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No, no, it is not complicated, it is the Simplicity of FAITH. Before I was born again, I would have argued MUCH the SAME as you do, that I really was a Christian, THINKING I was a real Christian, without ever knowing that I did not even KNOW the MEANING OF THE TERM. I mean, I would have even fought against those that accused me that I was NOT A REAL CHRISTIAN.
The difference is NIGHT AND DAY. I used to know about Jesus, AND NOW I REALLY KNOW HIM! I used to be a LUTHERAN, LUTHERAN'S and NOT A CHRISTIAN LUTHERAN. I WAS A PROUD LUTHERAN, and WOULD HAVE QUOTED the Lutheran Catechism to anybody. I was PROUD of my Infant BAPTISM, thinking it saved me. I would have Proudly proclamed that I went to Lutheran Services Volunteer Camp. NEVER EVEN SUSPECTING THAT I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THE MEANING OF THE WORD SAVED, and sure of it. The same is true about Catholicism. There are LOTS of CATHOLIC, CATHOLIC'S, proud of their Catholic heritage, while worshiping MARY. HOWEVER there are a FEW CHRISTIAN, Catholics who WORSHIP CHRIST. Yes, I have met some of them.
The Night after my Third attempt at Suicide the last week of 1977, after being told by my wife of only 6 month, that she wanted a divorce because, I could not earn enough money to buy her what she wanted in life, on CHRISTMAS EVE no less. I spun into deep, deep depression, and over the next four days I attempt suicide THREE times. The first two times I had a pistol against my temple, with the trigger half pulled. A TERROR CAME OVER ME, not that I was about to die, BUT THAT I KNEW I WAS ABOUT TO WALK INTO HADES/HELL OF MY OWN ACCORD. IT WAS A TERROR WAY BEYOND BELIEF, WAY MORE THAN A MURDERER WITH A KNIFE TO MY THROAT COULD EVER PUT THAT TERROR IN ME, IT CAUSED ME TO DROP THE PISTOL BOTH TIMES.
The Third TIME, I had seen a road crew that afternoon POURING very thick Gravel on a Dirt Road two miles from my house. As I sat in a bar that night, getting as Drunk as I could without passing out. I thought about that LOOSE GRAVEL on that Dirt Road, and I was on my Dirt Bike, made me think of arranging a FATAL motorcycle accident for myself. I KNEW THE MOST DANGEROUS SURFACE YOU CAN RIDE A DIRT MOTORCYCLE ON, IS A VERY LOOSE GRAVELED ROAD. When the Bar Closed, I went home, to DROP MY HELMET OFF, and then immediately road out to the LOOSE GRAVEL ROAD, with NO HELMET, because I wanted to wreck my BIKE, and HIT HEAD FIRST loosing control at full speed. I EVEN TAUNTED GOD, as I approached that mile. I looked up at the sky, and shouted, "IF YOU WANT ME, YOU CAN TAKE ME ANYWHERE YOU WANT ME ON THIS MILE!" Please DO NOT TEST GOD THE WAY I DID!
I opened the throttle WIDE OPEN, Leaned out over the Handle Bars, to insure that I hit head first when I lost control. Around the half mile mark, I thought, "This makes no SENSE." Double Checked that the Throttle was WIDE OPEN, and it was, and I was as DRUNK AS I COULD GET. I HIT the Pavement at the ended of the Mile, slowed down and Stopped, looking back at that loose gravel, wondering, "WHAT JUST HAPPENED." I rode the enter mile ON LOOSE GRAVEL and it FELT LIKE I WAS RIDING ON PAVEMENT. I slowly went home and sat up most of the night, sobering up, and WONDERING, what happened on that road, and why I was not dead ? ? ?
I was sitting at the dining room table, and still about shortly before 5:00, and still wondering what happened ? ? ? I was sleepy so I decided to go to bed and I had the next Night off. As I walked in to the bedroom, A thought came to me. "I CANNOT RIDE A BIKE LIKE THAT, EVEN SOBER, AND I WAS AS DRUNK AS A HOOT OWL. GOD MUST HAVE REACHED DOWN AND GRABBED A HOLD OF MY BIKE, TO TELL ME, 'NO YOU DON'T, I HAVE A PURPOSE FOR YOUR LIFE.' " SUDDENLY, wave, after wave, after wave washed over me of GUILT OVER MY WHOLE LIFESTYLE, as I FELL TO MY KNEES, and that GUILT was so intense, it literally woke me totally up.
I STARTED TO CRY and WEEP like a BABY, and SOBBED as "I PRAYED, LORD FORGIVE ME, PLEASE FORGIVE ME." OVER, and OVER, and OVER AGAIN. AFTER AN HOUR OR SO, THAT CRUSHING WEIGHT OF SIN, eventually pushed me PROSTRATE on the FLOOR. I KEPT CRYING as I PRAYED, "LORD FORGIVE ME, PLEASE FORGIVE ME! If you have a purpose for my life, YOU have to come into my life, and do it through me. I cannot do it, I am making a mess of my life."
No one in the Church that I went to, ever taught me to pray a prayer like that, EVER. AND I MEANT EVERY WORD OF THAT PRAYER WITH MY WHOLE BEING. I believe it was the Holy Spirit that GAVE ME THAT Prayer as I CONTINUED TO WEEP AND CRY OVER MY UTTER SINFULNESS. I lost all track of time, but I CRIED FOR AT LEAST 2 or 3 Hours, or more.
That is where I usually end my testimony, BUT THERE IS MORE. I will tell you the rest, but you cannot make fun of it. IT WILL HURT ME DEEPLY, and MAKE ME REGRET TELLING YOU THE REST. I had an experience that shook me to my core; and for a long, long time just ended the testimony with Just admitting I cried for at least 2 or 3 Hours, or more. I was HAVING A HARD TIME BELIEVING HE COULD FORGIVE ME, BECAUSE I KNOW HOW BAD I USED TO BE. While I was Laying There prostrate on that bedroom floor, I had a VISION, or maybe if I fell asleep it could have been a DREAM, but if it was a DREAM, is was the most intense and vivid DREAM I could ever have, but I do not recall getting tired.
The VISION or DREAM was I found myself on my KNEES still CRYING and WEEPING FOR FORGIVENESS, at the FOOT OF THE CROSS, REACHING UP TO HIM on that CROSS, as I continued to CRY. Then I noticed something that I HAD NEVER BEEN TAUGHT IN THE LUTHERAN CHURCH and NO ONE ELSE HAD EVER TRIED TO TEACH ME EITHER. THE NAILS WERE THROUGH HIS WRISTS. (Since then I have been taught that they had to have been through HIS wrist, because the flesh would have torn through in HIS Palms. PLUS the JEWS consider the WRISTS to be part of the Hands.) As I was focusing on the nails, BLOOD STARTED TO DRIP FROM THOSE NAILS, AND FELL ON MY FOREARMS, AND IT FELT WARM. I NEW AT THAT MOMENT I WAS FORGIVEN!
That is where the VISION or DREAM ended. That was the night I was Born Again. I AM SURE OF IT. IT WAS A COMPLETE TOTAL SURRENDER OUT OF LOVE FOR HIM, AND I HAVE NEVER DOUBTED IT IS VERY REAL, FOREVER. NOW I KNOW HIM INTIMATELY, BEFORE I only knew about Him. The infant baptism did not save me, the memorization of the Lutheran Catechism did not save me, Church membership in the Lutheran Church did not save me, I only KNEW in my head about JESUS and all STORIES about HIM WERE TRUE IN THE BIBLE, BUT even the demons believe that much.
I TRUSTED HIM TOTALLY, and THAT HE WAS GOING TO DO SOMETHING IMPORTANT WITH MY LIFE. MY HUMAN SPIRIT WAS ALIVE, AND I COULD TELL, MY HUNGER FOR THE WORD OF GOD WAS THROUGH THE ROOF. THE MOST BORING BOOK ON EARTH, JUST BECAME THE MOST EXCITING BOOK I COULD EVER READ. HE lead me to various Radio and TV ministries, I was content and satisfied in my Human Spirit with the teaching of Dr. John MacArthur, Dr. Chuck Swindoll, Dr. Charles Stanley, Dr. Ed Young, Dr. Richard Lee, Dr. Zola Levitt, Dr. Ben Haden. I found a VERY GOOD BIBLE TEACHING CHURCH, in Lincoln, NE. where Dr. Gil Rugh taught a one hour SERMON. I couldn't get enough of that GOOD Bible Teaching. And all of them and every CHURCH that I have been associated with, is conservative evangelical style of Churches. DID HE TAKE CONTROL OF MY LIFE ? ? ? ABSOLUTELY! How does a Nebraska Farm Boy, become a Volunteer Protestant Prison Chaplain, with NO FORMAL BIBLE COLLEGE Training, in the end-of-the-line CA. supermax Prison for 9.5 years, and then 5.5 years more at another supermax Prison? HE KNOWS HOW? He just kept opening the doors, and I just kept walking through.
IT AWES ME TO THINK BACK THROUGH ALL HE HAS DONE IN MY LIFE.
The difference is NIGHT AND DAY. I used to know about Jesus, AND NOW I REALLY KNOW HIM! I used to be a LUTHERAN, LUTHERAN'S and NOT A CHRISTIAN LUTHERAN. I WAS A PROUD LUTHERAN, and WOULD HAVE QUOTED the Lutheran Catechism to anybody. I was PROUD of my Infant BAPTISM, thinking it saved me. I would have Proudly proclamed that I went to Lutheran Services Volunteer Camp. NEVER EVEN SUSPECTING THAT I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THE MEANING OF THE WORD SAVED, and sure of it. The same is true about Catholicism. There are LOTS of CATHOLIC, CATHOLIC'S, proud of their Catholic heritage, while worshiping MARY. HOWEVER there are a FEW CHRISTIAN, Catholics who WORSHIP CHRIST. Yes, I have met some of them.
The Night after my Third attempt at Suicide the last week of 1977, after being told by my wife of only 6 month, that she wanted a divorce because, I could not earn enough money to buy her what she wanted in life, on CHRISTMAS EVE no less. I spun into deep, deep depression, and over the next four days I attempt suicide THREE times. The first two times I had a pistol against my temple, with the trigger half pulled. A TERROR CAME OVER ME, not that I was about to die, BUT THAT I KNEW I WAS ABOUT TO WALK INTO HADES/HELL OF MY OWN ACCORD. IT WAS A TERROR WAY BEYOND BELIEF, WAY MORE THAN A MURDERER WITH A KNIFE TO MY THROAT COULD EVER PUT THAT TERROR IN ME, IT CAUSED ME TO DROP THE PISTOL BOTH TIMES.
The Third TIME, I had seen a road crew that afternoon POURING very thick Gravel on a Dirt Road two miles from my house. As I sat in a bar that night, getting as Drunk as I could without passing out. I thought about that LOOSE GRAVEL on that Dirt Road, and I was on my Dirt Bike, made me think of arranging a FATAL motorcycle accident for myself. I KNEW THE MOST DANGEROUS SURFACE YOU CAN RIDE A DIRT MOTORCYCLE ON, IS A VERY LOOSE GRAVELED ROAD. When the Bar Closed, I went home, to DROP MY HELMET OFF, and then immediately road out to the LOOSE GRAVEL ROAD, with NO HELMET, because I wanted to wreck my BIKE, and HIT HEAD FIRST loosing control at full speed. I EVEN TAUNTED GOD, as I approached that mile. I looked up at the sky, and shouted, "IF YOU WANT ME, YOU CAN TAKE ME ANYWHERE YOU WANT ME ON THIS MILE!" Please DO NOT TEST GOD THE WAY I DID!
I opened the throttle WIDE OPEN, Leaned out over the Handle Bars, to insure that I hit head first when I lost control. Around the half mile mark, I thought, "This makes no SENSE." Double Checked that the Throttle was WIDE OPEN, and it was, and I was as DRUNK AS I COULD GET. I HIT the Pavement at the ended of the Mile, slowed down and Stopped, looking back at that loose gravel, wondering, "WHAT JUST HAPPENED." I rode the enter mile ON LOOSE GRAVEL and it FELT LIKE I WAS RIDING ON PAVEMENT. I slowly went home and sat up most of the night, sobering up, and WONDERING, what happened on that road, and why I was not dead ? ? ?
I was sitting at the dining room table, and still about shortly before 5:00, and still wondering what happened ? ? ? I was sleepy so I decided to go to bed and I had the next Night off. As I walked in to the bedroom, A thought came to me. "I CANNOT RIDE A BIKE LIKE THAT, EVEN SOBER, AND I WAS AS DRUNK AS A HOOT OWL. GOD MUST HAVE REACHED DOWN AND GRABBED A HOLD OF MY BIKE, TO TELL ME, 'NO YOU DON'T, I HAVE A PURPOSE FOR YOUR LIFE.' " SUDDENLY, wave, after wave, after wave washed over me of GUILT OVER MY WHOLE LIFESTYLE, as I FELL TO MY KNEES, and that GUILT was so intense, it literally woke me totally up.
I STARTED TO CRY and WEEP like a BABY, and SOBBED as "I PRAYED, LORD FORGIVE ME, PLEASE FORGIVE ME." OVER, and OVER, and OVER AGAIN. AFTER AN HOUR OR SO, THAT CRUSHING WEIGHT OF SIN, eventually pushed me PROSTRATE on the FLOOR. I KEPT CRYING as I PRAYED, "LORD FORGIVE ME, PLEASE FORGIVE ME! If you have a purpose for my life, YOU have to come into my life, and do it through me. I cannot do it, I am making a mess of my life."
No one in the Church that I went to, ever taught me to pray a prayer like that, EVER. AND I MEANT EVERY WORD OF THAT PRAYER WITH MY WHOLE BEING. I believe it was the Holy Spirit that GAVE ME THAT Prayer as I CONTINUED TO WEEP AND CRY OVER MY UTTER SINFULNESS. I lost all track of time, but I CRIED FOR AT LEAST 2 or 3 Hours, or more.
That is where I usually end my testimony, BUT THERE IS MORE. I will tell you the rest, but you cannot make fun of it. IT WILL HURT ME DEEPLY, and MAKE ME REGRET TELLING YOU THE REST. I had an experience that shook me to my core; and for a long, long time just ended the testimony with Just admitting I cried for at least 2 or 3 Hours, or more. I was HAVING A HARD TIME BELIEVING HE COULD FORGIVE ME, BECAUSE I KNOW HOW BAD I USED TO BE. While I was Laying There prostrate on that bedroom floor, I had a VISION, or maybe if I fell asleep it could have been a DREAM, but if it was a DREAM, is was the most intense and vivid DREAM I could ever have, but I do not recall getting tired.
The VISION or DREAM was I found myself on my KNEES still CRYING and WEEPING FOR FORGIVENESS, at the FOOT OF THE CROSS, REACHING UP TO HIM on that CROSS, as I continued to CRY. Then I noticed something that I HAD NEVER BEEN TAUGHT IN THE LUTHERAN CHURCH and NO ONE ELSE HAD EVER TRIED TO TEACH ME EITHER. THE NAILS WERE THROUGH HIS WRISTS. (Since then I have been taught that they had to have been through HIS wrist, because the flesh would have torn through in HIS Palms. PLUS the JEWS consider the WRISTS to be part of the Hands.) As I was focusing on the nails, BLOOD STARTED TO DRIP FROM THOSE NAILS, AND FELL ON MY FOREARMS, AND IT FELT WARM. I NEW AT THAT MOMENT I WAS FORGIVEN!
That is where the VISION or DREAM ended. That was the night I was Born Again. I AM SURE OF IT. IT WAS A COMPLETE TOTAL SURRENDER OUT OF LOVE FOR HIM, AND I HAVE NEVER DOUBTED IT IS VERY REAL, FOREVER. NOW I KNOW HIM INTIMATELY, BEFORE I only knew about Him. The infant baptism did not save me, the memorization of the Lutheran Catechism did not save me, Church membership in the Lutheran Church did not save me, I only KNEW in my head about JESUS and all STORIES about HIM WERE TRUE IN THE BIBLE, BUT even the demons believe that much.
I TRUSTED HIM TOTALLY, and THAT HE WAS GOING TO DO SOMETHING IMPORTANT WITH MY LIFE. MY HUMAN SPIRIT WAS ALIVE, AND I COULD TELL, MY HUNGER FOR THE WORD OF GOD WAS THROUGH THE ROOF. THE MOST BORING BOOK ON EARTH, JUST BECAME THE MOST EXCITING BOOK I COULD EVER READ. HE lead me to various Radio and TV ministries, I was content and satisfied in my Human Spirit with the teaching of Dr. John MacArthur, Dr. Chuck Swindoll, Dr. Charles Stanley, Dr. Ed Young, Dr. Richard Lee, Dr. Zola Levitt, Dr. Ben Haden. I found a VERY GOOD BIBLE TEACHING CHURCH, in Lincoln, NE. where Dr. Gil Rugh taught a one hour SERMON. I couldn't get enough of that GOOD Bible Teaching. And all of them and every CHURCH that I have been associated with, is conservative evangelical style of Churches. DID HE TAKE CONTROL OF MY LIFE ? ? ? ABSOLUTELY! How does a Nebraska Farm Boy, become a Volunteer Protestant Prison Chaplain, with NO FORMAL BIBLE COLLEGE Training, in the end-of-the-line CA. supermax Prison for 9.5 years, and then 5.5 years more at another supermax Prison? HE KNOWS HOW? He just kept opening the doors, and I just kept walking through.
IT AWES ME TO THINK BACK THROUGH ALL HE HAS DONE IN MY LIFE.
I had a similar experience of religiousness before actually being truly born again.
Ive heard a similar testimony like that many times, appeareantly its QUITE COMMON for people to just attend church out of tradition or habit yet not be born again!
I guess thats why we preach revivals!
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