Uncle is gay and married

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Godgivesmestrength

Godgivesmestrength

Senior Member
#1
Oct 11, 2014
369
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#1
My uncle recently just got married to his partner of 14 years. My uncle has always been the dad I never had, he's always been there for me and I can't picture life without him. My grandparents being Christian had great influence on me I always attended church with them from a young age. When my uncle first came out my grandparents didn't speak to him for years, they didn't understand how their only son could be gay. This hurt me so deeply and I know it killed my uncle inside. His own parents wanted nothing to do with him but finally came around one day. In a way I completely understand why they distanced themselves. They were confused my uncle had always been with females and even dated the homecoming queen. Now my uncle is back in my life but all of my family is questioning him in secret. I don't believe they or I have any right to judge him only Christ can do that. I will always love my uncle no matter what decisions he makes, but I'm also very confused myself. Please, if anyone can give some advice on how to deal with a judgmental family or how to understand my uncle better. I wish my family could just accept him the way he is but I know that it's not easy. I will always agree with gods word but I still want my uncle in my life.
 
Godgivesmestrength

Godgivesmestrength

Senior Member
#2
Oct 11, 2014
369
16
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#2
Please no replies with he is going to hell, etc. Just imagine how hard that would be hear to about someone you love.
 
N

NewWine

Guest
#3
#3
My best advice is to love them all, pray for them all, and pray for yourself for guidance and peace in this. Love emcompasses all things, even persnickety family members :)
 
Jimbone

Jimbone

Senior Member
#5
Aug 22, 2014
3,086
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I agree very much with NewWine, the best we can do is try to show Christ love through the way we behave towards and around him. I have a friend at work that is gay and I love her so very much. When I got into a motorcycle wreak and lost total function in my right and dominate arm I needed a couple surgeries, the first one I had covered through insurance and money we had saved, but when the 2[SUP]nd[/SUP] came up I was really short on being able to pay for it. She, all on her own, took up donations of money and anything around peoples house they didn’t need any more to hold a garage sale to raise the funds I needed. I mean this woman went so far above and beyond anything my own family would or even could do to help me out. I ride to work with her every day and never try to convince her that her lifestyle is wrong in that way. I just show her love and testify how God works in my life every day, and give Him all glory and credit. That’s how I handle it with someone in my life anyway, and imagine I would dot he same type thing even if it was family. I personally try to behave in a way that shows Gods glory and make sure they know who I give all the credit to.
 
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Godgivesmestrength

Godgivesmestrength

Senior Member
#6
Oct 11, 2014
369
16
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#6
Your friend at work sounds like a truly amazing person, thank you very much for sharing. :) I will continue showing love towards my uncle and praying for my family as a whole.
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#7
Apr 18, 2013
9,687
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#7
Godgivesmestrength,

Are you a Christian?
Do you go to church?
Do you read the bible?
Do you believe the bible?

Your own paradigm will determine what you do... not our advice.
 
Godgivesmestrength

Godgivesmestrength

Senior Member
#8
Oct 11, 2014
369
16
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#8
Yes to all of those but I felt in a situation like this I needed advice to help make a decision.
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#9
Apr 18, 2013
9,687
2,740
113
#9
Have you tried talking to your pastor?
 
Godgivesmestrength

Godgivesmestrength

Senior Member
#10
Oct 11, 2014
369
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#10
I wanted to see what others would do if they were Christian and placed in my shoes.
 
PennEd

PennEd

Senior Member
#13
Apr 22, 2013
13,691
9,181
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#13
As others have said. It is impearative you continue loving him. But love and acceptance of sin, NOT THE PERSON, are 2 different things. It is fantastic for him to see a Godly woman, acting in a Christ-like manner, but that is only truly effective if he knows where you stand regarding sin. THEN he may think "wow! she truly believes in God and His Word, yet STILL loves me. I wonder if it's the same with God!"

Blessings and Grace to you.
 
Godgivesmestrength

Godgivesmestrength

Senior Member
#14
Oct 11, 2014
369
16
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#14
You make a fantastic point! I will make sure that he knows where I stand regarding sin but I truly believe he already knows that. God bless, thank you for your reply!
 
Jesus4ever

Jesus4ever

Senior Member
#15
May 18, 2015
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#15
Love the sinner, but hate sin. :) Although you can´t agree with your uncle´s decisions, you right to love him no matter how he chooses to live. Pray for him and for your family, sister.
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#17
#17
Godgivesmestrength said:
My uncle recently just got married to his partner of 14 years. My uncle has always been the dad I never had, he's always been there for me and I can't picture life without him. My grandparents being Christian had great influence on me I always attended church with them from a young age. When my uncle first came out my grandparents didn't speak to him for years, they didn't understand how their only son could be gay. This hurt me so deeply and I know it killed my uncle inside. His own parents wanted nothing to do with him but finally came around one day. In a way I completely understand why they distanced themselves. They were confused my uncle had always been with females and even dated the homecoming queen. Now my uncle is back in my life but all of my family is questioning him in secret. I don't believe they or I have any right to judge him only Christ can do that. I will always love my uncle no matter what decisions he makes, but I'm also very confused myself. Please, if anyone can give some advice on how to deal with a judgmental family or how to understand my uncle better. I wish my family could just accept him the way he is but I know that it's not easy. I will always agree with gods word but I still want my uncle in my life.
Click to expand...
I'm about to ask you questions that I want you to know, in no uncertain terms, do I want an answer to. I want you to answer to yourself to think this out a bit, okay?

So, what's your sin area? What do you forever do naturally, that you absolutely know you shouldn't, but it's such a part of your personality the only way you ever not do it is God working in you at that precise moment? Can you picture that one area? Big, right? Want to know how I know? Because I can answer that same question, but would rather not in public.

Hubby knows though. Hard to hide it around those we live with nonstop. My family probably knows too, although, at my age, I don't live with any of them anymore, but it's always been part of who I'd rather not be, and God hasn't yet fully erased it from me. Absolutely. Judging from how much we all talk about other members of the family, I can't imagine they don't talk about me and my old big fat sin behind my back. After all, not like I'm not constantly talking to God about it too, and I'm the one I'm talking about.

What's that got to do with your uncle? Well, you just told his big fat sin and you've said his family has been dealing with it for years. Of course we all judge! Sure is a lot easier than dealing with our own big fat sin area, isn't it? And, guess what. Believers have a right and responsibility to judge. The Word says we are to judge nations, so we better learn how to judge our own family of believers. Yeah, really supposed to do that, but we are bad at doing it right.

So are you. Of course your uncle is sinning. Of course, he's not going to be judged lovingly, if he doesn't repent somewhere between now and his last breath, but that's not to say he won't repent. No one but God can judge where he's truly going. The only thing we do is judge the direction. You know which direction he's headed now. Aren't most folks? Doesn't mean it's a good landed if he keeps going that way, but you have a problem. Someone has to be there to tell him he's headed in the wrong direction. You love him. You're stuck with that. Don't think merely because your family is judging poorly that there is no judgement to be made.

Sure, we all have a big fat sin area. Probably more than one. And, of course that doesn't mean we can't hang around and love each other. If we ever find where the perfect people are, we won't be invited to join them. So, feel free to love your uncle. Why would you not? And feel free to at least like his partner. (He's now part of your family, so should be loved too, but I know sometimes it's hard to love people, if they aren't likeable. Still supposed to and God's help is sufficient to do that. Hard to do, but God can work that out even when it's hard to do. Experience talking there. lol) And then feel free to love the rest of your family, knowing their big fat sin areas too.

This is what we do. But please remember, God really has said what happens if anyone stays in the dark to hide his sin. That's God's really big judgement. (John 3:16-21, if you don't remember the part about hiding in darkness.) "Accepting" him, isn't the same as accepting his decisions. If you love him, make sure he gets God's judgement part, because he could use some God Light on him. He really is hiding in the dark, even if he thinks he's a believer.

I say that knowing that particular sin is one of the hardest to get away from. I see that in connection to my big fat sin area.
 
Godgivesmestrength

Godgivesmestrength

Senior Member
#18
Oct 11, 2014
369
16
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#18
I never thought about it in this way, thank you for your input.
 
M

Mitspa

Guest
#19
#19
If your family is Christians they do have the right and responsibility to judge certain things according to righteous judgment.You seem to be judging them by a biblical standard based on what you believe Jesus taught...according to scripture they have the right and are commanded to judge things through the eyes of Christ and His love...GGMS you seem very nice...but if you really love your uncle...you will want him to be free from this sin, not live in it or be judged for it on judgment day.
 
Godgivesmestrength

Godgivesmestrength

Senior Member
#20
Oct 11, 2014
369
16
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#20
The type of judgements they are making aren't helpful to him, instead of telling him about the Good lord they rather gossip. Of course I would love for him to be completely free from sin especially one like this that has so much strength over him. I'm going to speak to him and hopefully share some things I've learned about God, hopefully give him a new perspective on things.
 
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