It only took me 20 years to find what I was looking for. My grandfather was the first of my family to join the church I'm in. He is really old now and I always wonder how he found his faith and held on to it. He is the wisest and most peaceful normal man I've ever met. I decided I wanted to really figure out for myself If I could get what he had, so I started becoming a bit more religious. I decided to go on a mission. I met a swiss girl who just radiated with God's love. Seeing someone so young my age and with that same light in her eyes that I saw in my grandfather captivated me. I had seen plenty of miracles. I could name you plenty, even as to raising my brother from death. The problem is that faith proceeds miracles, and miracles don't grow faith. I would look at myself and really feel down about how I didn't live up to any of the opportunities and privileges I had had. I pretty much stopped doing anything that would make me feel close to God for a long time. I swear every day God would nudge me a little and open my eyes a bit to something that happened that day that God wanted me to learn from. I didn't want to pray, and the days went on. I could tell anyone that the church I was in was God's one and only church just based on my experiences, but of myself, I couldn't feel further from what I knew. I never had a big moment that lead me back. It was just small things. Little real life things that only I would recognize as God's hand in my life. I decided to study mercy and grace and the atonement. I felt terrified to approach the Father of the Son who I had killed via my mistakes. Especially after all the times I dodged his invitation to do so. What I was doing wasn't going anywhere, so I felt impressed to approach the being who I feared most. I shared with Him my guilt and sorrow for the pain I had caused him. I felt ashamed I could never repay him for everything. But I learned that God is merciful, and only wants us to return. He will to everything with his perfect resolve to help us out. It was all for me. I felt really sheepish about it, but also grateful. I decided to put my heart into it and do as God asks. I felt supported and not alone and abandoned anymore. That was a feeling I hadn't felt in a long time. Today I am finding that same support. Its a warm and enduring feeling that it will all work out, its all worth it, and every effort is not wasted. My testimony is that Christ lives. I've heard his voice. I know his name. I feel his presence. I'm not smart enough to make this up. The answers and guidance I get are things I would never have come up with. I know God is our father who loves us deeply. Most importantly I know that I can make it back despite my failures. Its swallowed up in love. What I know outweighs what I don't know. I can't deny what I've seen. I don't know fully why God has been so nice to me, but I'm doing my best to show him I love him back. I know that if you hold on during hardship, the next day will be easier. You will improve. That's what God does to people who hold on. That's what I'm doing. Nothing more than holding on. If you were to ask, I'd tell you I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I've been around the block and seen a lot of churches. I've only ever heard God speak to me here. You may think I'm crazy. Its a popular opinion to call people in my church cultist devil worshiping mislead blind sheep children eating hypocritical scum bags. You can do that too if you want. I'd die like Paul for this church. By their fruits ye shall know them. The fruit I've tasted is more precious than any other. That is my testimony. If you happen to be struggling with your faith, I'd be happy to share some of my personal struggles with finding it with you. Stay strong in your faith in Christ.
Levi Carpenter
Levi Carpenter
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