Should I Divorce My Wife???

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remus777

Guest
#1
#1
So my wife left us (me and our two kids, though her step kids, she has been in their life since they were 2 and 6; they are 17 and 13 now). She has not spoken a word to them. She refuses to speak to me. She stopped going to our church. She told me when I went to the house in our neighborhood that she wants to "find myself" that she never really got to know herself. Long story short, I consented to a restraining order because I did not want her embarrassing herself in court (I am an attorney) so I cannot make any more attempts.

Meanwhile, the household is managing, but I wonder how long. Having faith in God, I do not worry. He is sustaining us without her income. When my faith falters, I feel like filing for divorce and alimony for the months she was responsible. Would I be wrong if I file for divorce considering she has left/abandoned the home and is not talking? Based on Scriptures, she may have fallen into the category of non-believer. But I believe that we are not to divorce for any reason....but I'm not sure.
 
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Jordache

Guest
#2
#2
This is shady territory. I do not believe God ever desires divorce though he has grace for it in certain circumstances. Pray and The Lord will speak to you. Seek the wise counsel of people you know and who know you, and to whom you can speak face to face.
Please do not read judgement into this. This is not in my heart. I am divorced and I know the decision is difficult. This is why I offer the advice I do.
 
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kenisyes

Guest
#3
#3
I Cor. 7:5 allows her to do what she says she is doing, but with some restrictions that she does not seem to be honoring (mutually agreed length of time). You are the attorney, and I don't know what the restraining order allows. I would say you need a mediator to determine if this verse is what she is relying on to remain away from you. If she will not go to this mediator on this legal theory, she has left you, and you should get the paperwork to show that accordingly. If she will go, get a mutually agreed length of time, and force her to honor it with a legal contract. You can quote some verbiage, that the undersigned agree that they believe that this Bible verse should govern their separation...or whatever. If she will not sign such a contract, you have a solid piece of evidence for your theory that she is now an unbeliever. The Scriptural law is that you may marry again if she leaves you over your faith. Scripture does not care about civil divorce, it is a separate system. Use your legal knowledge to make society honor the Scriptural laws you wish to live by.

I know that this, like any other move you do, will probably force her to embarrass herself, but you have her and your futures and the children to think about. You would have no qualms about forcing legal action to clarify any other relationships for a client. Often, the legal action can give God an open door to speak to someone, as i'm sure you have seen happen.
 
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zaoman32

Guest
#4
#4
Jordache pretty much got it. It's not an easy place to be in, and the best you can do is just surround yourself with christian counselors. Get ALL the advice you can, and pray your butt off, that's really all you can do. You do not want to end up deciding to file for divorce and then end up later regretting that decision and living with a bunch of "could have's, would have's, should have's". Trust in God, get all the possible counsel you can, and eventually everything will fall into place, even when it doesn't seem like it will.
 
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remus777

Guest
#5
#5
This is an interesting suggestion. An Agreement need not be bound by legal terms. I can forward her a separation agreement based on scripture. If she refuses to sign it, then she will self proclaim herself a non-believer. Interesting....need to think on this.

kenisyes said:
I Cor. 7:5 allows her to do what she says she is doing, but with some restrictions that she does not seem to be honoring (mutually agreed length of time). You are the attorney, and I don't know what the restraining order allows. I would say you need a mediator to determine if this verse is what she is relying on to remain away from you. If she will not go to this mediator on this legal theory, she has left you, and you should get the paperwork to show that accordingly. If she will go, get a mutually agreed length of time, and force her to honor it with a legal contract. You can quote some verbiage, that the undersigned agree that they believe that this Bible verse should govern their separation...or whatever. If she will not sign such a contract, you have a solid piece of evidence for your theory that she is now an unbeliever. The Scriptural law is that you may marry again if she leaves you over your faith. Scripture does not care about civil divorce, it is a separate system. Use your legal knowledge to make society honor the Scriptural laws you wish to live by.

I know that this, like any other move you do, will probably force her to embarrass herself, but you have her and your futures and the children to think about. You would have no qualms about forcing legal action to clarify any other relationships for a client. Often, the legal action can give God an open door to speak to someone, as i'm sure you have seen happen.
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remus777

Guest
#6
#6
This is true too. This is what I am doing.

zaoman32 said:
Jordache pretty much got it. It's not an easy place to be in, and the best you can do is just surround yourself with christian counselors. Get ALL the advice you can, and pray your butt off, that's really all you can do. You do not want to end up deciding to file for divorce and then end up later regretting that decision and living with a bunch of "could have's, would have's, should have's". Trust in God, get all the possible counsel you can, and eventually everything will fall into place, even when it doesn't seem like it will.
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GOD_IS_LOVE

Senior Member
#7
Mar 16, 2009
306
4
18
#7
From what I understand, is this a second marriage? If so, was it done in the will of God? (generally meaning that none of you left a previous spouse in order to get together)
 
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remus777

Guest
#8
#8
This was a second for me, first for her. I was 20 years old when I married the first time. My wife left me and the kids to be with another man. I do not believe my first marriage was a covenant marriage because we both did not know what we were doing. Married at the courthouse without anyone knowing and did so out of necessity. My current wife, on the other hand, we were in our 30s, had pre-marital counseling, vowed to God we would stay together before making a vow to each other, and had a beautiful wedding before hundreds of people. I do not believe I can or will divorce her, and I pray to God she does not divorce me. The crazy thing is....she has given so many different reasons as to why she won't talk to me or come home. She told me she wanted to find herself. She told one of our pastors (we have 3) that I had or have a girlfriend. She told another pastor I put her out and changed the locks. She told one of our friends I was a workaholic and did not pay her attention. She told someone else that I was not marriage material. She has 101 reasons as to why she is not home. Nothing consistent. Oh! Another one...she said that I am not willing to acknowledge my faults so I will never change. She told our senior pastor that. Told him that if we were to go to counseling I would manipulate the counselor into believing everything I said. Of course, she has only had one brief conversation with each of these individuals and has not spoken to anyone since the first few weeks of shutting down.

GOD_IS_LOVE said:
From what I understand, is this a second marriage? If so, was it done in the will of God? (generally meaning that none of you left a previous spouse in order to get together)
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remus777

Guest
#9
#9
and no, I did not leave previous spouse in order to marry my current spouse. I am SO in love with my current spouse, despite all of what she has done and is doing.

GOD_IS_LOVE said:
From what I understand, is this a second marriage? If so, was it done in the will of God? (generally meaning that none of you left a previous spouse in order to get together)
Click to expand...
 
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GOD_IS_LOVE

Senior Member
#10
Mar 16, 2009
306
4
18
#10
remus777 said:
The crazy thing is....she has given so many different reasons as to why she won't talk to me or come home. She told me she wanted to find herself. She told one of our pastors (we have 3) that I had or have a girlfriend. She told another pastor I put her out and changed the locks. She told one of our friends I was a workaholic and did not pay her attention. She told someone else that I was not marriage material. She has 101 reasons as to why she is not home. Nothing consistent. Oh! Another one...she said that I am not willing to acknowledge my faults so I will never change. She told our senior pastor that. Told him that if we were to go to counseling I would manipulate the counselor into believing everything I said. Of course, she has only had one brief conversation with each of these individuals and has not spoken to anyone since the first few weeks of shutting down.
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It seems she DOES need to find herself. Do you have any idea what is happening with her? (I mean what is causing this)
 
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ChristianGuy0

Guest
#11
#11
You said you really love her, so I think you should simply stay in faith, keep 'no record of wrongs' (1 Corinthians 13:5). My advice would be, that next time you talk to her (or maybe write her a letter), tell her something along the lines of, "Whatever you're going through, it's okay, I truly love you and I will be waiting for you if you ever decide to come back. I'm not going to be with anyone else, or file for divorce, I'm just gonna keep living and walking with God and praying for our marriage to be fully restored. I love you and I'm never gonna give up on you, and no matter what you end up doing I will still love you and wait for you and take you back."

God can do anything. Wondrous, amazing things. He can restore this marriage fully. I think your job as a Godly man is to simply wait in faith without condemning your wife. What you said about preventing your wife from embarrassing herself in court seems very Biblical to me... Remember that Joseph (Jesus' earthly father) did something like this.. When he thought Mary had cheated on him he decided to "divorce her quietly" so that she would avoid public disgrace. The Bible says he did this because he was a righteous man.

Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly. - Matthew 1:19
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To me this shows that one of the characteristics of a Godly man is that he doesn't "pounce" when his spouse makes a mistake and try to punish her for it, and you seem to be like that, so I commend you there.

God can restore any marriage, not only making it as good as it was, but actually making it better. Believe in the God who "Who makes a way through the sea, and a path through the mighty waters," (Isaiah 43:16). God is faithful, pray that His will is done in this! I'll be praying for you too, God bless.
 
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remus777

Guest
#12
#12
I have an idea. She is easily influenced. Someone has told her that I do not love her and I manipulate her and that she should not speak with me because if she does I will convince her to come home. She is following this advice.

GOD_IS_LOVE said:
It seems she DOES need to find herself. Do you have any idea what is happening with her? (I mean what is causing this)
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remus777

Guest
#13
#13
I need to cut and paste this....Thanks! I most definitely will send this to her....when the order expires (May 16).

ChristianGuy0 said:
You said you really love her, so I think you should simply stay in faith, keep 'no record of wrongs' (1 Corinthians 13:5). My advice would be, that next time you talk to her (or maybe write her a letter), tell her something along the lines of, "Whatever you're going through, it's okay, I truly love you and I will be waiting for you if you ever decide to come back. I'm not going to be with anyone else, or file for divorce, I'm just gonna keep living and walking with God and praying for our marriage to be fully restored. I love you and I'm never gonna give up on you, and no matter what you end up doing I will still love you and wait for you and take you back."

God can do anything. Wondrous, amazing things. He can restore this marriage fully. I think your job as a Godly man is to simply wait in faith without condemning your wife. What you said about preventing your wife from embarrassing herself in court seems very Biblical to me... Remember that Joseph (Jesus' earthly father) did something like this.. When he thought Mary had cheated on him he decided to "divorce her quietly" so that she would avoid public disgrace. The Bible says he did this because he was a righteous man.



To me this shows that one of the characteristics of a Godly man is that he doesn't "pounce" when his spouse makes a mistake and try to punish her for it, and you seem to be like that, so I commend you there.

God can restore any marriage, not only making it as good as it was, but actually making it better. Believe in the God who "Who makes a way through the sea, and a path through the mighty waters," (Isaiah 43:16). God is faithful, pray that His will is done in this! I'll be praying for you too, God bless.
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annjho

annjho

Member
#14
Nov 3, 2012
55
0
6
#14
please still hold on to your marriage...

God bless you and your family!!!
 
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Cooee61

Guest
#15
#15
I hate to be the fly in the ointment here, but my husband did things like this when I was 26, he cheated on me with more than one woman and abandoned me and our children who were then little. He suffers from depression, and unfortunately does things hurtful things to make himself feel better but I believed that God wanted me to forgive him and restore our marriage. It took a long time, but I finally learned to trust again, but it was really hard going and he often had bouts of depression which certain things surface that hurt me a lot. Now I am 51, and he dumped me for another woman a year ago after 32 years marriage. I will not divorce him, and I will not sign anything to agree to a divorce because I believe that he is my husband no matter what. He is now living with this woman and no doubt wants to get married again soon so he seems to be pushing me to sign on the dotted line. Can God restore our marriage? Of course. I believe that God won't let him go, and God will have to do the work in him, but I don't believe that God wants me to live watching my back all the time, checking his emails, wondering if he really is working back late....... I can't fix him. Only God can do that. I believe in marriage with all my heart and soul, and I certainly think you should try to hold on to hope that God will do His work in your wife. I just know that its a hard road to forgive and you never ever truly forget.
 
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rillolion

Guest
#16
#16
Real Christians don't do what she did... Fruit is showing...id she knows the Bible and breaks covenant and refused to repent...get rid of her...she rebelled and left...there are real believers out there that won't betray you...
This is wheat and rated time...don't sweat it!
 
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rillolion

Guest
#17
#17
Wheat and tares*
 
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Kimberlee80

Guest
#18
#18
Real Christians as you put it rillolion are human too. We can all very easily make mistakes and choose wrong paths. Doesn't mean they dont believe still. Just means they choose a wrong path at that time.God understands and easily forgives. Isn't it a wonderful thing we have such a wonderful,gracious, forgiving God.
I would trust in your heart what God is telling you too do Remus777. Seek counsil with trusted people. Prayer is a wonderful thing. God is hearing you and will direct your path. No matter where He leads you trust Him.
I will pray for you and your family.
Blessings
 
L

Lucy68

Senior Member
#19
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#19
What does this mean? " Long story short, I consented to a restraining order because I did not want her embarrassing herself in court (I am an attorney) so I cannot make any more attempts."

It does sound like she's going through a lot of confusion and justifying her own behavior through lies and placing blame on you. Maybe eventually she will consent to counseling together. Be patient and continue finding support through your church, friends, and Pastor. But be careful about what would constitute gossip. It's hard to come back into a situation where you know people have been talking negatively about you....so when she does desire to come back , she will be comfortable doing so ..and will return to a loving and forgiving environment.

Praying for you both!
 
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Songbird_7

Guest
#20
#20
I have marital problems, but I've never been in this type of situation. My husband and I both have wanted to leave each other for a time, and I've threatened to divorce him, but God is maturing us both. I think a separation is not always a bad thing if someone needs to work out their problems. It's very strange to me that she would up and leave like that with no explanation. Were you even having problems that you are aware of? Most Christian couples I know will at least talk about it with each other and seek counseling before they leave. I'm sorry you're going through this, but you seem like a very Godly man in wanting to honor her and protect her even when she's doing this to you. Pray and seek counsel. I think everyone else had very good advice, but do not give up on her. We all have times when we are confused, when we're in a dark place, and I think it is worldly wisdom to kick her to the curb. She is still precious to God and she needs to know how much you love her. Love her as Christ loves the church and gave Himself for her. That is the kind of love that will bring someone back, and I truly pray that she does come back to you and your kids.
 
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