I gave up on finding a mate.

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
S

Seeking-Christ

Guest
#1
#1
It isn't that I don't have a desire for a mate. I'm just trying to be realistic. Women don't want me, and I can't blame them. I'm probably ugly to look at, and my personality isn't what they desire. Not to mention my mental and physical problems too. It seems to me that nobody really cares about honesty, and loyalty. People want a lot of flash! Something that makes them feel good. If they feel good enough then they might think they are in love or something... But I think, after 19 Plus years of hoping, it's time to give up on that hope. I recently wrote a poem called "I am the rejected one: Jesus Please take me home". There is a couple of ideas going on here. I said as an explanation: This poem is inspired by 42 years of rejection by my pears. That's true! I always had a hard time fitting in. But all this rejection I've been feeling from the internet, and work. Plus I don't feel like I'm useful to Jesus, and I'm not sure just how much longer I'm going to be useful to my parents too. I wish Jesus would just call me home.

I don't have the poem anymore. But last year, I was thinking about this stuff, and maybe a little more. I wrote a poem about it. I sorta took and a Calvinistic approach of "Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated". Then I applied it to myself, and said "I'm rejected from birth, I have no worth." Probably the saddest and maybe even the most disturbing poem I have ever written. I tried sharing it with a few people in real life and then i ripped it up and threw it away.

I just wanted to put this out there, publicly, that I gave up on finding a mate.
 
TamLynn

TamLynn

A heart at rest
#2
Nov 27, 2014
985
1,019
93
#2
Giving up is probably the best thing to do.

The word of God tells us to "Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need." (Matt.6:33)

🙏🏻
 
J

Jesusfollower

Active member
#3
Oct 21, 2021
352
197
43
jamaica
#3
Seeking-Christ said:
It isn't that I don't have a desire for a mate. I'm just trying to be realistic. Women don't want me, and I can't blame them. I'm probably ugly to look at, and my personality isn't what they desire. Not to mention my mental and physical problems too. It seems to me that nobody really cares about honesty, and loyalty. People want a lot of flash! Something that makes them feel good. If they feel good enough then they might think they are in love or something... But I think, after 19 Plus years of hoping, it's time to give up on that hope. I recently wrote a poem called "I am the rejected one: Jesus Please take me home". There is a couple of ideas going on here. I said as an explanation: This poem is inspired by 42 years of rejection by my pears. That's true! I always had a hard time fitting in. But all this rejection I've been feeling from the internet, and work. Plus I don't feel like I'm useful to Jesus, and I'm not sure just how much longer I'm going to be useful to my parents too. I wish Jesus would just call me home.

I don't have the poem anymore. But last year, I was thinking about this stuff, and maybe a little more. I wrote a poem about it. I sorta took and a Calvinistic approach of "Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated". Then I applied it to myself, and said "I'm rejected from birth, I have no worth." Probably the saddest and maybe even the most disturbing poem I have ever written. I tried sharing it with a few people in real life and then i ripped it up and threw it away.

I just wanted to put this out there, publicly, that I gave up on finding a mate.
Click to expand...
You should not give up. Someone may show up for you eventually, you do not know. As for being useful, I am certain you are a caring person, do not change that please. Know that Jesus was rejected also.

Blessings.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#4
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#4
Calvinism is a sham because God did not reject Esau or Jacob FROM BIRTH

It was Esau who actually first rejected his birthright, not God rejecting him. God actually still made some provision for Esau even though Esau sold his birthright for a mess of pottage.

God had previously said to Rebecca the eldest shall serve the younger one before the brothers were even born before they had even done anything!

this doesnt have anything to do with marrying or anything or being rejected. Married people dont neccesarily have it easier than singles and its not that they enjoy more blessings either.

Listen its time to stop the self pity...if you want to talk about true rejection its when a parent kicks their child out of the home and abandons them, leaves them with a dirty nappy and ignores them, or goes off to the pub and parties a drinks and does drugs while leaving their kids in the car.

You know what Jesus did...he never turned away a kid that came to him. And He went and found his own friends, he got twelve fisherman to follow him. He taught Mary.

sure the Pharisees spat on him and the Romans flogged him and he wasnt given in marriage either...plus he was kissed by a MAN (Judas?!) but did he pack a sad because of this....I dont think so.

Did Jesus really ask us all to 'fit in'? Fit in where? a box? Why fit in when you can stand out?
 
G

Gojira

Guest
#5
#5
Seeking-Christ said:
It isn't that I don't have a desire for a mate. I'm just trying to be realistic. Women don't want me, and I can't blame them. I'm probably ugly to look at, and my personality isn't what they desire. Not to mention my mental and physical problems too. It seems to me that nobody really cares about honesty, and loyalty. People want a lot of flash! Something that makes them feel good. If they feel good enough then they might think they are in love or something... But I think, after 19 Plus years of hoping, it's time to give up on that hope. I recently wrote a poem called "I am the rejected one: Jesus Please take me home". There is a couple of ideas going on here. I said as an explanation: This poem is inspired by 42 years of rejection by my pears. That's true! I always had a hard time fitting in. But all this rejection I've been feeling from the internet, and work. Plus I don't feel like I'm useful to Jesus, and I'm not sure just how much longer I'm going to be useful to my parents too. I wish Jesus would just call me home.

I don't have the poem anymore. But last year, I was thinking about this stuff, and maybe a little more. I wrote a poem about it. I sorta took and a Calvinistic approach of "Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated". Then I applied it to myself, and said "I'm rejected from birth, I have no worth." Probably the saddest and maybe even the most disturbing poem I have ever written. I tried sharing it with a few people in real life and then i ripped it up and threw it away.

I just wanted to put this out there, publicly, that I gave up on finding a mate.
Click to expand...
Dude, I think I understand. Been 13 years for me (15 years before I met my late wife). At 5'6", I am not on the ladies' top ten list since most women want tall (>5'10") men. I loved reading dating profiles in which Christian women said that they wanted to be able to wear heals and not feel stupid standing next to their men. Christian women wrote this. And men are shallow??

Women my age on those sites were seeking men >10 years younger. Men always want the pretty young things?

If my standards were lower or more carnal, I'd get some attention. Online, I come across 20yo's who have promiscuous daddy fantasies. I come across Philippine women who's primary mate criteria is 'can you lift me out of poverty?' These are the women who seem to want me -- aside from my late wife -- apparently an aberration from the norm.

God is above all circumstances, but there comes a point when you have to wonder if, in your case, He's deliberately orchestrating those circumstances to keep you unattached. I cannot even make platonic male friends since I moved to AZ 2.5 years ago. My TV is the only human voice I hear in my home -- with the exception of the periodic phone call. Movies I do alone. Errands I do alone. Driving I do alone. Everything I do alone. Trying to trust Him and let Him be GOD... but this one doesn't come close to making sense.

It's not good for the man to be alone... but maybe that only applied to Adam.

Not seeking pity, not looking for advice. Your words just resonated with me, SC.
 
R

Rainbowlost

New member
#6
Apr 17, 2022
10
5
3
#6
I a woman and think the same way. I a out to feel like God had wanted me to be alone and forgotten. Just for one I would like to find a man that is a honest Christian and put me first a lot. He will I need to listen to my feelings and know that I come with baggage and hurt pass. It will be nice if guys will listen to the woman feelings and have it through the pain and hurt.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#7
Jul 3, 2015
60,133
29,450
113
#7
Jesusfollower said:
Know that Jesus was rejected also.
Click to expand...
Sharing in the suffering of Christ is a great honor. I have thought that for many years,
and in typing it out now, wondered if there was a Biblical basis for saying so, so I typed
the phrase into my search bar :) 1 Peter 4:13 says, "But rejoice that you share in the
sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed at the revelation of His glory."

Romans 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not comparable to the glory that will be revealed in us.

2 Corinthians 1:5
For just as the sufferings of Christ overflow to us, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

2 Corinthians 1:7
And our hope of you is steadfast, knowing, that as ye are partakers of the sufferings, so shall ye be also of the consolation.

2 Corinthians 4:10
We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.

Philippians 3:10
I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to Him in His death,

Matthew 5:12
Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

Luke 6:22,23
Blessed are ye, when men shall hate you, and when they shall separate you from their
company, and shall reproach you, and cast out your name as evil, for the Son of man's sake…
 
A

anne03

Guest
#8
#8
I'm sorry you are going through this situation, I have to say it thou: self deprecation is never the answer and marriage is not the porpouse of our lives. We are called to look for the things above. We were created to glorify God and find contenment in his presence only, because he is the only source of joy that never runs out. If you are not happy with God and with yourself now, believe, a marriage will not fill that emptiness your are feeling. You should concentrate on God and on being the best version of yourself, pray God and he will give you what you need. I can see you are hurting, so even if you get the most amazing person in your life is very probable it won't work, because you have to heal your own heart. Is not that people just like flashes, people look for emotional stability, so you need to have that first, so you can provide it to other person. Besides, you don't know what God has saved you when those people run away from you.

I can tell you I got married when I was 29, couple of years before that I saw all my friends getting married and started feeling just like you. Now I am 34, we got divorced 5 month ago, he was the worst husband someone could have and I wish I had never marry him. So, trust God, trust his process, focus on him and focus on being the best version of yourself is all I can say.
 
G

Gojira

Guest
#10
#10
anne03 said:
I'm sorry you are going through this situation, I have to say it thou: self deprecation is never the answer and marriage is not the porpouse of our lives. We are called to look for the things above. We were created to glorify God and find contenment in his presence only, because he is the only source of joy that never runs out. If you are not happy with God and with yourself now, believe, a marriage will not fill that emptiness your are feeling. You should concentrate on God and on being the best version of yourself, pray God and he will give you what you need. I can see you are hurting, so even if you get the most amazing person in your life is very probable it won't work, because you have to heal your own heart. Is not that people just like flashes, people look for emotional stability, so you need to have that first, so you can provide it to other person. Besides, you don't know what God has saved you when those people run away from you.

I can tell you I got married when I was 29, couple of years before that I saw all my friends getting married and started feeling just like you. Now I am 34, we got divorced 5 month ago, he was the worst husband someone could have and I wish I had never marry him. So, trust God, trust his process, focus on him and focus on being the best version of yourself is all I can say.
Click to expand...
Like I said, I was married. It was good and I was content. I am old enough and experienced enough at this point to know that a good marriage is fulfilling and adds much to life. It did mine.

If that doesn't work for you, then I commend your spiritual superiority. I am not there, yet, and progressive sanctification unfortunately takes time. If and when I get to your level, then maybe I'll be more content alone. Until then...
 
A

anne03

Guest
#11
#11
Gojira said:
Like I said, I was married. It was good and I was content. I am old enough and experienced enough at this point to know that a good marriage is fulfilling and adds much to life. It did mine.

If that doesn't work for you, then I commend your spiritual superiority. I am not there, yet, and progressive sanctification unfortunately takes time. If and when I get to your level, then maybe I'll be more content alone. Until then...
Click to expand...
Wow, I've never thought I found that kind of attitude here. First that all, my answer was not for you, was for the person who post the question, I did not even read what you wrote before.

Second, I never presented marriage as something bad, I'm just explaining that the only source of infinite joy is God and that if you start a relationship being broken or emotionally unhealthy as a person, there is a high percent that is not going to end well.

Third trying to put a brother or sister down when he/she is trying to do what the bible says and encouraging others to do it is not the most Christian or kind thing to do. If something I wrote triggered you. I'm sorry, I don't know your life, nor your situation and what I wrote is for the user Seeking-Christ not for you.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#12
Jul 3, 2015
60,133
29,450
113
#12

"4 + 20" w/Lyrics- Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young
:)
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#13
Aug 13, 2014
27,354
9,370
113
#13
anne03 said:
Wow, I've never thought I found that kind of attitude here. First that all, my answer was not for you, was for the person who post the question, I did not even read what you wrote before.

Second, I never presented marriage as something bad, I'm just explaining that the only source of infinite joy is God and that if you start a relationship being broken or emotionally unhealthy as a person, there is a high percent that is not going to end well.

Third trying to put a brother or sister down when he/she is trying to do what the bible says and encouraging others to do it is not the most Christian or kind thing to do. If something I wrote triggered you. I'm sorry, I don't know your life, nor your situation and what I wrote is for the user Seeking-Christ not for you.
Click to expand...
That's just Gojira. You'll get used to him. He sometimes jumps the gun a bit but he's basically okay.
 
O

Oblio

Guest
#14
#14
I got married young. After 9 years, I divorced her. I was being selfish.
Years later, I married again. After 8 years, she divorced me. Technically, she was being selfish. Kinda evens out, I guess.
I now look back on my first marriage and realize what I had. I might try to get her back, and she might take me, except for one inconvenient fact...she's dead!
I'd really like to get married again, but to be honest, I don't need a wife...more like a personal support worker!
Any takers...none? I'm surprised! :rolleyes:
 
G

Gojira

Guest
#15
#15
anne03 said:
Wow, I've never thought I found that kind of attitude here. First that all, my answer was not for you, was for the person who post the question, I did not even read what you wrote before.

Second, I never presented marriage as something bad, I'm just explaining that the only source of infinite joy is God and that if you start a relationship being broken or emotionally unhealthy as a person, there is a high percent that is not going to end well.

Third trying to put a brother or sister down when he/she is trying to do what the bible says and encouraging others to do it is not the most Christian or kind thing to do. If something I wrote triggered you. I'm sorry, I don't know your life, nor your situation and what I wrote is for the user Seeking-Christ not for you.
Click to expand...
There was no quote in your post. You'd do well to do that next time.

This is a sensitive subject for me, and frankly I felt judged by your post. I simply cannot be where you claim you are. I pray for it every day, but there are zones of spiritual maturity I simply have not entered, and until I do...

Putting you down? How so? Because I got sarcastic? I felt put down, and patronized, as if I were some young, idealistic person who'd never been married before. I know what works and I know what I want. If those desires are in conflict with God's will, then I pray He removes them.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but desire fulfilled is a tree of life. (Proverbs 13:12)

I wish I could be like Christ, YOUR will be done... and mean it to the bottom of my heart. I am not there. Don't know if I ever will be in this body. So, unless that changes, certain desires I have for this life are going to be aches until fulfilled.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#16
Aug 13, 2014
27,354
9,370
113
#16
Seeking-Christ said:
It isn't that I don't have a desire for a mate. I'm just trying to be realistic. Women don't want me, and I can't blame them. I'm probably ugly to look at, and my personality isn't what they desire. Not to mention my mental and physical problems too. It seems to me that nobody really cares about honesty, and loyalty. People want a lot of flash! Something that makes them feel good. If they feel good enough then they might think they are in love or something... But I think, after 19 Plus years of hoping, it's time to give up on that hope. I recently wrote a poem called "I am the rejected one: Jesus Please take me home". There is a couple of ideas going on here. I said as an explanation: This poem is inspired by 42 years of rejection by my pears. That's true! I always had a hard time fitting in. But all this rejection I've been feeling from the internet, and work. Plus I don't feel like I'm useful to Jesus, and I'm not sure just how much longer I'm going to be useful to my parents too. I wish Jesus would just call me home.

I don't have the poem anymore. But last year, I was thinking about this stuff, and maybe a little more. I wrote a poem about it. I sorta took and a Calvinistic approach of "Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated". Then I applied it to myself, and said "I'm rejected from birth, I have no worth." Probably the saddest and maybe even the most disturbing poem I have ever written. I tried sharing it with a few people in real life and then i ripped it up and threw it away.

I just wanted to put this out there, publicly, that I gave up on finding a mate.
Click to expand...
I'm 44 and also still single my whole life.

Finding a spouse is not what our society has blown it up to be. It's not the be all and end all of your existence. There is more to life than finding somebody who will live with you.

"All a person really needs in order to be happy is something to be enthusiastic about." Do you have anything you can get enthusiastic about in life?
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#18
Aug 13, 2014
27,354
9,370
113
#18
Gojira said:
There was no quote in your post. You'd do well to do that next time.

This is a sensitive subject for me, and frankly I felt judged by your post. I simply cannot be where you claim you are. I pray for it every day, but there are zones of spiritual maturity I simply have not entered, and until I do...

Putting you down? How so? Because I got sarcastic? I felt put down, and patronized, as if I were some young, idealistic person who'd never been married before. I know what works and I know what I want. If those desires are in conflict with God's will, then I pray He removes them.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but desire fulfilled is a tree of life. (Proverbs 13:12)

I wish I could be like Christ, YOUR will be done... and mean it to the bottom of my heart. I am not there. Don't know if I ever will be in this body. So, unless that changes, certain desires I have for this life are going to be aches until fulfilled.
Click to expand...
Dude. Chill.

Her post wasn't even directly after yours. It was three posts down. You have no leg to stand on with your claim that it could be seen as directed at you.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#19
Jul 3, 2015
60,133
29,450
113
#19
Gojira said:
Putting you down? How so? Because I got sarcastic?
Click to expand...
I didn't really see criticism for the other in your post. More an admission
that you are not in that place where you can see yourself content alone.

Sarcasm? Hmmm. Somewhat cynical and mildly derisive, sure.

Seems you both took what the other had to say to heart in areas you are hurting.

I pray healing for all.
 
G

Gojira

Guest
#20
#20
Lynx said:
Dude. Chill.

Her post wasn't even directly after yours. It was three posts down. You have no leg to stand on with your claim that it could be seen as directed at you.
Click to expand...
No quote, dude, and it since SC's and my posts were so similar, there was no way to know she was specifically addressing either of us.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.