When?

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M

Mands

Guest
#1
#1
hey everyone :)



So, I have this question about feelings for a friend. I've known him since I was fifteen. We've been close friends for five years. We talk to each other about everything and I seem to be the person he comes to when things go wrong. It's just an over all healthy, very solid friendship. Recently, I realized that I care about him as more than a friend. I've had a few opportunities to tell him, but I always hesitate because I'm afraid that if I say anything, it could mess up what we have. I know our friendship would last without a doubt, but I don't want to make things awkward or make him feel that he needs to hold back on the friendship. (Girls, does that make sense?) I don't really know if I plan on telling him or not. I'm not very worried about it honestly. I'm very content with the dynamic friendship we have - but I can't help but wonder if this could lead to something else... He is a Christian by the way :)

So, my question really is, when do you know it's okay to put yourself out there and tell them how you feel, and when it's best to keep it to yourself and just go on with how things are?
 
R

revTaco

Member
#2
Mar 2, 2010
31
0
6
#2
This is always something that I ponder as well. I often feel like a teen in high school when I try to bring up the subject of more, or deeper relationship. It has scared some women away from me. He may feel the same about you but is not sure how to approach it. As for when? well I would first pray that the Holy Spirit guide you on that. it is different for every person. I would also recommend that you be careful when and how you bring it out.
I wrote a letter one time, but when someone reads they may have different perceived tone. So it may be better to say that you want to talk about something that you feel is on your heart and you want to see what He thinks about it.
One of my professors told me that We should be running towards the cross and look at the people that are running along side us. If one of them happens to be someone of the opposite sex, that person might be the best helpmate for you. This is all really just my 2 cents worth of opinion. I am not able to say scripturally other than seek God's kingdom first.


TACo
 
K

karuna

Guest
#3
#3
So, my question really is, when do you know it's okay to put yourself out there and tell them how you feel, and when it's best to keep it to yourself and just go on with how things are?
Click to expand...
You really never know when it's perfectly safe. By opening yourself up like that, you can't help but be vulnerable. There's really no best strategy when you're dealing with love, because people will always surprise you, no matter how well you prepare. The "best" thing to do is relax and retain a sense of humor. The more relaxed you are, the more space you give him and he'll feel less pressure.

When is it okay, though? By the time you feel close enough to want to "have the talk," you should trust him enough not to hurt you. You should trust him to be mature enough to not respond badly.

To be honest, though, unless the guy is dense, he probably already has some idea. We never hide our feelings as well as we think we do. Unless he's really dense, it usually doesn't take a talk - it's enough to say "I'd like to go out to dinner, just the two of us."

If necessary, wink. If he still doesn't get it, look him in the eyes, say "I'm really fond of you," and smack him in the forehead.
 
H

hapigrl

Guest
#4
#4
I would put it in God's hands, and just see how it goes. It's up to you, but that's personally what I would do.
 
M

Mands

Guest
#5
#5
karuna said:
Unless he's really dense, it usually doesn't take a talk - it's enough to say "I'd like to go out to dinner, just the two of us."

If necessary, wink. If he still doesn't get it, look him in the eyes, say "I'm really fond of you," and smack him in the forehead.
Click to expand...

This made me laugh :) I think you're very right.
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#6
#6
Mands said:
So, my question really is, when do you know it's okay to put yourself out there and tell them how you feel, and when it's best to keep it to yourself and just go on with how things are?
Click to expand...
I don't think you can know for certain, it's always a risk you take and that's why it's so great when someone likes you back.
I think there is truth to the idea that you have to try and create a good moment rather than wait for it to happen, and if you are sure your friendship would still survive then maybe it's best to take the chance and tell him how you're feeling, that way you can resolve your feelings either way and then continue with your friendship or see where the romance might take you.

I say take the plunge. ;)
 
Last edited:
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#7
Aug 2, 2009
24,653
4,316
113
#7
Mands said:
hey everyone :)



So, I have this question about feelings for a friend. I've known him since I was fifteen. We've been close friends for five years. We talk to each other about everything and I seem to be the person he comes to when things go wrong. It's just an over all healthy, very solid friendship. Recently, I realized that I care about him as more than a friend. I've had a few opportunities to tell him, but I always hesitate because I'm afraid that if I say anything, it could mess up what we have. I know our friendship would last without a doubt, but I don't want to make things awkward or make him feel that he needs to hold back on the friendship. (Girls, does that make sense?) I don't really know if I plan on telling him or not. I'm not very worried about it honestly. I'm very content with the dynamic friendship we have - but I can't help but wonder if this could lead to something else... He is a Christian by the way :)

So, my question really is, when do you know it's okay to put yourself out there and tell them how you feel, and when it's best to keep it to yourself and just go on with how things are?
Click to expand...
This is the old dilemma of those who've fallen in love (or at least found themselves helplessly attracted) with someone unaware of the attraction.

"To speak, or not to speak." - that is the question...

Well how about speaking without speaking. Actions are louder than words. I suggest trying some harmless flirting with him and see how he reacts. The cool thing about it is if he doesnt seem interested you could just say that you were in a "silly mood". Your friendship remains intact, and well, I cant say the same for your heart, but with every big step there is the risk of a big fall too.

Here are some suggestions for you. You could rush up to him when his back is turned and give him a big hug. If he asks what it was for u could just say because u just look so huggable today or something silly like that. Or, if/when u are in a bookstore and he is reading something, scooch up next to him, put your head on his shoulder and ask him what he's reading. If he likes you he probably wont pull away. Look for playful opportunities to hold his hand, put your arm around him or just smile into his eyes.

Now step 2, if he seems to like the flirting, then u should close the deal by following the flirting through with a quick, stolen kiss. Good luck! I must say that judging by your pic you are very pretty and it would be his loss if hes not interested. ;)
 
M

Mands

Guest
#8
#8
zeroturbulence said:
This is the old dilemma of those who've fallen in love (or at least found themselves helplessly attracted) with someone unaware of the attraction.

"To speak, or not to speak." - that is the question...

Well how about speaking without speaking. Actions are louder than words. I suggest trying some harmless flirting with him and see how he reacts. The cool thing about it is if he doesnt seem interested you could just say that you were in a "silly mood". Your friendship remains intact, and well, I cant say the same for your heart, but with every big step there is the risk of a big fall too.

Here are some suggestions for you. You could rush up to him when his back is turned and give him a big hug. If he asks what it was for u could just say because u just look so huggable today or something silly like that. Or, if/when u are in a bookstore and he is reading something, scooch up next to him, put your head on his shoulder and ask him what he's reading. If he likes you he probably wont pull away. Look for playful opportunities to hold his hand, put your arm around him or just smile into his eyes.

Now step 2, if he seems to like the flirting, then u should close the deal by following the flirting through with a quick, stolen kiss. Good luck! I must say that judging by your pic you are very pretty and it would be his loss if hes not interested. ;)
Click to expand...

Thank you :)
 
M

Maddog

Guest
#9
#9
karuna said:
To be honest, though, unless the guy is dense, he probably already has some idea. We never hide our feelings as well as we think we do. Unless he's really dense, it usually doesn't take a talk - it's enough to say "I'd like to go out to dinner, just the two of us."

If necessary, wink. If he still doesn't get it, look him in the eyes, say "I'm really fond of you," and smack him in the forehead.
Click to expand...
Huh. I suppose this makes me dense then. For me, I'd only suspect something was amiss if she said ''I fancy you'' or ''I want to be your girlfriend''. Even then, I'd probably assume she was joking or I'd misheard her.
 
M

Mands

Guest
#10
#10
Maddog said:
Huh. I suppose this makes me dense then. For me, I'd only suspect something was amiss if she said ''I fancy you'' or ''I want to be your girlfriend''. Even then, I'd probably assume she was joking or I'd misheard her.
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Really? See, that's how I feel he is. I've "hinted" as people would say lol and I promise you he has absolutely no idea!!
 
C

Charlotte91

Guest
#11
#11
maybe just come out and say it , like say i gotta tell u something but i dont want it to ruin our friendship that tell him that u like him more than a friend but if he doesnt can he just forget about it and not let it be awkward. yea it sounds hard but when u actually say it its not that hard :D

or like if ur talking give hints like im gonna miss u tonight etc

and always remember to pray
 
N

NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#12
#12
Mands said:
hey everyone :)



So, I have this question about feelings for a friend. I've known him since I was fifteen. We've been close friends for five years. We talk to each other about everything and I seem to be the person he comes to when things go wrong. It's just an over all healthy, very solid friendship. Recently, I realized that I care about him as more than a friend. I've had a few opportunities to tell him, but I always hesitate because I'm afraid that if I say anything, it could mess up what we have. I know our friendship would last without a doubt, but I don't want to make things awkward or make him feel that he needs to hold back on the friendship. (Girls, does that make sense?) I don't really know if I plan on telling him or not. I'm not very worried about it honestly. I'm very content with the dynamic friendship we have - but I can't help but wonder if this could lead to something else... He is a Christian by the way :)

So, my question really is, when do you know it's okay to put yourself out there and tell them how you feel, and when it's best to keep it to yourself and just go on with how things are?
Click to expand...

If it were me, i would not say anything unless i thought maybe he was interested back. Because your right, you dont want to make things awkward and it might if you say HEY i like you or however you might go about it, and he doesnt feel the same way.
 
N

NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#13
#13
i totally didnt even finish my sentence there! Yeah if he doesnt feel the same way... AAAAAWWWWKKWWWWAAAAAAAAAAARRRRDDDD
 
C

ChristianGuru

Guest
#14
#14
Mands said:
hey everyone :)



So, I have this question about feelings for a friend. I've known him since I was fifteen. We've been close friends for five years. We talk to each other about everything and I seem to be the person he comes to when things go wrong. It's just an over all healthy, very solid friendship. Recently, I realized that I care about him as more than a friend. I've had a few opportunities to tell him, but I always hesitate because I'm afraid that if I say anything, it could mess up what we have. I know our friendship would last without a doubt, but I don't want to make things awkward or make him feel that he needs to hold back on the friendship. (Girls, does that make sense?) I don't really know if I plan on telling him or not. I'm not very worried about it honestly. I'm very content with the dynamic friendship we have - but I can't help but wonder if this could lead to something else... He is a Christian by the way :)

So, my question really is, when do you know it's okay to put yourself out there and tell them how you feel, and when it's best to keep it to yourself and just go on with how things are?
Click to expand...
I really hope you get a chance to read this Mands. I'll show you a simple and clever way to convey interest w/o even having to have this moment of do or die. Joke about the idea of being bf/gf or husband/wife. Not joke mockingly. Joke playfully about the idea of you two as already being there. Smile and when the perfect time comes up "Cause you'll be my husband by then".. smile and go for eye contact, whether or not he makes eye contact back won't matter. Say this quote in some variation or style or wording all of your own. The smile is the key. This would really loosen him up to either come back "You're right", "and you'll be my future wife" or "heck no". Either way, he'll convey his true feelings and you didn't even have to have a serious moment that would kill the friendship.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#15
Aug 2, 2009
24,653
4,316
113
#15
One problem might be that he thinks of u more like a sister than a gf. If thats the case the only thing that I think will change his mind is if he sees u in something.....how shall i say...something that will hold his attention for longer than usual. I know its not what a good christian girl should do but if u dont want him to keep thinking of u as a sister that should more than do the trick. Assuming that is even a problem. It might not be. Im just sayin.

Meanwhile back at the ranch...
 
M

Mands

Guest
#16
#16
zeroturbulence said:
One problem might be that he thinks of u more like a sister than a gf. If thats the case the only thing that I think will change his mind is if he sees u in something.....how shall i say...something that will hold his attention for longer than usual. I know its not what a good christian girl should do but if u dont want him to keep thinking of u as a sister that should more than do the trick. Assuming that is even a problem. It might not be. Im just sayin.

Meanwhile back at the ranch...
Click to expand...

Exactly! He's told me I'm a sweetheart, but I can't tell if it's a "sisterly sweetheart" or what, you know? haha I really wish there was a way to find out if he liked me at all -- without him knowing I'm interested. Then, if I knew he did/didn't, I'd know how to proceed without the risk of making things awkard...

I'm a wimp, yes yes I know!! :p
 
M

Mands

Guest
#17
#17
ChristianGuru said:
I really hope you get a chance to read this Mands. I'll show you a simple and clever way to convey interest w/o even having to have this moment of do or die. Joke about the idea of being bf/gf or husband/wife. Not joke mockingly. Joke playfully about the idea of you two as already being there. Smile and when the perfect time comes up "Cause you'll be my husband by then".. smile and go for eye contact, whether or not he makes eye contact back won't matter. Say this quote in some variation or style or wording all of your own. The smile is the key. This would really loosen him up to either come back "You're right", "and you'll be my future wife" or "heck no". Either way, he'll convey his true feelings and you didn't even have to have a serious moment that would kill the friendship.
Click to expand...

Thanks! He's confusing! Because sometimes, he says or does things that are "flirty" but I can't figure out if it's just cuz we're so close, or if theres more under the surface... Gah! I wish I could read his mind and then I'd have it all figured out! I wont be heartbroken if I discover he feels nothing but friendship for me -- but the possibility that he could care makes me curious of what could happen if he did. We get along so well and I really could see it working... but I'm a girl and we dream :D I guess we'll see!
 
M

mcubed

Guest
#18
#18
If your friendship will last through anything then OHY!!!! ment are not mind readers I would tell him... but in a cute girly way so he could laugh or say "YES"!!!
 
A

angelos

Guest
#19
#19
You should tell him or try being more obvious about it. What if he is thinking the same thing you are and he could make something awkward (not that it would be awkward unless it's made awkward) You could just ask him how he feels about you. Pray about it some and see what you feel led to do. :)
 
M

Mands

Guest
#20
#20
Hey everyone :p


Well, he and I got into a deep discussion last night - and he out of the blue asked me what I thought of him...and then point blank asked me if I had feelings for him that were more than friendship. I wasn't sure I wanted to be honest about it (scared!!!) but I was. He told me he's thought about it, but he's not sure at all right now. I was up till 2:30 am talking to him...he was really sweet about it, but I can tell he had NO idea that I felt that way. He told me so. haha And I thought I'd been kinda obvious! :p It's still early, so I'm hoping he'll call when he wakes up and we can talk. I feel relieved that it's out there - even if nothing comes of it. (at least I think I feel okay with that prospect.) I'm really tired and very unsure what's going to happen.

Thanks for all your advice you guys!! :D ill let you know what happens ;)
 
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