Living in fear

It's nothing too serious. At least I hope not.

I know the chances for success are high, but the idea of possibly losing her, especially now, is just devastating to me. I've loved her and have been attached to her since before I can remember. I know she will eventually die and we'd be reunited in heaven, but I honestly don't care.

I feel so alone it hurts hard. How am I supposed to be closer to God than my mother, when I've only known him for a few years and I've known her all my life?

I feel lost and helpless and without guidance and comfort. I wish God felt more real and like a father to me, but he doesn't.😭😭😭

I'm just in a place of great pain right now. Please pray for my mom and me.

i will pray with you for her and as god said it will be done,he not gonna take your mom ,

I feel like no matter what I do I just can't win. Everywhere I go the devil always seems one step ahead.

I have no idea in frick what people mean when they say I shouldn't "rely on my own strength." I have no idea what a lot of things about faith mean. And I feel as though I'm the only one in the world who feels this way. I know that's not true, but whatever.

All I know is that I don't know what to do at this point in my life about anything. Faith doesn't come naturally to me and is not a comfort.

Who cares if heaven is indescribably amazing? All I know is brokenness. This broken, fallen Earth is literally all I know. As a finite creature I can't conceive of something like eternity. I can't conceive of consistent and complete happiness when I can only stay happy for barely two days. I can't conceive of wholeness when I know only emptiness. I can't conceive of anything that heaven is supposed to be cause it literally sounds too good to be true. And good things more often than not get taken away from me here.

I know, I should have more faith. But I feel utterly weak and helpless and alone. I wish I had more confidence in God. I wish I was closer to him.

All I want right now is peace and comfort. I don't want to be left alone and I don't want to be left in my misery. And I don't want to lose my mom at such an important time in my life. Lord God help me…

😭😭😭

you are not alone god i right beside you,i wish i new how to explain all these questions you have but as i said not very good with words,but i no how god and faith work.i no you dont believe in testing of your faith but t is true.and this is just part of it,and right now hope is far away,but god does not care about it tonight because he no you will get through this and when you have got through this your hope and faith well be stronger. you see life with god is not a trip it s a journey ,and if you are willing to be sad once and a while for learning some thing,well that is what pleases god the most.stop crying princess your mom will be fine.

goodnight princess ,tomorrow is another day things will be better.stayed up a bit incase you wanted talk but have to go to bed i am old need my sleep ahahh,mom will be getting up in 4 hr.so stay stong god will get you through this.

hey princess didint see you today was just wondering how things went with your mom?

I'm doing fine.

My mom is back to her old self. No more cancer cells. She didn't seem nearly as concerned as I was, but when you hear the word "cancer" it's like a death knell.

well i am happy to hear that,see fear not always reallity hahah

Yes. But still.

Thank you.

for me it easy to say, i dont no what it means to fear,i have never really feared anything in my life, but your journey with god is just starting you have faith. but you have not yet learn to understand the power that you have within you ,but i have faith in you that you will understand it one day.i dont no i just have this feeling you are very precious in god eyes.you are determined to understand.and well that is what god wants us to do even if we sometimes kind of let our faith get shaken we are not willing to surrender,and that is a recipe for success,good night Night Owl

Thank you very much for your encouragement.

I read once that Satan attacks Christians in proportion to their potential for greatness. In that case I must have a ton of it because I took a beating from him last night.

yeah never read that one but if it is true i would have to agree you are going to be one hell of a super christian .....hahahah

I don't see what's so funny about it.

its not that what is happening that is funny it the way you said it. you are being hit from every side possible he is hitting you with fear. doubt ,sadness attacking your family ,yet you are still standing you see you cant do that with out faith.

sorry if i offended you with my comment,see you around

You are an egnima, to be sure. You say you can't trust someone unless you get to know them, and that you are scared of the Lord, if God could be proven we would not need faith and the word says without faith it is impossible to please him. That you have been a Christian for 8 years and were raised in a Christian family, and that you are afraid of everything and cannot find comfort in your religion. God is God, he is not a religion, and he wants a relationship with you. But it cannot be unless you are willing, it would be one sided and love must be reciprocated, given and received. We can pray that you will be delivered from the spirit of fear, and that you will be able to over come it, and draw closer to the lord.

Father God, I pray for this your child, that you will set her free from the tormenting spirit of fear that is plaguing her, I bind it and rebuke it and command it to leave her, loose her and let her go free, and I ask that you will loose the angels to minister to her as an heir of salvation, draw her close to you, amen.

I highly suggest that you do a word study on the words fear and faith, they are exact opposites. You must fill your spirit with faith filled words.

hey silverwings what is a Egnima?

It means mystery, paradox.

oh i guess she meant enigma ,glad to her from you princess how that fear thing going