is he disrespectful?

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B

beautygirl

Guest
#1
#1
Ive been dating a christian guy from church for about 7 months. to be honest right from the start i had doubts on and off but i ignored them coz i was attracted to him.

after a while we ended up messing about too much. He would confuse me one time saying we need to stop that and the next time he would make comments and didnt seem to want to even try to stop. Each time i felt guilty and i think he knew i wasnt entirely comfortable, but i was probably giving him the wrong impression. We would go to his room, and end up on his bed. I think i knew in my head what he was like coz he made a blatant comment about sex, implying he had no problem with it, before i met him i wanted to wait for marriage. then one time he said he agreed with me and would should stop the physical stuff, 2 weeks later (the first time we were alone in his room) it happened again, but i dont fully blame him for that.

After that we had a disagreement coz he wanted me to take some of my clothes off but i wouldn't, he said it was ok we would keep our clothes on. then the next time we ended up messing about again... what did he do, twice he tried to remove my clothing, then said he wanted me in my underwear, of course i objected, he also wanted to have sex with me one night but i said no i was a virgin and he stopped right away. since then he knows I dont want to have sex but he has made about 3 obvious comments referring to wanting to have sex with me. I think he is struggling with lust but he dosent seem to even try to control it at all.

We are not even in a committed relationship and he hasnt told me he loves me, yet he wants sex and dosent seem to respect my wishes. coz of all this i dont fully trust him, so why would I have sex with him. He seems to treat sex like a bit of fun that feels good and he just wants it and dosent think about my feelings in this. Its like he has more desire for my body than me as a person and he is jut thinking of his urges. Part of the issue if probably lack of communication.

I think i know deep down what i need to do, but i just want to believe he is a decent and respectful guy. I keep making excuses for him, like he is a man, struggling with lust and cant control his urges. I am quite depressed at the moment and always struggle with lack of self esteem and i just cant seem to make a decision about him and end it. AAHH HELP!!!
 
J

jimmydiggs

Guest
#2
#2
Stop dating him immediately.


" Its like he has more desire for my body than me as a person and he is jut thinking of his urges. "
You are right on the dot.

You just need to stay away from the guy, and encourage him to repent and follow Christ.
 
J

Jordache

Guest
#3
#3
I married someone like this. If I stopped him he wasn't going to force himself on me, but I wasn't going to have to stop him over and over if we were going to have any purity. Myself as a person did not exist, and that really did damage. Those acts are not only physical. If he wants to make it that then tell him to take a
hike. You do not want to marry someone like that.
 
I

Indubitably

Guest
#4
#4
He obviously does not respect you. has he offered you a RING? Please stop playing with fire and then saying no at a certain moment. Satan will set up a moment when you will give in and then be shockled that you did it. Even if there is no intercourse, you will regret this when you find the true love of your life!
 
Snackersmom

Snackersmom

Senior Member
#5
May 10, 2011
1,698
314
83
#5
beautygirl said:
I think i know deep down what i need to do, but i just want to believe he is a decent and respectful guy. I keep making excuses for him, like he is a man, struggling with lust and cant control his urges. I am quite depressed at the moment and always struggle with lack of self esteem and i just cant seem to make a decision about him and end it. AAHH HELP!!!
Click to expand...
He is not a decent and respectful guy. Stop seeing him immediately. It may be the hardest thing you've ever done, but in the end you'll be very glad that you did. Ask Jesus to give you strength to do what you know is right. He will. I'll be praying for you, Sis. Love, -Nichole ♥

P.S. It would also be a good idea to ask Jesus to fill you with The Holy Spirit, if you haven't already :).
 
Stephen63

Stephen63

Banned
#6
Aug 15, 2009
9,745
179
0
#6
Maybe you need a little motivation to make the right decision. If you have low self esteem, It could be this guy has scoped you out believing he could weasel you out of what you what you hold dear. You are probably not the only one he has tried this with, & possibly seeing others while he's seeing you. That would explain days of patience/impatience.
 
A

alejandra86

Guest
#7
#7
Run away from him!! If he cannot respect limits and boundaries with you he will not be able to do it after with other girls... even if he is with u... I think u know which is the rigth decision.

Remember u are loved and respected by God, ur guy has to treat u as the beautiful treasure u are.
 
JimJimmers

JimJimmers

Senior Member
#8
Apr 26, 2012
2,592
76
48
#8
Amen to the good folks above me. Also, let me add that being a man is no excuse for lack of self-control.
 
S

Stuey

Senior Member
#9
Aug 17, 2009
892
4
18
#9
Run girl, run run run run.
 
D

DenR

Banned
#10
Dec 18, 2012
107
2
0
#10
You have described the flesh nature of every sinner perfectly. Flee immorality we are told...that's what it has the potential of being...probably already is in thought anyway....BUT!!!!! Dont be condemned sister, know that you Abba is watching out for you and He wants the best for you, Do not throw away your virginity on such a fleshburger...
Make him wait. Make him respect you or good riddance.

You obviously have not been wise as you have found yourself in compromising situations.....
Lasting relationships must not be based on lust.
So I would go for Jesus and the Spirit of God and let the fleshman go if I were you.
There is a right way and a wrong way..I think you know that.:D
 
A

Aqua_Girl09

Guest
#11
#11
He struggling with lust. yep i ca tell you that. AND hes so deep in it that its hard for him to even feel bad about it because he knows that hes just going to do it again. and there is NOTHING you can do to help him with it. Its an internal strggle that hes going to have to deal with alone.

as for what YOU should do. those "doubts" you had in the beginnig where a big warning sign. relationships are HARD. if there are things in the beginning that say idk about this then its going to be SUPER hard later.

staying with him is only going to hurt you. you're going to keep compromising until you don't care about you're purtiy either.
 
Jilly81

Jilly81

Senior Member
#12
Jan 16, 2011
2,367
138
63
#12
Amen to what the others said; get out of this relationship right away! Tell your parents or someone else about it if you feel led to do so. It'll be hard, but it's a great way to keep from seeing him (having someone who demands to know if you're being pure or not :)).
 
M

meggars

Guest
#13
#13
You need to be done with the guy immediately. Full stop. He's playing you and hoping you'll eventually change your mind. You do NOT want to go down that road. You'll probably need to have someone else you trust in the loop regarding what's been going on in order to hold you accountable to staying away from him....which is seriously SERIOUSLY seriously.....and can I say it again? SERIOUSLYYYYYYYY what you need to do. Like right now. NOW. :D
 
Tommy4Christ

Tommy4Christ

Banned
#14
Feb 11, 2012
1,358
8
0
#14
beautygirl said:
Ive been dating a christian guy from church for about 7 months. to be honest right from the start i had doubts on and off but i ignored them coz i was attracted to him.

after a while we ended up messing about too much. He would confuse me one time saying we need to stop that and the next time he would make comments and didnt seem to want to even try to stop. Each time i felt guilty and i think he knew i wasnt entirely comfortable, but i was probably giving him the wrong impression. We would go to his room, and end up on his bed. I think i knew in my head what he was like coz he made a blatant comment about sex, implying he had no problem with it, before i met him i wanted to wait for marriage. then one time he said he agreed with me and would should stop the physical stuff, 2 weeks later (the first time we were alone in his room) it happened again, but i dont fully blame him for that.

After that we had a disagreement coz he wanted me to take some of my clothes off but i wouldn't, he said it was ok we would keep our clothes on. then the next time we ended up messing about again... what did he do, twice he tried to remove my clothing, then said he wanted me in my underwear, of course i objected, he also wanted to have sex with me one night but i said no i was a virgin and he stopped right away. since then he knows I dont want to have sex but he has made about 3 obvious comments referring to wanting to have sex with me. I think he is struggling with lust but he dosent seem to even try to control it at all.

We are not even in a committed relationship and he hasnt told me he loves me, yet he wants sex and dosent seem to respect my wishes. coz of all this i dont fully trust him, so why would I have sex with him. He seems to treat sex like a bit of fun that feels good and he just wants it and dosent think about my feelings in this. Its like he has more desire for my body than me as a person and he is jut thinking of his urges. Part of the issue if probably lack of communication.

I think i know deep down what i need to do, but i just want to believe he is a decent and respectful guy. I keep making excuses for him, like he is a man, struggling with lust and cant control his urges. I am quite depressed at the moment and always struggle with lack of self esteem and i just cant seem to make a decision about him and end it. AAHH HELP!!!
Click to expand...
Your post was very x rated and you should be ashamed of both of your behavior before God, this again is the way the lukewarm church works where holiness, seperation, and real heart purity in not preached, there is no repentance what so ever, and they proudly call themselves saved sinners, acting no better than the world. No wonder thier behavior and conduct is the way it is!

You both need to repent before God, stop putting yourself in the way of temptation, and know those who live in any kind of immorality will not inherit the kingdom of God, so repent, count the cost of being single, while you forsake these men who profess Christ, but live like the devil, they are carnal sold under sin, and an abomination before the eyes of God!



In flaming fire!​



2Th 1:8 In flaming fire taking vengeance on those who do not know God and who do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ…………​

The main problem I am seeing in modern Christianity today is a poor understanding of who God is, and what He is asking mankind to do to be reconciled back to Him. Many, who profess to be saved, do not know God, and those who profess to be atheist, just deny reality. Both positions are a very dangerous place to be in, as stated in 2 Tim 1-8.
I was taught for most of my lukewarm Christian life, that God is more concerned with your ability to just believe He exists, and that He sent His son Jesus to be a substitutional sacrifice and overcomer for all those who were born depraved and unable to truly repent, and seek His mercy, then follow Him in an obedient faith, brought forth by a love, fear, and respect of a God who commands and demands ALL mankind to depart from iniquity and repent(not confess and believe) But stop sinning, for example, stop fornication, stop adultery, stop drunkenness, lying, cheating, stealing, and also put away the love of the world, and all its vain attractions!
Now for those who follow another gospel that promises them liberty, while actually telling them they are eternally saved and going to heaven because they said the sinners prayer (sorrow of the world) and then trust all is done, all sin is pre forgiven, and repentance is more of an apology or confession you are a sinner and cannot stop your vile sins this side if heaven, woe to you!
To know and obey God should be the number one concern of the church today, not “trust” in something that never happened, i.e., penal substitution, OSAS, or any false gospel that would declare you righteous while you are still defiled or unrighteous, telling you are depraved and a sinning saint till the day you die!
Those who know God and obey as commanded, will clearly see the huge difference between the saved in sin cloaked message being sold today, and the free, simple message Jesus and the profits brought to the lost sinning masses thousands of years ago.
Which was, man has free will and ability to choose to obey or not, repentance towards God and faith towards Jesus Christ was preached far and wide as the only means to be reconciled to God and enter the kingdom.
This repentance and faith meant the vile rebellion stopped before mercy would even be considered, please read Jonah Ch 3, and the Prodigal son, who stopped his rebellion BEFORE his father would forgive him and accept back.
I wrote this short message in an attempt to show the reader and seeker of truth the huge difference between what is taught as truth today, which is another gospel and another Christ, and the true gospel according to obedience, repentance, godliness, and purity that can only come from a crucified soul, broken through a crisis of conviction, followed by real repentance and godly sorrow, assuming nothing from God, except hoping He relents and grants you mercy and pardon.
This is not an attempt to explain in detail the problems with the church today, along with all the leaven added into the pure word for the last 500 years or so. This has been covered before in great detail, for those who are willing to dig deep, and count the cost, come out of the church system and world, and seek the pearl of great price, that is free and available and calling all those in bondage to freedom and purity that can only come when you seek to know God and obey His commands!
Isa 55:6 Seek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near:
Isa 55:7 Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#15
#15
He's a horny dog and won't stop til he gets in your pants. And once he does he'll be done with you and move on to the next. You're nothing but a challenge for him to conquer and bed. You mean nothing to him, you're just a toy to play with. Don't just stop seeing this guy, get him out of your life in every way.
 
S

Sadgirl

Guest
#16
#16
Stop seeing him immediately, I was in a similar situation, much younger than you and no one to advice and help me, so I didn't have the power to get him out of my life soon enough. I ended up having the worst experience, he used me in every possible way, broke my life, ruined everything in me. I can't trust people anymore. Just stay pure and DON'T let him or anyone else tell you what to do with your life.
 
Marcella

Marcella

Senior Member
#18
May 26, 2011
141
9
18
56
#18
beautygirl said:
Ive been dating a christian guy from church for about 7 months. to be honest right from the start i had doubts on and off but i ignored them coz i was attracted to him.

after a while we ended up messing about too much. He would confuse me one time saying we need to stop that and the next time he would make comments and didnt seem to want to even try to stop. Each time i felt guilty and i think he knew i wasnt entirely comfortable, but i was probably giving him the wrong impression. We would go to his room, and end up on his bed. I think i knew in my head what he was like coz he made a blatant comment about sex, implying he had no problem with it, before i met him i wanted to wait for marriage. then one time he said he agreed with me and would should stop the physical stuff, 2 weeks later (the first time we were alone in his room) it happened again, but i dont fully blame him for that.

After that we had a disagreement coz he wanted me to take some of my clothes off but i wouldn't, he said it was ok we would keep our clothes on. then the next time we ended up messing about again... what did he do, twice he tried to remove my clothing, then said he wanted me in my underwear, of course i objected, he also wanted to have sex with me one night but i said no i was a virgin and he stopped right away. since then he knows I dont want to have sex but he has made about 3 obvious comments referring to wanting to have sex with me. I think he is struggling with lust but he dosent seem to even try to control it at all.

We are not even in a committed relationship and he hasnt told me he loves me, yet he wants sex and dosent seem to respect my wishes. coz of all this i dont fully trust him, so why would I have sex with him. He seems to treat sex like a bit of fun that feels good and he just wants it and dosent think about my feelings in this. Its like he has more desire for my body than me as a person and he is jut thinking of his urges. Part of the issue if probably lack of communication.

I think i know deep down what i need to do, but i just want to believe he is a decent and respectful guy. I keep making excuses for him, like he is a man, struggling with lust and cant control his urges. I am quite depressed at the moment and always struggle with lack of self esteem and i just cant seem to make a decision about him and end it. AAHH HELP!!!
Click to expand...
Yes, he is disrespectful of you, but that is only a mild way to put it. Stop making excuses for him, you're playing with fire. He is a man, but he has a choice to lust or not to lust after you. No amount of excuses that you make for him will change things, if he doesn't want to quit lusting after you.

You need to choose for yourself what is important, and I suggest you go with what God says is important, first, and then do it. You struggle with self esteem, and it will only be worse if you give in to something this guy suggests. Having sexual intercourse with a man who isn't honorable enough to wait until marriage, just doesn't do much for self esteem issues, trust me.

God has a plan for your life, a good one, with instructions on how to live a blessed life in His holy Scriptures, that will guide you even through difficulties and depression, with the true love and unbreakable bond we have with God. Seek Him first, His kingdom and His righteousness, and all the blessings God has for you will be given unto you.

Sincerely, Marcella
 
F

FrankensteinGirls

Banned
#19
Aug 8, 2010
531
3
0
#19
Someone who isn't going to respect your wishes doesn't deserve you, plain and simple.






Yes he is being disrespectful, I think being honest about being sexually attracted to someone is fine, but pressuring them to have intercourse is not okay in any relationship
 
B

beautygirl

Guest
#20
#20
Thanks for all the replies. I guess I am doubting my decision because i think I did give him the wrong impression at the at start. but since then he knew how I felt but yet he did still carry on the way he did.

I am beginning think all men are sex obsessed and just want sex and I feel like i should have done it. I feel like now, no man will ever respect me for my decisions and will not stay in a relationship without sex, Christian or not. I guess i am doubting that there are decent men out there who will actually respect me and be able to have some self control and not constantly talking about sex to me, or trying to get my clothes off!!!

The way he acted and the things he said have actually made me feel guilty for not having sex with him. and the worrying thing is i don't even no if i regret doing things for him now, coz he has made me feel like its ok to do this, like sex is no big deal. I nearly feel like it is a necessity in a relationship, either that or they get bored. But now i know completely know in my heart that he is the wrong guy for me i definitely wouldn't want to go any further with him. so christian men is sex a big deal like it is for woman?
 
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