Tired of Living

[Dirtfan44]

the below was copied from what i wrote last night.....my feelings are the same but all i can wonder is will the loneliness ever end? i live the same old dull boring life....nothing to look forward to except more loneliness and no one to love me thank you to whomever reads this.

hello everyone.....i just wanted to say i'm glad i found somewhere to get what i'm thinking and feeling off my chest before i absolutely go insane. i am a 44 year old male who is married and has a beautiful daughter. my daughter is all i live for...my daughter is the only reason i don't try to kill myself because of sheer loneliness. and before i go any farther i want to say i'm not looking for anything by getting on here and telling my story. i'm simply looking for some kind of relief from the mental and emotional anguish i feel on a daily basis. i have been married for almost 11 years and while it's been ok for the most part it's had it's downs like all marriages do. but lately, and a i mean for the last year or so my wife and i have no kind of intimate relationship at all. in fact we have nothing....we are 2 people sharing a house and raising a child. Yes i have tried talking to her about all of this but nothing changes.

i have taken steps to see if she is having an affair and all indications point to the fact that she isn't. we used to be best friends....now, for 2 people to be in the same house we are miles apart. her and i separated a couple of years ago because i had turned to pills to try and ease the emotional pain i was feeling but we ended up reconciling and i got off the pills. I thank the Lord for helping me get through that. now we are headed down the same road again. i won't turn to pills again but how do you live knowing that you're not wanted. i've asked her to go to counseling but she says it costs money and that there's nothing wrong with us. i am so starved for attention (not sex) that i find myself having thoughts and daydreams wondering wishing that i could be with someone else. If her and I split again it would devastate our daughter. and i don't my daughter to be brought up in a broken home like i was.

 

[blue_ladybug]

I totally understand about feeling alone, depressed and suicidal. Suicide is never an option for our problems. It's a permanent solution that will send you south instead of north. Please read my threads below.. I hope they will bless you and bring you some much needed inspiration and hope.

 

[BarlyGurl]

I read your post. I understand your hurt... I think there will be some good counsel... but right now... I will be praying for you.
Psalm 38:9

 

[passing_through]

You are missing the greatest excitement ever, waking up and reading God's word, I mean hang on every word, meditate on them.

The second thing is having compassion for others, putting their needs in front of your on. When you do you will have joy. God will supply us with everything we need and grant us the Spirit if we put others first.

I have lived those two paragraphs I know. If you live for you only why would God equip you with power, excitement, and all else. He gives the Spirit to those who obey.

 

[shotgunner]

You better get yourself and your family in a good on the move, growing, ministering, alive church. It will likely be the one with a loud music service and the one that the quiet churches bad mouth. No cults though, no crazy snake handling, just full unadulterated Word of God!

Stand up, gird yourself up like a man and take charge of this family as the high priest! You can do all things through Christ ( the anointed one, and his anointing) which strengthens you. It's the same Holy Spirit anointing inside you! Use it to resurrect yourself and a dying marriage. Speak life into your home and family! Let no corrupt communication come out of your mouth but only that which will build up yourself and your family!

Take charge man! Don't let Satan steal your family or your life!

You have my love and prayers. You also have my sympathy, but I believe it's the strong encouragement that will help the most.

 

[tenderhearted]

I'm so sorry that you are suffering like this. I think it would be good for you to get some counseling for yourself. I know that you said you can't afford it, but pray about it. It would be beneficial for you, even if you could get a couple of sessions in. Your wife may not want to get help, however, you can still work on yourself. You have a lot to live for, so don't give up.

You said that you and your wife were best friends... try to remind yourself of why you fell in love with her in the first place. The enemy will try to tell you that life would be better with someone else, but it's not true. He is tempting you to walk out of your marriage. Don't let him break up your family. Pray for your wife. You guys have to find a way to reconnect. Maybe you guys could find a hobby to do together. Get a sitter and have a date night. Show your love to her by doing small things like cleaning the house or rubbing her feet. If you've already done this then keep doing it. I will pray for you. When you feel like no one cares, remember that God does. He is always with you.

Also, I get the feeling that your wife feels alone too. No one wants to be disconnected to their spouse. She may also be suffering in silence.

 

[Angela53510]

You really need to see a doctor and get help. For one thing, it can be very hard living with someone who is constantly depressed. If you don't start fixing yourself, your marriage will never be better. Anti-depressants are a good option for you, till you recover.

Even more important, you need to get right with God. Stop shutting him out of your life. You don't even mention your relationship with God. Are you reading your Bible and praying? Are you going to church? Studies show that even people who do not believe in Christ who attend church are mentally healthier than their peers who do not attend church. To say nothing of the fact that God commands we fellowship with other believers.

I would ask you to read 5 psalms a day. For the next few years! God will speak to you through the Psalms. They are about the very real experiences of people, who went through joy and sadness, fear and anger, and how God helped them. This is the verse that brought me out of a terrible depression about 12 years ago, when I was suffering and in pain from poorly medicated Rheumatoid Arthritis. Our hope is always in God! Praying you start taking some steps to turn this around.

"5 Why am I so depressed?
Why this turmoil within me?
Put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him,
my Savior and my God." Psalm 42:5

 

[VioletReigns]

the below was copied from what i wrote last night.....my feelings are the same but all i can wonder is will the loneliness ever end? i live the same old dull boring life....nothing to look forward to except more loneliness and no one to love me thank you to whomever reads this.

hello everyone.....i just wanted to say i'm glad i found somewhere to get what i'm thinking and feeling off my chest before i absolutely go insane. i am a 44 year old male who is married and has a beautiful daughter. my daughter is all i live for...my daughter is the only reason i don't try to kill myself because of sheer loneliness. and before i go any farther i want to say i'm not looking for anything by getting on here and telling my story. i'm simply looking for some kind of relief from the mental and emotional anguish i feel on a daily basis. i have been married for almost 11 years and while it's been ok for the most part it's had it's downs like all marriages do. but lately, and a i mean for the last year or so my wife and i have no kind of intimate relationship at all. in fact we have nothing....we are 2 people sharing a house and raising a child. Yes i have tried talking to her about all of this but nothing changes.

i have taken steps to see if she is having an affair and all indications point to the fact that she isn't. we used to be best friends....now, for 2 people to be in the same house we are miles apart. her and i separated a couple of years ago because i had turned to pills to try and ease the emotional pain i was feeling but we ended up reconciling and i got off the pills. I thank the Lord for helping me get through that. now we are headed down the same road again. i won't turn to pills again but how do you live knowing that you're not wanted. i've asked her to go to counseling but she says it costs money and that there's nothing wrong with us. i am so starved for attention (not sex) that i find myself having thoughts and daydreams wondering wishing that i could be with someone else. If her and I split again it would devastate our daughter. and i don't my daughter to be brought up in a broken home like i was.

Dirtfan44, Did you contact any of these organizations that I posted for you yesterday?

24-Hour Crisis Hotline - The Samaritans

Lifeline

National 1-800 Crisis Hotlines – 24 Hour Alcohol & Drug Abuse Hotline / Helpline

 

[Dan58]

It doesn't sound like your wife is the problem for your depressed state of mind. and it doesn't sound like she needs counseling. Your also not alone, so loneliness isn't the real problem either. There's no logical reason to be depressed, but yet you are. Your problem may be wantonness, you say that your starved for attention, but I doubt getting it will pull you out of your funk. It seems like your negative perception of things stems from being unfulfilled inside, your loneliness more likely stems from an emptiness, or a spiritual void which leaves you without a sense of purpose. I suspect that even if you had a closer relationship and intimacy with your wife, you would still be depressed. Try to get some counseling to learn how to cope with what your feeling, because its not normal. True contentment comes from within. jmo

 

[NewWine]

Part of the basis for needing a real relationship with God is that people WILL hurt and disappoint us. It's a fact. Even the most well meaning, loving person will disappoint us at some point.....but God's love fills the gaps that people leave in us. Build your relationship with God, and the closer you get to God the less you will feel lonely. A closer relationship with God will make you a better spouse, a better parent, a better employee.....a better person.

Let God lead your marriage and your family. Your relationship with your wife should be like a triangle with God at the top. The closer each of you come to God the closer you will come to each other. I am all for getting involved with a good GOD centered church. The fellowship will help you now, and the closeness you crave can be found there....along with a billion other great things. Along with this, make home praise and worship a regular thing. Study the Bible as a family, pray as a family. If you're not already doing this.....make it a priority.

Isaiah 40:31 They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings like eagles. They shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.
The word "wait" has more than one meaning. One can wait on the Lord, by being patient.....like they are waiting for a bus. One can also wait on the Lord by serving Him......like they are waiting on tables in a restaurant. SO while you're being patient, serve God. Ask Him how you can Glorify Him today.

Anyways, this is what I would do, if I were walking in your shoes......I can't really tell you what to do, though.

Praying for you all. Peace!

 

[wwjd_kilden]

First see someone about your depression, it's difficult if not impossible to beat on your own

Then maybe see if you and your wife can put aside some together- time for a weekend, just the two of you. No job, tv, computer etc. See what happens.

 

[Eva1218]

So very sorry this is your situation. Have you both considered seeking meeting with your pastor in order to deal with the root of the matter and not merely sweep away the leaves. Do the two of you Pray together and with your daughter? Do you eat meals together as a family unit? Are you and your wife able to be extremely honest with one another? How is the relationship you and your wife have with GOD separately? Do you have Bible Study alone, together and with your daughter? Do you have family times just fun times where you watch a movie, play cards, board games, walks in the park etc.. these things are valuable in Godly relationships because the enemy is always seeking to devour!

Before one can be united spiritually with another they must have their relationship with GOD tight. HE is the HEAD and if the HEAD is not joined then the Body is not in tact. There is a Powerful movie in theaters now regarding marriage called War Room maybe consider taking your wife and dinner after once home talk about what you got from the movie hear each other out then share what could be useful for the both of you. Brace yourself for what she shares and do not be on defense. Hear, Listen, Digest then Respond with Love. Just a thought.

Blessings!!!!!!!

 

[Dirtfan44]

thanks all for your help and kind words of wisdom....i guess i will as one person on here put it "fix myself" and then see what happens.

 

[blue_ladybug]

thanks all for your help and kind words of wisdom....i guess i will as one person on here put it "fix myself" and then see what happens.

Read my depression and suicide threads.. I guarantee they will make you feel better and inspire you. Click the links in my signature..

 

[atwhatcost]

thanks all for your help and kind words of wisdom....i guess i will as one person on here put it "fix myself" and then see what happens.

Actually, it really depends on what you mean by "fix myself." If that's an invitation for inward reflection some more, I don't think that's a good idea. (Inward reflection that is.) You've been reflecting inward for at least three years and look where it has brought you. Have you considered outward reflection?

Jesus told us the two commandments -- love God fully and love others fully. Your wife is an other. Your daughter is an other. Your co-workers, community, friends, family -- all others. And I didn't even get to the obvious -- God!

You stopped taking pills a few years ago? Okay? Why were you taking them in the first place? Drugs are not the problem. Drugs are a symptom of the problem. If you have yet to deal with the real problem, this just cycles from one addiction to another. Quite often the problem is self. So while "fixing self" love God and others.

 

[atwhatcost]

BTW, how do you know if you're tired of living if you haven't tried it out in a few years? You've been existing the last few years. Consider living again. It's pretty cool.

 

[Dirtfan44]

I understand where everyone is coming from. I am trying my best to live but when you feel like you are alone day after day it just brings you more down day by day. I am not trying to blame my wife for everything and if that is what everyone thinks then I am sorry for misleading you. I am so starved for attention and love that it is making me cold inside and very hard hearted. I want things to work between my wife and I but I have tried and tried and now i'm to the point of saying what's the use? for example, yesterday I spent most of the day asking my wife if me, her and our daughter would like to go somewhere and so something and just spend time together. she said no that she just wanted to stay home. I said ok so I went out in the yard just to do some odds and ends things. the next thing I know she comes out and tells me her mom called and they were going shopping. so my daughter and I did something together.....and yes it was great to have some father/daughter time. but her and her mom came home from shopping around 930 last night. and yes i know she was with her mom because they live 2 houses down from us and her mom picked her up. this makes the 4th saturday night in a row that i have either spent alone or with my daughter. and today her and my daughter have gone to a b-day party put on for one of my daughter's friends but i was not asked to go. does ANYONE out there understand? I have prayed for my marriage, i have suggested counseling, i have tried the special surprises.....what does a person do when the only thing they feel is unwanted and unloved???

Please forgive me for my attitude and abrasiveness......i just feel helpless and hopeless

 

[BarlyGurl]

I think you have done a really good job communicating exactly how you feel. IMO, your wife has LEFT THE MARRIAGE and your loneliness is the product of her rejection of you. It seems plain to me that she is one of MANY women who have "checked out" of her biblical role to be "her husbands helpmeet" and merely indulging the appearance of marriage for the sake of the comforts and security it provides HER. This is NOT UNCOMMON today. I applaud you for not being EMBITTERED toward her despite the fact that you are suffering in "it is not good for man to be alone" because your aloneness is because of your wife NOT participating in MARRIAGE. Her focus is herself and child-rearing... and her focus is OUT OF ORDER.
I do not have a "QUICK FIX" for you other than suggesting that you pray the lord connect you with a strong mature GODLY man who can help prop you up spiritually and encourage you.... while you begin to Assert the God-ordained authority you have in your home.
You can do this by CONTINUEING to make arrangements to do activities as you suggested above, but they will not be presented as "suggestions" they will be leading requests such as... "I decided we will go as a family to the zoo on Saturday, maybe have a lunch in the park. Please prepare a picnic lunch, I got the cooler down for you and will pick up some ice on Friday after work. I thought we should leave by 10 am, please have yourself and daughter ready to go by then"... see what happens... keep plugging away at it... change will happen.

 

[BarlyGurl]

Further...
There ain't nothing wrong with sending your daughter down the street to gramma's house for the evening and telling your wife YOU would like to have dinner and conversation with HER alone TONIGHT! And give her a kiss on the cheek when you say it... and SMILE!

 

[Dirtfan44]

Thanks barlygurl i will try it and see what happens....will let you know. I guess it couldn't hurt to try again