D
I came to Christ 9/10/11. God made it easy for me to remember.
I am a firm believer that no one can lead anyone to Christ.... meaning No matter what you do or what I do, it won't make a difference. We are called when we are called and it was all predestined. However, once called I think.. no ... I KNOW that sanctification is a difficult process for a stubborn rebellious person who spent the better part of 40 years handling everything herself. To die to that strong, capable, educated, and hardened person is something I am incapable of... completely incapable of - Only GOD can change me and do the impossible task. I need to be committed to this surrender and pray unceasingly everyday that God works through me and helps me to be obedient.
I see it like this. God calls us as a perfect soul that he wants us to become.. as we become Christlike in our walk.. while we were born into sin and as we or *I* was away from God doing everything my way I added ugly thick hard rocky and brutal layers to this core perfect soul... I hung onto this my whole worldly life. Now, as I walk in sanctification with Christ and these layers are being chiseled off... as these layers are burned off and as I'm refined like gold.... Frankly, it hurts... it's painful for a prideful Selfish person like myself to lose what I worked so hard to create and maintain.
Stubborn, willful, strong personality people understand what I'm writing about and know that when something is discarded and considered useless, worthless, and not part of God's plan - stuff like an education, a job, a status, anything that identified who we are.. it is painful.. and hard. Impossible without God.
This is my testimony. My greatest sins are selfishness and pridefulness. I wrote an updated testimony earlier this year. This repeats some of what I've mentioned above but it's much better written because I prayed God would help me write it so that it reaches someone and helps them grow in Christ.
I also need to point out that my name is Not Darlin and it's not Nadia. My nickname prior to Christ was Darlin and since Jesus renames people when they are called to Christ I chose Nadia... (Naaa Dia). It felt appropriate. My real name is Tiffany and I pray that in reading a bit more about me you have learned a bit more about yourself and your walk with Jesus Christ is strengthened, renewed, and you grow in Christ.. all for the Glory of God. Amen.
[TABLE="width: 671"]
[TR]
[TD]Tiffany’s Testimonial 2013
[/TD]
[TD]
Growth as a Christian[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]What I thought[/TD]
[TD]What God Showed me[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]I thought knowledge was everything… The most important thing in my life was learning as much as possible – knowledge was power to make informed choices and needed to sustain my life and lifestyle – I used to walk around Boasting I had a Master’s Degree in Higher Education Administration – I ignored my family, my friends, my marriage – all to gain this ALL IMPORTANT education – for what ? I have never been able to use my education in terms of employment and now I’m repaying over 90K in student loans.
Who’s the smart one here? I would have argued it was me… Now that I’m saved….I would argue someone intelligent is anyone other than me….[/TD]
[TD]God showed me that Knowledge begins with knowing that I am nothing my knowledge means nothing. God is waiting for me (us) every day to ask HIM what to do.. Where can you use me today – consult with him – He craves and appreciates our fellowship – delighted by our need to collaborate with him … to find out what to do. True he already knows everything … but to know that we are relying on him for our next move and direction is a form of worship and praise.
While making informed choices is important and essential... It is far more important to do research in the Bible – make Biblical choices, do not rely on worldly knowledge… Pray – Pray often[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]What I thought[/TD]
[TD]What God Showed me[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]I thought I knew what love was. In my family, in my marriage, with my children, with my friends, with myself, with God.
In my marriage I loved how my husband loved me. I measured my love by how he loved me. I thought he loved me because he did things for me, he wrote songs about me, he devoted himself to me, he never cheated on me, he never even looked at other women, he never hit or harmed me, or even disagreed with me, he focused his everything on me… worshipped me. I thought that had to be love.... I was wrong. I did not love him… I loved how he loved me. I loved ME not him.
I was devastated and hurt me when he left me confused, alone, bitter, angry, How could he do this to ME? He loved ME? It was all a selfish love. He loved me, I loved me. [/TD]
[TD]God showed me that love is not something that is earned. Love is something you give not something that you receive.
It is not until you give love that you feel love.
God loves us. We cannot earn this, we do not deserve this, but we have it. Once you love someone as God loves us, you understand what love is. It is beyond unconditional. Love begins with Worshiping and Serving God First… THEN… Love is serving another person as Christ served us, putting the loved one before ourselves, doing for another without any care for recognition or retribution or repayment. Love is also willing to correct a loved one when they are doing something that is not holy or righteous because helping another conform to the image of Christ is love.
God showed me that Love is serving, not selfish.[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]What I thought[/TD]
[TD]What God Showed me[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]I thought if you love me enough you would accept me for who I am... my choices, my beliefs, and my ideas.
If you love me you would respect me, not try to change me, conform me, or impose your beliefs upon me. Live and let live.
If you love me, you would support me morally, emotionally, mentally. (Why I never thought financially was important it is beyond me but it never made my list)
I was that stubborn (full of pride) and used to think.. no.. I was convinced I knew it all, my way was always better- more effective and efficient.
I felt I was so great that I could not even hold others to “my” standards because they would fall short.
I had to do things for myself if I wanted them done right[/TD]
[TD]God showed me love is full of reproof… revision, correction, and friend, Love is going to hurt. It will hurt because it removes the YOU that YOU made, that YOU are/were Proud of… That you worked so hard to create and nurtured for so very long… is going to be killed before your very eyes.
The refinement is a long process for that self proclaimed – self made diamond in the rough… and self imposed personal high standards are rough. Complex layers that hide so much pain and suffering along the way.
We are ALL Beautifully and Wonderfully Made.. if you need to beautify beyond the standard God created you in, you are only adding layers that need to be stripped off when it’s time to get real with God.
God showed me love heals, repairs, and edifies for the Glory of God. Feeling content, safe, and loved in every circumstance is only possible through God’s help and with God at the Center of my life and focus.[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]What I thought[/TD]
[TD]What God Showed me[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]I thought I was an infected big toe in the Body of Christ.. I thought that my Burdens were far too great for anyone else to bare. And this is all after already losing my husband, my job, my car, my mom, my friends, and my lifestyle. At this point in my life I was called by God and realized my way wasn’t working. I was saved, I could not understand why this was happening to me, maybe I was a horrible person after all and maybe I was even too far gone for God to deal with… but I kept praying every day.
Fortunately for me, I had people praying for me regularly and I had people that felt God put on their hearts to check up on me throughout my bad times. Small groups are for this. [/TD]
[TD]God showed me hiding in my pain and suffering was incredibly Selfish and was diminishing his Glory. Rejecting my salvation – again the selfishness – the pride.
Withdrawing, hiding in my home, avoiding fellowship, only reaching out when I felt strong enough was like Slapping God in the face – All the Miracles and Grace God showered upon me have gone unseen by so many – the few that witnessed them have felt tremendously blessed and renewed.
It is so easy to become blinded by pride and selfishness – we need others to hold us accountable, to inform us when we are slipping.[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]What I thought[/TD]
[TD]What God Showed me[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]I thought my Issues were overwhelming to others – While this may have been true to an extent, somewhere I thought I was suffering and somehow felt that by suffering alone I was protecting others from my pain or atoning for my sins, I deserved this punishment… again I was wrong – To be truthful, I rejected the Blood of Jesus here… felt his suffering wasn’t enough to cover MY sins- My Problems.. don’t make this same mistake friends.
Though I was suffering and perhaps my issues were overwhelming and unbelievable to many people at the time… I had the continual prayer and devotional service of the worship team …For the Glory of God praying my prayer requests. Thankfully I stayed close to God during these struggles. I’m so thankful for all of the people that continued to keep me on their prayer list and still keep me and my daughter on their prayer list. This is love. I am loved. You are loved. We are loved. God is with us and no matter what, he will not forsake us. Trust him.
Private issues I was afraid to share with people – afraid of more problems and struggles included but aren’t limited to
- Ugly custody battle with continued and relentless Untruths and lies and persecutions against my character
- Continual health battles
- Continual financial struggles
- Daily aggravations and seemingly unnecessary pitfalls and dark times
- Loss of family and friends
- Loss of income and stability
I thought my testimony was worthless, unbelievable, boring, irritating, we all have problems right? Yes we all have problems some great some small, nonetheless they affect us and they affect those around us[/TD]
[TD]God showed me that had I not been so Selfish with my problems and woes, others could have also been blessed to see God’s Glory and Grace at work in my life. Seeing where I was – that ugly retched horrid selfish person – transformed into – well still ugly horrid and retched and even selfish still but now someone that is more refined by God for God’s Glory
People naturally avoid lepers because their skin is falling off, but when we are called to the body of Christ, we are still part of the body of Christ.
When one of us is suffering, we need to let others come beside us and pray for us and serve us. Other people – all of you are the hands and feet of God. Avoiding you is the same as avoiding God.
Everything I have been through – God has been lifting me up, dusting me off, giving me JUST enough to carry on and I have been sustained and all of my needs have been met, not more, not less – I’m going through sanctification for the Glory of God. I have been called to the body of Christ.
I cannot hide this or run from this. The shame and pride that makes you or me think we need to hide or protect others does not come from God.
Consider these trials blessings as God is using you and me as an example of his Glory and Grace – perhaps because of how we were made… why we were made. To give Glory to God. That is most important.
God calls people where they are. Hearing this might be calling you… if I were hiding in my home, you would not have been called because you wouldn’t hear my testimony.
God wants us to fellowship and share with one another for his Glory. [/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]What I thought[/TD]
[TD]What God Showed me[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]I thought it is easier to ignore prayer. To just go about my day and overlook worship time and quiet time with God.
When running late.. I thought giving time to God seemed to be too difficult… I was wrong and selfish and prideful here again. I cannot do this thing called life alone when I try- I mess it up every single time.
I Thought tithing was silly given my dire financial circumstances... that money could be used for bills… to buy food… I was wrong.
My way does not work.[/TD]
[TD]God showed me it is when I do not begin my day with Prayer or waiver from God that my life begins to unravel… I begin to hide… money woes come… fear comes… panic sets in…I learned how important it is to make and keep God at the center of my world.
I learned that God will provide financially, money comes from places unexpected when tithing.
When God is my focus… everything else falls into place and is Good. I even pray regularly that I am able to keep my focus on God because it IS that important and that much better in this life.[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]
I am a firm believer that no one can lead anyone to Christ.... meaning No matter what you do or what I do, it won't make a difference. We are called when we are called and it was all predestined. However, once called I think.. no ... I KNOW that sanctification is a difficult process for a stubborn rebellious person who spent the better part of 40 years handling everything herself. To die to that strong, capable, educated, and hardened person is something I am incapable of... completely incapable of - Only GOD can change me and do the impossible task. I need to be committed to this surrender and pray unceasingly everyday that God works through me and helps me to be obedient.
I see it like this. God calls us as a perfect soul that he wants us to become.. as we become Christlike in our walk.. while we were born into sin and as we or *I* was away from God doing everything my way I added ugly thick hard rocky and brutal layers to this core perfect soul... I hung onto this my whole worldly life. Now, as I walk in sanctification with Christ and these layers are being chiseled off... as these layers are burned off and as I'm refined like gold.... Frankly, it hurts... it's painful for a prideful Selfish person like myself to lose what I worked so hard to create and maintain.
Stubborn, willful, strong personality people understand what I'm writing about and know that when something is discarded and considered useless, worthless, and not part of God's plan - stuff like an education, a job, a status, anything that identified who we are.. it is painful.. and hard. Impossible without God.
This is my testimony. My greatest sins are selfishness and pridefulness. I wrote an updated testimony earlier this year. This repeats some of what I've mentioned above but it's much better written because I prayed God would help me write it so that it reaches someone and helps them grow in Christ.
I also need to point out that my name is Not Darlin and it's not Nadia. My nickname prior to Christ was Darlin and since Jesus renames people when they are called to Christ I chose Nadia... (Naaa Dia). It felt appropriate. My real name is Tiffany and I pray that in reading a bit more about me you have learned a bit more about yourself and your walk with Jesus Christ is strengthened, renewed, and you grow in Christ.. all for the Glory of God. Amen.
[TABLE="width: 671"]
[TR]
[TD]Tiffany’s Testimonial 2013
[/TD]
[TD]
Growth as a Christian[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]What I thought[/TD]
[TD]What God Showed me[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]I thought knowledge was everything… The most important thing in my life was learning as much as possible – knowledge was power to make informed choices and needed to sustain my life and lifestyle – I used to walk around Boasting I had a Master’s Degree in Higher Education Administration – I ignored my family, my friends, my marriage – all to gain this ALL IMPORTANT education – for what ? I have never been able to use my education in terms of employment and now I’m repaying over 90K in student loans.
Who’s the smart one here? I would have argued it was me… Now that I’m saved….I would argue someone intelligent is anyone other than me….[/TD]
[TD]God showed me that Knowledge begins with knowing that I am nothing my knowledge means nothing. God is waiting for me (us) every day to ask HIM what to do.. Where can you use me today – consult with him – He craves and appreciates our fellowship – delighted by our need to collaborate with him … to find out what to do. True he already knows everything … but to know that we are relying on him for our next move and direction is a form of worship and praise.
While making informed choices is important and essential... It is far more important to do research in the Bible – make Biblical choices, do not rely on worldly knowledge… Pray – Pray often[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]What I thought[/TD]
[TD]What God Showed me[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]I thought I knew what love was. In my family, in my marriage, with my children, with my friends, with myself, with God.
In my marriage I loved how my husband loved me. I measured my love by how he loved me. I thought he loved me because he did things for me, he wrote songs about me, he devoted himself to me, he never cheated on me, he never even looked at other women, he never hit or harmed me, or even disagreed with me, he focused his everything on me… worshipped me. I thought that had to be love.... I was wrong. I did not love him… I loved how he loved me. I loved ME not him.
I was devastated and hurt me when he left me confused, alone, bitter, angry, How could he do this to ME? He loved ME? It was all a selfish love. He loved me, I loved me. [/TD]
[TD]God showed me that love is not something that is earned. Love is something you give not something that you receive.
It is not until you give love that you feel love.
God loves us. We cannot earn this, we do not deserve this, but we have it. Once you love someone as God loves us, you understand what love is. It is beyond unconditional. Love begins with Worshiping and Serving God First… THEN… Love is serving another person as Christ served us, putting the loved one before ourselves, doing for another without any care for recognition or retribution or repayment. Love is also willing to correct a loved one when they are doing something that is not holy or righteous because helping another conform to the image of Christ is love.
God showed me that Love is serving, not selfish.[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]What I thought[/TD]
[TD]What God Showed me[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]I thought if you love me enough you would accept me for who I am... my choices, my beliefs, and my ideas.
If you love me you would respect me, not try to change me, conform me, or impose your beliefs upon me. Live and let live.
If you love me, you would support me morally, emotionally, mentally. (Why I never thought financially was important it is beyond me but it never made my list)
I was that stubborn (full of pride) and used to think.. no.. I was convinced I knew it all, my way was always better- more effective and efficient.
I felt I was so great that I could not even hold others to “my” standards because they would fall short.
I had to do things for myself if I wanted them done right[/TD]
[TD]God showed me love is full of reproof… revision, correction, and friend, Love is going to hurt. It will hurt because it removes the YOU that YOU made, that YOU are/were Proud of… That you worked so hard to create and nurtured for so very long… is going to be killed before your very eyes.
The refinement is a long process for that self proclaimed – self made diamond in the rough… and self imposed personal high standards are rough. Complex layers that hide so much pain and suffering along the way.
We are ALL Beautifully and Wonderfully Made.. if you need to beautify beyond the standard God created you in, you are only adding layers that need to be stripped off when it’s time to get real with God.
God showed me love heals, repairs, and edifies for the Glory of God. Feeling content, safe, and loved in every circumstance is only possible through God’s help and with God at the Center of my life and focus.[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]What I thought[/TD]
[TD]What God Showed me[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]I thought I was an infected big toe in the Body of Christ.. I thought that my Burdens were far too great for anyone else to bare. And this is all after already losing my husband, my job, my car, my mom, my friends, and my lifestyle. At this point in my life I was called by God and realized my way wasn’t working. I was saved, I could not understand why this was happening to me, maybe I was a horrible person after all and maybe I was even too far gone for God to deal with… but I kept praying every day.
Fortunately for me, I had people praying for me regularly and I had people that felt God put on their hearts to check up on me throughout my bad times. Small groups are for this. [/TD]
[TD]God showed me hiding in my pain and suffering was incredibly Selfish and was diminishing his Glory. Rejecting my salvation – again the selfishness – the pride.
Withdrawing, hiding in my home, avoiding fellowship, only reaching out when I felt strong enough was like Slapping God in the face – All the Miracles and Grace God showered upon me have gone unseen by so many – the few that witnessed them have felt tremendously blessed and renewed.
It is so easy to become blinded by pride and selfishness – we need others to hold us accountable, to inform us when we are slipping.[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]What I thought[/TD]
[TD]What God Showed me[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]I thought my Issues were overwhelming to others – While this may have been true to an extent, somewhere I thought I was suffering and somehow felt that by suffering alone I was protecting others from my pain or atoning for my sins, I deserved this punishment… again I was wrong – To be truthful, I rejected the Blood of Jesus here… felt his suffering wasn’t enough to cover MY sins- My Problems.. don’t make this same mistake friends.
Though I was suffering and perhaps my issues were overwhelming and unbelievable to many people at the time… I had the continual prayer and devotional service of the worship team …For the Glory of God praying my prayer requests. Thankfully I stayed close to God during these struggles. I’m so thankful for all of the people that continued to keep me on their prayer list and still keep me and my daughter on their prayer list. This is love. I am loved. You are loved. We are loved. God is with us and no matter what, he will not forsake us. Trust him.
Private issues I was afraid to share with people – afraid of more problems and struggles included but aren’t limited to
- Ugly custody battle with continued and relentless Untruths and lies and persecutions against my character
- Continual health battles
- Continual financial struggles
- Daily aggravations and seemingly unnecessary pitfalls and dark times
- Loss of family and friends
- Loss of income and stability
I thought my testimony was worthless, unbelievable, boring, irritating, we all have problems right? Yes we all have problems some great some small, nonetheless they affect us and they affect those around us[/TD]
[TD]God showed me that had I not been so Selfish with my problems and woes, others could have also been blessed to see God’s Glory and Grace at work in my life. Seeing where I was – that ugly retched horrid selfish person – transformed into – well still ugly horrid and retched and even selfish still but now someone that is more refined by God for God’s Glory
People naturally avoid lepers because their skin is falling off, but when we are called to the body of Christ, we are still part of the body of Christ.
When one of us is suffering, we need to let others come beside us and pray for us and serve us. Other people – all of you are the hands and feet of God. Avoiding you is the same as avoiding God.
Everything I have been through – God has been lifting me up, dusting me off, giving me JUST enough to carry on and I have been sustained and all of my needs have been met, not more, not less – I’m going through sanctification for the Glory of God. I have been called to the body of Christ.
I cannot hide this or run from this. The shame and pride that makes you or me think we need to hide or protect others does not come from God.
Consider these trials blessings as God is using you and me as an example of his Glory and Grace – perhaps because of how we were made… why we were made. To give Glory to God. That is most important.
God calls people where they are. Hearing this might be calling you… if I were hiding in my home, you would not have been called because you wouldn’t hear my testimony.
God wants us to fellowship and share with one another for his Glory. [/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]What I thought[/TD]
[TD]What God Showed me[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]I thought it is easier to ignore prayer. To just go about my day and overlook worship time and quiet time with God.
When running late.. I thought giving time to God seemed to be too difficult… I was wrong and selfish and prideful here again. I cannot do this thing called life alone when I try- I mess it up every single time.
I Thought tithing was silly given my dire financial circumstances... that money could be used for bills… to buy food… I was wrong.
My way does not work.[/TD]
[TD]God showed me it is when I do not begin my day with Prayer or waiver from God that my life begins to unravel… I begin to hide… money woes come… fear comes… panic sets in…I learned how important it is to make and keep God at the center of my world.
I learned that God will provide financially, money comes from places unexpected when tithing.
When God is my focus… everything else falls into place and is Good. I even pray regularly that I am able to keep my focus on God because it IS that important and that much better in this life.[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]