How protective should parents be?

[Depleted]

I'm having a discussion elsewhere with a young Christian woman. She's of that age when she's thinking about her life apart from her parents, and yet, the plan is she marries young, and learns about the world of being an adult by paying rent to her parents, paying for her groceries, and setting up her own budget, all of which is socked away in an account as her dowry.

She's truly a lovely young woman. I'd be proud if she married my son, but I don't think keeping her this safe is a good idea. (And be kind, because she might well find this post too.)

Also, it seems a thing that young Christian women should stay away from guys in any way. It's common advice on here to report PM's from men unless the woman knows them, and even then to warn them against the guys they do know. Do NOT become friends with men, because no man is out to just be a friend. And never trust yourself around a man alone.

It seems safety has replaced freedom. I do know a woman, any woman, needs to be vigilant, but it seems to have gone past this to "safe." "Protect at all cost."

How do you get to find out who you are if you need protection by men without ever getting to trust men?

And do we have any right to speak up against that kind of protection? It's a fine line considering submission is real and biblical.

 

[Tommy379]

It's the 24 hour news cycle. Didn't you know that all men are rapist? Did you watch Nancy Grace? All children will get kidnapped at the playground.

Blah blah blah. There ain't no more rapist or kidnappers now then there were 100 years ago.

So what if most males don't want to be "just friends." They have just as much right to find a mate as women do.

I think women are smart enough, and some younger ladies, to figure out whats up. Has it ever been verified that an act of child abuse has occurred involving this website? I really don't know.

I have received private messages from probably 15 different members here, and maybe 3 of them were male. The rest are female. I don't wig out. Most of them pm me out of genuine concern over some crap I got going on at home, and I appreciate it.

I just think that most these females here are smart and wise enough to figure it out and know where to get help.

 

[EmilyNats]

:3 I'm sure you can easily imagine what I'm thinking, Lyne.

 

[Depleted]

It's the 24 hour news cycle. Didn't you know that all men are rapist? Did you watch Nancy Grace? All children will get kidnapped at the playground.

Blah blah blah. There ain't no more rapist or kidnappers now then there were 100 years ago.

So what if most males don't want to be "just friends." They have just as much right to find a mate as women do.

I think women are smart enough, and some younger ladies, to figure out whats up. Has it ever been verified that an act of child abuse has occurred involving this website? I really don't know.

I have received private messages from probably 15 different members here, and maybe 3 of them were male. The rest are female. I don't wig out. Most of them pm me out of genuine concern over some crap I got going on at home, and I appreciate it.

I just think that most these females here are smart and wise enough to figure it out and know where to get help.

No idea who Nancy Grace is, and you're wrong. More are being raped and kidnapped today than 100 years ago.

 

[Depleted]

:3 I'm sure you can easily imagine what I'm thinking, Lyne.

I can imagine what a teddy bear is thinking easily. Humans I have trouble with. lol

 

[Tommy379]

No idea who Nancy Grace is, and you're wrong. More are being raped and kidnapped today than 100 years ago.

Prove it, up until 40 years ago, there were no requirements for law enforcement to maintain crime stats, and even now, I find massive errors in my own locality. The perception is that stranger danger is higher now because of the increased access to news media. The data before 1970 is so incomplete, it is impossible create an accurate picture of crime statistics. If you could, you would see the RATE stays steady, and has been on the decline the past 20 years. Penn and Teller actually had a good show on this a few years ago, but there is a lot of profanity in their presentation.

Nancy Grace was some woman who turned kidnappings into tabloid news on CNN.

 

[Depleted]

Prove it, up until 40 years ago, there were no requirements for law enforcement to maintain crime stats, and even now, I find massive errors in my own locality. The perception is that stranger danger is higher now because of the increased access to news media. The data before 1970 is so incomplete, it is impossible create an accurate picture of crime statistics. If you could, you would see the RATE stays steady, and has been on the decline the past 20 years. Penn and Teller actually had a good show on this a few years ago, but there is a lot of profanity in their presentation.

Nancy Grace was some woman who turned kidnappings into tabloid news on CNN.

Prove what it was like to live in the 1990's.

Seriously? My proof is I lived the 1960's and 1970's, my parents lived the 1930's upwards, my grandparents lived most of the 1900's, (born at the turn of the last century), my aunts and uncles lived it, (and some of them were born in the 1800's.)

Don't believe me. I really don't care. You pull "facts" out of your hat after telling everyone in the News forum that you don't source your news.

Go back to BDF and the News forum if your point is to argue all about everything but the questions I've asked.

 

[Tommy379]

Prove what it was like to live in the 1990's.

Seriously? My proof is I lived the 1960's and 1970's, my parents lived the 1930's upwards, my grandparents lived most of the 1900's, (born at the turn of the last century), my aunts and uncles lived it, (and some of them were born in the 1800's.)

Don't believe me. I really don't care. You pull "facts" out of your hat after telling everyone in the News forum that you don't source your news.

Go back to BDF and the News forum if your point is to argue all about everything but the questions I've asked.

Look lady, my first post in this thread agreed with you and you start in on me about rape and kidnappings happen more now. The RATE of crime has declined in the past 25 years. There is no more stranger danger now then 100 years ago or 3000 years ago.

You started a thread titled about how protective parents should be. I gave you my opinion and gave a reason why people are over cautious these days.

Whatever, get a cup of coffee and take a smoke break.

I said I watch fox news in the news forum.

Here: https://ucr.fbi.gov/crime-in-the-u.s/2013/crime-in-the-u.s.-2013/cius-home

Navigate through that and see how rape, murder, robbery, kidnappings are all dropping.

 

[Nautilus]

The fact that there was mention of a dowry means that this family is just crazy enough to stay away from.

 

[Ariel82]

Depends on the age of the girl and her maturity level.

At 14, yes the girl should be warned and not be alone with a boy. At 18, the girl should use her judgement and if the guy is fishy, don't walk in dark alleys.

I had guy friends in college and we would hang out at the playground and just talk about life and our dreams for the future. Maybe climb trees, hang upside down and look at the stars. It wasn't much different than what I did with my girl friends.

Dating on the other hand is a totally different conversation.

 

[Depleted]

The fact that there was mention of a dowry means that this family is just crazy enough to stay away from.

Then you might want to stay away from me too. I have a dowry chest still. It's biblical. The word wasn't used but the plan was to save it for the wedding.

 

[Depleted]

Depends on the age of the girl and her maturity level.

At 14, yes the girl should be warned and not be alone with a boy. At 18, the girl should use her judgement and if the guy is fishy, don't walk in dark alleys.

I had guy friends in college and we would hang out at the playground and just talk about life and our dreams for the future. Maybe climb trees, hang upside down and look at the stars. It wasn't much different than what I did with my girl friends.

Dating on the other hand is a totally different conversation.

But she should stay home until marriage because it's not safe out there?

 

[Dan58]

If parents teach their daughters well, they don't need to be proactive.. But I imagine a wild girl needs an overbearing parent.

 

[Wild]

You can't trust anybody these days. My best advice, just don't have kids. Wouldn't want to bring them into this mess of a world...

 

[Desertsrose]

I'm having a discussion elsewhere with a young Christian woman. She's of that age when she's thinking about her life apart from her parents, and yet, the plan is she marries young, and learns about the world of being an adult by paying rent to her parents, paying for her groceries, and setting up her own budget, all of which is socked away in an account as her dowry.

She's truly a lovely young woman. I'd be proud if she married my son, but I don't think keeping her this safe is a good idea. (And be kind, because she might well find this post too.)

Also, it seems a thing that young Christian women should stay away from guys in any way. It's common advice on here to report PM's from men unless the woman knows them, and even then to warn them against the guys they do know. Do NOT become friends with men, because no man is out to just be a friend. And never trust yourself around a man alone.

It seems safety has replaced freedom. I do know a woman, any woman, needs to be vigilant, but it seems to have gone past this to "safe." "Protect at all cost."

How do you get to find out who you are if you need protection by men without ever getting to trust men?

And do we have any right to speak up against that kind of protection? It's a fine line considering submission is real and biblical.

How young is young? Does she have a problem with the plan her parents have designed for her? Does she feel enslaved?

I find that it's very loving, kind and thoughtful of the parents to preplan a life for their daughter in the way they have. I've not heard of this before. It's kind of refreshing.

She has normal social activities in church and in school, right? Is it the parents that used the word safe or the young woman you're speaking to? Does she live in a big city? Lots to consider.

 

[Desertsrose]

Look lady, my first post in this thread agreed with you and you start in on me about rape and kidnappings happen more now. The RATE of crime has declined in the past 25 years. There is no more stranger danger now then 100 years ago or 3000 years ago.

You started a thread titled about how protective parents should be. I gave you my opinion and gave a reason why people are over cautious these days.

Whatever, get a cup of coffee and take a smoke break.

I said I watch fox news in the news forum.

Here: https://ucr.fbi.gov/crime-in-the-u.s/2013/crime-in-the-u.s.-2013/cius-home

Navigate through that and see how rape, murder, robbery, kidnappings are all dropping.

Hi Tommy,

I thought you might like to know that statistics are always flexible and if they want to change the stats to make one crime rise above another, it's easy to do.

Colleges do this all the time. In fact some have been in the news about not reporting rapes, because of the drop in enrollments if they did so.

Police departments, if they want to prove they need to hire more police will change the stats to make a certain crime look worse than it really is. Or, if they want the community to feel more secure, they change the stats to make it look like their community is a good place to live and have a family in. You'd be surprised at what statisticians can do.

I can ask my hubby about what years were worse for crime that he personally knows about experientially.

 

[EmilyNats]

But I imagine a wild girl needs an overbearing parent.

*is living proof*

Kinda joking, kinda not. It might be that if I hadn't been so repressed and friendless,I wouldn't have been so wild. Or it might be that I would have been a single mother by now. Only Lord knows, but all a parent can do is try their best.

 

[notmyown]

i asked my son about the crime rate stuff last night. he's about to graduate with a double degree in criminal justice and accounting (which includes statistics). i trust him; he's reasonable and fair (and only 28! lol).

he said that though too many rapes still go unreported ( ), statistically violent crime rates have been steadily dropping for years. he showed me a few websites which seemed to be better than the one Tommy shared, because they went back farther.

what they show is the violent crime rate drops per capita. so though there were fewer violent crimes 100 years ago, the rate per capita has dropped (world wide, not only in this country) because there are so many more people on the planet than 100 years ago. there are, of course, more violent crimes committed than a century ago, but statisticians consider it differently.

yeah... i understood about half of what he said. (i like words, not math ) yet he made his point. to his mom. not easy to do. lol

as to the OP, i think this--

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. (Eph 6:1)

is what we should be encouraging, whether or not we agree with the person's parenting style. unless they're abusive, natch.
when the children are no longer children (which doesn't come with a chronological number), they'll have to decide what's best. none of our kids went with everything we taught them, and that's good because not everything we taught then was right. that's probably the case with most parents. we do our level best, but we're not always right.

now i'm a little depressed.

 

[notuptome]

Well I think all parents and all kids are different. What works for one may not produce the same result with another. My daughter lived at home through her college graduation. She returned home and stayed with us for a few years longer while she went on to trips to Europe and paid down some of her bills.

As a parent I encouraged her to stay and enjoy the low cost of living at home but she wanted to go out and have more personal freedom. I did not resist and she got an apartment of her own. Job instability brought her back and she stayed another year or two with us. She moved back on her own and eventually got married. All that to say she was more than mature enough and did very well on her own. My daughter got a MBA while she was living at home which would have been much more difficult on her own.

All that to say God leads and directs. My daughter had a desire to prove herself by being self supporting and I found it best to let her go at the pace she was comfortable with knowing that we were behind her to support and encourage her. The Lord made it possible and He blessed in the process.

The big danger here is to the parents. Do not attempt to live your life through your children. Do not try to make them perfect by not allowing them to make mistakes. As long as they do not cause bodily injury that leaves life long damage they will be alright. God loves and protects our children in ways we cannot. We teach them to trust God but we must follow our own advice.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

 

[Depleted]

How young is young? Does she have a problem with the plan her parents have designed for her? Does she feel enslaved?

I find that it's very loving, kind and thoughtful of the parents to preplan a life for their daughter in the way they have. I've not heard of this before. It's kind of refreshing.

She has normal social activities in church and in school, right? Is it the parents that used the word safe or the young woman you're speaking to? Does she live in a big city? Lots to consider.

She's of that age when moving out on your own is usually a thought. Not reality, but a thought.

And what does location have to do with it? When I lived in the sticks, I knew not to go through the swamp. When I lived in a small town, I knew not to go to the other side of the tracks. (Seems cliche, but where I lived it really was the other side of the tracks. lol) When I lived in a big town, (Joliet, IL -- population was 100,000 back then), I knew which pockets to avoid. Now I do live in the city, and everyone knows where not to go. (Disturbing that most of the places not to go are where our universities are, but even there, there are safer places and don't-even-think-it places.) Unless a kid gets a degree and then a job across country, he/she will move relatively close to home and will know the layout of the land. Even the big cities are now as safe as small towns.

As for enslaved. Funny thing. The only kids who feel "enslaved" are the ones itching to get out. If it's a good home, no feeling of being enslaved. If it's an abusive home, no feeling of being enslaved. Actually, in the latter case, there is a big fear of leaving, because the world is scarier "out there." Abusive parents teach that to kids. I have no knowledge of what good parents teach at that time when kids are usually itching to leave. Kind of why I'm asking.