I shut down for a while. Kinda like the time my computer had the plague and I couldn’t fix it, so I just shut it off and left it alone...except, I don’t have the plague (probably) and I just stopped talking to people because all I ever had to say was about the negative stuff that keeps happening.
Computers dont get the plague, either, as far as I know...which isn’t that far, I’m no doctor.
A week ago, I attended another funeral. And then I watched from the sidelines as family tore each other apart in grief, and I wondered...is that all some people have in this life, material junk to squabble over when a loved one passes away? Fairytale mysticism to fall back on because there’s nothing more solid, more certain in their hearts? Grief that can’t be felt because it’s buried beneath piles of useless stuff that their loved ones only escaped in death? I want my legacy to be more than a house full of things for my family to fight over.
I also broke a tooth, because Grape Nuts are ridiculously similar to gravel. My dentist is going to drill into my molars and scold me for not preventing forest fires. Or cavities. Or broken teeth.
Everything seems heavy, but if I have to move to Virginia, I’m buying a 150 year old house on 10 acres and growing vegetables I can’t get to even sprout here.
I felt a spark of something that might have been joy, though...my pastor gave me two tasks to complete. Design a postcard invitation to an appreciation dinner, and then also decorate for the event.
It’s past my bedtime and I think I’ll go back to hiding under a rock for a while longer. I miss people here, but I’m also a stick in the mud lately. Or, under a rock, as it were. Was. Is. Grammar is dumb.
jk
