Have your life experiences made you a cold person / afraid to love?

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G00WZ

Senior Member
May 16, 2014
1,313
448
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#41
Im not a cold person but i have had my heart broken once a long time ago but it didn't make me cold, it just made me aware of the position of my lack and how i put myself there to be able to have that happen, i really just changed my view of myself and how i love now if that makes any kind of sense. Rejection is something i cannot have at this point because i am never looking to be accepted because i am already accepted mostly to myself first but rather im busy accepting everyone else so they don't need to feel rejected. When you know that most people are like that and don't want to feel rejection and are just looking for love and acceptance you can sort of flip the script by being and providing the something they feel they need or lack, doing this makes you valuable and people will be drawn and open to you real quick. It's not something you can just apply to hopefully attract a person but it has to be genuine and come from a deep-seated understanding of the nature of people and developed over time.

Some people wear their hearts on their sleeves, some have theirs buried deep and locked in a box, but mine is in a glass display case that i carry around with the top open and i just go around touching people with it even though i don't always look approachable or like a "nice guy". Because of how i just move in general im open to relationships but im not always looking or needing
or lacking one if that makes any kind of sense.

I have seen many cases of people who end up sabotaging themselves though, i think i remember seeing someone on this site once say something like "because im overweight and i don't want children no man wants to date me". I remember seeing that and going "seriously?... you're saying absolutely no man wants to date you because you're overweight and don't want kids?". I can count on both hands 10 dudes that i know personally who like thick women and who aren't interested in having children. But the poster of that message will probably never realize it or be open to it because she is too busy living out her self devaluing realization and approaching men with that mentality that none of them like her. It's funny, the same reason she thinks they're running away from her can just as easily be the same reason as they could run to her, crazy how the same thing that makes a person seem not valuable has
the same potential to make them valuable, it's just a matter of perspective and realizing what others outside
of yourself might lack and want.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,178
113
#42
Catching the virus DOES give me a cold for about ten days but....I'm sure I will get over it.

Does that make me a cold person well....I dont know I dont quite understand some peoples logic.

This is something Ive heard people say to those who are prone to self-pity

Cry yourself a river
Build yourself a bridge
And get OVER it!
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
3,682
2,894
113
#43
I've been that way, for sure. Seemed every breakup made me more and more leery of romance. I finally had enough and determined to die alone. I went out of my way to stay single. And even when someone came around expressing interest i did everything i could to deter them. But i can say now we've been together 2 years and 2 months now. She lives in another country, and we had made plans to meet in person, 2 days later covid hit. So we're hoping we can get together as all that slows down to finally meet in person. And if that goes well...

Life makes it difficult to make plans about how your life will go. Soon as you think you've got it figured out, here comes something unexpected.
 
S

SimpleSheep

Guest
#44
For a long time I wondered if a one-sided, unrequited love is worthless or not. It seems like a pointless expenditure of hope leading nowhere. But if it's a love loved for the right reasons, I think it still can be purposeful. And it can certainly change someone, even for the better, I think, even if it doesn't work out in the end.

God's love for fallen humanity was one-sided and unrequited. That's a challenging reminder to me. I naturally want a love to be returned and reciprocated. I think we all do. But maybe a one-sided love is actually more real in some ways than a mutual love.

...of course, it's a fine line between love and obsession, so yeah, gotta be careful with that, lol
I dislike the quote "it's better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all." I just think it's silly lol.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
56,262
26,314
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#45
I dislike the quote "it's better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all." I just think it's silly lol.
It may seem silly if you think of the saying as referring only to romantic love.

And I can understand why you would dislike it from that perspective.

But surely it encompasses more than that? We all lose people we love.

Sometimes it is a cherished friendship, or a parent, sibling, or other family member.

The loss could be through estrangement or death. Either way, it is a loss.

It could even be the loss of a beloved pet :)
 
J

JAPOV

Guest
#46
It may seem silly if you think of the saying as referring only to romantic love.

And I can understand why you would dislike it from that perspective.

But surely it encompasses more than that? We all lose people we love.

Sometimes it is a cherished friendship, or a parent, sibling, or other family member.

The loss could be through estrangement or death. Either way, it is a loss.

It could even be the loss of a beloved pet :)
I think SS is saying she has a lot of love to give...
 
S

SimpleSheep

Guest
#47
It may seem silly if you think of the saying as referring only to romantic love.

And I can understand why you would dislike it from that perspective.

But surely it encompasses more than that? We all lose people we love.

Sometimes it is a cherished friendship, or a parent, sibling, or other family member.

The loss could be through estrangement or death. Either way, it is a loss.

It could even be the loss of a beloved pet :)
Hmmm...when I think of that quote I always picture a man desperate for a woman who doesn't love him back. It is very unfortunate to fall in love with someone that doesn't love you back...but to say it's better than to never have loved? I don't agree with that.

Of course family, friendship and pet love is worth it. All kinds of love are worth it. I guess I just thought that quote meant that you love someone but they don't love you back...not really the person you love has passed away.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
56,262
26,314
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#48
Hmmm...when I think of that quote I always picture a man desperate for a woman who doesn't love him back. It is very unfortunate to fall in love with someone that doesn't love you back...but to say it's better than to never have loved? I don't agree with that.

Of course family, friendship and pet love is worth it. All kinds of love are worth it. I guess I just thought that quote meant that you love someone but they don't love you back...not really the person you love has passed away.
I think all our experiences with love teach us something about life, our values, ourselves. There is nothing quite like losing love to bring these things into sharp focus, often painfully so. For sure unrequited love may be in view with that saying, but if the love was unrequited, I have to wonder what was lost. Opportunity? Hope? Not the other person's love, if it was never there to begin with.
 
S

SimpleSheep

Guest
#49
I guess I misunderstood the quote then...
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
56,262
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#50
I guess I misunderstood the quote then...
I would not say you misunderstood it entirely :) I am not sure who coined it or the circumstances surrounding what precipitated it, either. I was simply pointing out that it has more than one application :) The case of someone's love being unrequited... probably some of those instances could not even be called love, but infatuation, obsession, fantasy, or delusion. Hopefully people learn from those experiences too. Like, what not to do LOL
 
S

SimpleSheep

Guest
#51
I would not say you misunderstood it entirely :) I am not sure who coined it or the circumstances surrounding what precipitated it, either. I was simply pointing out that it has more than one application :) The case of someone's love being unrequited... probably some of those instances could not even be called love, but infatuation, obsession, fantasy, or delusion. Hopefully people learn from those experiences too. Like, what not to do LOL
I'm not the brightest crayon in the box. lol. I didn't think of other applications.
 
J

JAPOV

Guest
#52
I'm not the brightest crayon in the box. lol. I didn't think of other applications.
I've never heard "the quote" in anything other than a romantic context... just sayin'. I've certainty never heard it said at a funeral... I certainly wouldn't try to console anyone with that line ;)
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
56,262
26,314
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#53
I'm not the brightest crayon in the box. lol. I didn't think of other applications.
I am not the brightest crayon in the box, either. I went through a lot
of various types of relationships before I even started figuring it out.


@JAPOV ... and yet the saying is meant to console. Isn't it?
 
J

JAPOV

Guest
#54
I am not the brightest crayon in the box, either. I went through a lot
of various types of relationships before I even started figuring it out.


@JAPOV ... and yet the saying is meant to console. Isn't it?
Try it and let us know... :unsure:
 
J

JAPOV

Guest
#56
I did not mean at a funeral. If the saying was not coined to
console those who had "lost love," what was its purpose?
I believe it's merely an objective retrospective observation... not so much an "in the moment" colloquialism ;)
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
56,262
26,314
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#59
Well, that's not polite lol...
You obviously had a big wide open thought there! :LOL:
How was it not polite? Really, I don't understand that... and it was a bit difficult
to wrap my mind around what you said in the post I put the faces on... which
is why I put the faces on it. :unsure: means unsure. And then I :giggle: = giggle.


All those big words all at once kind of flummoxed me!

And the "in the moment colloquialism" ... I did not know what to make of that.

What is an in the moment colloquialism? I have not heard of such a thing before. :geek:
 
J

JAPOV

Guest
#60
How was it not polite? Really, I don't understand that... and it was a bit difficult
to wrap my mind around what you said in the post I put the faces on... which
is why I put the faces on it. :unsure: means unsure. And then I :giggle: = giggle.


All those big words all at once kind of flummoxed me!

And the "in the moment colloquialism" ... I did not know what to make of that.

What is an in the moment colloquialism? I have not heard of such a thing before. :geek:
Nope! Not falling for that! (In the moment colloquialism)

What does that space really indicate? Am I reading too much into what you "didn't" write lol? ;)