16 yrs ago I went to hang myself, went to my garage stood on a box put the rope round my neck and from inside of me don't ask how I heard a voice say "look over here", I looked and to my amazement was a bible (my garage never was there one there I assure you) I looked at it and discounted it, but then that voice said " why dont you read it, you like true facts not fiction, you've never read it you can always do this tomorrow". That made sense so I went inside (was just a nt version) started with Matthew got to chptr 6 birds of the air, neither reap nor sow, the room exploded in light and the spirit of heaviness that was trying to kill me lifted and lifted and lifted and I was filled with peace, for three months til then I was at the gates of hell that I just so wanted to die.
18 mths later, going to a church, met a beautiful girl, gorgeous slinky and her mouth dripped with honey but her path led to death. I was captivated by her, my weakness come thru, next thing I knew I was having debaucherous sex with her often, going to church, no one knows and no one did, I'll be fine. A church leader comes up to me one day with a young girl I hadn't met nor ever seen at the church (700 people), said the girl pointed me out, she had a dream saw my face, she said to me "Jesus says to repent and stop what your doing, hell is real", in my arrogance and pride I said I'm fine. But my weakness for that honey dripping mouth of a girl had a hold of me, month later just on dawn, I was awoken by a voice externally in my ear at least half inch away say "repent"
Say no more, God still speaks.
Took me two years to stop running from God in guilt and shame but He never gave up on me, greatest good that come from my evil was learning just how much He cares and His mercy and grace to forgive me of my wretchedness.
Whenever I hear someone say heb 6:4 and give a interpretation of it I am amazed til this day, He knew I would fall into sin with that girl when He stopped me hanging myself , didn't stop Him then giving up on me.
