Funny stories in the Bible

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1ofthem

1ofthem

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#121
Mar 30, 2016
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#121
Here is a song they used to sing in a church I used to go to. It's so sweet at the feet of Jesus.
 
H

he-rat_of_the_circus-mice

Banned
#123
Mar 21, 2019
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#123
Lanolin said:
Just wondering if you like to share your favourites.

And is there any in the Bible that made you laugh. Maybe its the way its told or the situation or the people themselves. Or what they said. Or maybe its something that puzzles you?!
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The whole covenant of circumcision thing seems funny to me. If we weren't so used to reading about it, its probably the last thing we would expect to read in the bible. The bizarreness of it is also proof of its legitimacy - no guy would invent a story like that. Imagine Abraham's surprise - perhaps he was expecting something more like what Noah got - a rainbow? :)

In Genesis 34, after the men of Shechem get circumcised, the bible gives the understatement of the year "when they were sore".

jaybird88 said:
Matthew 18:17
If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

treat them like those at the lowest level of society such as a pagan, who worships demons, practice human sacrifice, indulge in cannibalism, and throw children in the fire.

or tax collectors!
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Lol. I love it. No matter how far one drops, there's always the tax collector parasites feeding at the very bottom of a society! :)
 
H

he-rat_of_the_circus-mice

Banned
#124
Mar 21, 2019
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#124
I love the conversations between Moses and God. They seem so honest and real, Moses doesn't seem to hold back his true thoughts.

When God sends Moses to speak to Pharaoh, and God keeps explaining to Moses how He will provide for Moses' needs, Moses finally reveals his true thoughts in Exodus 4:13 - “Oh, my Lord, please send someone else.”

And in Exodus 6:30, Moses says to God "Behold, I am of uncircumcised lips, and how shall Pharaoh hearken unto me?” Ewww. Moses and Zipporah seemed to have some marital problems - maybe the state of his lips was a contributor?

And finally, when God was explaining to Moses how He was enough in Numbers 11:23: “Is the Lord’s arm too short? Now you will see whether or not what I say will come true for you.”
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#125
Dec 15, 2018
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#125
he-rat_of_the_circus-mice said:
I love the conversations between Moses and God. They seem so honest and real, Moses doesn't seem to hold back his true thoughts.

When God sends Moses to speak to Pharaoh, and God keeps explaining to Moses how He will provide for Moses' needs, Moses finally reveals his true thoughts in Exodus 4:13 - “Oh, my Lord, please send someone else.”

And in Exodus 6:30, Moses says to God "Behold, I am of uncircumcised lips, and how shall Pharaoh hearken unto me?” Ewww. Moses and Zipporah seemed to have some marital problems - maybe the state of his lips was a contributor?

And finally, when God was explaining to Moses how He was enough in Numbers 11:23: “Is the Lord’s arm too short? Now you will see whether or not what I say will come true for you.”
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Sometimes I picture God with a really long arm....
 
A

ADisciple

Junior Member
#126
Apr 3, 2015
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#126
Miri said:
The funniest story I can think of is when
Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead and the Pharisees sought to kill him again.

Would Jesus have raised him from the dead again, again!

You would have thought the Pharisees would have thought.
“Well hold on just a minute can we even kill this guy!”
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It would have been interesting to see their response whether they would be amazed by the power of God or if they would be baffled and try to make excuses for why they can't "kill" Lazarus. To watch them squirm and try to justify their reasons for trying to kill him and Still not being successful. (humbling and confounding the "wise")
 
H

he-rat_of_the_circus-mice

Banned
#127
Mar 21, 2019
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#127
Proverbs can be very funny also. So many great proverbs.

Proverbs 17:12 Let a man meet a she-bear robbed of her cubs rather than a fool in his folly.

Proverbs 26:3 A whip for the horse, a bridle for the donkey, and a rod for the backs of fools!

Proverbs 27:14 If anyone loudly blesses their neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse.
 
H

he-rat_of_the_circus-mice

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#130
posthuman

posthuman

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#131
Jul 31, 2013
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#131
Tinkerbell725

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
#133
Jul 19, 2014
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Philippines Age 40
#133
Is'nt this scene funny? Jesus did not laugh but He saw their faith and He forgave the sins of the sick person.

Mark 2:1-4

2 And again he entered into Capernaum after some days; and it was noised that he was in the house.

2 And straightway many were gathered together, insomuch that there was no room to receive them, no, not so much as about the door: and he preached the word unto them.

3 And they come unto him, bringing one sick of the palsy, which was borne of four.

4 And when they could not come nigh unto him for the press, they uncovered the roof where he was: and when they had broken it up, they let down the bed wherein the sick of the palsy lay.
 
H

he-rat_of_the_circus-mice

Banned
#134
Mar 21, 2019
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#134
Tinkerbell725 said:
Is'nt this scene funny? Jesus did not laugh but He saw their faith and He forgave the sins of the sick person.

Mark 2:1-4

2 And again he entered into Capernaum after some days; and it was noised that he was in the house.

2 And straightway many were gathered together, insomuch that there was no room to receive them, no, not so much as about the door: and he preached the word unto them.

3 And they come unto him, bringing one sick of the palsy, which was borne of four.

4 And when they could not come nigh unto him for the press, they uncovered the roof where he was: and when they had broken it up, they let down the bed wherein the sick of the palsy lay.
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I love how the KJV phrases things. "Sick of the palsy". If only we still talked like that. A much richer language.
 
Father123

Father123

Member
#136
May 30, 2019
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#136
Lanolin said:
Just wondering if you like to share your favourites.

And is there any in the Bible that made you laugh. Maybe its the way its told or the situation or the people themselves. Or what they said. Or maybe its something that puzzles you?!

For me, I find it amusing that Peter was always putting his foot in his mouth. And Jesus would sometimes get exasperated with him. Like the time when he didnt want Jesus to wash his feet and then he kind of goes overboard and tells him to wash all of him. Or when he sees Jesus walking on water and of course he wants to walk on water too..what..he doesnt even want to gets his feet wet, but he thinks hes going to walk on water?? Uh.. yea Peter doesnt really think before he says anything. Lol

Or Martha. So busy serving and upbraiding Mary for not helping her and sitting at Jesus feet. She just expects Jesus to tell her sister off too. But no Jesus tells Martha what Mary is doing is way more important. Dear Martha such a bossy boots. Lol

The bible shows we are all human and react in ways that show that, well we do need God!
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I can’t remember the reference in either kings chronicles...or both but it is when a runner was dispatched to inform the king of news from the battle. However a spastic youth wanted to run also. He outran the previous runner and reached the king first. When asked for his report he stammered that he didn’t know anything.
Kinda sounds like me. Lol
 
K

Karraster

Guest
#137
#137
Father123 said:
I can’t remember the reference in either kings chronicles...or both but it is when a runner was dispatched to inform the king of news from the battle. However a spastic youth wanted to run also. He outran the previous runner and reached the king first. When asked for his report he stammered that he didn’t know anything.
Kinda sounds like me. Lol
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Welcome to CC. Your comment is interesting. I only know of one instance where a messenger outran the other, after the battle where King David's son Absalom was killed.
 
K

Karraster

Guest
#138
#138
Not a story, but I find humor in this~

Proverb 22:13 The slothful man saith, There is a lion without, I shall be slain in the streets.

Now as far as excuses go, isn't this one simply the best?
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

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#139
Dec 15, 2018
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#139
Karraster said:
Not a story, but I find humor in this~

Proverb 22:13 The slothful man saith, There is a lion without, I shall be slain in the streets.

Now as far as excuses go, isn't this one simply the best?
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Another story about excuses is in Luke 14 people are invited to a big supper and 3 people give lame excuses why they cant go (or rather, wont go) and one of them says I have married a wife and cant go.

Really? This husband doesnt think that maybe the wife wants to go too? What wife would say no to a free supper? . Lol
 
posthuman

posthuman

Senior Member
#140
Jul 31, 2013
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#140
Father123 said:
I can’t remember the reference in either kings chronicles...or both but it is when a runner was dispatched to inform the king of news from the battle. However a spastic youth wanted to run also. He outran the previous runner and reached the king first. When asked for his report he stammered that he didn’t know anything.
Kinda sounds like me. Lol
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2 Samuel 18 ;)
 
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