my step mom hates me

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Depleted

Guest
#81
Maybe if my mother ever divorced her husband I could convince her to maybe take us in
How mean is he? My dad was mean and an alcoholic too. It wasn't pleasant, but I grew closer to him through the experience. That "love him even if he doesn't like you" stuff I said before is from experience. Not a good idea if he is abusive in any way but verbally/emotionally, but I have to ask.
 
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Guest
#82
You can be very active in church, have many good friends and spend a lot of time there, that could ease your pain from what is at home.
Actually, she really can't. Her family is against her association with any form of Christianity.
 
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Guest
#84
I was just about to suggest this. However, for her to emancipate herself, she needs to prove that she has a job and is making good income, she's gotta prove she has her own place to stay, and that the place is adequate enough to take care of her siblings as well. Not to mention, she needs to prove why real mom and step mom are unfit parents for her and sibs to remain in the care of.
Emancipation at 16 with siblings is less likely to happen then winning the lottery. She can emancipate. Her siblings can't go with her, unless there is no other choice. Too many other choices.
 
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Guest
#86
(Secret to ten characters without writing more. Add a bunch of dots after the too-short word until they end up at least ten characters. Then highlight the dots. Then go into the A menu choice above and pick white. Looks like this ........... Highlight all that I wrote, and you'll see the hide-a-dot part too.)
 

jsr1221

Senior Member
Jul 7, 2013
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#87
I'm not doing adoption
I literally take care of this family.
I help pay bills, I buy and cook all of the food I take the kids to school and make sure they are okay

I can't just leave my siblings like that
I'm sorry but a 14-year-old shouldn't be in this position. I've heard similar stories from testimonies in CR and, well, ended up with hurts, habits, and hang-ups because of it. Please go talk to someone because you shouldn't have to play mother.
 

jsr1221

Senior Member
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
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#88
1.
22 year old sister*
And no she is in rehab right now
(Last that I heard, we aren't aloud to talk about her)


2.
I've tried
My oma is too poor to let us loge with her (that's what she says)
I'm not aloud to neither are my siblings to have any contact with my father's side of the family
And my opa died
My step grandpa is said he will pass in a few months
My step grandmother has passed
Aunts and Uncles just aren't at all willing (they already have to many kids)



Sorry..........
I know I'm difficult >. <


3.
Well, I haven't gone in a while and he's on a mission trip so I can't email him.
Also, I'm scared that if I tell him and my guardians find out and nothing happens or it takes a while for things to happen I get busted for 1. Being a Christian
2. Going to church
And 3. Telling on them
Plus I'm not sure who is willing to take so many children and I'm not leaving my siblings.......
If you're going to church but afraid to go to the authorities for your abuse, tell a pastor. Or even a youth pastor. Part of being a youth pastor is helping teens in situations like yours.
 
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TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#89
You're not being difficult. You're stuck in a difficult situation. Big difference. (And wow! Oldest is a girl? I wonder what that's like. My entire family -- siblings and cousins -- always start with boy, boy, girl, optional. lol)

And your oma (love that name) probably is poor enough to not be able to help. A single woman is going to have a tough time bringing in children so young. (Not you. Your younger sibling.) There is the possibility she might be able to get paid as a foster parent, but I don't know that side of Family Services to know for sure. All I know is the government will pay an older sibling some money each month if they take on raising their younger siblings. How much and how is also outside my knowledge.

As for your pastor? Well, you've made it this far and you're good for a while longer, right? (As in you're not in imminent danger and she's at least talking like you'll be staying in that school for the year.)

If you're not good, (and I get it's possible you're not since you don't want to tell too much because folks will freak), it really is time to call Family Services. I know you don't want that because of what happened last time, but if it's a choice between that and being in physical danger, choose that anyway. It does royally stink, but it too is temporary. Physical danger is deadly, even if it hasn't happened yet.

If you are good, then wait for your pastor to return. I am assuming he comes back by September. And when he returns, start with your fears first. Tell him why you're scared to say too much and feel him out. I worked in a Runaway/Throwaway Shelter for teens. (It was called a runaway shelter, but most of the kids were thrown out.) Every single one of them who lived in bad situations had a new place to live -- outside of foster care -- within a week. We only could let them stay there for three nights, so many got a safer place within that three days. What usually happened was they went with another family member. Sometimes it was a friend's parents. Sometimes pastors did help. They usually knew where they wanted to live, but were sure the parents wouldn't let them and family services would put them in an orphanage (hey, the 1970's. It wasn't reality then either, but they had just gone out of style and the kids didn't know. lol) or foster care. Truth is not much foster care to use, so anyone willing to take the kids was fine while family services investigated. I don't remember a single teen who went back home. I do know about a third of them didn't last where they were, but usually because it wasn't permanent placement so the kids bolted again.

That's where your pastor comes in. Family Services probably already know him. If not, they lean toward trusting pastors. If he can find y'all places to live, you'd need him to make it permanent placement. And once there, then they investigate. So, you're safe as long as the investigation goes. Added bonus. She's not family. She's not blood, so she probably won't fight it. And, if she does fight it? Again. Not family, not blood, so she'd have to prove herself.

Or, if the pastor knows lawyers that can help. (I don't know what the congregation is made up of -- job wise.) More legal wrangling before they even get to the governmental wranglings.

I'm guessing stepmom is also Mom of some of your younger siblings. That might make it impossible to pull everyone out, but if they investigate you, they investigate all. Judging from her past decisions, (married your dad and how she treats you), she cannot pass mustard for you. They'd be hard pressed to let her keep her kids. If your pastor has a better plan, the odds go up she doesn't. The odds. She might actually like her own kids and treats them better.

And yeah, that probably does mean you don't spend time with your siblings growing up. Temporary circumstances. You're stuck with the reality of no legal say as kids, but all bets are off once each child becomes 18. I've past 18 years three times so far. I've got more in me. There is more adult time than time we have as kids. No choice means you will meet again and become family. (If you had major fights with your siblings and you weren't talking to them, then less likely to happen, but that's not happening.)

I know someone who grew up with all the abuse one can get as a kid. His mother used to threaten him and his brother with, "I can always drop you off at an orphanage." He laughs now. "If I had known any better, I would have packed my own bags."

What you're going through is bad. Really bad. What you fear is better. Talk to your pastor when he returns. Start by testing him without telling much of the story.

Going back with my dad after Mom died was my version of terror. The only reason I did was to take care of my little brother. I was given a choice before Mom died. A pastor told me my brother and I could be hidden within his church. (They had a retreat out in the middle of nowhere, and he'd said we could stay there.) He never found out the whole story, but that alone gave me the confidence to make my own decision. It is doable without opening the whole bag. I never told him why Dad scared me.
:(.....
I guess.....
 
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TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#90
How mean is he? My dad was mean and an alcoholic too. It wasn't pleasant, but I grew closer to him through the experience. That "love him even if he doesn't like you" stuff I said before is from experience. Not a good idea if he is abusive in any way but verbally/emotionally, but I have to ask.
He used to go around spreading awful false rumors about to the neighbors and threw beer bottles and chairs at me.
Sooo
 
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TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#91
If you're going to church but afraid to go to the authorities for your abuse, tell a pastor. Or even a youth pastor. Part of being a youth pastor is helping teens in situations like yours.
I have a pastor who has acted like a father figure in my life before.
I'm just scared of the consequences of telling him.......
 
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TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#92
I'm sorry but a 14-year-old shouldn't be in this position. I've heard similar stories from testimonies in CR and, well, ended up with hurts, habits, and hang-ups because of it. Please go talk to someone because you shouldn't have to play mother.
Listen,
I'm fine with playing mother.
I can do it.
I'm fully capable I've done it for a while.
I've talked to therapists about it they just went to court and told me they weren't going to tell me how it was going because they didn't think I was emotionally capable of handling it.
I've told DHS on parents before and it didn't end up well
 
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TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#93
(Secret to ten characters without writing more. Add a bunch of dots after the too-short word until they end up at least ten characters. Then highlight the dots. Then go into the A menu choice above and pick white. Looks like this ........... Highlight all that I wrote, and you'll see the hide-a-dot part too.)
That's a bunch of work on a phone :p
 

jsr1221

Senior Member
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
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#94
I have a pastor who has acted like a father figure in my life before.
I'm just scared of the consequences of telling him.......
Those consequences are lies Satan is feeding you trying to tell you there is no way out. God doesn't want to see you suffering like this, though. And He doesn't want to see a teenager having to play mother and have psychological effects from it later on in life.
 
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TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#95
Actually, she really can't. Her family is against her association with any form of Christianity.
Yep or any religion for that matter
 
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TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#96
Those consequences are lies Satan is feeding you trying to tell you there is no way out. God doesn't want to see you suffering like this, though. And He doesn't want to see a teenager having to play mother and have psychological effects from it later on in life.
At this point if we go by psychological effects I'm screwed no matter what
And no they aren't lies because I've reported things and it's turned out a whole lot worse.
 
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TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#97
Heck my father got pissed at me reporting him and decided to take things into his own hands which nearly literally almost killed me.
There are consequences and I've been through them
 

jsr1221

Senior Member
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
77
48
#98
At this point if we go by psychological effects I'm screwed no matter what
And no they aren't lies because I've reported things and it's turned out a whole lot worse.
I'm just speaking from experience because your story isn't any different than the ones I've heard in CR that grew up with your same experience. I can't do anything but pray and just hope you're able to get you and your siblings out of it sooner rather than later.
 

Elizabeth619

Senior Member
Jul 19, 2011
6,397
109
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#99
Listen,
I'm fine with playing mother.
I can do it.
I'm fully capable I've done it for a while.
I've talked to therapists about it they just went to court and told me they weren't going to tell me how it was going because they didn't think I was emotionally capable of handling it.
I've told DHS on parents before and it didn't end up well
You stated that you pay bills at 14. How can you manage to work, go to school and take care of a family and make enough money to help with bills at such a young age? This is not anything a child your age should be doing. Why haven't teachers reported this? Others around you have to know something and be alarmed.
 
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TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
I'm just speaking from experience because your story isn't any different than the ones I've heard in CR that grew up with your same experience. I can't do anything but pray and just hope you're able to get you and your siblings out of it sooner rather than later.
Yeah....I know....