S
There are several kinds of depression. My doctor told me I had clinical depression.
My depression was so bad I could not get out of bed. I could not bathe. I could not fix
my children meals or do our laundry. I wanted to. My mind was on these things
but I couldn't make myself do these normal everyday things. I did work a 12 hour shift and
made good money. My X husband paid his child support so money was not the issue.
One day my youngest son came to my bed and had an empty bowl with a spoon and
woke me up and said, "I'm hungry". I looked at his sad face and I got his bowl and held it
and slowly got out of bed and got him cereal and went back to my bed. I was sitting up and thinking
about what just happened. I began to cry. I tried to pray. I knew about God. I was raised by a Christian mother.
I cried and cried for hours and I could not feel God. I started prayers and quit in the middle of them. I just could not
feel God. I cried because of it. I cried until my eyes were swollen shut. I was exhausted and laid back in the bed to rest.
I closed my eyes and in my mind I heard a voice and it said to me " You can not come to me only through my son who came and died for your sins" My eyes opened wide and I sat up in bed and I felt a happiness I never felt before, I jumped out of the bed I
was looking for a place to kneel. I walked to my closet and remembered when I was about 9 years old I would come
home from school with my school papers to show my mom and I looked everywhere and couldn't find her. I found her
in the closet among the dirty laundry on her knees talking to God . She looked at me with tears in her eyes and motioned
for me to wait. I closed the closet door and waited patiently for her. So that is why I went to my closet. I shut the door behind me and it was pitched dark. I didn't care I wanted to hear this voice again. I feel on my knees and I begin to ask
Jesus to forgive me of every sin I could think of and I was crying so hard. I prayed so long I can't tell you how long.
Than I was going to rest a little and God Showed me a vision. In this pitched black closet I saw a beautiful blue vivid sky.
It was almost neon blue and I began to shake and praise God for showing me this. It was joy unspeakable. I just kept on saying "Thank You Jesus". Than all of a sudden a bird was soaring through this sky and I was a little confused and I watched
this bird and could see it was a sparrow and it was beautiful soaring on this beautiful blue sky. And God spoke to me again
and said "This is how I see you". I was crying and thanking God for showing me this. Than the sparrow began to fall and
I got sad and was wondering why would he let this bird fall from the sky. Than the sparrow struggled so hard flapping his
wings and a puff of gentle air pushed it back into the air and he began to soar as beautiful as before and while I was seeing this Gods voice came to me again and " I am the one who lifts you up". I praised God over and over and over and the vision
faded away. I came out of the closet a new creature. To this day I don't let Satan depress me. I have that vision that gets me out of bed and sets me on my way. When things happen to me or my loved ones I talked to God about it and he directs my paths because his ways are perfect. I Thank God for a praying mother. I thank God I can tell this testimony to someone
that might need to hear what God can do. He is real and never leaves us . We leave him but he never leaves us.
Now every time I see a sparrow winter ,spring, summer or fall I know he cares for them.
My depression was so bad I could not get out of bed. I could not bathe. I could not fix
my children meals or do our laundry. I wanted to. My mind was on these things
but I couldn't make myself do these normal everyday things. I did work a 12 hour shift and
made good money. My X husband paid his child support so money was not the issue.
One day my youngest son came to my bed and had an empty bowl with a spoon and
woke me up and said, "I'm hungry". I looked at his sad face and I got his bowl and held it
and slowly got out of bed and got him cereal and went back to my bed. I was sitting up and thinking
about what just happened. I began to cry. I tried to pray. I knew about God. I was raised by a Christian mother.
I cried and cried for hours and I could not feel God. I started prayers and quit in the middle of them. I just could not
feel God. I cried because of it. I cried until my eyes were swollen shut. I was exhausted and laid back in the bed to rest.
I closed my eyes and in my mind I heard a voice and it said to me " You can not come to me only through my son who came and died for your sins" My eyes opened wide and I sat up in bed and I felt a happiness I never felt before, I jumped out of the bed I
was looking for a place to kneel. I walked to my closet and remembered when I was about 9 years old I would come
home from school with my school papers to show my mom and I looked everywhere and couldn't find her. I found her
in the closet among the dirty laundry on her knees talking to God . She looked at me with tears in her eyes and motioned
for me to wait. I closed the closet door and waited patiently for her. So that is why I went to my closet. I shut the door behind me and it was pitched dark. I didn't care I wanted to hear this voice again. I feel on my knees and I begin to ask
Jesus to forgive me of every sin I could think of and I was crying so hard. I prayed so long I can't tell you how long.
Than I was going to rest a little and God Showed me a vision. In this pitched black closet I saw a beautiful blue vivid sky.
It was almost neon blue and I began to shake and praise God for showing me this. It was joy unspeakable. I just kept on saying "Thank You Jesus". Than all of a sudden a bird was soaring through this sky and I was a little confused and I watched
this bird and could see it was a sparrow and it was beautiful soaring on this beautiful blue sky. And God spoke to me again
and said "This is how I see you". I was crying and thanking God for showing me this. Than the sparrow began to fall and
I got sad and was wondering why would he let this bird fall from the sky. Than the sparrow struggled so hard flapping his
wings and a puff of gentle air pushed it back into the air and he began to soar as beautiful as before and while I was seeing this Gods voice came to me again and " I am the one who lifts you up". I praised God over and over and over and the vision
faded away. I came out of the closet a new creature. To this day I don't let Satan depress me. I have that vision that gets me out of bed and sets me on my way. When things happen to me or my loved ones I talked to God about it and he directs my paths because his ways are perfect. I Thank God for a praying mother. I thank God I can tell this testimony to someone
that might need to hear what God can do. He is real and never leaves us . We leave him but he never leaves us.
Now every time I see a sparrow winter ,spring, summer or fall I know he cares for them.
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