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Before I signed up, I've taken the time to read a few of the threads here in the singles forum. I keep hearing the same theme over and over again. When will God show me my future spouse? When will I get married? Will I ever get married? When I get into a relationship, meet a Godly man or woman?
It's been through years of testing, praying, studying, self-educating, troubleshooting, going out, meeting everyone, church hopping, church visiting, dating, that I've collected quite a bit of information and knowledge about being single as a Christian.
I went from clueless to highly-understanding in a five year journey that came full circle in the summer of 2009. That began and ended with the same girl, even though we never were bf/gf or got married. A journey filled with many girls and multi-layered subplots in between.
I was a christian single living at college at the start of the last decade. By mid-decade I was exhausted from being a lone Christian taking on a world of unbelievers. I returned to my home church and met a young woman a year older than me. We dated when she showed incredible interest... we went out once, but amazingly she ended it right there. Simple right? No..
The whole situation was overblown by my then drive that she was my "future wife" and to me I had just been rejected by my "future wife". At age 21 (I'm now 26) the world had ended.
The idea was of a Christian kids perception of being a Christian. A kid trying to find a "future wife" for no reason other than obligation. I acted like it was a right. I imposed this belief on her. I've come to understand that marriage isn't a right. It's something two people who've connected do. You don't do it just to do it. You don't rush into it. It's not something you earn. It's not a reward. It's just two people with passion and love for one another.
I've made plently of Christian friends at multiple churches from 2005-2009. I always hear all this talk about "future" this and "future" that. It almost always comes from the most hopelessy single Christians. The future isn't even present yet. I've gone out on dates with 5 girls in 4 years. I've seen three of these girls go on and marry other guys. Such is life. I've seen other girls still single years after our date. They've turned me down, then continue to complain about being single. Such is life. They've come running back to me when I've moved on, but I've lost interested. Such is life.
As a Christian, we may think life is supposed to just work itself out. It doesn't. It's ordinary. We all breathe and have to eat to survive. In 2008, I learned life is as real as it seems. I began living like it.
A christian friend of mind got married in the past year, and his best man is one of my better friends. It was horrorfying to here his speech be about how GOD choose to bless the groom before him with a wife. I was amazed to hear mostly everyone laughing along with his joke, while the groom, the bride, a few others and myself stood their utterly depressed as we were stunned. Did he just blame God for being single? He really believes God is holding him back? This guy is basically saying God choose his friend to get married before him.
Truly the difference was the Groom took the initiative in dating. While the Best Man has long been a passive hesitator. Always crying about being single. He had a girl very interested in him, two years earlier. A woman who believes every Christian guy she meets is her "future husband", after her brief round of me being her "future husband" faded when I wasn't returning her calls, she soon turned her sights to him. Her body language proclaimed "Marry me!" but he was passive, and more passive, too much time asking internal questions and she gave up.
Come year's end, she had a boyfriend, church pretty boy. Our dear passive hesitating friend was the first one to walk over and congratulate him... (all this visible to everyone on a church night) on dating... and on how he felt great about how God was choosing him to be with her instead... a month later, they broke up.
The point was why make such a big deal out of nothing? Dating is common and so is Marriage. Why is it made to be an absurd die hard of a drama.? Our dear friend is still single to this day, and is still getting set up on dates from what I understand. His friends the bride and groom doing 100% of the scouting and recruiting, and poorly might I add.
For me, I ran into the "future wife" I initially spoke of this past summer during a concert. I didn't talk to her husband, and he didn't look at me,
I think he resented me actually. We greeted and that was about it. You'd think I would've felt all chump inside. She's married and I'm single all of these years later. I really didn't. I felt really self-assured with myself and honestly felt 100% certain I could do better than her, even though she's a great girl.
What's 100% better? Looks. Yes, it is. That and the entire makeup of a woman. Yes, that's correct. I reserve the right to have my preferences met and needs fulfilled. Vice versa. I refuse to deny that which I desire.
I've heard horror stories from Christians that God is going to sneak up on us with a "future spouse" we won't like or be attracted too. I say run from that person then. We don't have to get married if we don't want too. Stop feeling obligated. Our passive hesitating friend is often ridiculed for exactly this by another one of our friends... who always points out woman he wouldn't be interested in and jokingly proclaiming "that's your future wife" to which he says "heck no" to.
It's like many of us are always praying for a "future spouse", but incredibly fearing a person we won't like becoming our "future spouse" at the same time. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. I've said this over and over and it's like many Christians refuse to accept this fact. They feel forced into everything they do. They feel forced to serve. God made getting saved a choice. You made a choice when you made that decision.
It's been through years of testing, praying, studying, self-educating, troubleshooting, going out, meeting everyone, church hopping, church visiting, dating, that I've collected quite a bit of information and knowledge about being single as a Christian.
I went from clueless to highly-understanding in a five year journey that came full circle in the summer of 2009. That began and ended with the same girl, even though we never were bf/gf or got married. A journey filled with many girls and multi-layered subplots in between.
I was a christian single living at college at the start of the last decade. By mid-decade I was exhausted from being a lone Christian taking on a world of unbelievers. I returned to my home church and met a young woman a year older than me. We dated when she showed incredible interest... we went out once, but amazingly she ended it right there. Simple right? No..
The whole situation was overblown by my then drive that she was my "future wife" and to me I had just been rejected by my "future wife". At age 21 (I'm now 26) the world had ended.
The idea was of a Christian kids perception of being a Christian. A kid trying to find a "future wife" for no reason other than obligation. I acted like it was a right. I imposed this belief on her. I've come to understand that marriage isn't a right. It's something two people who've connected do. You don't do it just to do it. You don't rush into it. It's not something you earn. It's not a reward. It's just two people with passion and love for one another.
I've made plently of Christian friends at multiple churches from 2005-2009. I always hear all this talk about "future" this and "future" that. It almost always comes from the most hopelessy single Christians. The future isn't even present yet. I've gone out on dates with 5 girls in 4 years. I've seen three of these girls go on and marry other guys. Such is life. I've seen other girls still single years after our date. They've turned me down, then continue to complain about being single. Such is life. They've come running back to me when I've moved on, but I've lost interested. Such is life.
As a Christian, we may think life is supposed to just work itself out. It doesn't. It's ordinary. We all breathe and have to eat to survive. In 2008, I learned life is as real as it seems. I began living like it.
A christian friend of mind got married in the past year, and his best man is one of my better friends. It was horrorfying to here his speech be about how GOD choose to bless the groom before him with a wife. I was amazed to hear mostly everyone laughing along with his joke, while the groom, the bride, a few others and myself stood their utterly depressed as we were stunned. Did he just blame God for being single? He really believes God is holding him back? This guy is basically saying God choose his friend to get married before him.
Truly the difference was the Groom took the initiative in dating. While the Best Man has long been a passive hesitator. Always crying about being single. He had a girl very interested in him, two years earlier. A woman who believes every Christian guy she meets is her "future husband", after her brief round of me being her "future husband" faded when I wasn't returning her calls, she soon turned her sights to him. Her body language proclaimed "Marry me!" but he was passive, and more passive, too much time asking internal questions and she gave up.
Come year's end, she had a boyfriend, church pretty boy. Our dear passive hesitating friend was the first one to walk over and congratulate him... (all this visible to everyone on a church night) on dating... and on how he felt great about how God was choosing him to be with her instead... a month later, they broke up.
The point was why make such a big deal out of nothing? Dating is common and so is Marriage. Why is it made to be an absurd die hard of a drama.? Our dear friend is still single to this day, and is still getting set up on dates from what I understand. His friends the bride and groom doing 100% of the scouting and recruiting, and poorly might I add.
For me, I ran into the "future wife" I initially spoke of this past summer during a concert. I didn't talk to her husband, and he didn't look at me,
I think he resented me actually. We greeted and that was about it. You'd think I would've felt all chump inside. She's married and I'm single all of these years later. I really didn't. I felt really self-assured with myself and honestly felt 100% certain I could do better than her, even though she's a great girl. What's 100% better? Looks. Yes, it is. That and the entire makeup of a woman. Yes, that's correct. I reserve the right to have my preferences met and needs fulfilled. Vice versa. I refuse to deny that which I desire.
I've heard horror stories from Christians that God is going to
sneak up on us with a "future spouse" we won't like or be attracted too. I say run from that person then. We don't have to get married if we don't want too. Stop feeling obligated. Our passive hesitating friend is often ridiculed for exactly this by another one of our friends... who always points out woman he wouldn't be interested in and jokingly proclaiming "that's your future wife" to which he says "heck no" to. It's like many of us are always praying for a "future spouse", but incredibly fearing a person we won't like becoming our "future spouse" at the same time. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. I've said this over and over and it's like many Christians refuse to accept this fact. They feel forced into everything they do. They feel forced to serve. God made getting saved a choice. You made a choice when you made that decision.
