Where is the line between gossip, and just relating a story?

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MissCris

Guest
#1
After a post I made a little while ago in Streams, I started wondering if everything I said was gossip, or if I was just telling a story about where I live...which, of course, made me wonder...

What is considered "gossip", and what isn't, when talking about other people? Is it gossip every time someone talks about someone else who isn't there?

Where's the line? What's the difference? Is there one?
 

Loveneverfails

Senior Member
Feb 18, 2013
1,294
26
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#2
According to a dictionary definition, gossip generally entails the spreading of rumors, or discussing unconfirmed details as if they were facts. This seems different and a lot more malicious than simply telling a true story.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,901
9,634
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#3
​Alot of times, gossip is done by nosy people who have nothing better to do than dish dirt on others. In my experience, that's been the case. People repeating rumors as fact, without even knowing if there's any truth in that rumor to begin with. Rumors are usually started by people who love to cause controversy.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#4
I think it can somewhat depend on who you tell. If you tell someone that you know is going to run out and tell everyone else, then you are participating in gossip. if it is a private discussion with someone you trust not to spread what you're saying, whether it's truth or opinion or speculation, then it may not be viewed as gossip.
Venting is not gossip either. If you are frustrated with something about someone and you go to a person to vent, or ask their opinion, then that's not gossip.
Pretty much what was posted above, if you say things you can't confirm, either to someone who will spread it, or publicly, then that's where gossip can be seen as an issue.
 
S

sassylady

Guest
#5
The Lord has been dealing a lot with me about saying things about other people. I basically have felt that if passing on any information at all that can change a person's view of another, then it should be avoided, unless innocent people need to know something to be protected.

I have gone to a trusted person about somebody that has upset me, but again have to be careful that it is for honest advice and not running the person down.

It should be the responsibility of each person to be sure to not damage another's reputation. I work with a girl that is extremely annoying and frustrating, and everybody has had the same experiences with her. I've had to try pretty hard to not get involved in discussions about her when she is not around. (Haven't unfortunately always been successful) She has come to consider me her only friend basically, though we are not that close.
 

lil_christian

Senior Member
Mar 14, 2010
7,489
73
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#6
After a post I made a little while ago in Streams, I started wondering if everything I said was gossip, or if I was just telling a story about where I live...which, of course, made me wonder...

What is considered "gossip", and what isn't, when talking about other people? Is it gossip every time someone talks about someone else who isn't there?

Where's the line? What's the difference? Is there one?
I believe gossip can come into a few different forms.

Making others private facts that were supposed to stay private public. Let's just say So-and-So is struggling with a certain sin, and they tell you about it and want you to keep accountability for them, but not to make it everyone's business. And Blabber-Mouth-Bessy starts talking about So-and-So, and you happen to mention it without really thinking about it, along with other things. THEN. It starts spreading like wildfire, and soon everyone is talking about that person behind their back.

Another is directly slandering a person. Someone said, out if anger, that So-and-So has done all these terrible things toward this person and so because they're mad about it, they're telling EVERYONE they know. Whether they're true or untrue is not relevant. Soon, everyone is looking at this person differently, whispering about what So-and-So has done, even avoiding So-and-So. Their life is close to being ruined.


So yeah...that's gossip. It's usually hurtful, and sometimes intended to be hurtful. I don't think what you put was intended to be, and I don't even think it could be considered gossip. You didn't name names, you didn't go on other tangents about them, and it definitely doesn't sound like you made something that was supposed to stay secret go public. I'd say it was more of you telling a story about where you lived. And I doubt it'll go further than this forum and spread like wildfire. lol It just sounds like you were talking about abnormal things that go on in your neighborhood.

Now if you started talking about one of your neighbors having an affair or something, that could potentially be considered gossip.

I say don't worry about this one. :D
 
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MissCris

Guest
#7
Oh, whew! Everything I said is common knowledge around where I live (about my neighbors, I mean). I just...yeah, felt like "Eek, people are going to think all I do is sit around and poke my nose into my neighbor's business and then gossip about it". And I totally don't want to be That Person. Also, the gossip thing, I try to avoid that at any time, sooo, yeah.


 

lil_christian

Senior Member
Mar 14, 2010
7,489
73
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#8
Oh, whew! Everything I said is common knowledge around where I live (about my neighbors, I mean). I just...yeah, felt like "Eek, people are going to think all I do is sit around and poke my nose into my neighbor's business and then gossip about it". And I totally don't want to be That Person. Also, the gossip thing, I try to avoid that at any time, sooo, yeah.


I totally understand! And gossip is a very unique sin for this reason - it's an extremely slippery slope at times and we won't even notice we're doing it until it's way late in the game. Our mind and tongue are the top two hardest things to control in my opinion, and often we let them run wild without much thought of it. It's just because we're human, and humans are, well...human. lol As long as we have a repentant heart when we do realize it and ask Him to teach us to be more aware, I say while this is a hard sin to identify, it's not one we need to overthink or worry too much about. :)
 
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biscuit

Guest
#9
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[TD="width: 593, align: left"][h=1]What does the Bible say about gossip?[/h]
Question: "What does the Bible say about gossip?"

Answer:
The Hebrew word translated “gossip” in the Old Testament is defined as “one who reveals secrets, one who goes about as a talebearer or scandal-monger.” A gossiper is a person who has privileged information about people and proceeds to reveal that information to those who have no business knowing it. Gossip is distinguished from sharing information in two ways:

1. Intent. Gossipers often have the goal of building themselves up by making others look bad and exalting themselves as some kind of repositories of knowledge.

2. The type of information shared. Gossipers speak of the faults and failings of others, or reveal potentially embarrassing or shameful details regarding the lives of others without their knowledge or approval. Even if they mean no harm, it is still gossip.

In the book of Romans, Paul reveals the sinful nature and lawlessness of mankind, stating how God poured out His wrath on those who rejected His laws. Because they had turned away from God's instruction and guidance, He gave them over to their sinful natures. The list of sins includes gossips and slanderers (Romans 1:29b-32). We see from this passage how serious the sin of gossip is and that it characterizes those who are under God’s wrath.

Another group who were (and still are today) known for indulging in gossip is widows. Paul cautions widows against entertaining the habit of gossip and of being idle. These women are described as “gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to” (1 Timothy 5:12-13). Because women tend to spend a lot of time in each other's homes and work closely with other women, they hear and observe situations which can become distorted, especially when repeated over and over. Paul states that widows get into the habit of going from home to home, looking for something to occupy their idleness. Idle hands are the devil's workshop, and God cautions against allowing idleness to enter our lives. “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man [or woman] who talks too much” (Proverbs 20:19).

Women are certainly not the only ones who have been found guilty of gossip. Anyone can engage in gossip simply by repeating something heard in confidence. The book of Proverbs has a long list of verses that cover the dangers of gossip and the potential hurt that results from it. “A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue. A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret” (Proverbs 11:12-13).

The Bible tells us that “a perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends” (Proverbs 16:28). Many a friendship has been ruined over a misunderstanding that started with gossip. Those who engage in this behavior do nothing but stir up trouble and cause anger, bitterness, and pain among friends. Sadly, some people thrive on this and look for opportunities to destroy others. And when such people are confronted, they deny the allegations and answer with excuses and rationalizations. Rather than admit wrongdoing, they blame someone else or attempt to minimize the seriousness of the sin. “A fool's mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul. The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts” (Proverbs 18:7-8).

Those who guard their tongues keep themselves from calamity (Proverbs 21:23). So we must guard our tongues and refrain from the sinful act of gossip. If we surrender our natural desires to the Lord, He will help us to remain righteous. May we all follow the Bible’s teaching on gossip by keeping our mouths shut unless it is necessary and appropriate to speak.

Recommended Resources: The Quest Study Bible and Logos Bible Software.

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MadParrotWoman

Guest
#10
It is my experience that the Holy Spirit will give a nudge when harmless chatter turns to gossip.
 

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
58
48
#11
Oh, whew! Everything I said is common knowledge around where I live (about my neighbors, I mean). I just...yeah, felt like "Eek, people are going to think all I do is sit around and poke my nose into my neighbor's business and then gossip about it". And I totally don't want to be That Person. Also, the gossip thing, I try to avoid that at any time, sooo, yeah.


MissCris, you don't have to worry about what you posted in Streams. That can never be considered gossip. While the jury is still undecided on what to call it, the short-listed options are - Ranting and Sharing. I will get back to you as soon as possible once the jury has reached a consensus on what to call it. Rest assured that we are doing our best to defuse the situation. :)

I agree with the definition posted by Loveneverfails and blue_ladybug on what is considered to be gossip. Gossiping is a very dangerous activity - one that can even ruin lives. The book of Proverbs has many verses that talk about the ill-effects of gossiping. But what you shared in Streams, is definitely not gossip. On the other hand, if you had spread some rumours about the 'witch' or the 'forgetful lady', then that would have counted as gossip. I don't think you have done that, so don't worry.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#12
Oh, whew! Everything I said is common knowledge around where I live (about my neighbors, I mean). I just...yeah, felt like "Eek, people are going to think all I do is sit around and poke my nose into my neighbor's business and then gossip about it". And I totally don't want to be That Person. Also, the gossip thing, I try to avoid that at any time, sooo, yeah.


Only person who would do that may be one that doesn't know you. And if they judge you that quickly, then it wasn't that, they'd find something else to judge you about.
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
9,526
2,608
113
#14
As biscuit posted above, there are a lot of good scriptures about gossip; and the whole bible is full of good information about proper ways to cummunicate.

A lot of pastors have a simple rule of thumb before speaking.
They think, "Is this BENEFICIAL in any way? Does this edify or uplift in any way?"
If the answer is no, they just keep their mouth shut.

Many pastors also REFUSE TO EVEN LISTEN to gossip.
If you begin to gossip, they will say,
"Is this something beneficial? Is this going to help someone in some way?"
If the answer is no, they'll actually say they don't want to hear it.

In all honesty, SOMETIMES people DO need to hear bad news in order to protect themselves.
"Did you know Gertrude was a serial killer?"
"Gee no. I guess I shouldn't let her bring the treats for Sunday School."
: )
This happens, but not too often.

Another caveat would probably be venting to a close friend.
Sometimes you have a close friend you just dump on... like a therapist.
We all have that, and we all need that.
That's ok.
That person knows better than you to repeat every stupid thing you say.
Your best friend knows you're an idiot.
: )
 
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Roh_Chris

Senior Member
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
58
48
#15
Another caveat would probably be venting to a close friend.
Sometimes you have a close friend you just dump on... like a dumpster.
We all have that, and we all need that.
That's ok.
That person knows better than you to repeat every stupid thing you say.
Your best friend knows you're an idiot.
: )
Eh?? What??? :rolleyes:
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
26,695
8,932
113
#16
The Lord has been dealing a lot with me about saying things about other people. I basically have felt that if passing on any information at all that can change a person's view of another, then it should be avoided, unless innocent people need to know something to be protected.

I have gone to a trusted person about somebody that has upset me, but again have to be careful that it is for honest advice and not running the person down.

It should be the responsibility of each person to be sure to not damage another's reputation. I work with a girl that is extremely annoying and frustrating, and everybody has had the same experiences with her. I've had to try pretty hard to not get involved in discussions about her when she is not around. (Haven't unfortunately always been successful) She has come to consider me her only friend basically, though we are not that close.
Yeah. What she said. I was going to pretty much say the same thing but she beat me to it.

For example, I try not to talk about christian groups I don't like. There are some I don't like, mostly because when I hear their music it sounds more like they're putting on a show than ministering through music. But if my brother likes that group, I wouldn't want to ruin the blessing he gets out of it by putting them down.

Also there are um... certain people in church who claim to be christian, but they sure don't act like it. But it's not my business to go around talking about them. Even if they are rude to me personally, that's not anyone else's business but mine and that person's. It's certainly not my place to put them down when I'm talking to others.

Also Christians can sometimes spiritualize it by saying "We need to pray for Brother So-and-so." "Oh really? What's wrong?" And then the first person goes on to talk about the negative stuff he knows about Brother So-and-so. And after the conversation neither of the talkers ever thinks about praying for Brother So-and-so because that wasn't the reason they had the conversation. The purpose for the first person was to tell something bad about Brother So-and-so that he knew, and the second person wanted to hear it.

If I really have to vent about someone at work, I tell my grandmother. I don't mention any names and she doesn't know anyone at work anyway. No harm to the person I'm frustrated with, and I got to vent. That's about what you did MissChris, you told some people who don't know your neighbors anyway, you didn't mention any names and it didn't harm your neighbors for us to know what you said. :cool:
 

Utah

Banned
Dec 1, 2014
9,701
252
0
#17
Here's a rule I like to follow: Don't speak about someone in their absence what you wouldn't say in their presence.
 

lil_christian

Senior Member
Mar 14, 2010
7,489
73
48
27
#18
Here's a rule I like to follow: Don't speak about someone in their absence what you wouldn't say in their presence.
I wouldn't say this is the rule 100% of the time. I think there are exceptions to that. But for the mostpart, that's not a bad rule.
 
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blueorchidjd

Guest
#19
Yeah the thing I've observed about gossip is that it always has a negative spin on it.
Relating a story and expressing a hurt is held by objective grounds and is generally something that has purpose to the one who listens to it. I think. I don't talk to people about my feelings very often. I don't really trust anyone. lol
 
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Relena7

Guest
#20
Here's a rule I like to follow: Don't speak about someone in their absence what you wouldn't say in their presence.
Beat me to it.