The Banned Game

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Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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The Guinea Pigs went to a special school in Ohakune where Miss Greenlips Hine taught them

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shittim

Senior Member
Dec 16, 2016
13,947
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Oh yes they grow the year round in Shittimistan, the light colored ones grow during the day, dark ones at night, lots of carrots all the time for every day to be carrot donut day here!

 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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Miss Greenlips Hine decided to look up East Korea where Ms Seoul came from to find out more about her nation, but the wikipedia article was so long that her eyes glazed over.

However when she ran her eye on who was the Great Leader and his policies in East Korea she was horrified. Poor Ms Seoul it must be hell on earth! Even worse than what happened to Mosestaria (and neighbouring Rubyland) under the dictatorship of He who must not be named!

President Lanolin! However President Lanolin had put a do not disturb sign on her door which meant she was reading and must not be interrupted.

Oh well I will just send her the link and she can read it for herself when shes ready.

http://www.sciforums.com/encyclopedia/East_Korea
 
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Ruby123

Guest
Cranky old Captain Gaffe continued with his speech. The two women in the front row immaculately dressed and wearing stiletto's were not impressed with him. They yelled out "boo"(n)(n)
The captain did not say a word. He knew who they were. One was the Empress of Jennymaesia and the other the Empress of Lanolinland.
He smiled wickedly. You see Captain Gaffe was non other than the wicked leader of Mosesteria in disguise. He was making a comeback and had plans to capture the two Empress's.
 
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"Wait! What!?!" the great Chieftain called out indignantly from his gaol cell. "I'm not that doddering old nincompoop!"

His beautiful, would-be-rescuer, occupying an adjacent cell, nodded sadly.

"No one would believe such a great mind as I could be that bumbling buffoon!" he continued defiantly.

"They will believe what they are told," the lady replied softly. "Not every peasant has the mind of a Mighty Chieftain."

Moses the Younger tried dialing the phone number he had for President Ruby once again, and frowned as it suddenly diverted to message bank. "She must have left it at home," he grumbled. "How long can it be before she checks it?" he wondered. "I'm not Captain Gaffe", he murmered, almost as if to convince himself.

"Quiet down there!" a harsh voice called from above the caged cells. "President Lanolin wants you in prime shape for when she feeds you to her cave-lizard!"
 
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Ruby123

Guest
Moses delirious with frostbite from being frozen for a month and on display as a feature in Rubyland was hallucinating again. It seems his beautiful accomplice was non other than Mrs Hairy. She left Hairy for Moses as Moses owned a banana plantation.
He thought he had the phone number of Empress Ruby and was wanting to ring her to threaten taking over her country but it was actually the phone number of Pizza Hut. Poor fellow was in really bad shape. He had no idea what he was doing.
 
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The great leader quickly tranquilised Mrs Hairy, using an anesthesia-loaded needle he kept on hand for such occasions. Then he slipped through the prison-cell bars - "Typical incompetent Lanolinland workmanship" he thought to himself - and made his way out of the prison compound.

He dialed again, and this time, finally got through to someone.

"Is President Ruby there?" he asked.

"Uhhhhh.... Yeah, Ruby is here," an unfamiliar voice answered.

"Excellent, then let me speak with her." the chieftain commanded.

There was several moments silence, then an unfamiliar female voice asked "Errr - hello sir, may I take your order?"

"Yes!" the chieftain replied. "I want you to withdraw your armies from Mosestaria immediately."

"Uhhhh... You want a Meatlovers pizza?" asked the voice in a confused tone.

"Actually, that would be nice," answered the chieftain. "It really does seem to be the least you can do, being as you invaded Mosestaria without any reason..."
 
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Ruby123

Guest
The Pizza hut employee quickly rang her friend non other than Empress Jenny and informed her that Moses had just ordered a meatlovers pizza and asked what she should do.
Empress Jenny was glad to know of his whereabouts.
She informed the friend to deliver a vegetarian pizza instead and to withhold the garlic bread that he also ordered. She knew this would irritate the wicked leader. She quickly rang Empress Lanolin so they could chat about how they were going to finally capture the wicked leader once and for all.
 
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The mighty Chieftain of Mosestaria was infuriated when his pizza arrived.

"What is this, vegetarian?! Do I look like some sort of goat who can digest any old rubbish!?" he exclaimed angrily to the Pizza Hut delivery driver.

"Uhhh, errrr, you ordered a vegetarian pizza, and cancelled the garlic bread, sir?" the driver stammered.

"WHAT!?!" roared the chieftain. "No garlic bread!?? This is a great insult."

"And that will be $19.95." finished the Pizza Hut employee.

"I am not paying for a vegetarian pizza that didn't even come with garlic bread." the chieftain insisted firmly.

"But, but sir... If you don't pay, they will take it out of our wages."

"Good!" exclaimed the leader triumphantly. "Perhaps President Ruby will withdraw her armies a little faster if she realises that this is going to cost her personally?"
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
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Miss Greenlips Hine answered a call from Empress Ruby

Im sorry President Lanolin is unavailable until the end of the week. Is there anything I can help you with?

Empress Ruby was in a rush and started gabbling about pizza and coffee

What Im sorry I dont understand, would you like me to deliver some pizza and coffee to President Lanolin?
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
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President Lanolin quickly read 3 books, and had 4 to go so she could complete her pizza wheel.
Ive only got four more days to read four more books, must go to the library again. Maybe the Empress Jennymae bio has been found, it is so thick that surely it could count as 2 books?

Then I will have a free pizza.
 
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jennymae

Guest
“Mylady?” The well fed Mr Long-Ear appeared on the scene. In his right hand he had a revolver. Single action, the Empress noticed. “Why the piece?” The Empress inquired. Mr Long-Ears pointed the gun in the general direction of the Empress. “We have made a deal with Mosestaria”, Mr Long-Ear added. His seven layers of chin material looked like worn out tires spinning in the mud when he laughed at his own information. “The Chieftain has promised me to become Secretary of State in the new, great nation of New Mosestaria. He’ll even throw in a vegan pizza with no garlic bread.” He cocked the gun. “I’m sorry Mylady, but this is the end of the road for you.” The Empress wanted to scream, but her voice failed her. Suddenly a shadow appeared behind the man with the revolver. The shadow said loudly and determined: “Drop the gun or I’ll make six holes in your body!”

“You?”, the Empress whispered…
 
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Ruby123

Guest
Empress Jenny blinked several times and rubbed her eyes. Was she seeing things? Was the wicked Chieftan Moses about to save her life from Mr Long Ears and all his chins? It was too much for her, she felt faint.

Meanwhile Empress Lanolin received a free vegetarian pizza and garlic bread. "what a pleasant surprise" she remarked. "And pineapple too, this is turning out to be a good day" she remarked as she finished four slices.
 
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Mr Long-Ears dropped his weapon, and started to raise his hands, a grotesque snarl across his gnarled face.

"Consider yourself added to the list, you meddling, beak-nosed, tin-pot dictator-wannabe..." he started cursing.

Empress Jenny winced and clutched her head and her arms to her well-fashioned body as a loud shot rang out, then another, then another three, followed by silence.

"Is this how it ends?" she wondered to herself, tentatively relaxing her arms to examine herself for any sign of blood. Her self-examination was interrupted by a rasping sound from Mr Long-Ears. She looked up, to witness it was this horrible man and his additional chins that had received the brunt of the bullets. The shadowy man was standing over the blood-soaked body of Long-Ears.

"I dropped the gun, you fool," rasped Long-Ears, blood pouring from his perforated torso. "Why did you shoot me?"

"I spared you a bullet, Long-Ears," replied the shadow in a Mosestarian accent. "Consider yourself blessed that I didn't use the sixth - you'd have rather died ten times from five bullets, than once with me using the sixth..."

As Mr Long-Ears departed for the judgement, his final recollection was of the shadowy figure apologizing to the Empress for the mess, and for the inappropriate language she'd had to endure.
 
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jennymae

Guest
This was way too much for the Empress. She had to lay down. The mysterious man who had saved her had left as mysteriously as he had appeared. She was left with the treasonous corpse of the former Mr Long-Ear. His eyes were still open and stared at her. She didn’t dare go near him. He was probably already wading into the lake of fire. She rang the bell. A servant got shed of Mr Long-Ear without asking stupid questions. He must have been at least 300 lbs.

She just had to call Ms Ruby and tell her all about what happened.
 
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However, unbeknownst to the Empress, she would have been too late, even if she'd tried, as before the Empress had so much as time to lay her down to sleep, the name of a banned caller on Ruby's phone flashed onto Ruby's phone screen.

A shadow tapped his foot impatiently for his call to be answered, as a servant mopped up Mr Long Ears' blood and corpse from the palace floors.

Forgetting the prior and sincere warnings of her friend and Empress, Ruby naively answered the blocked caller. "Pizza hut, how may I take your order?"

The Chieftain scowled. It sounded like the very same Ruby who'd not only invaded his country without cause, but had tried to make up for it by sending him a vegetarian pizza, *and* without garlic bread, *and then* had sent a delivery driver to try to charge him $19.95 for the trouble.

"Hello Ruby," the Chieftain replied in a sinister voice. "Do you serve rabbit pizza?"

There was silence from the other end of the phone for a moment, before the female voice replied cheerfully "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve rabbit." Another pause. "Unless you want to take your chances with the Meatlovers pizza? No one really seems to know what meats go onto that one..."

Back in the shadows of the palace, an even darker shadow passed over the Chieftain's face, and he gave a sinister smile.

"Thank you Ruby. But I'd like to speak to your manager now..."
 
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Ruby123

Guest
Ruby wondered why this caller was asking so many questions. Normally they just order and pay over the phone. "I'm sorry sir but the Manager Lanolin has the week off, you will need to speak to the assistant manager JennyMae. Would you like me to put you through", she asked.

The mysterious caller hung up. Ruby returned to making pizzas and a half an hour later a very mysterious man wearing a trench coat and false beard appeared. She knew it was false because the glue had melted and it was half hanging.

"Yes sir, can I take your order" Ruby asked.
"Let me speak to your Assistant Manager please" the mystery man replied.
 
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jennymae

Guest
“Pizza Hut, how can I help you? Jenny’s my name, pizza’s my game!” The assistant manager’s voice went through the standard response for the 700th time that month. The response wasn’t the usual one. A hoarse voice was on the other end. “Are you the Empress of Jennymaesia?” the voice said slowly and with not so little edge. The Assistant Manager laughed. “Are you referring to the commercial that went viral last month? You know the one where we put some fantasylands on the pizzas? I think one was Jennymaesia, a tribute to me, and some Mosse or Lanolin? We sold a lot of them vegan style. We even had a fight night here where people pretended to be rulers of the countries. I was of course the beautiful queen of Jennymaesia, and my coworker Ruby was the queen of Rubyland. You should have seen our dresses!”

The voice hesitated and was stuttering. “Fantasylands!”
 
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Ruby123

Guest
The wicked leader was confused. Did he eat too much pizza? Did the seafood make him delirious?
What was this woman on the other end of the line talking about fantasylands and commercials? All he knew was that he was once the leader of a land full of tyres and now he was full of frostbite and eating leftover pizza's.
He knew his only way back as leader would be through marriage. He devised a plan. He would court both Empress Lanolin and Empress Jenny and charm them. Whomever took his hand in marriage he would marry. He would then rule and reign their country and then try to overtake his arch enemy Empress Ruby. He has been wanting to take back these tyres she legally stole to make into mascara for ages now.
 
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Gojira

Guest
Okay, I'm banning Ruby. Why? Because she's above me in this thread, because she named herself after her cat, and because she seems just too adorable. NO ONE can be more adorable than I!

NOOO ONNNE!!!!!