Let Go, and Let God

For a solid year, I was battling depression, it took me six months of that year to even admit I was struggling. I had gotten suicidal, I was questioning my faith. At times I was even asking myself 'Does God even exist?' I loved the Lord all of my life. I was the three year old who would stand in the aisle of the sanctuary, and raise my hands in worship. But here I was, at the peak of my depression, and I was trying to battle it without God. I had been but on wellbutrin first, when that did not help, I was put on Prozac. But even it got to a point it wasn't working. I was so ready to throw in the towel, but in the midst of my struggle, God was reminding me He is very much real, and is going to be the only thing to save me. I was actually going to see my parents one weekend, and I had basically decided this was it for me. I was going to commit suicide when I got back to my apartment that Sunday. I was on my hour and a half drive back to my apartment, listening to youtube for music, knowing what I was going to do. Then out of nowhere the song 'I Understand' came on, and one part said "I am the Lord, I changeth not. I won't forget, nor have I forgot. You see everything works according to my plan. I am God, trust me, I've got the whole world in my hands." It was the first time I had heard anything for months. It didn't make me hit my knees, it made me hungry. I started watching sermons online, reading the bible, and trying to understand it. It was about four months ago, when I finally let go of every burden, dark thought, memories from my past, hate in my heart, and I let God take full control over my life. I have not been the same person since, and it is such a blessing that I'm not. I was on the verge of giving up, and God said "This is not where your life ends." If you don't take anything else from these, please know, not everyday, week, month, or even year is going to be perfect, but it will have a purpose. Everything you are going through, he's preparing you, and make you the best woman or man you can be, so don't give up. Fight that much harder and don't lose your faith.

For a solid year, I was battling depression, it took me six months of that year to even admit I was struggling. I had gotten suicidal, I was questioning my faith. At times I was even asking myself 'Does God even exist?' I loved the Lord all of my life. I was the three year old who would stand in the aisle of the sanctuary, and raise my hands in worship. But here I was, at the peak of my depression, and I was trying to battle it without God. I had been but on wellbutrin first, when that did not help, I was put on Prozac. But even it got to a point it wasn't working. I was so ready to throw in the towel, but in the midst of my struggle, God was reminding me He is very much real, and is going to be the only thing to save me. I was actually going to see my parents one weekend, and I had basically decided this was it for me. I was going to commit suicide when I got back to my apartment that Sunday. I was on my hour and a half drive back to my apartment, listening to youtube for music, knowing what I was going to do. Then out of nowhere the song 'I Understand' came on, and one part said "I am the Lord, I changeth not. I won't forget, nor have I forgot. You see everything works according to my plan. I am God, trust me, I've got the whole world in my hands." It was the first time I had heard anything for months. It didn't make me hit my knees, it made me hungry. I started watching sermons online, reading the bible, and trying to understand it. It was about four months ago, when I finally let go of every burden, dark thought, memories from my past, hate in my heart, and I let God take full control over my life. I have not been the same person since, and it is such a blessing that I'm not. I was on the verge of giving up, and God said "This is not where your life ends." If you don't take anything else from these, please know, not everyday, week, month, or even year is going to be perfect, but it will have a purpose. Everything you are going through, he's preparing you, and make you the best woman or man you can be, so don't give up. Fight that much harder and don't lose your faith.