Divorced with young kids

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brynnlybailey

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I am struggling with a choice. I have for years prayed that I could return home. I married a man who promised this to me in 2000 ( pre marriage). We divorced due to many reasons, some violence, emotional neglect and abuse. He has since remarried. He has 2 children from other women. One he is estranged from (the child). He has an authortian parenting style, and is very controlling. This is had for me as an adult to k ow how to face. I have had counseling and have put together a very nice home life for my children 8 and 9.
recently, my parents who are getting older have named me power of attorney. They live several states away. I have filed a court order to request the move with kids.
I am not a mean spirited person, who desires to hurt my ex, their dad with this move. My parents will need me. I have offered a very compomising visitation where I am assuming all responsibility for visitation 4 time per year, one being summer. I have flexible with all dates to best of ability. I woke up one morning and felt God just telling my heart to address this with him first so I did.

He is struggling with this, yet he has never taken ful intrest in their lives. He does not call ( in 10 years probably 15-25 times), he is very controlling and the children are afraid of him. They love and fear him. They seek to get his attention, but they play second - sixth in his order of importance. They know this, not because they hear it. They tell me of stories, and how he only shoes attention if he has an audience. Thru cry above not being loved fully and it hurts. We pray for him, and I have given advise to love him despite limitations and forgive. However, I explain it is not the fault or their job to fix or gain his attention. When they have it it is usually because he is ordering them on what to do.

Here is the advise part, I feel going and being back home for my parents is the thing to do, I will continue to raise my children in Christian spirit filled church. I have been okay with move, God has set some many things that should have stopped this journey aside, and put in place the means to make it happen. However, I still feel fear when with him. I do not want our children to live this life.

Moving, will put us by loving grandparents and some friend from church that more years ago ( found hoe they live near my family. I have a job that allows me to come back for several visitation per year and he usually flies down for golf.
lately, I feel bad and I am letting that cloud my judgement.

I feel being Round loving grandparents, and extended church family, is more positive than daughters who cry that they wish their father would move away so they did not need to be around him. They say things like he does not really love us.

I pray and feel good, then the what ifs pop up. I want to make sure the what ifs are just my concern, and Satan's attacks. I do not want to hurt anyone, but I want to be by family and away from a dad who's seems to be stealing their self esteem.

Thoughts, ideas,


 
Yes. Stop being held back by being polite. This is a mistake many Christians make, putting being polite above doing right. Your kids are at risk from an abusive, selfish man who sees his children as property that belongs to him, as opposed to children that need a father. This is common with abusive people. He is a text book case, as most are.
Do what is right for your kids and yourself. This is not selfish nor mean spirited, this is wise. Both you and your kids deserve something better. Don't let this ignorant jackass interfere with this.
 
my sister...i think Ugly's right here, but there's something i'd like to add.

the more i am allowed to peek into people's lives, the more i see one's
earthly father makes an impression on the way they see their Heavenly Father.
my own dad was lovely, and loving. and it was (is) easy for me to see God
as just and kind; faithful and loving.

so, if were me in your place, i'd want to speak to my daughters about God's nature,
and how it differs from their dad's. if they are part of God's Family, they are loved
unconditionally and forever. if God disciplines them, it's to teach them and not to punish them.
that sort of thing.

i imagine you're feeling overwhelmed as it is right now, but perhaps when the time is right,
if you haven't already done so, these words will come to your mind.

signing out to pray for you now--
ellie
 
Ugly said:
Yes. Stop being held back by being polite. This is a mistake many Christians make, putting being polite above doing right. Your kids are at risk from an abusive, selfish man who sees his children as property that belongs to him, as opposed to children that need a father. This is common with abusive people. He is a text book case, as most are.
Do what is right for your kids and yourself. This is not selfish nor mean spirited, this is wise. Both you and your kids deserve something better. Don't let this ignorant jackass interfere with this.
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Thank you, I do know what is good and right. I think I am needing this support to keep my strength up. I go to God always. It just coming up where we all sit down and discuss (argue details). I am just going to let lawyer talk.
A good Christian friend is going to come and just sit for moral support.
 
Thank you, I will remember and share your words. The girls and I talk a lot about such things. We pray and love their dad but realize we can not fix someone who does not want to be fixed. I give him fully over to God for salvation, however I will take care of me and my house first as God commands.

Thank you, keep Praying, for what God knows I need and for strength to face this and him. I still can feel fear when he is present.
 
move !

You will be with your parents and you and the children will be wellcome there.
I also know how necessary it can be for older people, to have the support of their daughters.
And it will be good for your children to spend time with your parents to see a different kind
of father figure.

The only one that might not benefit is your exhusband, but he decided to leave in the first place.
Even there, the distance might help him/your children to have a better relationship,
maybe he will value the children more, when he has to do more to see them, or it might
go away, but that is out of your responsibility !
 
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