Fumbling_Foo
- Name
- Michael
- Gender
- male
- Marital Status
- not married
- Spiritual Status
- Christian
- When saved
- 2012
- Country Flag/Nationality
- USA
- Country (Location)
- United States
- State/Province/Region
- Mississippi [USA]
- Favorite Bible Verse
- John 8:31-32
- About
-
Since birth I have almost always been a seeker of knowledge, wanting to know how to chew solid food, stand on two legs, understand and recite spoken language, write, play video-games, etc. But I did not became an intellectual until it was in a way too late; my developing brain had matured. The maturing and flowering of my consciousness from adolescence to adulthood brought forth corrupt instead of good fruit - schizophrenia / Bi-Polar disorder. Now, more than ever before, what I earnestly believed to be true was delusion.
Many who have had woe befallen them, especially when as a result something or many things valuable and precious to them being taken away, curse God in return. I said, if I had but one life to live, I wanted to have a (very) strong intellect. I still strove, but little did I know that I had a neuro-degenerative form of the disease. My dreams were utterly crushed.
So I too cursed the sky. Such a major life juncture was truly in God's foreknowledge of my life. Why did an All-Loving God allow to happen to me precisely what would make me hate Him and turn away? I had an ultimatum in my mind: Give me back my mental health and intellectual powers, or I will totally reject the "gift" of life you gave me, and if I go to Hell it will be Your fault - a mistake by a "perfect" God - for not doing a tiny favor that would lead me back to you for certain.
Thankfully, my temper tantrum ended, and I've since seen the error of such thinking. One possible spiritual reason as though through a glass darkly is that my intellect was a particularly demanding idol, wanting constant worship from me. Most likely I couldn't have released myself from its grasp without learning by God's way. Now, I will see what life has in store for me. I will fight until the end.
So, long story short, I've been through a lot of hell in my life, probably with plenty more to come. Nevertheless, I've overcome so much to have gone from loving God conditionally, hating Him, then loving Him again unconditionally (well, probably, but I doubt I'll ever go back to hating Him :) ).
Signature
31 Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; 32 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
The Holy Bible: King James Version. (2009). (Electronic Edition of the 1900 Authorized Version., Jn 8:31–32). Bellingham, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc.
The Holy Bible: King James Version. (2009). (Electronic Edition of the 1900 Authorized Version., Jn 8:31–32). Bellingham, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc.