I have been dating this man for 6 months long distance. We met each other at work but after we both left the hospital we started talking over the phone and skype. We met each other over a year ago but have dated for six months. We have flown to see each other here and there. I unfortunately got intimate with this man this past weekend and now I feeling so convicted. I don't want to do this again. I have failed God. I feel so worthless. I want to learn to save myself and until marriage but now it's too late because I know once a woman gives herself away the man no longer has the desire to chase her or marry her so that leaves me with no choice but to break up with him. And start fresh but how do I stop myself from getting sexually involved. And I genuinely love this guy and I know he cares for me but I have jeopardized our relationship because of my foolish act and now I have to leave him because relationships who have premarital sex they end up divorcing and I don't want that. I know I have to ask God for guidance but should I leave this man?
Were you a virgin before you had sex with him? In the Old Testament, if a man had sex with a virgin, he was required to pay the bride price for virgins and to marry her... if her father would have him as a son-in-law. Otherwise, he just paid the bride price.
As far as being doomed to divorce for premarital sex is concerned... there was a study in 1990 in the Journal of Marriage and Family by Teachman. In it, couples where the wife was either a virgin or had only fornicated with the woman she ended up married had much lower rates of 'marital disruption' (e.g. divorce) than couples where the wife slept around. I've read there is some other data indicating the more partners a woman has, the more likely marriage is to end in divorce. I don't think that was peer reviewed like Teachman (1990), just some observations based off a massive survey on a blog.
Statistically, men being virgins didn't have the same affect. The lower divorce rate held for women who'd only fornicated with their husbands prior to marriage.
Anyway, think about that, and the fact that God had men who took a woman's virginity marry her. If you were both Christians and virgins and fell into sexual sin, telling you to break up because premarital sex leads to divorce doesn't make sense to me. First of all, I don't think that's statistically true. Second, look at what the Old Testament says.
And we also have to remember we aren't statistics. We are people. God can redeem people who fell into sexual sin and give them successful marriages, too. Not every woman who sleeps around before marriage gets divorced, even if the rates are higher for them.
The real concern is whether he is a Christian or not. He doesn't attend church. But has he every professed faith in Christ Has he been baptized? A lot of people have become believers but still need to be discipled. If he's interested in the faith, maybe you could find out someone in the city he lives in who could evangelize and disciple him.
