Soon to be Marry Problem

[lichinto]

Dear all,

I am not quiet sure is it the right place to talk about issue between me and my girlfriend who soon to be wife.

I am really up sad and hope for wisdom especially from god and suggestion from brother and sister.

First of all, my girl friend and her family is not Christian, and my family is Christian. I have been accepted Christ, but not been baptise yet.

We have just bought our house and planning for our wedding that due in 8 weeks.

However everytime she talk to me, it feel like commanding me to do that or that. It suddenly make me feel afraid of her. Sometime I don't even want to talk to her. for example, I contract the utility company to switch electricity and gas on the property. The company told me it will be 4 to 6 weeks time. So I told my girl friend that, and she just shout back at me saying if I was handle that, It would be instant or switch within a day or two.

But after as you know, try to phone the utility company at break time at work, using mobile to 0845 premium number, its not cheap, especially have to wait 15 to 20 min before can go though. With all the effort I do, I feel useless and it is a waste, especially with no encouragement of the effort.

In return I get shout and de-value my ability. I feel I was a slave for her, rather than someone she care.

So I told her how I feel, especially she is soon to be my wife, she need to understand me and my feel. But now she went totally nut and angry and not want to talk to me.

She say it is her wedding, she want everything to well and unique. However the helper that help us can work for her, But she want everyone that under her command, even our parents. But I feel sometime we need to understand other people especially the helper. We can ask the helper to help this or that, but not make other helper have hard feeling and force to do things she want it too.

I understand this is a long post, but I think I really lost and want some guide, maybe pray for me. Really struggle to understand what girl want sometime or maybe its she being selfish or its a common girl things. >_<

 

[thurie]

hi,
keep praying ask God to help you finding the best way how to deal with your situations. people can gv you advice but you are the only one who experienced the situations. you just need time.
God bless

 

[lichinto]

I will try... and atm i just leave her alone, as she will not listen to my call anyway.

It just I try to told her, trying to think about other's people's feeling and think what happen if you in their shoes.

But she just reply back saying its my wedding. It shall be everything basic on me, everyone else go around it. If people not available to help, they shall make room or make themselves available to help and do as she told, because it is her wedding.

 

[rainacorn]

God is more important than your girlfriend. You need to understand that and so does she.

 

[lichinto]

I understanding that, but that not her view. She don't see that.

too be honest, I am not try to make her unhappy. All I want is speak out what I feel, and how she treat other people. But she seem to get very angry when people told her that is wrong and she like to do things in her way, her order, her command, because this or that is mine, mine mine.

But that is not how other people shall be treated. Yes, its her wedding actually us wedding. But we still need to respect other people's voices. She always say the wedding have to be this or that and keep say we don't give her freedom to choose, actually we are giving her many freedom, she can choose what song, what band to use,
order of services, who doing what and else, and she still saying we not give her freedom to customize the wedding.

What else she want? There is actually every thing is up to her to choose and select, and still no freedom? what kind of theory is that.

All my parent suggest is she can leave some task for helper to decide to do, where she can be lay off a bit not to worry. But she say that is no freedom.

She even told specific helper to pick up who and who at what time, without asking are the helper have time or willing to go there to pick up a person they never known of, especially have to drive across town.

I'm try not to angry and reason with her and just want to point out things. If she getting angry of that, all I can do is give her time, in the mean time I just pray and see how things go.

 

[rainacorn]

If she doesn't understand that God has to be number 1 in your life, then He will never be number 1 in your marriage.

SERIOUSLY think about what you're getting into here.

 

[dmdave17]

If she doesn't understand that God has to be number 1 in your life, then He will never be number 1 in your marriage.

SERIOUSLY think about what you're getting into here.

Absolutely right! It is too bad you waited to ask for advice until now, because the best advice would be don't marry her. Christian Chat is littered with sad stories of believers who are/were married to unbelievers and have paid the price in stress and misery. The Apostle Paul warned us about this in his second letter to the Corinthians, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God...." (2 Corinthians 6:13-16)

Sadly, in most cases, it is the unbeliever in a relationship who brings the believer down; not the other way around. If your fiance is as "bossy" as she is now, what do you think she will do if you and she disagree about a matter of faith?

Since you have bought a house together, it appears as though you may not have any choice but to go through with the marriage. But I would strongly recommend that you sit down with her beforehand and set out some rules about your relationship with each other, and with God. Ultimately, it would be better to go through the grief of canceling the marriage than to have to go through the grief of divorce.

God be with you in your dilemma.

 

[Ugly]

Yeah i have to agree marrying this woman sounds like a horrible mistake. She sounds very controlling and abusive. Abusive people rarely change. My advice, leave this woman, and stay away.

 

[NMsmile]

It sounds like God is drawing you back to his love, his mercy and to the plan he has for your life. My prayers are with you because you obviously know that God is "working" with you... I want to encourage you to get back to church, start reading your bible, pause for about 5 minutes each day, clear you mind and talk to God. Pause and wait to hear what God is trying to tell you...

 

[Adrianv125]

Bro, you will save yourself many sorrows and many heartaches if you leave her. Don't make the mistake of becoming the husband of a woman like this, who just for the fact that she isn't a child of God is disqualified, but more than that, she doesn't respect your authority as the head of the house or even consider your feelings. For your own good, stop it as soon as possible, obviously seek counsel from God and from the pastor of your church if you go to one. But to me, it just sounds like you will face even more trouble when you have to live with the decision of becoming her husband. Stay in prayer and in the word please. It will do you much good to be counseled by God.

God bless you and I hope you will let yourself be led by the Holy Spirit.

 

[rainacorn]

I don't think you need to leave her, you just need to lay down the law.

You're the spiritual head of the household. If she's not on board with that, then she can walk.

But maybe she will be on board with that if you make it clear how serious this is. It's the rest of your lives you're talking about.

 

[Lucy68]

Are you sure you want to marry this person?

Her lack of courtesy and respect for you should speak volumes

 

[enduretotheend]

You are a Christian ... she is not ... advise would be to NOT marry her.

 

[Emyy]

if she is nt christian dont marry her..problem startd before married..after marry also she will be burden for you..i suggest to wait god's voice

 

[Bobbyking]

Hi

My advice is that you may want to put this wedding on hold until you sort things out. I am not saying that you shouldn't marry her, but rather you should re-examine your priorities in life, especially since you have accepted Jesus as your Lord. Do you want to marry an unbelieving woman? Have you seek the Lord in prayer concerning this issue? What is His response?

 

[jackline]

your salvation and walk with the lord is definately going to be jeopadised by that marriage your getting yourself into. do not york yoself with non believers is the rule. trust me, there is nothing good that is going to come out of that marriage.
your position is not good and i hate to say this but that marriage is going to be hell. dont do it pliz

 

[preschoolteacher24]

From personal experience my ex and i where talking about marriage but once we where together like almost a year he started saying he wanted his kids too be free for us not to tell them about god I was like what. He kept on that choose. I was thinking whole time if teenagers are not thought right what type of household are we gonna have seriously. It got too the point where sometimes in a car together we start talking about that we end up be nothing too talk about because he get mad if i even mention it at all. So he blame me for being judgmental. Then again he said he was catholic his dad was too but his mom and bro where jova wt so a huge mixture it doesn't work out dating someone or marrying if they are not on the same track as you trust me. You can not change people at all. I mean it causes a lot of conflicts and problems dating so way more married. I mean I know love can move mountains and all but if you are getting married day isn't only hers ok get it in your head its your day too so you have too think if shes like this now how is she gonna be in any choices for you two for household or even your children shes gonna take over everything do you really wanna live like that. I am not saying leave her iam not one too tell you iam just saying think about it still have time. My relationship ended badlly everything was ok except that he wanted too much freedom like on his own so you have to really analyze what you have too do really its crunch time.

 

[VikkiKate89]

If she's a controlling nut like you're making her sound, she's not worth it. Before you get married you should always ask yourself, "Can I really put up with a lifetime of this?"

 

[Seriously_Cool_Wife]

If you plan to have a marriage set up the way God wants it, study Ephesians chapter 5.

See if she will study it with you. Then talk about the important things... like will you want your kids to go to church? Your whole family? What if God calls you to do something your wife won't want to do because she isn't Christian and doesn't put God's will first.... what then? You will have tough decisions to either disobey God or you and her will fight.

The bible says to not marry some one who is not "equally yoked" in beliefs. These are just a few reasons why. Marrying some one who has such different values and priorities in life will only cause heartache.

 

[Muskokaman]

Oh my friend how I feel for you
1st thing to do is to pray to the Lord for her eyes and ears to be opened to the truth this is a MUST.
2nd ask yourself do you love this woman and I mean truly love her are you willing to make many sacrifices yourself for her for if you do and are then you must forgive her.
3rd As in any contract (which marriage most certainly is) make sure that both parties are in FULL agreement
For it is said "a house that is divided against itself cannot stand"

I shall pray to the Lord for you and your espoused
peace be with you always