Courtship!!!

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Aqua_Girl09

Guest
#1
#1
well. . . . . I JUST STARTED THE FIRST OFFICAL COURTSHIP IN MY CHURCH!!!

.^_^ at my church we don't "date" we "Court"

which basically means, instead of trying out this person and that person, we find a friend who we feel like would be a good match for us and then sit down with the pastors and say "hey lets see if marrying this person would be a good idea." thats basically it. and the most important part is that they keep us accountable so that we don't fall into sin BEFORE we acutally get married.

and i'm kinda really excited about it but i know its probably going to be a long and hard process cause we're both years from being ready to get married. neither of us has any degree . . . .T-T . .. sigh. BUT i'm excited to be official and not. . . . .. just more then friends. ^_^


if anyone has done a courtship and has anything to share please and thank you! ^_^
 
OldFashionedGuy

OldFashionedGuy

Banned
#2
Dec 3, 2011
5
1
0
#2
I don't agree with courtship at all. To me, the most romantic and best way to know someone is being with them alone like you would any other friend, just hanging out and doing day to day stuff, being best friends! There is no biblical basis for courtship, and it is the most unromantic thing imaginable.
 
K

Kooper

Guest
#3
#3
*thumbs up*
 
Phia

Phia

Senior Member
#4
Jul 7, 2011
175
2
18
#4
OldFashionedGuy said:
I don't agree with courtship at all. To me, the most romantic and best way to know someone is being with them alone like you would any other friend, just hanging out and doing day to day stuff, being best friends! There is no biblical basis for courtship, and it is the most unromantic thing imaginable.
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I disagree.. I think courting can be romantic.. Being alone with someone you have feelings for can lead to temptation..but I suppose it's alright if you're actually out in public somewhere. I think courtship is more serious than dating.. with courtship there's an intention of marriage as a end result..I think what also matters is what you think courtship is.. Like everything you described to me is what I think courtship would be like..but with some limitation..like in regards to physical stuff..setting boundaries..keeping it all respectful and appropriate.. I don't think that's the most unromantic thing imaginable :)

anyways that's just my opinion..and Aqua_Girl09 I think what you're doing is pretty cool ^_^
 
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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#5
#5
The couple of relationships I've had, we casually built a foundation for a friendship until it grew into love beyond friendship.

I regret nothing. :)

Although now I have no need for a woman in my life! Courtship sounds "pleasant", but more formal than romantic.
 
H

Helloimandrewyo

Guest
#6
#6
Agreed, i think the traditional sense of courtship is a bad way to go, as do i think contemporary dating is crappy.

There is a middle ground of building a relationship before you're in a relationship that should be found and built upon.
 
H

Helloimandrewyo

Guest
#7
#7
If anyone is like i read joshua harris's "i kissed dating goodbye" i know you opinion. So don't bring that book into it.

lol


even he didn't say "dating" is bad, he just commented on what is basically known as speed dating.
 
Ritter

Ritter

Banned
#8
Jul 25, 2005
2,417
34
0
#8
OldFashionedGuy said:
I don't agree with courtship at all. To me, the most romantic and best way to know someone is being with them alone like you would any other friend, just hanging out and doing day to day stuff, being best friends! There is no biblical basis for courtship, and it is the most unromantic thing imaginable.
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I also have a concern about the layer of formality involved. It keeps lasciviousness at bay, but there are other ways of doing so.

If people feel called to court, more power too them. I will not go so far as to say it is completely ineffective or morally wrongheaded.

Call me a slave to the 50's, but I just like the idea of driving a girl down to the malt shop and talking the night away.
 
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Aqua_Girl09

Guest
#9
#9
UM. . . .a LOT of different views. >_< I don't want to just say dating is bad but. . . . .it has a lot of pot holes. i DID read Joshua Harris' book and i feel like hes right. um. . .the thing with courtship is that we're being held accountable for with people we trust and who can keep us from sinning. OLDFASHIONEDGUY idk how your relationship have been but i know that with my own past experiences trying to stay pure and not crossing boundaries what a joke. it was only a little more here and only a little more there. and its all up the the couple what the boundaries are. we perfectly capable of going somewhere with just us too. but my pastors are going to call randomly or test us to make sure we're not about to compromise our faith. its what we can and can't do is up to us. but our pastors and older and understand a lot more then we do. they're leading us and showing us a way to come together that's pleasing to God and not ourselves cause if i die tomorrow that guy I'm trying to marry isn't going to be next to me and i WON'T be able to say "he made me." it will all be on me and my own heart. did i keep it safe for God until the very end when we seal it with a kiss or did i mess up many times a long the way trying to test boundaries and see where i stand and if I'm weaker then i thought.

Thats my reason for courting. yeah dating isn't bad but every story i hear of someone dating, EVEN christian. . . .they end up messing up and compromising the purity for selfish satisfaction. knowing that you're not dating but courting puts you into a whole different state of mind to approach the situation differently. to be successful in the process between being friends and being husband and wife.
 
G4JC

G4JC

Senior Member
#10
Feb 9, 2011
668
6
0
#10
I've yet to see any girls actually want to court... so definitely IF you can and are willing I would suggest it. It just makes you ubber unusual in todays' society.
To think even a few hundred years ago Courtship was main-stream, the dating phase was mostly caused by sensual hollywood movies... which seems to have distorted our view for remaining pure, as well as forcing feminism down our throats. Courtship also allows your families to get to know each other, which should be especially good for ThanksGiving and Christmas dinners down the road. Hopefully easing the stress of couples where their parents do not get along with at all.

Most importantly pray to God first, and based on my personal experience e-dating is probably not the way to go. :)
 
OldFashionedGuy

OldFashionedGuy

Banned
#11
Dec 3, 2011
5
1
0
#11
Methods of dating are not really dealt with in the scripture, because mostly it comes down to the hearts of the people involved regardless of the method.

Now, about the temptation thing. If teenagers or young couples decide they wanna "get it on" so to speak, the only way to stop them would be to lock them up and throw away the key, it's just biology. Call me a hopeless romantic, but to me the alone times seem like they would be the most romantic, times when you can just be yourselves and talk for hours with nobody else around to interrupt. And those are the times when you learn the most and connect on the deepest level.

To me, the idea of courtship itself is telling the young people that "if you are left alone with that person you will sin!" It is horrible to assume that. The reason you raise your kids in the Bible is so that when temptation arises, and it will, that they will have the tools and the relationship with Christ to overcome it, regardless of if they are alone or not. Some Christians take this anti sex purity movement too far, destroying the romance of becoming best friends based on the assumption that the young people will sin if left alone.
 
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Aqua_Girl09

Guest
#12
#12
Thats like saying if you put a rod in the water you won't catch a fish. you're GOING to be attracted to the other person. and it might not happen the first twenty times a couple is alone but you put yourself in a situation where its easy and its going to happen. the chances of not sinning are SO amazing against you that its pointless to test the system and "see what happens" idk if you've ever tried being alone with someone you feel attracted to for long periods of time, but its a temptation worse then a chocolate bar with no one's name on it.

and letting ppl just "get it on" cause the want to is totally idiotic. yeah its biology but its so that the human race would be fruitful, not to act on our whims and wishes as we see fit. to just act on something because we want to is the total opposite of the patience and perseverance the bible teaches us.

a nice phone call can be just as connecting as any conversation we could have alone without the extra want to me closer to that person then we need to be. its not like we'll NEVER sit next to each other. and we even get to be left alone in rooms while the other ppl are else where in the house but being left alone is a mistake for ppl. especially if they're closer to being married because ppl start to think. "well why wait when we know its going to happen." or in some cases where that couple has already done things they shouldn't then they think "well we've already done it once its not a big deal to do it again."

to each his own of course, but you have to be very careful in your walk with God. i refuse to take my purity whimsically and hope for the best. i want to KNOW that i'll be walking in God's light all the way up to "I do" and all the years after as well.

I've already been through trying to get it right and messing up. cause the dating and romance that the world teaches today is totally from the heart and not from God. you can be romantic in courtship as well. the person with you could be at another table or across the room, in the movies in the row behind you, not always in your face, but an always obvious reminder to stay pure in a place where its SO easy to mess up.
 
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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#13
#13
I agree with Ritter. If you feel fulfilled and are happy with courting, then by all means, continue and enjoy!
 
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Helloimandrewyo

Guest
#14
#14
Ritter said:
I also have a concern about the layer of formality involved. It keeps lasciviousness at bay, but there are other ways of doing so.

If people feel called to court, more power too them. I will not go so far as to say it is completely ineffective or morally wrongheaded.

Call me a slave to the 50's, but I just like the idea of driving a girl down to the malt shop and talking the night away.
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You are such a romantic.

I agree with what you say. Malts are delish.
 
H

Helloimandrewyo

Guest
#15
#15
Aqua_Girl09 said:
UM. . . .a LOT of different views. >_< I don't want to just say dating is bad but. . . . .it has a lot of pot holes. i DID read Joshua Harris' book and i feel like hes right. um. . .the thing with courtship is that we're being held accountable for with people we trust and who can keep us from sinning. OLDFASHIONEDGUY idk how your relationship have been but i know that with my own past experiences trying to stay pure and not crossing boundaries what a joke. it was only a little more here and only a little more there. and its all up the the couple what the boundaries are. we perfectly capable of going somewhere with just us too. but my pastors are going to call randomly or test us to make sure we're not about to compromise our faith. its what we can and can't do is up to us. but our pastors and older and understand a lot more then we do. they're leading us and showing us a way to come together that's pleasing to God and not ourselves cause if i die tomorrow that guy I'm trying to marry isn't going to be next to me and i WON'T be able to say "he made me." it will all be on me and my own heart. did i keep it safe for God until the very end when we seal it with a kiss or did i mess up many times a long the way trying to test boundaries and see where i stand and if I'm weaker then i thought.

Thats my reason for courting. yeah dating isn't bad but every story i hear of someone dating, EVEN christian. . . .they end up messing up and compromising the purity for selfish satisfaction. knowing that you're not dating but courting puts you into a whole different state of mind to approach the situation differently. to be successful in the process between being friends and being husband and wife.
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Well if the only way you can keep yourself accountable is through courtship, then great. I just think using that method as a standard for relationships is very unhealthy. Having seen it practiced, by the home-schoooled conservative sector, and other genres of people, i could not in good faith do it. A lot of things look good on paper, but once practiced produces its weak points.

Joshua Harris has some good points, don't get me wrong, but i really haven't been able to see eye to eye with him on everything. Even having talked to him personally. Good guy though, his family is pretty solid.
 
N

NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#16
#16
Aqua_Girl09 said:
Thats like saying if you put a rod in the water you won't catch a fish. you're GOING to be attracted to the other person. and it might not happen the first twenty times a couple is alone but you put yourself in a situation where its easy and its going to happen. the chances of not sinning are SO amazing against you that its pointless to test the system and "see what happens" idk if you've ever tried being alone with someone you feel attracted to for long periods of time, but its a temptation worse then a chocolate bar with no one's name on it.

and letting ppl just "get it on" cause the want to is totally idiotic. yeah its biology but its so that the human race would be fruitful, not to act on our whims and wishes as we see fit. to just act on something because we want to is the total opposite of the patience and perseverance the bible teaches us.

a nice phone call can be just as connecting as any conversation we could have alone without the extra want to me closer to that person then we need to be. its not like we'll NEVER sit next to each other. and we even get to be left alone in rooms while the other ppl are else where in the house but being left alone is a mistake for ppl. especially if they're closer to being married because ppl start to think. "well why wait when we know its going to happen." or in some cases where that couple has already done things they shouldn't then they think "well we've already done it once its not a big deal to do it again."

to each his own of course, but you have to be very careful in your walk with God. i refuse to take my purity whimsically and hope for the best. i want to KNOW that i'll be walking in God's light all the way up to "I do" and all the years after as well.

I've already been through trying to get it right and messing up. cause the dating and romance that the world teaches today is totally from the heart and not from God. you can be romantic in courtship as well. the person with you could be at another table or across the room, in the movies in the row behind you, not always in your face, but an always obvious reminder to stay pure in a place where its SO easy to mess up.
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If your comfortable with this whole courting thing, then thats all that really matters.

Like you said, to each his own.
 
J

JesusFreak787

Guest
#17
#17
If ur staying accountable an seeking Gods best for you then dnt worry about if anyone says anything negative its ur life not there's, u just trust the Holy spirits leading an ur pastors wisdom.
 
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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#18
#18
JesusFreak787 said:
If ur staying accountable an seeking Gods best for you then dnt worry about if anyone says anything negative its ur life not there's, u just trust the Holy spirits leading an ur pastors wisdom.
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Agree with this guy...

and agree with his signature about the creepy guy thing! :D
 
S

staci

Guest
#19
#19
I see your point....I think
 
R

Rheod

Guest
#20
#20
For me the idea that Marriage is expected is a bad thing. Because it means you will try for the Marriage but you're not naturally compatible. Also if it is expected there is the chance of rushing because of sexual desires
 
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