Husband got mad and shoved me into the counter and cubbard I am calling Abw tomorrow

[jenniferand2]

Guess I"m a little confused about the cops allegedly not doing anything to help you.

What state, city, town or county are you in? Does that jurisdiction have mandatory arrest and/or primary aggressor policies for DV incidents?

Most (if not all) LE agencies are very keen and sensitive as to the issue of DV, so I don't understand why they would turn a blind eye to it. In this day and time, it's pretty much career-ending to ignore spousal abuse.

I live in rochester new york area and 15 years ago I called the police because he came to my apartment after I left him the first time with a loaded 22 held me hostage in my apartment and threatened to commit suicide in front of me.The cops came took the 22 and did a welfare check on him because by the time they finally got there he had gone back to his ex wifes house. he said he was fine and that was the end of that. I got a restraining order placed on him which he ignored he came around spying on me at night anyways. Told me what i had in my car when i stopped to get food etc... hence I have no faith in police and yes if i called them last night he would have been put in jail he would have had a hearing this am and he would have been let lose this afternoon until a hearing could take place then another restraining order would be put on which he would just ignore anyways. So instead of throwing fuel onto a fire already burning I just removed myself from his presence came into the bedroom and stayed away from him for the rest of the night. today he acts like nothing even happened. He is sucking up cooking me dinner trying to be nice etc. like every other time he treats me like crap. So after 20 years of his stupid cycle of abuse I know enough to know that if i just shut up and leave him alone I am most often fine . If i continue to harp on him and keep fighting or keep crap going it would be a hurting on me he would get more violent and probably knock me into next week. That is why I just walked away shut up and went to bed. Nothing I can do except stay out of his way after he explodes like that to keep myself safe. He most always calms down realizes he was an a hole and he messed up and then next day he sucks up and trys to make it better like nothing ever happened. but you see I am done with this cycle I can not take it anymore he is destroying my little bit of sanity and happiness i do have. I am going to leave him as soon as I possibly can take my doggies with me and my daughter. I do not hate the guy I hate how he treats me. he can not and will not ever change so I am doing what I have to do to get out of this circle of crap.... he makes me so miserable I just want to end my life most days. I have been stuck for so long because of lack of money and because of my kids not being able to leave with me but now my daughter will be 18 in two weeks and she can go where ever she wants to. I just know that even if we are not together as a couple she will still want to see her dad and spend time with him. So i need to stay on some what good terms with her father so I can keep tabs on my daughter while she is with him hanging out.

 

[jenniferand2]

She left a long time ago.. However, she brought hubby with her..

I had to bring him with me this last move I only make 656 dollars a month I can not sustain life with out his income coming in which is why i was trying so hard to hope this part time job would work. it might have worked out okay if I had not ripped something in my back sat afternoon I was bending over the tub washing my hair out and when i stood up something went horribly wrong i could barley walk i was in the er for 6 hours getting shots of dilaudid and it still could not move. I sucked it up and tried my first day of work anyways today and now I am back to not being able to move again sigh.. So i do not think the part time job is going to work out. However if I leave him I did find out i will get my ssi back so my money will go up to a whopping 900.00 a month to live off yeah. 15 years ago when i left i went back to him because i had no support from anyone not my mother not anyone and my mother stole my kids and i went into a psychotic break down I stopped caring about anything so he stuck around and took care of me and cheated on me and treated me like crap but he was there for me I guess if that makes sense. most mothers would say oh my gosh come here i will help you get away from that monster but not my mother she was like yank my kids away and left me high and dry. took me for child support and kept my kids away from me I only got to see them supervised by her.. So i was her little puppet just to be able to see my kids. she could not have pushed me closer to my husband if she had tied us together..

 

[AuntieAnt]

I don't know your mother, dearheart but I'm wondering if she took custody of your children to ensure they wouldn't be injured in all the violence. Was she awarded custody or did she literally steal them from you? Is it possible she was keeping them to give you a chance to get on your own? I don't know, but maybe she was scared of your husband, too.

At any rate, I'm truly glad you're now making a definite plan to escape the abuse once and for all. I pray God's grace and peace and joy to you, precious sister Jennifer.

 

[jenniferand2]

I don't know your mother, dearheart but I'm wondering if she took custody of your children to ensure they wouldn't be injured in all the violence. Was she awarded custody or did she literally steal them from you? Is it possible she was keeping them to give you a chance to get on your own? I don't know, but maybe she was scared of your husband, too.

At any rate, I'm truly glad you're now making a definite plan to escape the abuse once and for all. I pray God's grace and peace and joy to you, precious sister Jennifer.

a real mother would not just take the kids and send her own daughter back to an abusive husband her mother never did that to her when she left my dad a bunch of times. My mother is self centered and greedy all she saw way dollar signs in getting child support. She knew I was going to leave him but sense she did not help me and no one else helped me other then took my kids from me which was my whole life at the time. She really did just push me back to him I was scared and had no place to live no support from anyone to help me stay away from him no one to pick up and help me though this tuff time in my life no car no job no support no love no nothing.. She literally destroyed me. I asked her to help me get away from him and find a place but all she did was take my kids and left me out to dry. Sorry but if my child came to me and wanted to leave her abuser I would take her and her kids in at all costs and I would do everything in my power to make sure they did not feel so alone that they felt that they had to go back to abusive butthole......

 

[AuntieAnt]

a real mother would not just take the kids and send her own daughter back to an abusive husband her mother never did that to her when she left my dad a bunch of times. My mother is self centered and greedy all she saw way dollar signs in getting child support. She knew I was going to leave him but sense she did not help me and no one else helped me other then took my kids from me which was my whole life at the time. She really did just push me back to him I was scared and had no place to live no support from anyone to help me stay away from him no one to pick up and help me though this tuff time in my life no car no job no support no love no nothing.. She literally destroyed me. I asked her to help me get away from him and find a place but all she did was take my kids and left me out to dry. Sorry but if my child came to me and wanted to leave her abuser I would take her and her kids in at all costs and I would do everything in my power to make sure they did not feel so alone that they felt that they had to go back to abusive butthole......

And of course, you are right. I agree parents should do all they can to help their children. I'm sorry that you have not had the support you needed, Jennifer. I sincerely pray in Jesus' name things change for the better so that you can experience a joyful and peaceful life.

 

[Depleted]

Well my friend is in Georgia she wanted me to go there my sister is in south carolina. I imagine if I lost up all my important belongings my puppies and then my kid and her crap and hit the road it would cost me probably 500.00 for gas food and hotels because Lord knows I can't do that trip in one day with my back like this.

Unless your daughter has changed dramatically, she won't go with you, would she? That's why I was surprised you'd leave the area.

 

[jenniferand2]

Unless your daughter has changed dramatically, she won't go with you, would she? That's why I was surprised you'd leave the area.

Probably not depleted we have talked about it her and I and she is on the fence about it. Well here it is I am supposed to be at day two of my job training and it was a no go I could not even get up out of bed myself today I hurt so bad there is no way I can do that job so I will have to do something with trying to get a social worker help me get a place I can afford.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Is there ANY ONE who can take your pups for awhile?

 

[Dude653]

If you have children and I violent and abusive household there is a likelihood that the state will end up taking custody of your children. Get rid of him before you lose your kids

 

[jenniferand2]

Is there ANY ONE who can take your pups for awhile?

Just my husband and I don't want to leave them with him. My older sister might but she lives 4 hours away and I am not sure she would be able to with her dogs. I honesty do not want to be away from them they give me security when I am scared. I am going to call the battered woman's place in a while and start the process to see what they can help me with. My one friend would probably pay for me to stay at a hotel or something but my back is so messed up I can't even take the puppies out potty. I am going to have to have homecare set up for when I love alone to get help with taking the dogs out etc. So when I talk to abw I am going to have them set me up with a social worker. I still want to work part time but I think I am going to have to have my surgery on my back to fix it once and for all first. This saddens me because I am dying to work part time and get a paycheck coming on every week.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Too late..her daughter lives with Jenn's mom, who stole her from her..

If you have children and I violent and abusive household there is a likelihood that the state will end up taking custody of your children. Get rid of him before you lose your kids

 

[jenniferand2]

If you have children and I violent and abusive household there is a likelihood that the state will end up taking custody of your children. Get rid of him before you lose your kids

My kids are over 18 now they have not loved with me for many years. If you read My earlier posts I tried to get away from him over 15 years ago. My mother and aunt took one of each of my daughter's and bascially left me hanging out to try with nothing no support emotionally or anything. No guidance no encouragement nothing they took the only thing that mattered to me in life and left me with this abusive a hole to fend for myself. So sense I had no one and no direction I made up with him and have been dealing with this crap ever sense then. Then he treats me like crap then he will suck up to me tell me he is sorry things will get better yaddie yaddie and then the circle repeats. I am disabled and I have very little money coming in. I can't even afford a one bedroom apartment so I stayed with him so I could have a roof over my head.my ssd pays me 676.00 a month and 80.00 of that a month goes to child support for the child my mother stole from me.instead of helping us get a safe place to stay together. Therefore I stayed with him so I could basically survive. To have a roof food and afford my meds and other basic needs. Now however if I get a social worker the social worker can help me get a place I can afford that is safe for me and my daughter plus she can help me possibly get my ssi back and food stamps and stuff that was all taken from me when my mother stole my child. No one helpped me 15 years ago to get me safe and to be able to afford my basic needs to be met. I am praying this time I can get this help I am slowly dying everyday with pain and feeling like I am a crappy nobody.

 

[Dan58]

Sounds like a real mess Jennifer, your stuck with an abusive man because your dependent on him. Your health issues (bad back) prevent you from escaping the situation. Outside of finding a shelter or someone to split rent with you, your stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'd divorce, get a good lawyer and sue for alimony.. jmo

 

[Huckleberry]

Either way I just bought doggy food so they are good with that hehe they eat before I do. They will never go hungry. I also have some stuff I need to return to the store which will give me about 100.00 until the 3rd. I tried finding help before with my dogs when I wanted to leave him last time and no one could or would help. I am sitting down tonight and will try to see what I can do and make a plan of some sort. I do have a friend that would help me with some money but I hate asking but he knows how my husband is so he definitely would do it. I just do not like oweing people money. Then I have to find a place I can afford on my tiny income where I can have my dogs.

I hate to be the jerk, but somebody
needs to, and I'm really good at it.
You can't afford dogs.
You need to adopt them out so you can
work into a financially stable situation.
Then you can get new dogs.
Of course I know you won't do this, but
at least I told you the right thing to do.

 

[Angela53510]

You need to phone and make a police report immediately. They can note the type of injuries. For instance, he hurt your back, and there will be bruises. But, you have have scratched on bitten him in what are called "defensive wounds."
They will note these marks, because defensive wounds are a confirmation he is threatening and abusing you. Police have been trained to deal with abuse. That can include getting you in a safe house.

Right now, I hear so much concern for your dogs, and none for you. If your husband kills you, who will take care of them? Certainly a no-kill shelter, until you get a place where you can bring them home.

There is a on-line course on abuse, that will open your eyes. It costs about $40. You need to see this kind of abuse as a cycle yuou are trapped in, called the cycle of abuse. You will never get free of being threatened and hurt, unless you can see the cycle, and figure out how to deal with it. You will have to join, and it is directed to people helping women and men who are caught in DV. I will send it to your pm box.

It's so scarey stepping out in faith. But the time is now. God is not changing him, it appears, and he is not changing himself. He is not a godly man, he does not obey God, or love you as Christ loves the church. Please leave this abuser, and get your life back.

 

[Depleted]

My kids are over 18 now they have not loved with me for many years. If you read My earlier posts I tried to get away from him over 15 years ago. My mother and aunt took one of each of my daughter's and bascially left me hanging out to try with nothing no support emotionally or anything. No guidance no encouragement nothing they took the only thing that mattered to me in life and left me with this abusive a hole to fend for myself. So sense I had no one and no direction I made up with him and have been dealing with this crap ever sense then. Then he treats me like crap then he will suck up to me tell me he is sorry things will get better yaddie yaddie and then the circle repeats. I am disabled and I have very little money coming in. I can't even afford a one bedroom apartment so I stayed with him so I could have a roof over my head.my ssd pays me 676.00 a month and 80.00 of that a month goes to child support for the child my mother stole from me.instead of helping us get a safe place to stay together. Therefore I stayed with him so I could basically survive. To have a roof food and afford my meds and other basic needs. Now however if I get a social worker the social worker can help me get a place I can afford that is safe for me and my daughter plus she can help me possibly get my ssi back and food stamps and stuff that was all taken from me when my mother stole my child. No one helpped me 15 years ago to get me safe and to be able to afford my basic needs to be met. I am praying this time I can get this help I am slowly dying everyday with pain and feeling like I am a crappy nobody.

I'm a little confused how you are on SSD, but need to get on SSD, but how is it going? I'm thinking it's a few days later, the back is never going to heal perfectly, but hopefully you've recovered enough to move about, which means you can contact a SW. Have you?

Also, heads up. The second your children hit 18, you are no longer obligated to give child support, however, routine will keep having the money removed from your account, until you notify them of this. (Otherwise, they'll just keep taking it out and handing it to her even when your kids have moved out on their own.) Also, when you move out on your own, everything changes. If the reason your kids were taken from you is because of him being abusive, you can petition the court (pro bono lawyer, of course), to get your kids back. Since they are teens now, they can decide for themselves. However, if there is no legal reason for your mom to support them, and they still decide to live there, I don't think you're obligated to keep paying child support. That decision they make is on them, not you by then.

If your mom does kick them out because they no longer bring in extra money each month, they might genuinely prefer the idea of moving in with you rather than the alternative. (This is all under the assumption that through the years, she played the victim card and made you the bad guy.)

 

[jenniferand2]

I hate to be the jerk, but somebody
needs to, and I'm really good at it.
You can't afford dogs.
You need to adopt them out so you can
work into a financially stable situation.
Then you can get new dogs.
Of course I know you won't do this, but
at least I told you the right thing to do.

I can afford my dogs with no problem they get food all the time before I even get food. I just took my male to the vet and spent over 300 bucks on him.. I have a job I started. I have had my dogs for six years and I am not going to just get rid of them now sorry. They always have what they need. If by chance I can not afford something for them which rarely happens my daughter helps me and I pay her back... That is why I got my part time job is so I can leave and afford a place where I can have them. I most always have more then 8 bucks it is December so money went to Christmas this month and to bills. but thank you for your concern I would never let my dogs go with out what they need ever..

 

[Willie-T]

I hate to be the jerk, but somebody
needs to, and I'm really good at it.
You can't afford dogs.
You need to adopt them out so you can
work into a financially stable situation.
Then you can get new dogs.
Of course I know you won't do this, but
at least I told you the right thing to do.

Most people don't want to hear a word about it, (I wouldn't either), but giving your pets away to good homes is one of the very first steps suggested in good financial planning programs for people in debt up to their ears.

 

[jenniferand2]

I'm a little confused how you are on SSD, but need to get on SSD, but how is it going? I'm thinking it's a few days later, the back is never going to heal perfectly, but hopefully you've recovered enough to move about, which means you can contact a SW. Have you?

Also, heads up. The second your children hit 18, you are no longer obligated to give child support, however, routine will keep having the money removed from your account, until you notify them of this. (Otherwise, they'll just keep taking it out and handing it to her even when your kids have moved out on their own.) Also, when you move out on your own, everything changes. If the reason your kids were taken from you is because of him being abusive, you can petition the court (pro bono lawyer, of course), to get your kids back. Since they are teens now, they can decide for themselves. However, if there is no legal reason for your mom to support them, and they still decide to live there, I don't think you're obligated to keep paying child support. That decision they make is on them, not you by then.

If your mom does kick them out because they no longer bring in extra money each month, they might genuinely prefer the idea of moving in with you rather than the alternative. (This is all under the assumption that through the years, she played the victim card and made you the bad guy.)

hey yes I get ssd I have gotten that for many years. sense I got married they took away my ssi. I am sorry if I confused the two of them. but sense my back is doing much better now that the strain is gone I am going to go a head and try the part time job for a while... If it becomes to much I will stop working. If I get a divorce I can get my SSi back as long as I am not working..
The kids well my mother already told my youngest daughter she could move in with me if she wants to and she does want to she has wanted to for many years. I did the go to court thing to get my kids back for years and the judge was being a jerk. I went back so many times it was crazy. After trying for over 8 years to get custody of the kids back I finally gave up because i knew I was never going to get anywhere.
yes now that the money well is drying up for my mother and she can no longer get the child support she does not care where my kid goes. In the last 14 years the only time my mother ever called me was when her child support was late or the wrong amount etc... Never called me on mothers day my birthday or any other holiday. So we all know why my mother wanted my daughter it was for money reasons.. heck before she took my daughter she had only seen her a handful of times.

 

[jenniferand2]

Most people don't want to hear a word about it, (I wouldn't either), but giving your pets away to good homes is one of the very first steps suggested in good financial planning programs for people in debt up to their ears.

guys I am not in that bad of shape good grief. I understand I have very little money right now that is because I lost on source of money for now and I replacing it with wither my part time job or getting my ssi back. I know if there was no way I could take care of my dogs I would find a place for them..I am not that cruel.