealousy and intimacy issues are usually because they watch pornography or they watch too many sexual movies where their mind becomes warped. The thought of "if I don't have a relationship everything in life isn't worth living" comes a lot from movies and romance novels. T
You need to cleanse yourself to think clearly.
Prayer can help, but this is something that requires effort as well. God has already given you a brain, the ability to think and resources... so make your decision to use them. Coming on a forum seeking pity probably si not going to be a good idea, most people on forums, even this forum are not supportive, are not professionals and often times won't know how to assist you in developing such coping skills.
Anyone can come on ChristianChat and claim this or that, but honestly there are tons of people who post on forums who claim to be something they are not. Please, I'm imploring you to stop this behavior.
I know that having a girlfriend would make me happy. A lot of you say "it won't make you happy, only when you give everything up and focus on Jesus will you be happy". Well you know after 8 years of doing so I still desire an experience for my happiness to even exist. Do you think it would be wrong of God to bless me with a girlfriend so I stop suffering to extremes? Or do you still hold that I give everything up? I have already given up everything I have and everything I can. To the Lord. Multiple times over. Why am I still not happy? Because I desire a girlfriend. That is my idea of happiness, and I don't think God is offended if I am honest. How can any of you say " that is not happiness". To me, it is and has never been more than that. God knows that I am being honest.