I have no idea who's going to read this, maybe some have me blocked.
The Holy Spirit visited me two days ago. Not saying anything, just standing there, His loving, gentle presence. He stayed with me for a while, without words, just enveloping me. A thought came into my heart, if I lose a brother, what is this all for? And I became deeply saddened to the point of weeping. What did I do? When I would think of coming back to that thread, I felt ashamed. I knew that I must make things right.
As Holy Spirit stood there, I realized that I had been angry with you long ago before this thread even started, shittim. You might wonder why on earth would I be angry with you - you never did anything to deserve it. You were nothing but kind to me. I'll tell everything now.
There were some times in the past, when you would speak about other brothers and sisters, not necessarily by name but generally, people who were not on the same page with you, or maybe not on the same page with you YET about understanding the Scripture, you spoke of them like like they were not really Christian, and not saved. Even on matters such as prophecy, which is basically our ideas about how the future might unfold... Maybe you didn't even really mean it like that? Maybe you were unaware how it came across? But your utter rejection of brothers and sisters, who might not be at the same spot where you are (or maybe, not as of now), upset me to the highest degree, and because of this, since I did not believe saying anything would help, yet seeing that I couldn't stay at peace, I started avoiding communication with you. This is actually the true reason that I quit the chat pm thread in a little group of believers we were all saying hi and good morning as friends. I did speak about this to anyone until this moment.
When we had a disagreement on here, I stepped away from the keyboard for a while, and prayed before each response to you. I was on alert, because somewhere deep inside I felt anger. I did not see at first that in spite of praying I was STILL angry when I responded, because I didn't recognize that I was already HARBORING ANGER FROM BACK THEN. Now, I don't know how me being upset at something you said turned into anger, THAT kind of crept in unaware, and being made aware by God, I reject this will all my being. The same presence that enveloped me envelops you, I must NEVER forget this, and I must be to you as that presence is at all times, unrelated to what you say or believe. So in my anger, I actually did worse than you did initially.
When you wrote that post that I was not "really believing" in Jesus because we had argument or even if I failed in one moment, I felt even more justified in being angry. "I was right! He disowns and rejects brothers and sisters so easily! How can he, God?!?!?!" It was like gasoline being poured onto my anger. I did not see things straight, and that I basically did the same thing or worse, until the next evening when Holy Spirit visited. Was my anger helping anyone? Did my anger uplift and heal anyone? It was not a good or godly thing that I got angry to begin with, and that's what caused the most of trouble on this thread. I'll own that responsibility, and seek forgiveness right now, from everyone having to witness it. But mostly from YOU
@shittim . I did not treat you like our God's ever forgiving presence. Heal only. Love only. I did not build you up, so I failed for a little while in loving you. Can you forgive me? Even if all brothers and sisters disowned me and decided not to love me anymore, I must never get angry at them. So whoever will reject me, let them reject me. But I know now what
I must always do.
I want to thank all of you who have prayed for me, because I know that some of you did that.
God even blessed me with more understanding when it came to title of this thread yesterday, but I'll write about that later.
God bless you and keep you every one of you.