There is an enormous disconnect between what believers should say during a church service and what is actually said. For example, a new couple may wander into the sanctuary for the first time and be greeted by the pastor with two questions; the first is usually, “So, where are you both from?”; and the second is usually, “So, what do you do for a living?” Of course, it isn’t difficult to ascertain why the youth of America are unwilling to submit to such interrogations. Not only are these questions offensive, but they also smack of pure elitism.
Other examples of church conversations gone awry involve the young wife. She is usually bombarded with poor advice concerning her children. Worse than that, she often feels pressure to compete with others by having to justify why her kids haven’t gone on a trip to Disneyland. And at that point, God seems very far away.
Still, others may feel compelled to discuss their work or other achievements right after (or even during) a church service. Their need for worldly affirmation is apparent as the Holy Spirit is far too eager to depart the building. The eroded conversations drone on all the way up to the mad rush out the doors of the sanctuary and into the parked cars.
The all-important greeting
The apostle Paul retained a different paradigm when conversing with other Christ-followers. In his letters to the many churches in and around Asia Minor, he conveyed a reverent, heartfelt adoration for his fellow believers. Apart from the Psalms, there is nothing more eloquent for the reader to enjoy than a Pauline salutation:
“From Paul, an apostle (not from men, nor by human agency, but by Jesus Christ and God the Father who raised him from the dead) and all the brothers with me, to the churches of Galatia. Grace and peace to you from God the Father and our Lord Jesus Christ, who gave himself for our sins to rescue us from this present evil age according to the will of our God and Father, to whom be glory forever and ever! Amen.” Gal. 1:1-5
A sensible person may argue that the above passage would be too lengthy for a casual greeting. After all, the Apostle intended to convey a message in writing, and not necessarily by the spoken word. This standard of prose would be too awkward for most people to convert into normal conversation.
However, there is a solution to the problem. By scaling down to a more familiar and manageable word selection, the person doing the greeting can be much more succinct:
“Hello, my brother/sister. What a blessing it is to see you again.”
This is saying the same thing as Paul in his letters, but with a likewise casual, familiar tone. Another more truncated version would be, “Grace and peace to you, brother/sister.” The type of greeting chosen would depend on the circumstances. In any event, either of the two is far superior to, “Hey dude, what’s up!”
Thankfulness for you
Another major problem with modern church conversation has to do with the persistent use of flattery instead of edification. For example, a church member may say to a good friend, “Hey Dave, I saw that new car of yours in the parking lot. Sweet ride! What kinda deal did ya get on it? I’m dying to know!”
Unfortunately for Dave, he feels compelled to justify his new purchase. He may also feel a bit of remorse at this point for buying a new car when so many in the church are struggling financially. Worse yet, he may even feel a sense of being the cause of his friend’s covetousness.
It is better to follow Paul’s example when establishing a conversation with a fellow church member:
“I thank my God every time I remember you. I always pray with joy in my every prayer for all of you because of your participation in the gospel from the first day until now. For I am sure of this very thing, that the one who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” Phil 1:3-6
“We always give thanks to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you since we heard about your faith in Christ Jesus and the love that you have for all the saints.” Col 1:3-4
The three key elements of these powerful, edifying statements are:
1. I thank God for you
2. I pray for you
3. I am encouraged by your faith
To put this in a modern, conversational tone, Dave’s friend could say, “Hey, Dave. It’s always a blessing to see you and your family every Sunday. I pray for you every chance I get. I am always encouraged by your faith.”
The middle conversation
It is not good enough just to say, “Hey, how’s it going?” The inevitable reply is always, “Fine, how about you?”
Instead, it is better to use three key questions when conversing with a fellow Christian:
1. What has God been doing in your life?
2. What is it I need to do to help you with that?
3. How can I pray for you?
The first question is just a primer to see if there are any concerns or problems in the other person’s life. This is where most churches in the U.S. fail miserably. The question is never asked, so the problem is never addressed. Most parishioners jump straight into, “How can I pray for you,” without ever knowing what the other person’s needs truly are.
But now is the time to change the way the typical church in the U.S. conducts business. Now is the time to ask, “What is the problem, and how can I be of help to you?.” This idea is not an optional component for the Christian. Jesus mandated our service to each other right after He washed each of the disciple’s feet. He said:
“Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.” John 13:12-17
The third question, “How can I pray for you,” is listed last for a reason. Too many church-goers ask this as their only question. It is an abdication of having to stick their hands in the dirty water to wash the other person’s horrible smelling feet. This question is often used in conjunction with the dreaded “prayer request.” Both are too often adopted by church staff members to keep a person in need at arm’s length.
Farewell, Good-Bye
How a good conversationalist says goodbye is just as important as how they greet others. Again, the best example of this is the Apostle Paul:
“The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit, brothers, and sisters. Amen.” Gal 6:18
A more modern version would be, “May the grace of the Lord be with you. I hope to see you again soon.” An even shorter variation may be used: “Grace be with you. Goodbye.”
An example of a Godly conversation:
“Hello, my Brother, Dave. It’s good to see you once again on this beautiful Sunday morning. I’ve been praying for you and your family. When I heard you were voted in as an elder, I was very excited for you. We need your kind of leadership now more than ever in the church. What else is happening in your life? What can I help you with? What can I pray with you about?
It was nice talking with you. Here is my number in case you need anything. I am always available to you. May the peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you this week. Blessings to you and your family."
Other examples of church conversations gone awry involve the young wife. She is usually bombarded with poor advice concerning her children. Worse than that, she often feels pressure to compete with others by having to justify why her kids haven’t gone on a trip to Disneyland. And at that point, God seems very far away.
Still, others may feel compelled to discuss their work or other achievements right after (or even during) a church service. Their need for worldly affirmation is apparent as the Holy Spirit is far too eager to depart the building. The eroded conversations drone on all the way up to the mad rush out the doors of the sanctuary and into the parked cars.
The all-important greeting
The apostle Paul retained a different paradigm when conversing with other Christ-followers. In his letters to the many churches in and around Asia Minor, he conveyed a reverent, heartfelt adoration for his fellow believers. Apart from the Psalms, there is nothing more eloquent for the reader to enjoy than a Pauline salutation:
“From Paul, an apostle (not from men, nor by human agency, but by Jesus Christ and God the Father who raised him from the dead) and all the brothers with me, to the churches of Galatia. Grace and peace to you from God the Father and our Lord Jesus Christ, who gave himself for our sins to rescue us from this present evil age according to the will of our God and Father, to whom be glory forever and ever! Amen.” Gal. 1:1-5
A sensible person may argue that the above passage would be too lengthy for a casual greeting. After all, the Apostle intended to convey a message in writing, and not necessarily by the spoken word. This standard of prose would be too awkward for most people to convert into normal conversation.
However, there is a solution to the problem. By scaling down to a more familiar and manageable word selection, the person doing the greeting can be much more succinct:
“Hello, my brother/sister. What a blessing it is to see you again.”
This is saying the same thing as Paul in his letters, but with a likewise casual, familiar tone. Another more truncated version would be, “Grace and peace to you, brother/sister.” The type of greeting chosen would depend on the circumstances. In any event, either of the two is far superior to, “Hey dude, what’s up!”
Thankfulness for you
Another major problem with modern church conversation has to do with the persistent use of flattery instead of edification. For example, a church member may say to a good friend, “Hey Dave, I saw that new car of yours in the parking lot. Sweet ride! What kinda deal did ya get on it? I’m dying to know!”
Unfortunately for Dave, he feels compelled to justify his new purchase. He may also feel a bit of remorse at this point for buying a new car when so many in the church are struggling financially. Worse yet, he may even feel a sense of being the cause of his friend’s covetousness.
It is better to follow Paul’s example when establishing a conversation with a fellow church member:
“I thank my God every time I remember you. I always pray with joy in my every prayer for all of you because of your participation in the gospel from the first day until now. For I am sure of this very thing, that the one who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” Phil 1:3-6
“We always give thanks to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you since we heard about your faith in Christ Jesus and the love that you have for all the saints.” Col 1:3-4
The three key elements of these powerful, edifying statements are:
1. I thank God for you
2. I pray for you
3. I am encouraged by your faith
To put this in a modern, conversational tone, Dave’s friend could say, “Hey, Dave. It’s always a blessing to see you and your family every Sunday. I pray for you every chance I get. I am always encouraged by your faith.”
The middle conversation
It is not good enough just to say, “Hey, how’s it going?” The inevitable reply is always, “Fine, how about you?”
Instead, it is better to use three key questions when conversing with a fellow Christian:
1. What has God been doing in your life?
2. What is it I need to do to help you with that?
3. How can I pray for you?
The first question is just a primer to see if there are any concerns or problems in the other person’s life. This is where most churches in the U.S. fail miserably. The question is never asked, so the problem is never addressed. Most parishioners jump straight into, “How can I pray for you,” without ever knowing what the other person’s needs truly are.
But now is the time to change the way the typical church in the U.S. conducts business. Now is the time to ask, “What is the problem, and how can I be of help to you?.” This idea is not an optional component for the Christian. Jesus mandated our service to each other right after He washed each of the disciple’s feet. He said:
“Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.” John 13:12-17
The third question, “How can I pray for you,” is listed last for a reason. Too many church-goers ask this as their only question. It is an abdication of having to stick their hands in the dirty water to wash the other person’s horrible smelling feet. This question is often used in conjunction with the dreaded “prayer request.” Both are too often adopted by church staff members to keep a person in need at arm’s length.
Farewell, Good-Bye
How a good conversationalist says goodbye is just as important as how they greet others. Again, the best example of this is the Apostle Paul:
“The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit, brothers, and sisters. Amen.” Gal 6:18
A more modern version would be, “May the grace of the Lord be with you. I hope to see you again soon.” An even shorter variation may be used: “Grace be with you. Goodbye.”
An example of a Godly conversation:
“Hello, my Brother, Dave. It’s good to see you once again on this beautiful Sunday morning. I’ve been praying for you and your family. When I heard you were voted in as an elder, I was very excited for you. We need your kind of leadership now more than ever in the church. What else is happening in your life? What can I help you with? What can I pray with you about?
It was nice talking with you. Here is my number in case you need anything. I am always available to you. May the peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you this week. Blessings to you and your family."
