Hello from a former Professional backslider!

[morefaithrequired]

Hi and welcome Mike. Thanks for your honesty. None of us are better or worse than you so there is no judgement. Your most important relationship now is Jesus Christ. Stay close to Him no matter what. My life has sometimes gone off the rails. It was only luck and the grace of God that kept it from slipping further. I could easily have ended up in your situation. May you find the strength and courage to endure.
Cheers Mike and God Bless

 

[tasha66]

Thank you so much for the words of encouragement! If there is one thing I have learned from this experience is that if I don't walk completely and consistently in the light and with the Lord I am in danger from the enemy! I will serve him with all my heart wherever he takes me. I have to admit that I am scared to death of prison but I know that if I am in him he will give me the courage I need!

Hey Mike I've worked in some prisons, and in the court system. You may not get sent to a high offenders prison, it depends on what you have done, but the ones I worked in were for the very worse offenders. They are very strictly controlled with lots of rules, and the potential for riots and unrest is always at the forefront. Any transgression/s, even if a prisoner doesn't think he is doing anything wrong, is dealt with immediately & swiftly. Even we as staff members were subject to random searches, even before and after we finished work, so everyone feels like they are in prison after a while.
In most prisons there are Chaplains and study groups you can join, so you would not be alone.
I'd say in general keep away from other sinful people, be polite and follow all of the rules, even if you don't agree with them. Don't get caught up in other offenders schemes, or using bad language (using bad language becomes a habit that is hard to break), and try not to socialise with non-believers (might be hard I know). Be polite to others, but distant. Take up study etc to distract your mind, and really, see possible incarceration as an opportunity to study the Word of God (instead of just a prison sentence). Really ponder the Bible and what it has to teach you. Maybe they will have a Bible study group? Keep your mind distracted with healthy things. Write a journal, exercise when possible, eat well and sleep well, as much as you can. Pray like you have never prayed before and believe me, you will get stronger spiritually and mentally. Guard your heart against those who try to pull you into evil, and also guard your mental health too. Use the doctors and nurses there or counsellors, for any mental health & physical problems, and let them know what is going on so they can help you. Try to build up good relationships with those who can put in a good word for you at the end of the day. Stay out of trouble.
I don't know what you did, but I hope that you have seen the error of your ways, and unfortunately, we must pay for what we have done sometimes.
But it's good you have reached out to us for help - kudos to you!
You're on the right path now matey

 

[Mike83]

Hey Mike I've worked in some prisons, and in the court system. You may not get sent to a high offenders prison, it depends on what you have done, but the ones I worked in were for the very worse offenders. They are very strictly controlled with lots of rules, and the potential for riots and unrest is always at the forefront. Any transgression/s, even if a prisoner doesn't think he is doing anything wrong, is dealt with immediately & swiftly. Even we as staff members were subject to random searches, even before and after we finished work, so everyone feels like they are in prison after a while.
In most prisons there are Chaplains and study groups you can join, so you would not be alone.
I'd say in general keep away from other sinful people, be polite and follow all of the rules, even if you don't agree with them. Don't get caught up in other offenders schemes, or using bad language (using bad language becomes a habit that is hard to break), and try not to socialise with non-believers (might be hard I know). Be polite to others, but distant. Take up study etc to distract your mind, and really, see possible incarceration as an opportunity to study the Word of God (instead of just a prison sentence). Really ponder the Bible and what it has to teach you. Maybe they will have a Bible study group? Keep your mind distracted with healthy things. Write a journal, exercise when possible, eat well and sleep well, as much as you can. Pray like you have never prayed before and believe me, you will get stronger spiritually and mentally. Guard your heart against those who try to pull you into evil, and also guard your mental health too. Use the doctors and nurses there or counsellors, for any mental health & physical problems, and let them know what is going on so they can help you. Try to build up good relationships with those who can put in a good word for you at the end of the day. Stay out of trouble.
I don't know what you did, but I hope that you have seen the error of your ways, and unfortunately, we must pay for what we have done sometimes.
But it's good you have reached out to us for help - kudos to you!
You're on the right path now matey

Thank you so much! I went as far as inappropriately touching my Step Granddaughter on two occasions after I had been taking 150-180 mg of opiates every day. Even though it changed my personality so profoundly it was scary it was still my hands that touched her inappropriately. I cannot believe I did this because when I was 8 I was raped on sodomized dozens of times by several 13 year old boys. I would fight them but they were too strong and would pulverize my face when I did. I did this even though I loved her and all my 7 Granddaughters that God blessed me with. Now, I cannot see them again and this fact and the guilt has been overwhelming and I actually hate myself for this! I am trying to forgive myself but it is a work in progress. My entire life has been nothing but pain and now it is getting worse because I am facing 10-15 years of incarceration for this. I cannot express how heartbroken I am because of this! I have actually prayed to God and asked him to take away the pain by bringing me home to him!

 

[mailmandan]

Do you mean that I am not taking responsibility for what I have done, that I am only misunderstood? In all actuality I DO understand! I hate myself for what I have done! I can never see any of my 7 Granddaughters ever again and the pain is literally killing me inside.

Good morning Mike, the "I'm not a bad guy, I'm just misunderstood" statement (along with citing Galatians 6:14) at the bottom of all of my posts is part of my "personal signature" and was not directed at you. Sorry for the misunderstanding and I'm also very sorry to hear that you can never see any of your granddaughters again.

 

[Mike83]

Ok. Thank you for clarifying this with me. I am really struggling with the amazing heart break of missing them so much! I am also struggling to not hate myself for what I have done!

 

[PennEd]

Ok. Thank you for clarifying this with me. I am really struggling with the amazing heart break of missing them so much! I am also struggling to not hate myself for what I have done!

Cold hard truths here Mike.

My brother in law is about to be released and deported after serving 8 years of a 7-15 year sentence for crimes similar to what you have done.

First the good news. The Lord can and will even forgive this horrific crime. It's fine and even appropriate to feel self hate. But that hatred cannot cleanse you. So I would confess these sins, believe your Father has forgiven you and move on. You can STILL be used of Him for the kingdom.

Ok. Now the bad. STOP BLAMING DRUGS, PAST LIFE EXPERIENCES, PAIN, or ANYTHING ELSE for what YOU did!

I hear a lot of remorse about how bad YOU feel, but nary a word of the LIFELONG pain you have caused your granddaughter, your family, and everyone else connected to this awful crime.

My BIL did things to our very young niece 20yrs ago that she is STILL dealing with today. So forgive me if I'm not terribly upset that you won't ever see them again.

You can be forgiven, but there are consequences to the sins we commit.

I'm sorry to you, and my CC friends if this sounds harsh. But I DO think it's best if Mike takes FULL responsibility for his crimes and sin, so that he CAN be useful to God.

 

[IFOLLOWHIM]

Thank you so much! I went as far as inappropriately touching my Step Granddaughter on two occasions after I had been taking 150-180 mg of opiates every day. Even though it changed my personality so profoundly it was scary it was still my hands that touched her inappropriately. I cannot believe I did this because when I was 8 I was raped on sodomized dozens of times by several 13 year old boys. I would fight them but they were too strong and would pulverize my face when I did. I did this even though I loved her and all my 7 Granddaughters that God blessed me with. Now, I cannot see them again and this fact and the guilt has been overwhelming and I actually hate myself for this! I am trying to forgive myself but it is a work in progress. My entire life has been nothing but pain and now it is getting worse because I am facing 10-15 years of incarceration for this. I cannot express how heartbroken I am because of this! I have actually prayed to God and asked him to take away the pain by bringing me home to him!

I am sorry for your bad childhood experiences, but every one who has been abused does not become an abuser!
There is no excuse! You did it twice!
Don't feel sorry for yourself bc you are about to be punished! Instead feel for the child you caused hurt to!!
If you are truly repentant,God knows! If you truly seek Him,you will come through a better person!

Justice is what the courts gave you and it is good!
I pray Your family is seeking the help they need!


You sir,took away her innocents,her ability to be a child in that innocence!

God knows EVERY heart and He is a just God!

 

[Mike83]

Cold hard truths here Mike.

My brother in law is about to be released and deported after serving 8 years of a 7-15 year sentence for crimes similar to what you have done.

First the good news. The Lord can and will even forgive this horrific crime. It's fine and even appropriate to feel self hate. But that hatred cannot cleanse you. So I would confess these sins, believe your Father has forgiven you and move on. You can STILL be used of Him for the kingdom.

Ok. Now the bad. STOP BLAMING DRUGS, PAST LIFE EXPERIENCES, PAIN, or ANYTHING ELSE for what YOU did!

I hear a lot of remorse about how bad YOU feel, but nary a word of the LIFELONG pain you have caused your granddaughter, your family, and everyone else connected to this awful crime.

My BIL did things to our very young niece 20yrs ago that she is STILL dealing with today. So forgive me if I'm not terribly upset that you won't ever see them again.

You can be forgiven, but there are consequences to the sins we commit.

I'm sorry to you, and my CC friends if this sounds harsh. But I DO think it's best if Mike takes FULL responsibility for his crimes and sin, so that he CAN be useful to God.

You know NOTHING of the responsibility I have taken! I absolutely hate myself for what I have done! I cannot and probably never will forgive myself! I have wanted to die because the pain of the guilt for hurting someone so precious to me! So excuse me if I tell you that you know nothing from one post!

 

[PennEd]

You know NOTHING of the responsibility I have taken! I absolutely hate myself for what I have done! I cannot and probably never will forgive myself! I have wanted to die because the pain of the guilt for hurting someone so precious to me! So excuse me if I tell you that you know nothing from one post!

All about YOU right?

 

[Mike83]

I am sorry for your bad childhood experiences, but every one who has been abused does not become an abuser!
There is no excuse! You did it twice!
Don't feel sorry for yourself bc you are about to be punished! Instead feel for the child you caused hurt to!!
If you are truly repentant,God knows! If you truly seek Him,you will come through a better person!

Justice is what the courts gave you and it is good!
I pray Your family is seeking the help they need!


You sir,took away her innocents,her ability to be a child in that innocence!

God knows EVERY heart and He is a just God!

I have been on the edge for a very long time hating myself! Your message and the one after this one is sending me over. Your right, I agree that I am a piece of **** and deserve to die! Neither one of you knows how much I hate myself for hurting someone I love so much! How would either one of you know anything from one post!!

 

[Bingo]

"Welcome to Christian Chat. I learned years ago the consequences of a personality change
through an alcohol addiction, and prison time was not even a wake up call. It took a drastic
physical and mental happening before I truly had a wake up call, and God turned by life around.
By the grace of God, I have been allowed a second chance. With that said, I hope you have truly
found a new way of life, and only you shall know for sure, and if the Holy Spirit has come upon
your life, you can overcome. And, I have witnessed those that have had a temporary epiphany
when confronted with an overwhelming fearful realization of the prospect of going to prison.
I do hope God has become a part of your life, and it will be known...one day at a time."
'Praise God'

 

[Mike83]

All about YOU right?

Some Christian- Judgmental all the way! I think every day about whether she will be ok.

 

[Mike83]

"Welcome to Christian Chat. I learned years ago the consequences of a personality change
through an alcohol addiction, and prison time was not even a wake up call. It took a drastic
physical and mental happening before I truly had a wake up call, and God turned by life around.
By the grace of God, I have been allowed a second chance. With that said, I hope you have truly
found a new way of life, and only you shall know for sure, and if the Holy Spirit has come upon
your life, you can overcome. And, I have witnessed those that have had a temporary epiphany
when confronted with an overwhelming fearful realization of the prospect of going to prison.
I do hope God has become a part of your life, and it will be known...one day at a time."
'Praise God'
View attachment 206555 View attachment 206556

You are a true Christian! Without judgment and supportive in the changes I am making. I am struggling with self hate right now and cannot seem to forgive myself even though I know my Savior has forgiven me. Thank you for your words of encouragement!

 

[IFOLLOWHIM]

I have been on the edge for a very long time hating myself! Your message and the one after this one is sending me over. Your right, I agree that I am a piece of **** and deserve to die! Neither one of you knows how much I hate myself for hurting someone I love so much! How would either one of you know anything from one post!!

I grew up in an abusive household of a drug addict and drunk........BELIEVE ME I KNOW!
Hating yourself won't repair the harm you have done!
I'm through with your whinning about yourself!

 

[Mike83]

I grew up in an abusive household of a drug addict and drunk........BELIEVE ME I KNOW!
Hating yourself won't repair the harm you have done!
I'm through with your whinning about yourself!

You and your judgment are gone pal!
IM, post: 4077874, member: 290503"]I grew up in an abusive household of a drug addict and drunk........BELIEVE ME I

 

[Mike83]

All about YOU right?

You and your judgment are gone! Blocked! Some Christian!

 

[PennEd]

I have been on the edge for a very long time hating myself! Your message and the one after this one is sending me over. Your right, I agree that I am a piece of **** and deserve to die! Neither one of you knows how much I hate myself for hurting someone I love so much! How would either one of you know anything from one post!!

What the hell good does hating yourself accomplish? NOTHING

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY! You CAN'T move forward till you do that.

You have blamed drugs, pain, and past life experiences as the reason you stole the innocence from a child.

This has NOTHING to do with "Christian judgement". EVERYONE here, myself included has said the LORD can forgive you. But not if you blame ANYTHING else than YOUR lustful sin.

 

[Bingo]

You and your judgment are gone pal!
IM, post: 4077874, member: 290503"]I grew up in an abusive household of a drug addict and drunk........BELIEVE ME I

" May I suggest you take this to the Miscellaneous forum and post on CRA Christians in Recovery (anonymous)
and hopefully you will find support there."

 

[Mike83]

" May I suggest you take this to the Miscellaneous forum and post on CRA Christians in Recovery (anonymous)
and hopefully you will find support there."

Thank you for the recommendation but I am afraid that I will get more serious harshness from other people when I am trying not to hate myself and do something to end the guilt! I don't think I can take more of supposed Christians judgment. They have judged me from one post.

 

[Bingo]

Thank you for the recommendation but I am afraid that I will get more serious harshness from other people when I am trying not to hate myself and do something to end the guilt! I don't think I can take more of supposed Christians judgment. They have judged me from one post.

"Do not be discouraged, a friend may be closer than you think."