Letting Go Of Ideals
- Thread starter Mark2006
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I caved in, I'll rewrite it.
LETTING GO OF IDEALS
I guess the biggest downfall we'll ever face is holding onto our ideals of who is right for us. It's fine to know what you need and what you don't want. However, sometimes holding onto things too strongly can affect how we allow God to work. I've gone a few dates with a few different christian women. I've noticed each time that I realized that were all different then what I thought was my ideal woman. I had to make an exception for all of them.
I guess it's important to do because a lot of things we live by were decided by us at young ages. We always mature and realize more about life. I realized carrying life views by my 12 year old self might not be best. What does a 5, 12 or 17 year old know? A little bit more than the age before them. I've realized as I've grown, now 25, I've learned more about life. As I've learned, I've understood what I needed. I understand what I don't want. I realize the biggest hurt is losing out on someone worthy because your ideals held you captive.
I don't plan my wedding day, I don't script my life. I'm not looking to not make mistakes. I've learned to take each moment captive. I've learn to be unrestricted and let the chips fall where they may. I'm done controlling and manipulating my circumstances.
I've learned through spending time with various christian woman and learning about them that what I've thought I wanted in women weren't based off realism. They were based off ideals, what I thought I wanted. I've become more open minded towards getting to know women. I'm out to see who they are and what it is I need. I'm not running out dating to get myself hitched. I'm out learning and exploring.
LETTING GO OF IDEALS
I guess the biggest downfall we'll ever face is holding onto our ideals of who is right for us. It's fine to know what you need and what you don't want. However, sometimes holding onto things too strongly can affect how we allow God to work. I've gone a few dates with a few different christian women. I've noticed each time that I realized that were all different then what I thought was my ideal woman. I had to make an exception for all of them.
I guess it's important to do because a lot of things we live by were decided by us at young ages. We always mature and realize more about life. I realized carrying life views by my 12 year old self might not be best. What does a 5, 12 or 17 year old know? A little bit more than the age before them. I've realized as I've grown, now 25, I've learned more about life. As I've learned, I've understood what I needed. I understand what I don't want. I realize the biggest hurt is losing out on someone worthy because your ideals held you captive.
I don't plan my wedding day, I don't script my life. I'm not looking to not make mistakes. I've learned to take each moment captive. I've learn to be unrestricted and let the chips fall where they may. I'm done controlling and manipulating my circumstances.
I've learned through spending time with various christian woman and learning about them that what I've thought I wanted in women weren't based off realism. They were based off ideals, what I thought I wanted. I've become more open minded towards getting to know women. I'm out to see who they are and what it is I need. I'm not running out dating to get myself hitched. I'm out learning and exploring.
M
wow... u make some good points. i guess i never really thought about it, but i'm 20 and extremely picky about friends, and especially about guys. i guess i always thought that these ideals were in my head cuz God put them there, but maybe... I'm just holding onto some teenage "dreams" that I came up with at 13. Hmm... maybe it's time I be more open minded towards people and give them a chance. like... just cuz they dont love horses doesn't mean i gotta throw them out right? haha that was my mini example 
u kinda opened my eyes there mark... props!
u kinda opened my eyes there mark... props!
wow... u make some good points. i guess i never really thought about it, but i'm 20 and extremely picky about friends, and especially about guys. i guess i always thought that these ideals were in my head cuz God put them there, but maybe... I'm just holding onto some teenage "dreams" that I came up with at 13. Hmm... maybe it's time I be more open minded towards people and give them a chance. like... just cuz they dont love horses doesn't mean i gotta throw them out right? haha that was my mini example u kinda opened my eyes there mark... props!
u kinda opened my eyes there mark... props!
M
haha well honestly... my ideals came from my parents.
1.) my dad said i wasn't going to date till i was 17... okay this makes sense, sure. but see i took it as "dont talk to boys until you're 17" so when i turned 17 i had no idea how to talk to guys at all! lol i was terrified around them and couldn't do anything about it.
2.) my mom told me to marry a country boy... being that i am eager to please. i never talked to anyone that wasn't country--which is pretty ridiculous cuz i'm well rounded and not really THAT country myself! lol and
3.) both of my parents would make suggestions such as "jenni will never be married and have kids... she'll just be a single cat lady" and i started to think that's how things were going to be. so i kinda accepted it and was like "whatever, i dont want to be married" therefore it made it so i didn't have to talk to guys cuz i was never going to be married! and i was going to live up to all of their expectations, completely disregarding myself.
i also have all these ideals that came about by friends or church/youth group. which yeah, it's good to have some guidelines... but you should take them as just guidelines and be open to more right?
in actuality i want to be married and have a family (i still cant manage to tell my family that i'm not going to spend my life the crazy cat lady *i dont even like cats!* lol) but now i think i've kinda come up with these expectations like "God is going to completely take care of it" and i'm kinda sitting back and waiting for "the one" but really i guess i should be at least getting out there so my "one" has a chance of finding me! hahaha idk, i guess to me it's all complicated, because i enjoy being single--but i really really hate being alone. and i'm sooo scared that there's the possibility i'll get married JUST so i wont have to be alone, instead of waiting for it to be right. so i put up all these unrealistic expectations and eliminate all the possibilities! how do you find a common median? it's hard! lol
if i am making any sense here... haha
1.) my dad said i wasn't going to date till i was 17... okay this makes sense, sure. but see i took it as "dont talk to boys until you're 17" so when i turned 17 i had no idea how to talk to guys at all! lol i was terrified around them and couldn't do anything about it.
2.) my mom told me to marry a country boy... being that i am eager to please. i never talked to anyone that wasn't country--which is pretty ridiculous cuz i'm well rounded and not really THAT country myself! lol and
3.) both of my parents would make suggestions such as "jenni will never be married and have kids... she'll just be a single cat lady" and i started to think that's how things were going to be. so i kinda accepted it and was like "whatever, i dont want to be married" therefore it made it so i didn't have to talk to guys cuz i was never going to be married! and i was going to live up to all of their expectations, completely disregarding myself.
i also have all these ideals that came about by friends or church/youth group. which yeah, it's good to have some guidelines... but you should take them as just guidelines and be open to more right?
in actuality i want to be married and have a family (i still cant manage to tell my family that i'm not going to spend my life the crazy cat lady *i dont even like cats!* lol) but now i think i've kinda come up with these expectations like "God is going to completely take care of it" and i'm kinda sitting back and waiting for "the one" but really i guess i should be at least getting out there so my "one" has a chance of finding me! hahaha idk, i guess to me it's all complicated, because i enjoy being single--but i really really hate being alone. and i'm sooo scared that there's the possibility i'll get married JUST so i wont have to be alone, instead of waiting for it to be right. so i put up all these unrealistic expectations and eliminate all the possibilities! how do you find a common median? it's hard! lol
if i am making any sense here... haha
I've decided for myself as well to not live up to my parents expectations. I mistook God's ways as my parents ways. I learned my parents ways are only one way. They only think like they think and no one else thinks exactly like them. I've gone out and made my own way. I decided that I don't have to seek approval or confirmation from them on anything.
M
see i haven't talked to my dad in 5+ years... so i've learned to not seek his approval on things... but i'm horrible when it comes to my mom and the rest of my family! lol if they disapprove i go insane... :S how do you learn to "not care" what they think? like i know ur still gonna care... so i guess i should say... how do you learn to make them understand the way YOU think? i've always taken the easy way out and just caved to my mom's beliefs... it's hard for me to tell her that she's wrong. :S
thanks for posting that! i hoped you would...i wanted to read it yesterday cause i was really discouraged by the whole listening to people describe what they wanted that wouldnt ever fit my description.
then! i went and wrote in facebook about it cause i needed to get it outta my system.
I've become so much more lax with my description on my future husband over the years...and i'm still working on it...
anyhoo thanks for posting that! i think it's really important for everyone to think about.
then! i went and wrote in facebook about it cause i needed to get it outta my system.
I've become so much more lax with my description on my future husband over the years...and i'm still working on it...
anyhoo thanks for posting that! i think it's really important for everyone to think about.
V
i know how it is on the seeking your dads approval yeh not high on my list either, mum yeh fair enough and brother too but i guess for me its my friends, especially my best friend, she doesnt really like the guy i like anyway not the point. i think at the end of the day you mum needs to accept wot you do and become as a wife and mother and decide to give you some advice but not to not stick by you when you do it, its called advice for a reason you dont actually have to follow it. lead your own life girly and hold onto wot your getting.
i used to have this picture of how i wanted my husband to look its changed over the years from green eyes to more character things, i want a strong man- strong in God and someone who is able to be the head of my house and take charge and things like that.
i remember heard at a church weekend away this was the girls sections God wouldnt give you someone with everything you want and then not make him attractive to you and let me tell you it is so so so so true!!! keep your chin up girlie it doesnt matter wot they say it matters how you take it ok???
God bless ya hunni
i used to have this picture of how i wanted my husband to look its changed over the years from green eyes to more character things, i want a strong man- strong in God and someone who is able to be the head of my house and take charge and things like that.
i remember heard at a church weekend away this was the girls sections God wouldnt give you someone with everything you want and then not make him attractive to you and let me tell you it is so so so so true!!! keep your chin up girlie it doesnt matter wot they say it matters how you take it ok???
God bless ya hunni
