my father said he didn't need me

he's speaking out of the pressure of his own life, not about your true and living value and his love for you.


God is the father of those who end up without parents, or without parents who care, even for a time.

"GOD IS THE FATHER OF THE FATHERLESS" has re-assured many souls, comforted them/us with HIS perfect lovingkindness.

so keep praying for your family, and trusting GOD HIMSELF through JESUS THE MESSIAH.

don't trust mankind or society, but GOD HIMSELF, by grace and faith DIRECTLY in JESUS.

Sounds to me like he's just angry. We sometimes say things we don't mean when we're angry. I wouldn't put too much credibility into what he said.

It sounds like he's upset with his children for not helping as much as he would like. Your info on the side doesn't say how old you are. Your are from the Philippines, right, where a lot of people stay with their parents until marriage?

Let him calm down and then tell him how what he said hurt you. See if there is something you can do to be of more help to him around the house or in whatever area he needs you to help. Is he wanting you to contribute financially to the household?

It is just like that Phil Collins song "no son of mine". The first thought in my mind to that line in the song is this "the answer to that, is to say 'your no dad of mine' then go out, become famous, go in tv to be interviewed and when the question comes up about family, look directly into the tv and say 'i have no father' ". but as nice as poetic justice is, it does not bring any good result, so the hard part is to try to focus on what can bring a more positive result, even if it means tolerating a bit of injustice and swallowing a bit of pride.

my father and i are utterly close, like best friends. even to my mother, that's my relationship with her too, not just an ordinary mom. i didn't have much friends and so its knly in my family that i can be myself. its the only place where i thought i belonged. But after my second semester in college, when i got home for the first time in 6 months (i go to a university with a five hour travel time, so its a hassle to go home everyday), the four of us (me, my mom, dad and younger brother) had a sort of conflict because of financial matters.

My dad got mad because me and my brother weren't helping enough. On my defense, i just got back and my finals just finished so i was still exhausted, and my brother? He's doing his best to help, but my dad can't see that.

Then i was surprised when he suddenly said that if we're tired with living with them, we could leave. He told me he didn't need me, that they could survive without me.

i was really hurt. I mean, how could he say that so easily to me? Am i that not important that he could just say that? I feel like being thrown away.

I immediately thought, if i don't belong here, then where?

and in additional, he also told me that i'm still lacking so many things. That i'm not ready with life yet because i'm developing myself at all. He told me i was still too small.

It was degrading.

What hurt me the most was he talked to me as if he was disgusted.

i'm sorry if i sound like i'm whining, i just wasn't able to take it off my chest for almost two months now.

I just feel so low, even until now. I still feel so useless. if it were other people who said that, id gladly take it as a challenge, but it was my own father. it just so...frustrating.

It's a fact of life that when people are hurting they have a tendency to inflict hurt on those around them. My initial thought is that your dad is afraid of letting go of his children.

If is afraid to let us go, why would he go on and say it that way?

Remember something very important here.

When you fall in love, need that person in your life because you love them. Don't love them because you need them. The later makes you needy and that will crush your relationship in increments.

Maybe that is what your dad meant. He doesn't need you to fill his weak points he's arriving at in his life. He wants to feel as strong and spry as he was when you knew him as a younger daddy.

I'll tell you what though, we can't solve this for you. Happy to be your sounding board however, we can't fix it. Only you can.
When you're close to your dad talk to him. Tell him what you're telling us. It's had time to settle now so you can approach him gently and get it off your chest and heart.
I'll tell you why.
My dad had a running feud with his brother for over 30 years. No, yours isn't that but this is why I'm sharing. It ate my dad up as it did my uncle because they lived right next door to each other. But in the course of harboring that resentment they didn't speak, didn't look at each other, and they'd do anything they could to thwart the other in any given thing if of a mind.

I grew up in that and the memories I had of playing with my cousins were faded because we stopped seeing each other as playmates when we were very young. All due to that stupid feud.

30 years later dad gets cancer and long story shortened, he and his brother made up in the hospital just before he was released to come home into a Hospice program where he died having never seen his brother again.

The point being, you say its been two months since this upset and yet you haven't spoken to your dad about all that you've shared with we strangers in how it made you feel?

Let it go.

Talk to your dad and let him know how you feel. Because you know what? He may want to clear the air and his own mind and heart and just doesn't know how because he imagines all sorts of things in how he hurt you in that moment.

(HUG) You only get one dad. And regret lives with us longer than they do.

God Bless.

Most men don't know how to process their pain. Especially the older generations. They stuff it and it eventually comes out sideways.

Here in America..if a father suddenly acted out like you just described for no reason and it continues, the first thought would be.."OH my, he either has high blood pressure or the beginning of an anoryism". My father-in-law has been acting that way with me lately...and he eventually suffered from a stroke. I am not saying this to scare you..the real problem may be a chemical imbalance in his brain that has NOTHING to do with you, personally, but his body.

my father and i are utterly close, like best friends. even to my mother, that's my relationship with her too, not just an ordinary mom. i didn't have much friends and so its knly in my family that i can be myself. its the only place where i thought i belonged. But after my second semester in college, when i got home for the first time in 6 months (i go to a university with a five hour travel time, so its a hassle to go home everyday), the four of us (me, my mom, dad and younger brother) had a sort of conflict because of financial matters.

My dad got mad because me and my brother weren't helping enough. On my defense, i just got back and my finals just finished so i was still exhausted, and my brother? He's doing his best to help, but my dad can't see that.

Then i was surprised when he suddenly said that if we're tired with living with them, we could leave. He told me he didn't need me, that they could survive without me.

i was really hurt. I mean, how could he say that so easily to me? Am i that not important that he could just say that? I feel like being thrown away.

I immediately thought, if i don't belong here, then where?

and in additional, he also told me that i'm still lacking so many things. That i'm not ready with life yet because i'm developing myself at all. He told me i was still too small.

It was degrading.

What hurt me the most was he talked to me as if he was disgusted.

i'm sorry if i sound like i'm whining, i just wasn't able to take it off my chest for almost two months now.

I just feel so low, even until now. I still feel so useless. if it were other people who said that, id gladly take it as a challenge, but it was my own father. it just so...frustrating.

my father and i are utterly close, like best friends. even to my mother, that's my relationship with her too, not just an ordinary mom. i didn't have much friends and so its knly in my family that i can be myself. its the only place where i thought i belonged. But after my second semester in college, when i got home for the first time in 6 months (i go to a university with a five hour travel time, so its a hassle to go home everyday), the four of us (me, my mom, dad and younger brother) had a sort of conflict because of financial matters.

I'm also filipino and this sounds like something a lot of filipino parents do. They get verbally abusive with their kids. When I was a kid I thought it was because of me, but now that I'm older I see that it was something in them that made them say those kinds of things and I did not deserve what they said and neither do you.