Family Dysfunction and the Holidays

What is it about the holidays, from Thanksgiving to New Years, that makes family issues worse. Everything spiraled out of control this year and now my husband is upset and says he doesn't want to celebrate Christmas again. That breaks my heart. I don't know how to do things so I don't end up in this mess each year. Sometimes people on the outside see more clearly, so here I go.

It started when my husband took a new job and my father took the same type of job which had them working together. My father said some things he shouldn't have said, he's blunt and often doesn't think before he speaks. And he doesn't apologize. My mother forced a half apology out of him by way of email. But my husband still feels disrespected and hurt. So with all this drama comes Thanksgiving and Christmas. Thanksgiving we always go to my parents to eat and we didn't this year. It really upset me but I understood and didn't force him to go. Then Christmas, and I didn't push him to go to my parents to eat again. Then my sister and her boys are here and he didn't want to come eat with them because of my father. I only have one sister, she's all the family I have. I lost several in my family and I miss having the family Christmas we use to have as kids. So that's the first part of the story.

The second issue is that my mother depends on me to decorate for Christmas. She took a bad fall and isn't able to do much in decorating. So I do two trees at my house and one for her, plus whatever else she wants decorated. This year I came down with the flu. I got on my feet, still sick, and did her house and then mine. I was late doing mine. But I always try to do my best in decorating, but Ive been told Im a perfectionist. So I get in the middle of it all and feel stressed every year. And then I well, get cranky. So hubby said he doesn't want to bother with Christmas anymore, it use to be our favorite time of year. My father doesn't like the season and makes it difficult every year, which upsets me. I just feel like I try to make Christmas nice for everyone every year, but in the end I'm just tired, stressed and overwhelmed. Now I feel like I've ruined the season for everyone. Don't even know if what I said made sense. But I just needed to vent.

Maybe just have family get together and not get stressed over doing all the decorating and buying gifts. Just keep it on the low end to what can be handled and remember what that day is about? Christmas always changes from being a child to an adult. My family changed from when I was a kid now it's less gifts and more family get together to celebrate that day

aw, well just remember who Christmas is about.
and I dont think Mary minded that Jesus was born in a manger and it smelled or it wasnt decorated, and they didnt have any gifts for their own son. strangers they didnt even know provided the gifts.

I sometimes wonder why they went to Bethlehem and couldnt find anywhere to stay, you would think Josephs own family might have welcomed them, seeing it was his home town.