my step mom hates me

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blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#201
Feb 21, 2014
70,949
9,699
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#201
Depleted said:
Medicare already paid their portion. (Why do you think I was freaking when the hospital billed Medicare first? We couldn't afford the rest.) Food stamps only pay for food, and not enough to last a month.

Just because you're angry, don't tell her to do stuff that will just make things worse.
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I'm not angry at all so not sure where you got THAT from. Anyhoo, she is the parent, she DOES need to take at least SOME of the household duties. It's not Natania's job to clothe and feed 5 kids, get them to school, tuck them into bed, etc. THAT is stepmom's duty. Natania's duty should be doing household tasks, such as dishes, sweeping, etc..

I have both Medicaid AND Medicare. She could get both if she wanted to.. She lets Natania do the majority of the household/kid duties so YES, mom is lazy.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#202
Feb 21, 2014
70,949
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#202
Depleted said:
Tell someone who already says she doesn't love you, you aren't her problem, but is willing to give you a place to live something like that? For what purpose? To get kicked out?
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Would you rather she stay quiet and get treated like crap the rest of her life? The youngest is 2. So let's do some math, shall we? Another 16 years til the 2 year old is 18, another 17 years for the 3 year old, another 9 years for the 9 year old, and another 5 or 6 years for the 13 year old. All together that's nearly another 20 years that TC has to stick around to take care of them until they all turn 18.. And in 20 years, TC will be 34, still being treated like dirt by stepmom, and STILL doing stepmommy's work. :/
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#203
Feb 21, 2014
70,949
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#203
Depleted said:
Stepmom has quite a few kids in the house. The oldest is 14 and the youngest is two. Exactly how is she supposed to be making all that money plus take care of all those kids? Most bosses don't want toddlers coming to work with Mom. Most bosses will fire a women if she takes off too often simply because one of many kids is sick. If she's depressed, I can see why. And, according to you, she should come home after that full day, feed the kids, play with them and spend time with them, put them to bed, and then start on the housework?

She may be many things, but lazy isn't one of them. Exhausted probably is. Depressed. Feeling like an utter failure. Seeing no way out. But lazy? Nope.

I have that she takes it out on Natania against her. I don't have that she relies on Natania against her.

And Natania is feeding her siblings, so not feeding them isn't a good idea.
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It is NATANIA who does ALL the shopping for groceries, it is NATANIA who cooks for everyone, it is NATANIA who cleans the house, get the kids off to school, puts them to bed and makes sure they're taken care of. It is Natania who is taking the majority of all these things upon her. I don't see stepmom helping at all, except for paying half of the bills. She surely makes more money at her job, than Natania does at violin lessons. Stepmom should be paying ALL the household bills.
 
trofimus

trofimus

Senior Member
#204
Aug 17, 2015
10,684
794
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#204
blue_ladybug said:
Would you rather she stay quiet and get treated like crap the rest of her life? The youngest is 2. So let's do some math, shall we? Another 16 years til the 2 year old is 18, another 17 years for the 3 year old, another 9 years for the 9 year old, and another 5 or 6 years for the 13 year old. All together that's nearly another 20 years that TC has to stick around to take care of them until they all turn 18.. And in 20 years, TC will be 34, still being treated like dirt by stepmom, and STILL doing stepmommy's work. :/
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Its the worst possible scenario, many things can change during time :)

When she will be 18, the next one will be 17, so she will not be 'alone' for everything anymore.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#205
Feb 21, 2014
70,949
9,699
113
#205
trofimus said:
Its the worst possible scenario, many things can change during time :)

When she will be 18, the next one will be 17, so she will not be 'alone' for everything anymore.
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True, but these kids shouldn't have to work like slaves for their stepmom. :/
 
jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#206
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
77
48
#206
Depleted said:
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You had said she is in the exact spot God wants her to be. So, by using that logic, her doing something to get out of this situation would go against what God has. Applying this logic to a victim being raped or in an abusive relationship, she shouldn't do anything because God has her exactly where He wants her to be. I'm just using the logic you applied.
 
PeterJens

PeterJens

Banned
#208
Feb 24, 2015
13,204
168
0
#208
TemporaryCircumstances said:
One is 22 is but doesn't live with us
One is 3
One is 2
One is 9
One is 10
One is 12 or 13 I can't remember
And I used to have a 15 year old sister
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Natania, I have 3 kids, and I know with a stay at home mum how much effort this takes.
You are saying at 14 you are looking after them all, and paying for 50% of the costs.

To go out to work, and have childcare for 2 & 3 year old would break most families unless
they had a high paying job.

You have shared about your illness issues etc. but seem very together, with a dad who is
abusive and in prison, step mum, no real support from your actual mum. This is so disfunctional,
and simply I do not buy it.

Unless you are actually a saint, with no time left to go to school, or live, what are you doing on cc?
I suggest whatever the truth is, it is not the picture you are putting forward, because most teenagers
just would not cope. On another level social services would be all over the situation.

I am sure the 2 and 3 year old would be in care straight away, and weekly visits would be compulsory
in the UK.

This forum is just not able to address the kind of situation you are painting because its implicatons
would take months to understand and work through for a full time support team, so completely
out of reach for a forum like this.

So what are you really after? Some attention, some appreciation, some guidance?

In our church we have a lady who came out of Rwanda with 4 kids not her own, and had to cope.
That was tough.
 
T

TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#209
#209
Depleted said:
Don't earn her love. That's like swimming to the bottom of the ocean. It's impossible and only hurts you in the effort. The most likely scenario, just for trying, is a scramble back up for some air. The ocean doesn't notice. You've got the love you need already -- God, your siblings, your friends, your pastor, the camp counselor, and us. We don't earn love. Either we are loved or we aren't. If anyone loves us, it's good. If God loves us, it's great.

What happens when you're 18? You say you want things to stay like they are, but at 18 either you should be starting on your own or going on to college. It's a nice dream that you get a place to live to raise your younger siblings, but the state would have to step in, yet again, and decide if that's an option. It's only an option if you can provide each one with a bedroom that includes a bed, drawers, desk, and clothes, plus the usual amount to feed them and put them through school. (Public education may be free, but clothes and supplies aren't.) There are completely different laws for who can take in children if the children aren't yours.

The youngest is two. Do you really think you have the option to keep status quo for 16 years?

How does she treat your siblings? Does everything become hunky dory when you move on with your life? I get your biggest concern is for your siblings, but it sounds like you aren't planning for their future either. Four years really is shorter than you feel it is.

The number one reason I chose to move back in with Dad was because I knew my little brother was only five and needed an education. Maybe I could have survived with a tenth grade education, but he couldn't survive with none but what I could teach him. I get this is about protecting your family, but that has to last past 4 years. If she takes it out of you now, who is next? There is always a next.
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I know....and I've thought about that and everything you just said just about every day.
The honest answer is I have no idea...
 
T

TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#210
#210
Depleted said:
How do you feel about that? (Just in case, you weren't asked that enough. lol)
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Eh.
It was just like any other therapist.
Tried to use their "therapist techniques " to get me to open up.
Told me they cared I told them that the only reason they were talking to me is that it's their job blah blah blah
Then somehow it got on other problems I have and he told me he wants me to try some things today
 
T

TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#211
#211
PeterJens said:
Natania, I have 3 kids, and I know with a stay at home mum how much effort this takes.
You are saying at 14 you are looking after them all, and paying for 50% of the costs.

To go out to work, and have childcare for 2 & 3 year old would break most families unless
they had a high paying job.

You have shared about your illness issues etc. but seem very together, with a dad who is
abusive and in prison, step mum, no real support from your actual mum. This is so disfunctional,
and simply I do not buy it.

Unless you are actually a saint, with no time left to go to school, or live, what are you doing on cc?
I suggest whatever the truth is, it is not the picture you are putting forward, because most teenagers
just would not cope. On another level social services would be all over the situation.

I am sure the 2 and 3 year old would be in care straight away, and weekly visits would be compulsory
in the UK.

This forum is just not able to address the kind of situation you are painting because its implicatons
would take months to understand and work through for a full time support team, so completely
out of reach for a forum like this.

So what are you really after? Some attention, some appreciation, some guidance?

In our church we have a lady who came out of Rwanda with 4 kids not her own, and had to cope.
That was tough.
Click to expand...
You think I make up all of this?......
 
T

TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#212
#212
You think I cope?
Yes I cope. Okay?
I coped by constantly hurting myself
Trying to end my life.
That is how I used to cope.
Right now?
No I don't do that but I don't say I cope.
Unless you count crying yourself to sleep every night.
I don't cope and that's part of the problem
 
T

TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#213
#213
Social services have interviewed us.
But, sometimes reports that are made simply don't fit the level of need to come out and it's not investigated, other times they interview us and nothing happens I don't know why. Maybe they didn't find anything good enough? I have no idea
 
T

TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#214
#214
And yes,
I am paying half the bills.
But the thing is we live in an old one room apartment so with two of us working (three occasionally) bills really aren't that much.

I try to take care of my sibs yes.
Now, there are times when I just simply can't because I'm too busy with school or lessons and they have to stay home.
My step mother helps out when she can staying home with them.
 
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blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#215
Feb 21, 2014
70,949
9,699
113
#215
TemporaryCircumstances said:
You think I make up all of this?......
Click to expand...

Don't pay attention to him, Natania. His assumptions are often wrong. Even people who have it "together" can lose control of it all sometimes. You are much too young to go through all this crap, between your health problems and your problems at home. Why doesn't stepmom reach out for help? She's capable of it..
 
T

TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#216
#216
blue_ladybug said:
Don't pay attention to him, Natania. His assumptions are often wrong. Even people who have it "together" can lose control of it all sometimes. You are much too young to go through all this crap, between your health problems and your problems at home. Why doesn't stepmom reach out for help? She's capable of it..
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I honestly don't know...
I might try to bring it up once I find out how to get her talking to me again
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#218
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#218
TemporaryCircumstances said:
Social services have interviewed us.
But, sometimes reports that are made simply don't fit the level of need to come out and it's not investigated, other times they interview us and nothing happens I don't know why. Maybe they didn't find anything good enough? I have no idea
Click to expand...

That actually happens a lot. I think in part due to not having enough foster homes. That's why when I have a child at school that was taken from the parents and guardianship was given to a relative or foster family, I know had to be really bad or one parent took off and the other is in prison or both are addicts or both are in prison. It's never good no matter what. :(
 
T

TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#219
#219
Fenner said:
That actually happens a lot. I think in part due to not having enough foster homes. That's why when I have a child at school that was taken from the parents and guardianship was given to a relative or foster family, I know had to be really bad or one parent took off and the other is in prison or both are addicts or both are in prison. It's never good no matter what. :(
Click to expand...
Yeah, it's happened a couple times.
Other times which is what happens more often than not reports just fall through
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#220
Feb 21, 2014
70,949
9,699
113
#220
TemporaryCircumstances said:
You think I cope?
Yes I cope. Okay?
I coped by constantly hurting myself
Trying to end my life.
That is how I used to cope.
Right now?
No I don't do that but I don't say I cope.
Unless you count crying yourself to sleep every night.
I don't cope and that's part of the problem
Click to expand...

You want to know why you don't/ can't cope with all this crap that stepmom puts on you? Because you're trying to do it all by yourself. Have you tried asking God to take over on this? If not, I suggest you do. He may not work it out the way you hope, but He WILL work it out. Even if that means that your siblings get put into foster homes with people who are more capable of taking care of them than your stepmom is. All this responsibility is destroying you, that is obvious by how you self-harm and cry yourself to sleep every night. This whole situation is a pressure cooker getting ready to explode.
 
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