a new christian is not enough...

[SapphireNat]

a long story is short. one year ago I became a christian, that summer I met a guy whom i liked. we hanged out the whole summer together. I overheard him praying for me and our future relationship, he sought counceling... i was waiting for him to ask me out. He never did it, one month before i was leaving i told him how i felt about him (I gave him a hint). He said that "he would rather stay friends". so i felt rejected and i was crying a lot...
recently i came back to that city and now he wants me to be part of his life. he activly persues me. he just proves that before I was a new christian and I was not enough for him... the question is: Should I give him the second chance? Yes I forgave him, but does it mean that I forget it.

 

[Olerica]

When you pray about it, what do you feel like God telling you?

 

[MissCris]

What if you're just Assuming that this guy didn't think you were good enough before? He might've wanted to just be friends at that time for any number of reasons. Did he actually tell you that you weren't good enough?

I guess I would say, unless this guy was mean to you or mistreated you, where's the harm in giving him a chance?

 

[Willie-T]

Why not just show him this thread, and he probably won't WANT a second chance.

 

[Lynx]

I have to agree with Miss Chris... And I have to register my opinion that Willy t's post was slightly harsh. But I think you are just assuming he thought you weren't good enough for him. He may have just not felt he was ready for a relationship yet. In fact that's most probably the reason.

 

[Willie-T]

I have to agree with Miss Chris... And I have to register my opinion that Willy t's post was slightly harsh. But I think you are just assuming he thought you weren't good enough for him. He may have just not felt he was ready for a relationship yet. In fact that's most probably the reason.

Wouldn't you want to know what's being said here if it was you she was graciously going to bestow a "second chance" upon?

 

[Blain]

Saphire, in my honest opinion I don't think he is the one for you, one cannot think they don't want you then suddenly think they do that is not true love. The heart knows what it wants, you cannot go left and go right at the same time you cannot be good and be evil at the same time in the same sense either you truly love someone or you don't there cannot be any in between just as Jesus would prefer we are either hot or cold for him he cannot stand a luke warm believer. But as Olerica wisely said when you ask God what do you feel him saying?

Block all your own thoughts and feelings and try to listen to his voice

 

[Ugly]

Saphire, in my honest opinion I don't think he is the one for you, one cannot think they don't want you then suddenly think they do that is not true love. The heart knows what it wants, you cannot go left and go right at the same time you cannot be good and be evil at the same time in the same sense either you truly love someone or you don't there cannot be any in between just as Jesus would prefer we are either hot or cold for him he cannot stand a luke warm believer. But as Olerica wisely said when you ask God what do you feel him saying?

Block all your own thoughts and feelings and try to listen to his voice

[h=1]Jeremiah 17:9[/h] [SUP]9 [/SUP]The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?




Reality is no one here can say if he is for you or not. Why not go on a date with him? Just one, at least. Perhaps ask him his motives the first time, if you don't already know them.

But personally this whole 'i wasn't good enough' attitude you have is more of a pity party than anything. If he chose not to date you when you were a new Christian that's not an attitude of 'she's not good enough for me'. If anything it would show wisdom on his part because when a person is a new Christian getting into a relationship is often a major distraction to your budding faith. Your fervor for God and His word gets replaced quickly with the excitement of a new relationship and your entire foundation doesn't get built. So perhaps it's time to stop playing the victim and painting him as a bad guy and instead find out the truth of the situation. And not skew that truth into something for you to find insult in but consider views other than your first reaction.
So much could be going on here and you've relegated your understand to that which you feel insulted. Find truth, not assumptions.

 

[Blain]

[h=1]Jeremiah 17:9[/h] [SUP]9 [/SUP]The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?




Reality is no one here can say if he is for you or not. Why not go on a date with him? Just one, at least. Perhaps ask him his motives the first time, if you don't already know them.

But personally this whole 'i wasn't good enough' attitude you have is more of a pity party than anything. If he chose not to date you when you were a new Christian that's not an attitude of 'she's not good enough for me'. If anything it would show wisdom on his part because when a person is a new Christian getting into a relationship is often a major distraction to your budding faith. Your fervor for God and His word gets replaced quickly with the excitement of a new relationship and your entire foundation doesn't get built. So perhaps it's time to stop playing the victim and painting him as a bad guy and instead find out the truth of the situation. And not skew that truth into something for you to find insult in but consider views other than your first reaction.
So much could be going on here and you've relegated your understand to that which you feel insulted. Find truth, not assumptions.

this scripture is true before we are saved but when we are saved then he can and will make our hearts pure

 

[Olerica]

I think it's wise to see if a new convert holds to the faith before dating them. Don't you?

I don't meant to impugn your character, SapphireNat. I am answering this time based on my own experience and understanding.

 

[SapphireNat]

thanks to everyone for replies.

 

[Olerica]

maybe I am just assuming it. anyway it was a hard experience.

Of course it was! It really stinks being rejected for any reason. :hug: But I still believe you should pray about getting involved with this, or any man.

And congrats on your year, Sister!

 

[SapphireNat]

Of course it was! It really stinks being rejected for any reason. :hug: But I still believe you should pray about getting involved with this, or any man.

And congrats on your year, Sister!

it was a hard year cause my parents are not christians, a guy who I liked rejected me, and It was the last year of nursing..
thanks so much! I will continue pray.

 

[SapphireNat]

Jeremiah 17:9

[SUP]9 [/SUP]The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?




Reality is no one here can say if he is for you or not. Why not go on a date with him? Just one, at least. Perhaps ask him his motives the first time, if you don't already know them.

But personally this whole 'i wasn't good enough' attitude you have is more of a pity party than anything. If he chose not to date you when you were a new Christian that's not an attitude of 'she's not good enough for me'. If anything it would show wisdom on his part because when a person is a new Christian getting into a relationship is often a major distraction to your budding faith. Your fervor for God and His word gets replaced quickly with the excitement of a new relationship and your entire foundation doesn't get built. So perhaps it's time to stop playing the victim and painting him as a bad guy and instead find out the truth of the situation. And not skew that truth into something for you to find insult in but consider views other than your first reaction.
So much could be going on here and you've relegated your understand to that which you feel insulted. Find truth, not assumptions.

thanks so much! I will ask him as soon as possible. I felt insulted and rejected and I have not considered that he did it for me. my parents did not want to talk to me that year cause I became a christian. so it was a lot of pressure. I felt that everyone just left me.

 

[CatHerder]

a long story is short. one year ago I became a christian,

That is wonderful news! Welcome to the family of God!

that summer I met a guy whom i liked. we hanged out the whole summer together. I overheard him praying for me and our future relationship, he sought counceling... i was waiting for him to ask me out. He never did it, one month before i was leaving i told him how i felt about him (I gave him a hint). He said that "he would rather stay friends". so i felt rejected and i was crying a lot...

Maybe his counseling suggested that he wait to see if your faith would take root. The Bible cautions us against being "unequally yoked" with an unbeliever. Unfortunately, there are many who get excited after what seems like a conversion, only to fall by the wayside and rejoin the world. He was wise to follow that counsel and be cautious.

recently i came back to that city and now he wants me to be part of his life. he activly persues me. he just proves that before I was a new christian and I was not enough for him... the question is: Should I give him the second chance? Yes I forgave him, but does it mean that I forget it.

You may be projecting some insecurities on to him. Did he SAY you were not good enough for him? He obviously cared if he prayed for your relationship with him when you overheard him.

But a virtual room full of Christian strangers is only going to do so much...and we only have the information as you have presented it...

If he is pursuing and showing signs of interest, why not just tell him that you are a little bit confused about things and ask him why he changed his mind?

 

[keep_on_smiling]

There honestly is a time and season for everything. He may not have felt a leading from the Lord to be with you last year for many reasons that don't actually involve you personally, but now he does. I wouldn't take it personally. (This may be different if he actually gave you reasons why he didn't want to be with you before.)

Pray about whether you should pursue a relationship with him now and trust the Lord in it. I wouldn't want to let bitterness get in the way of a great relationship now.

God bless!

 

[SapphireNat]

That is wonderful news! Welcome to the family of God! Maybe his counseling suggested that he wait to see if your faith would take root. The Bible cautions us against being "unequally yoked" with an unbeliever. Unfortunately, there are many who get excited after what seems like a conversion, only to fall by the wayside and rejoin the world. He was wise to follow that counsel and be cautious.You may be projecting some insecurities on to him. Did he SAY you were not good enough for him? He obviously cared if he prayed for your relationship with him when you overheard him.

But a virtual room full of Christian strangers is only going to do so much...and we only have the information as you have presented it...

If he is pursuing and showing signs of interest, why not just tell him that you are a little bit confused about things and ask him why he changed his mind?

I did not ask why.. but I know the answer. He wanted to see a spiritual growth in me. I guess right now I am more mature than I was before. He would never date a new christian. He followed his brain not his heart. and maybe he was right who knows...

 

[SapphireNat]

There honestly is a time and season for everything. He may not have felt a leading from the Lord to be with you last year for many reasons that don't actually involve you personally, but now he does. I wouldn't take it personally. (This may be different if he actually gave you reasons why he didn't want to be with you before.)

Pray about whether you should pursue a relationship with him now and trust the Lord in it. I wouldn't want to let bitterness get in the way of a great relationship now.

God bless!

yes, he is a great christian guy. he does everything according to the Bible or counceling. I more rely on my heart I guess. I know that he was right when he did it. but I would not hurt a person if I liked him (not even a new christian).

 

[Lynx]

yes, he is a great christian guy. he does everything according to the Bible or counceling. I more rely on my heart I guess. I know that he was right when he did it. but I would not hurt a person if I liked him (not even a new christian).

Would you believe that's a good thing? Guys are generally more prone to doing things by logic and sometimes they need someone to remind them to listen to their hearts. You two might do very well together, each supplying what the other lacks.

 

[SapphireNat]

Would you believe that's a good thing? Guys are generally more prone to doing things by logic and sometimes they need someone to remind them to listen to their hearts. You two might do very well together, each supplying what the other lacks.

This is a good thing! it is just annoying me! He wants to be a spiritual leader and I have a really strong personality. The women usually teach children. If I do not have enough faith I will not teach them to the right things. what is why some christians prefer to take "mature" christians or pastor's daughter to get married.