Dad jokes

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Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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#1
Something Ive always wondered...why are there so many dad jokes but no mum jokes.
I worked in a bookstore and half the humour shelves were taken up with dad jokes but never any mum jokes.

I cant tell you any off the top of my head though.
Im sure there must be some funny mothers..?!
 

GardenofWeeden

Well-known member
Jul 27, 2018
411
370
63
The Garden of Weeden
#2
Why do ducks have feathers on their butts?

To cover their butt-quacks.

Grandpa kicked the bucket last month. Know what his last words were?

Let's see how far I can kick this bucket.

:) :) :) :)
 

Talljake

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2022
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#3
Did you hear about the camping party?

It was in-tents
 

MsMediator

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2022
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705
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#4
My dad doesn't really tell ha-ha jokes. When I laugh about something my dad says, it is usually out of disbelief. He has a high IQ and has some interesting interpretations/views on a wide range of topics.
 

Cameron143

Well-known member
Mar 1, 2022
18,729
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#5
I dated a girl once who was cross-eyed. It didn't work out. We never really saw eye to eye and I had my suspicions she was seeing someone on the side.
 

shittim

Senior Member
Dec 16, 2016
13,740
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#7
Which is a dinosaurs least favorite reindeer? Comet!
 

GardenofWeeden

Well-known member
Jul 27, 2018
411
370
63
The Garden of Weeden
#8
My dad doesn't really tell ha-ha jokes. When I laugh about something my dad says, it is usually out of disbelief. He has a high IQ and has some interesting interpretations/views on a wide range of topics.
I love memories like that.
My daughter's memories of my late husband were of his history lessons. He would take the place of the main character. He was Christopher Columbus, George Washington, Pocahontas and John Rolf, even Mrs. O'Leary's cow in the great Chicago fire. So many great stories and memories. Despite his lessons, all three daughters passed their history classes.
 

shittim

Senior Member
Dec 16, 2016
13,740
7,741
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#9
You all have a lot of joy ahead of you when you are reunited!:)(y):unsure::coffee::)
 
Apr 29, 2012
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#10
I dated a girl once who was cross-eyed. It didn't work out. We never really saw eye to eye and I had my suspicions she was seeing someone on the side.
That's sooo wrong but soooo very funny. Got this old man to lol. thanks
 

Papermonkey

Active member
Dec 2, 2022
724
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43
#11
Which is a dinosaurs least favorite reindeer? Comet!
Here's an interesting factoid. All of Santa's reindeers were actually female.

Only female reindeer have antlers in the winter months. While the male reindeer have their antlers in spring and summer in time for the rut.



Which days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays. I just found out I’m colorblind. The news came out of the purple!

What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbelievable.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#12
The only time I get jokes is at Christmas when I have a box of christmas crackers. But they are all christmas jokes about santa and snow.

There should be on Fathers day Fathers day crackers, with dad jokes inside.
 

Thusiserve

Active member
Nov 8, 2022
182
143
43
#13
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.



My mom was a redhead😁
 

Talljake

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2022
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#14
I'm afraid for the calendar..... Its days are numbered.
 

GardenofWeeden

Well-known member
Jul 27, 2018
411
370
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The Garden of Weeden
#15
I stood in the garden early yesterday wondering where the sun had gone.
Then it dawned on me.

I used to make a lot of money clearing leaves from gardens,
I was raking it in.

What do you call a homeless snail?
A slug.

Why did the tomato blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing.

What is a zucchini's favorite sport?
Squash
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
9,160
1,787
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#17
When we go somewhere and drive back late at night, as the dad, I'm almost always the one driving. As they settle in to sleep in the car, I'll say, "Wake me up when we get there."
 

GardenofWeeden

Well-known member
Jul 27, 2018
411
370
63
The Garden of Weeden
#18
When we go somewhere and drive back late at night, as the dad, I'm almost always the one driving. As they settle in to sleep in the car, I'll say, "Wake me up when we get there."
Aww you want to die like grandpa, peacefully in your sleep, not like the other passengers in the car. hehee
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
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#19
er...I rememer as a child terrified of getting into car with my dad. I was always made to sit in the middle, being the middle child. The middle car seat had only a lap seat belt that wouldnt protect you in a crash and you'd go flying out through the windscreen if you did.

At least if you driving you are holding on to the wheel...
 

Talljake

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2022
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#20
Why was eve created from Adams ribs?

To show her that she belongs under his arm and close to his heart ☺️