heart vs brain

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J

Jullianna

Guest
#1
#1
There are times when you meet someone amazing and your heart and brain begin to wonder "what if?" And while the what ifs are awesome, the timing is not right for one or both of you.

Heart says...I don't care. I want it anyway.

Brain kicks in and reminds you that love is selfless.

Heart often thinks maybe brain is just a coward.

But maybe brain knows that if it's meant to be, there's no rush.

But heart still wants what it wants, doesn't it?
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#2
Aug 2, 2009
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#2
You know what I just realized? Finding a mate is actually a lot like finding a job...


- You can sit back and wait for one to show up, or you can start looking and networking for a good one.

- When you find one that might be a good match you can wait and ponder things before deciding to voice your interest in it, but other "applicants" may voice their interest before you, leaving you out in the cold and back to square one.

- One can spend their whole life looking if they either don't look enough or are too picky about what they want.
 
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zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#3
Aug 2, 2009
24,709
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Jullianna said:
There are times when you meet someone amazing and your heart and brain begin to wonder "what if?" And while the what ifs are awesome, the timing is not right for one or both of you.

Heart says...I don't care. I want it anyway.

Brain kicks in and reminds you that love is selfless.

Heart often thinks maybe brain is just a coward.

But maybe brain knows that if it's meant to be, there's no rush.

But heart still wants what it wants, doesn't it?
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I never went through any of that thought process. If I like someone, I ask her out and if it doesn't work out, it just doesn't work out, and I move on.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#4
Aug 2, 2009
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Sorry...editing time limit is a killer!

Ok, so...I think one big problem is that some people feel that deciding to ask someone out on a date is some sort of huge, important decision. I don't think it should be that way. If you like someone and they seem ok, just ask them out and see what develops. Don't try to figure out "if this is the person for you" even before you go on a date with them. That will just keep you in a pattern of not asking anyone out ever!
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#5
Feb 3, 2010
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#5
zeroturbulence said:
Sorry...editing time limit is a killer!

Ok, so...I think one big problem is that some people feel that deciding to ask someone out on a date is some sort of huge, important decision. I don't think it should be that way. If you like someone and they seem ok, just ask them out and see what develops. Don't try to figure out "if this is the person for you" even before you go on a date with them. That will just keep you in a pattern of not asking anyone out ever!
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I think I have the opposite perspective.

I believe that asking someone out is a HUGE decision unless I'm not interested in them. I can ask anyone out that I'm not interested in, move on if they say no or play along until I get bored if they say yes. But, the hardest decisions to make are the ones that are deeply meaningful regardless of the outcome. Being patient for the right person pays off dividends if you are the right person for them.

For me it takes a serious gut check to step up to the plate knowing that I am about to be invested in someone else potentially more than i have ever been.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#6
Aug 2, 2009
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Liamson said:
I think I have the opposite perspective.

I believe that asking someone out is a HUGE decision unless I'm not interested in them. I can ask anyone out that I'm not interested in, move on if they say no or play along until I get bored if they say yes. But, the hardest decisions to make are the ones that are deeply meaningful regardless of the outcome. Being patient for the right person pays off dividends if you are the right person for them.

For me it takes a serious gut check to step up to the plate knowing that I am about to be invested in someone else potentially more than i have ever been.
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Actually, I think I might understand why you feel that way, Doug. This might sound crazy but I think you are the type of guy that a lot of women find attractive and because of that a woman can get very attached to you right away after you start dating and that makes it very difficult for you to end a relationship, especially if it was only a full-on relationship in her eyes, and not yours. Right? So that's why you are very careful who you ask out (I think).
 
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Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#7
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
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#7
I wish I could have what you have and be able to get shot down and move on but, I don't do that very well. I don't recover very well or very quickly.
 
A

asd101

Guest
#8
#8
I just go with what God wants for me, my brain and my heart thank me!!! :D!!! Hahaha...
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#9
#9
zeroturbulence said:
I never went through any of that thought process. If I like someone, I ask her out and if it doesn't work out, it just doesn't work out, and I move on.
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Before I joined this forum, I did the same thing. Never realized it had to be so complicated before. :(

I didn't do the asking or anything. If I liked a guy and he asked me out, I would get to know him. If it works, it works. If not, it doesn't. It's no reflection on the people involved as long as one of the parties doesn't do something lowlifed or ugly. You don't know until you try. Whether it works or it doesn't, you'll still learn something useful. At least I have.
 
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zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#10
Aug 2, 2009
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Well I never said it was painless. :) For me, there was one time where she was really hurt but I wasn't (it just wasn't working out for me) and one time when I was pretty hurt, but my point is that we shouldn't try to decide if a person is "THE ONE" before even asking them out.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#11
Aug 2, 2009
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#11
Jullianna said:
Before I joined this forum, I did the same thing. Never realized it had to be so complicated before. :(

I didn't do the asking or anything. If I liked a guy and he asked me out, I would get to know him. If it works, it works. If not, it doesn't. It's no reflection on the people involved as long as one of the parties doesn't do something lowlifed or ugly. You don't know until you try. Whether it works or it doesn't, you'll still learn something useful. At least I have.
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I think its probably because you have more dating experience than me that you've had some pretty bad experiences. I've only dated a handful of women (you can count them on one hand) and luckily haven't run into the type of things you mentioned (knock on wood). Also, maybe the fact that I wasn't christian when I dated helped. I'm not sure how, but I think it might have.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#12
#12
There's the number I've actually dated (which is actually pretty low) and those I've not because of the games I talked about in another thread (which number is considerably higher). :)
 
LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#13
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
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#13
Jullianna said:
There's the number I've actually dated (which is actually pretty low) and those I've not because of the games I talked about in another thread (which number is considerably higher). :)
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You sure sound picky.

I guess I'll just feel even more special when you pick me ;)
 
C

Catlynn

Guest
#16
#16
I've totally had this war waging inside of me before. I think, though, that as I've grown in my relationship with God, I've started hearing His voice in the matter, rather than any of my own. Lol it works out quite nicely, seeing as how I totally over think situations. :p
As for asking and being asked out...I'm 100% convinced that I would want to be friends and get to know a person among other friends before going on dates. I figured that one out recently. I wouldn't want to date someone that I didn't know or could never see myself ending up with. But that's me. ^_^
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#17
#17
LOL@ Lightning and Nod! (I've missed you Nod :) )

Catlynn! EXACTLY!!!!! This is the reason for "being picky", if you want to call it that. It's not about people not "making the cut" or living up to certain standards. If I don't date someone, it is not because there is something lacking in them or in me. It's simply that whatever IT is..a genuine connection, simply isn't there. And I won't make a commitment to date someone exclusively (and I ONLY date exclusively, which is why the "just friends" thing would be kinda silly for me...I don't share well with others haha) if I can't see myself with them in a serious relationship down the road. I tried dating people I couldn't see myself with long term because they gave me the "you didn't even give me a chance" guilt trip, but that's only setting yourself up for failure and to either be hurt or hurt someone else. Seems pointlessly unkind to me. If IT isn't there, it isn't there and I know it pretty quickly, don't you? :) If someone couldn't see themselves with me long term, I would appreciate them being kind, but honest about it, wouldn't you?
 
Ritter

Ritter

Banned
#18
Jul 25, 2005
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#18
Catlynn said:
I'm 100% convinced that I would want to be friends and get to know a person among other friends before going on dates. I figured that one out recently. I wouldn't want to date someone that I didn't know or could never see myself ending up with. But that's me. ^_^
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Same here. This comes with the requirement that they must appeal to my brain first. I have a very loyal heart, once someone has broken through my barriers and gained my affection and loyalty, there is little that can be done for it to be removed...even when all logic says it must.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#19
#19
Ritter, I think that is probably the most profound post I've ever read in these forums.
 
C

Catlynn

Guest
#20
#20
It was a pretty fantastic post. :D
 
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