When should a guy knock down the walls? Or take no as no?

1still_waters · Dec 24, 2012

There is a basis for this question.

When does a guy know he should knock down a lady's walls, even though she keeps saying no she isn't interested in him(I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about simple interest in dating/courting/whatever adjective you want to use. ), and when should a guy just give up?

I have heard so so so many stories about the persistent guy who gets the lady, even AFTER she has put up this huge brick wall of "NO I'M NOT INTERESTED PLEASE MOVE ON!"

I have heard numerous women who say they wouldn't be married to the great guy now, if he had taken no as no the first time, and even the 100th time. They talk about how they almost needed to be woken up by a guy who just wouldn't give up, so she could see how great of a guy he was.

So if a guy is in this situation, how does he know when to be like Joshua and take down those walls?
How does he knows he needs to be like a cowboy and get out of Dodge?

Aqua_Girl09 · Dec 24, 2012

um. . . . . .i guess it all depends on how well you've gotten to know her. are you in her circle? have you talked to her friends? her best friend will give you the truth. she'll either tell you to leave her alone or she'll give you adivce on how to swoon her cause i don't know a SINGLE girl out there who doesn't wanna help set up their friend's romance. ^-^.

Hellooo · Dec 24, 2012

You stop when she reaches for the Mace.

I love to make sales comparisions, as cheesy as they are, but a lot of people respond similarly. If you get a definite no, and you truly still see an opportunity, acknowledge the actual objection and respond directly and only to that...don't keep asking the same way without listening to what is triggering the no. Be prepared for more rejection anyway, but a lot of people sit back and take notice when you specifically address the objection, rather than throwing out everything you have to offer and seeing what sticks.

I think most women are flattered by being pursued, but as far as where you draw the line, I would probably say when you make someone uncomfortable (like she has to avoid being around you, ignores calls, etc.) I question the frequency of women developing an attraction to someone who they weren't previously attracted to AND where they went as far as rejecting this same person outright, or women whose "nos" were actually "maybes". In my personal, albeit, limited experience, sometimes the persistance can be quite scary.

Jullianna · Dec 24, 2012

I would think that if a woman gets to a point beyond politely dropping hints that she is not interested and comes right out and SAYS she is not interest and that he needs to move on, then he needs to move on.

zeroturbulence · Dec 24, 2012

I'd say that the day you're served a restraining order is a good time to stop pursuing her.

PopClick · Dec 24, 2012

^^ Legs are not supposed to bend like that. 0.o

Hellooo · Dec 24, 2012

i used to bend my barbie legs like that

ijustwanttheTruth · Dec 24, 2012

for me personally, once i have told a guy i am not interested...i am REALLY creeped out by any further pursuit. guys can be so gamdum persistent! i'm really tired of it. bc i have to reject them at least 3 times before i can just keep them as friends. but i'm told my signals get confused bc i'm pretty friendly.

follow your gut. if she seems like she's resisting for reasons besides that she's 'not interested in you' then find out what those reasons are. but please don't become a stalker. there's way too many of them in this world....

p.s. BIEBER <3

p.p.s. typically when a girl is enjoying being pursued, she'll go out of her way to spend time with you.
try 2 tests. one is waiting a period of time between contacting her and seeing if she responds the same way- ie: cold or warm. if you can't tell the difference between her cold and her warm, you have a problem.

and 2: see if she continues initiating contact after her verbal rejection. if you are always the one initiating contact? it's a no-go buddy. if she actually appreciates the pursuit she will share in the who-contacts-who-first.

Ritter · Dec 24, 2012

I would say it differs according to the situation. There is this one girl who gave me a no bordering with unsure. I'd try to pry my way back into her heart given the chance. There are so few like her out there that there are days I feel as though I have been spoiled.

Yeah, I should probably give it a rest.

worros · Dec 25, 2012

I don't know really..
love is a magical thing. it can break even the hardest heart.
But love will never mean to make you less. It should be something beautiful.
For me, if it's breaking you already and that it hurts... and if you feel like being down or if you feel like it's already taking the man in you..
Then stop. it's not love. Because love is a free feeling... it should be controlling you and you should be dancing with it freely. You will fight because it will tell you to. Love doesn't want to be controlled.

What I mean is, think and think more about it. is it really love or is it just you?

Ritter · Dec 25, 2012

worros said:

I don't know really..
love is a magical thing. it can break even the hardest heart.
But love will never mean to make you less. It should be something beautiful.
For me, if it's breaking you already and that it hurts... and if you feel like being down or if you feel like it's already taking the man in you..
Then stop. it's not love. Because love is a free feeling... it should be controlling you and you should be dancing with it freely. You will fight because it will tell you to. Love doesn't want to be controlled.

What I mean is, think and think more about it. is it really love or is it just you?

Simply and beautifully put, my friend.

Jilly81 · Dec 25, 2012

PopClick said:

That's what I was going to say, Pop

.

Honestly, we need to be praying about things like this (the "when to stalk/stop stalking" stuff). Much of the time it's us obsessing over someone we like for physical reasons, but some times God points someone out to us because we're supposed to be at least friends. We need to get peace about what to do before we start pursuing; blindly going after girls will only get you a banning, at least if I have anything to do with it, hehe

:].

PopClick · Dec 25, 2012

I'm not sure any of this will answer the question at hand, but y'all are going to be subjected to it anyhow.

Love, without respect, is not love at all. It's obsession. If someone is bugging the girl, being manipulative, getting angry when she doesn't want to be with them, etc... wrong. So wrong. I don't think there is one concrete answer about when to give up. Every person and situation is different. Obviously, prayer is important, and having peace from God about whom you're going after.

It matters how well the guy and the girl know each other, too. A random stranger is a lot more capable of being creepy by being persistent. A deep, genuine, gripping love is not usually the reason that random strangers are pursuing someone. I know that if someone genuinely loved me, I would love them more in return. I wouldn't be able to help it. If that was the reason they were pursuing me, it would make a difference. And it could change my mind, I guess.

There actually was a random stranger that I still remember, though it's been a while. I kind of consider him to be a good example of how to approach a lady. Not apathetic, but not creepy, either. When I turned him down, he asked if I was sure. I said that I was, and he said, "If you change your mind, here's where to find me." And then he left. So, a little more than an "Ok, fine", but less than a "follow you through three parking lots."

Tommy4Christ · Dec 25, 2012

1still_waters said:

Get your heart purified through repentance and faith, make sure your calling is sure, and you are keeping yourself in the love of God, stand against all the false ways and worldliness coming out of the professed church, and stop worrying about these issues that God will take care of when you first get right with HIm.

Be content as a single where God has you, seeek His truth, and obey His commands, persue peace and holiness, and become the right person for the mate God has for you, if and only if you are walking in the truth, living a life pleasing and obedient to Him.

Ecc 12:13 Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter. Fear God, and keep His commandments. For this is the whole duty of man.

violakat · Dec 25, 2012

If she keeps saying your an awesome friend, guys take note, chances are you need to move on. However, if she calls you her best friend, then maybe you need to wait awhile. She maybe saying no because her life is chaotic, or she maybe saying no because she truly isn't interested. Just kind of observe what she does and how she treats others around her and how she treats you. That should give you the biggest clue.

----
Now Stilly, is Rae keep saying no? Tell us the truth? hmmmmm

violakat · Dec 25, 2012

PopClick said:

I was thinking the same thing, but said person could be double jointed.

biggiestomp · Dec 25, 2012

Great question. I believe you would know the difference depending on your motive of wanting to be with this person. As well as is this person just playing hard to get or are they really not interested in you? Some people might be over confident in themselves by thinking they could have anyone they want. But lets think about this, our Lord is about building relationships. However, it may not be the type of relationship we would would want it to be. So what is your motive?

LightningClap0002 · Dec 25, 2012

violakat said:

In the knee!? :O What kind of weirdo's do you hang out with?

biggiestomp · Dec 25, 2012

As for me im pretty good at discerning if a person is interested or not. Often times i may discern wrong that she might not have been interested when she was, but never the other way around. Thats because, a woman who is interested would often times let you know that she is. Then again, you might come across that person who just loves the attention, Well the longer time you take in getting to know the person, the better you come to figuring this out about that person. Some might be interested, don't mean they the right person for you. I still struggle a bit in this area. But i know one thing that's gotten better and that's saving myself from the drama and pain that comes when you find yourself getting involved with the wrong person. And if its God's will for us to be together, those are the things i try to look for. Rather on my own desires. And the only way that seems to work for me, is when i take my time in getting to know the person. May it be as my wife, or just a friend.

dmdave17 · Dec 25, 2012

Dear Stilly,

Great advice all. Mine would be simply "trust in God" (and where have we heard that before?). Whatever His plan, it is going to come to fruition, next week, next month, or next year. There is nothing we can do to alter it, or speed it up in any way.

I would maintain "light" contact with the girl and try to let her know (in a non-threatening way) how I feel. If she is not adverse to dates, I would take her to relatively non-romantic places. An occasional telephone call probably wouldn't hurt. But I, personally, would try to avoid any indication that I was pressuring her. Then I would pray, sit back, and let God fulfill His plan.

God bless.

When should a guy knock down the walls? Or take no as no?

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