I am white, my fiance is black. Some of my family are racist against black people. This makes her uncomfortable. I am trying to convince her to just ignore all that negativity. I dont care if the entire world is against us as long as we love each other. Have any of you ever experienced this?..oh and to my racist family members...if you cant be happy for me, then smooch my rump and loose my phone number. I have already unfriended some from facebook
racism amd relationships
- Thread starter Dude653
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U
It's easy to say 'just don't worry about it' but putting it into action is completely different. While it will benefit her to work towards that I wouldn't expect it to happen over night. Particularly when it involves future family members.
Perhaps sit and find out what Exactly bothers her about it and what solution you two can come up together with. Other than you just telling her to get over it.
Perhaps sit and find out what Exactly bothers her about it and what solution you two can come up together with. Other than you just telling her to get over it.
E
the only problem I have, is that it is unrealistic to tell her to ignore the situation
I also don't think it appropriate to tell people to kiss your a-- because that is what you said. That attitude will take you far in the wrong direction
So for me, it might just be your thumbing your nose attitude at the age of 4o that is a concern
Your wife to be might have to grow a thick hide
I also don't think it appropriate to tell people to kiss your a-- because that is what you said. That attitude will take you far in the wrong direction
So for me, it might just be your thumbing your nose attitude at the age of 4o that is a concern
Your wife to be might have to grow a thick hide
S
Well, that's one way of turning the other cheek. 
Way to stick it to them, haha. In all seriousness: it's very cool that you are so staunch in defending your lovely lady and what you two have, despite the criticism. I have not encountered the same issue. All the same, if I may: don't "convince" her of anything other than that love and support you have for her. She's marrying into your family by marrying you, and some people have a hang up with marrying into a family they're not accepted into, let alone one they may not be loved in.
All the best to you both, Dude, and congrats!
Way to stick it to them, haha. In all seriousness: it's very cool that you are so staunch in defending your lovely lady and what you two have, despite the criticism. I have not encountered the same issue. All the same, if I may: don't "convince" her of anything other than that love and support you have for her. She's marrying into your family by marrying you, and some people have a hang up with marrying into a family they're not accepted into, let alone one they may not be loved in.
All the best to you both, Dude, and congrats!
Avoid those people that don't agree with your relationship. There is absolutely nothing wrong with two different races marrying. It isn't a sin. The bible does not speak against it, and as long as you are going into a scriptural marriage then you and her need to get up, wash your hands of the hate directed towards you all and look to the future.
You already know there will be conflict. You have no idea how you will be tested in the future through this existing conflict. Are you sure it is wise to enter into this relationship and marriage covenant?
I only hope you are not making a ready made excuse to quit down the road. I do know that there are many challenges in marriage without creating additional open areas for the devil to attack.
I have no opinion on what you should or should not do in this matter but just do me a favor and don't come back here in a couple years crying about how terrible things are and how you should have made different choices.
It is your choice and you must live with it. You cannot expect others to accommodate your choices. You two may develop a deep and lasting love for one another in the Lord. You do not have it now as it only comes through enduring adversity together.
For the cause of Christ
Roger
I only hope you are not making a ready made excuse to quit down the road. I do know that there are many challenges in marriage without creating additional open areas for the devil to attack.
I have no opinion on what you should or should not do in this matter but just do me a favor and don't come back here in a couple years crying about how terrible things are and how you should have made different choices.
It is your choice and you must live with it. You cannot expect others to accommodate your choices. You two may develop a deep and lasting love for one another in the Lord. You do not have it now as it only comes through enduring adversity together.
For the cause of Christ
Roger
You'll have to excuse our resident blue bug and her semantics.
And there's a zillion colors of people.. black, white, yellow, red.. Color shouldn't matter to his family, if they love him, they will respect his decision to marry whom he wants to regardless of her color..
A
Time to rethink marrying her.
If the sum total of how to deal with this very real problem is "don't worry about it" and "kiss my rump," you won't make it. You've already proven her feelings and experience don't matter, and you're going to do the easy thing and dismiss your family.
I got news for you. Her feelings and experience do matter, and you don't get to dismiss your family.
That leaves you with the other choice -- take it to God and have him help you both figure out his choice out of this mess. His choice includes a powerful and long-term word -- LOVE!
If that doesn't settle into you, then it's probably a good idea to break it off with her, so she can find a guy who is willing to put in all kinds of effort for his family -- both his wife (and kids, if they come along) and his blood family.
If the sum total of how to deal with this very real problem is "don't worry about it" and "kiss my rump," you won't make it. You've already proven her feelings and experience don't matter, and you're going to do the easy thing and dismiss your family.
I got news for you. Her feelings and experience do matter, and you don't get to dismiss your family.
That leaves you with the other choice -- take it to God and have him help you both figure out his choice out of this mess. His choice includes a powerful and long-term word -- LOVE!
If that doesn't settle into you, then it's probably a good idea to break it off with her, so she can find a guy who is willing to put in all kinds of effort for his family -- both his wife (and kids, if they come along) and his blood family.
I think that both of you should be wise, and honest, and see everything for exactly what it is.
REALITIES TO DEAL WITH:
1. You love each other, and ethnicity is obviously not an issue between YOU TWO.
2. Some people ARE going to insert stress into your relationship, because THEY are racist.
Both of you need to be willing and prepared to deal with this.
3. Family problems can cause a lot of stress later.
Again, be sure you are both being honest and realistic, and that you're both willing to deal with this.
4. Although skin color isn't an issue between the two of you, "cultural" issues could still cause problems IF you are from different cultures. If you have cultural differences, be sure you're honest about it, and explore those differences.
Conclusion:
Just be honest with each other, realistic, and talk about these things openly with each other.
If you can discuss all these obstacles openly and honestly, and you're both prepared to take them on...
then the relationship is probably strong enough to go forward.
I'd also recommend you get some normal pre-marriage counseling at your church, if you have something like that available.
REALITIES TO DEAL WITH:
1. You love each other, and ethnicity is obviously not an issue between YOU TWO.
2. Some people ARE going to insert stress into your relationship, because THEY are racist.
Both of you need to be willing and prepared to deal with this.
3. Family problems can cause a lot of stress later.
Again, be sure you are both being honest and realistic, and that you're both willing to deal with this.
4. Although skin color isn't an issue between the two of you, "cultural" issues could still cause problems IF you are from different cultures. If you have cultural differences, be sure you're honest about it, and explore those differences.
Conclusion:
Just be honest with each other, realistic, and talk about these things openly with each other.
If you can discuss all these obstacles openly and honestly, and you're both prepared to take them on...
then the relationship is probably strong enough to go forward.
I'd also recommend you get some normal pre-marriage counseling at your church, if you have something like that available.
M
Blue lady bug is 100% correct there is only one human race. When you see a person
you should not even notice their skin colour, it should never be an issue especially
to a born again Christian.
I go to a multicultural church with people from over 40 different nationalities.
Skin colour is just not even noticed or mentioned, I'm mixed race but I never
even notice what shade of black, brown or white someone may be.
Racism is horrible, imagine getting insulted, picked on, put down all of your
life for something which is completely beyond your control to change. Then
those same people rush out to get the darkest sun tan they can when the sun
comes out. A person can't just "get over" that.
Culturally there may be some differences but if a multicultural church of over
1000 adults can embrace their differences and all be one in Christ, then two
people can do so.
To the OP, if you truely care for each other then sit down together and
decide how you will handle any issues which may arise in advance.
Unfortunately trouble will come from ignorant people but if you
present a united front based on love and your walk with Christ, there is no
reason why the attitudes of others should get in the way.
Even if you were to marry someone of the same race there is no guarantee
marriage would be trouble free, the in laws and other family members might
still be difficult to get along with. Marrying someone of the same race does not
guarantee a happy relationship.
The difference is Christ.
you should not even notice their skin colour, it should never be an issue especially
to a born again Christian.
I go to a multicultural church with people from over 40 different nationalities.
Skin colour is just not even noticed or mentioned, I'm mixed race but I never
even notice what shade of black, brown or white someone may be.
Racism is horrible, imagine getting insulted, picked on, put down all of your
life for something which is completely beyond your control to change. Then
those same people rush out to get the darkest sun tan they can when the sun
comes out. A person can't just "get over" that.
Culturally there may be some differences but if a multicultural church of over
1000 adults can embrace their differences and all be one in Christ, then two
people can do so.
To the OP, if you truely care for each other then sit down together and
decide how you will handle any issues which may arise in advance.
Unfortunately trouble will come from ignorant people but if you
present a united front based on love and your walk with Christ, there is no
reason why the attitudes of others should get in the way.
Even if you were to marry someone of the same race there is no guarantee
marriage would be trouble free, the in laws and other family members might
still be difficult to get along with. Marrying someone of the same race does not
guarantee a happy relationship.
The difference is Christ.
S
WHAT semantics? There IS only ONE race of people.. And there's a zillion colors of people.. black, white, yellow, red.. Color shouldn't matter to his family, if they love him, they will respect his decision to marry whom he wants to regardless of her color..
And there's a zillion colors of people.. black, white, yellow, red.. Color shouldn't matter to his family, if they love him, they will respect his decision to marry whom he wants to regardless of her color..
Race is generally understood, or at least implied to mean "ethnicity." I just think correcting people on this is a little unnecessary and a little redundant. If you wanted to be politically correct, after all, you wouldn't say that there are "black" or "red" people, also. So yeah, semantics.
M
I come from generations of interracial couples and learned and been taught it isn't for everyone. Really what you said about ignoring it is the only answer, you can't make people accept and change there views overnight. Really the strength and love that is put into interracial relationship compared to others is amazing.
But I must ask is it you parents and siblings that are unaccepting? People that are in your life a lot and who are important people for possible future children and what not. That can be really difficult and I know I've said to friends who had closed minded parents to not enter interracial relationships for that reason. It's tough on the kids and can effect self-esteem and such. When I would date that's one thing I wouldn't go for is unaccepting parents because I know that's not good.
They're not easy but if your love for each other is strong you'll both do fine. Pray together about it and always be open to hearing each others struggles and overcoming them together. Do not push them aside and act like they don't exist because they do and because they do they must be dealt with properly or they can effect the relationship in the long run.
But I must ask is it you parents and siblings that are unaccepting? People that are in your life a lot and who are important people for possible future children and what not. That can be really difficult and I know I've said to friends who had closed minded parents to not enter interracial relationships for that reason. It's tough on the kids and can effect self-esteem and such. When I would date that's one thing I wouldn't go for is unaccepting parents because I know that's not good.
They're not easy but if your love for each other is strong you'll both do fine. Pray together about it and always be open to hearing each others struggles and overcoming them together. Do not push them aside and act like they don't exist because they do and because they do they must be dealt with properly or they can effect the relationship in the long run.
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Racism is not going anywhere and interracial couples will always have to deal with these types of issues at some point. I don't believe it will be a problem from her side of the family because thus far everyone I have met from her family is quite fond of me. I really do not understand why some of them are like that because I know my grandfather taught them better than that. Hey ran a service station / in the black side of town and when he passed away there were more black people at his funeral then white. Actually I associate with that side of the family as little as possible because they all seem to act snobbish. My mother and brother are supportive of us and so are some of cousins.