I'm in a relationship now!

I'm truly not saying this to be at all hurtful, but since Joe says he deleted his account, I'll say it. I think Joe is on the spectrum. Those of you who know someone who is on the autistic spectrum know what I'm talking about. I have a very high functioning nephew that is on the spectrum, that was diagnosed with a form of Aspergers. I feel worse for the high functioning because they see other people attaining what they desire, a spouse, good job, house, kids, etc... and just can't understand why they don't have those things. This makes them highly susceptible to scams and frauds. Many also have heightened obsessive tendencies. It is especially sad when they have never been diagnosed or treated.

When Joe 1st joined, for a long while, I would click on the latest activity button and the screen would be filled with posts from him on threads like "4 words not say on a date". And many, almost nonsensical, other posts.

He also had a fairly unhealthy fixation with a 15 yr old girl. It amazed me that he didn't think that inappropriate. I say all this so that hopefully we can realize, and approach these individuals in a more loving, yet firm manner.

I'm truly not saying this to be at all hurtful, but since Joe says he deleted his account, I'll say it. I think Joe is on the spectrum. Those of you who know someone who is on the autistic spectrum know what I'm talking about. I have a very high functioning nephew that is on the spectrum, that was diagnosed with a form of Aspergers. I feel worse for the high functioning because they see other people attaining what they desire, a spouse, good job, house, kids, etc... and just can't understand why they don't have those things. This makes them highly susceptible to scams and frauds. Many also have heightened obsessive tendencies. It is especially sad when they have never been diagnosed or treated.

When Joe 1st joined, for a long while, I would click on the latest activity button and the screen would be filled with posts from him on threads like "4 words not say on a date". And many, almost nonsensical, other posts.

He also had a fairly unhealthy fixation with a 15 yr old girl. It amazed me that he didn't think that inappropriate. I say all this so that hopefully we can realize, and approach these individuals in a more loving, yet firm manner.

While Joe may feel hurt at what's being said, the comments aren't meant to wound him. They're meant to keep him from being wounded.
Many of us have friends who have the highest of intentions towards us. It takes courage (and prayer) to share something with a friend knowing they may feel hurt. But because we care and can see what's happening clearly, (at times because it's a pattern we've seen before) we tell them, hoping they'll take our observations into careful consideration. Sometimes we take offense at what our friends observe in us and get angry.
I learned along time ago to listen to the people who care about me.
The truth, spoken in love...is a priceless gift.

I think "wounds" are wounds either way

Its fine to speak words out of love and caring but many are sarcastic and making fun AND hurtful...AND my point was...people go on n on n on n ON badgering him...enough is enough..i think he gets the message..he knows people care but OBVIOUSLY hes REACHED HIS LIMIT n people STILL pester him about it..poor guy..no wonder hes runnin for the hills!

to be honest,I didn't know he had autism.I think we need be careful with how we treat people .

It depends on the wound.

If a person steps on something sharp and it becomes embedded in their foot, that's a wound.

However, the person who comes along and says, "Here, let me help you..." and then pulls the object out and does a thorough cleaning job is trying to save that person, but also inflicting a different kind of wound.

The difference is, the first wound is going to get an infection and cause severe harm, or even death, if not dealt with.

The second wound is a step in reversing all the negative effects of the first wound, but yes, it is going to hurt, which will often cause the person to resist or try to run away.

In either case, it causes severe pain. But if the person doesn't allow for the second "wounding" to take place, they are in grave danger.


** Ed--I agree with everything you said and others who have been here and known Joe from the start and are familar with the storeis you referenced have probably been thinking the same thing for some time (I know I have.)

However, I don't have the knowledge or experience of how to break through to someone like this that fixating on a very young teen as a love interest is wrong, or that "falling in love" with a scammer isn't really love.

Does anyone know a better way to approach this?

This could be a learning experience for many of us.

Just out of curiosity, Jewel.

If it was your son, what would you do?

Just leave him alone and not say anything about it, and let him go his own way?

Or, if you had a son on a site like this talking about being in love with a scammer because he didn't want to tell you, would you want everyone to just stop pestering him and continue to give this woman money?

I was just wondering what you would do if the situation hit you close to home.

At the start..i told joe to use caution etc (see my posts) but i dont need to keep telling him in 20 different ways..then its just harrassment and you get just exactly what joe did..he ran the other way n it totally defeated everyones "good intentions"..out of curiosity..each member should count up how many "good intended" posts they replied on here n muliply it per each cc user...get the hint? Over kill even IF it was out of love..

To be crystal clear, I DO NOT know Joe to be on the spectrum. Only that his behavior mirrors someone who is. I too believe Joe to be a nice guy with a good heart, but this episode shows extremely poor judgement.

Its fine to speak words out of love and caring but many are sarcastic and making fun AND hurtful...AND my point was...people go on n on n on n ON badgering him...enough is enough..i think he gets the message..he knows people care but OBVIOUSLY hes REACHED HIS LIMIT n people STILL pester him about it..poor guy..no wonder hes runnin for the hills!

I understand what you're saying, Jewel, but to me, it's also saying, "Well, if they won't accept the truth, just turn your head the other way and let them have what they think is making them happy--in fact, cheer them on and wish them the best in it," and that's just something I can't do.

Jewel, you have a kind, beautiful heart, and don't like to see anyone hurt. Awesome that you do. And you express that desire in a way you think will best help. But understand, people have other ways of trying to achieve that same goal.

There is no doubt in this situation. Beautiful, scantily clad women do NOT fall for a guy 4 states away on the internet. It's silly on the face of it. For whatever nefarious reason this person has chosen to deceive Joe. Most likely for money.

So our choice is to let it happen, or try in whatever way we think will reach him to stop it. The hurt he gets from us will be NOTHING compared to the financial, emotional, and even spiritual hurt he will receive when this deception ends.

I can also openly say that I'm not writing my posts anymore with the intention that Joe will change his mind, because he's already made it clear that he wants to "stay" with this "girl."

I wish some of the other people I've known here who also wouldn't listen to warnings about catfish would come here and post their stories about what happened when they continued along the same path, cutting off people who told them what they didn't want to hear as well.

The intention of anything I've been posting lately isn't to harass Joe, but rather, I'm hoping that some people out there will realize they're caught in the exact same trap and will choose to get out of it, or that the posts this thread will educate others so that they can learn all the warning signs and hopefully avoid it altogether.

I can also openly say that I'm not writing my posts anymore with the intention that Joe will change his mind, because he's already made it clear that he wants to "stay" with this "girl."

I wish some of the other people I've known here who also wouldn't listen to warnings about catfish would come here and post their stories about what happened when they continued along the same path, cutting off people who told them what they didn't want to hear as well.

The intention of anything I've been posting lately isn't to harass Joe, but rather, I'm hoping that some people out there will realize they're caught in the exact same trap and will choose to get out of it, or that the posts this thread will educate others so that they can learn all the warning signs and hopefully avoid it altogether.

I don't even see jewel.