How do you deal with family members/friends that are not Christian?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
SarahUmbreon

SarahUmbreon

Banned
#1
Aug 16, 2020
540
363
63
29
#1
For me, I have a older sister and I pray for her. We don’t agree politically and I’m pretty sure if I told her that I don’t approve of homosexuality, then she would call me “homophobic”. My mom told she is more Christian than I think, but I still worry. I learned to never bring up politics cause we fought about trump, it didn’t get awful and she respected my opinion even though she didn’t agree. When she went to our church, she decided to not participate in our communion at the church. My mom told me she has a hard time with Christian stuff because she was in Christian group in college, but apparently people were being “Hypocrites”, as in they say the Bible is good, but did horrible stuff.

So I’m asking because I know I’m not the only one with a situation like this, and just want to know what it is like for other people with non-Christians in their family. Cause honestly, I’m afraid to say my Christian opinions around my sister, cause I don’t want her sad or upset at me.
 
B

blueluna5

Well-known member
#2
Jul 30, 2018
658
393
63
#2
Yea it's really hard. We do have religion and politics come up. I just try to nudge gently. It can be really hard bc some live far away. Like you said you don't want to fight the whole time.

I find it easier if you have someone on your side when talking about it. So for example your mom could talk to your sister with you instead of just saying "she more Christian than you think" whatever that means. It's like being pregnant... You are or you're not. But maybe explaining that it's about having a relationship with God and explaining why we do communion. Just offering the facts and setting an example.

My roommate in college use to literally laugh and yell at me whenever religion was brought up. I just kind of dropped it and did my Christian thing. Later she gave me a poem talking about me wearing pearls, converses, and holding a Bible going to church in it. I gave her Christian music CDs. We learned to co-exist. Later she started saying well maybe there is something more and gradually got closer to being saved. I learned sometimes anger is better than indifferent bc God can work with that.
 
SarahUmbreon

SarahUmbreon

Banned
#3
Aug 16, 2020
540
363
63
29
#3
blueluna5 said:
Yea it's really hard. We do have religion and politics come up. I just try to nudge gently. It can be really hard bc some live far away. Like you said you don't want to fight the whole time.

I find it easier if you have someone on your side when talking about it. So for example your mom could talk to your sister with you instead of just saying "she more Christian than you think" whatever that means. It's like being pregnant... You are or you're not. But maybe explaining that it's about having a relationship with God and explaining why we do communion. Just offering the facts and setting an example.

My roommate in college use to literally laugh and yell at me whenever religion was brought up. I just kind of dropped it and did my Christian thing. Later she gave me a poem talking about me wearing pearls, converses, and holding a Bible going to church in it. I gave her Christian music CDs. We learned to co-exist. Later she started saying well maybe there is something more and gradually got closer to being saved. I learned sometimes anger is better than indifferent bc God can work with that.
Click to expand...
Yeah, and what makes it harder is that I am guilty of not calling her often, cause she doesn’t call back for a long while, took her a few days to call me back once and right now she hasn’t called me since I last saw her in July. I know I have some blame here, with not reaching out, I just overthink everything or forget, cause I forget things easily. But yeah, what you said makes sense, since my mom respects my sister’s privacy and won’t elaborate on what happened and whatnot. I just pray to God my sister to seek him, and that her work day goes well. Since she is doing “Wilderness Therapy” as a job right now. That’s sad to hear that happened with your roommate but I’m glad it got better. That’s a great story to share to give people hope on helping their non-Christian friends reach salvation through god.
 
F

Fabriziojavaline

Member
#4
Dec 17, 2018
65
31
18
#4
Hi Sarah, i am in a similar situation, is not related to the sexuality of my family member but it is related to the salvation status.
After you become of some age (which i am not as they say "old" but i've seen some people dying) you start to get more and more worry about the person's status with god.
On one hand i will say that no matter what you say to your sister just tell her that God loves her and does not care if she is a lesbian or anything like that, god just wants her to let her know that she needs him and accept Jesus in her heart, i am telling you if she is a real christian sooner or later she will abandon those practices; not because god will punish her but because if you are a christian sin will only bring you pain, discomfort, lack of joy, horrible feelings all around.
On the other hand as i am suffering i also feel like you do, i am worried about my dad, but i also i accept that he is not a believer and i pray to god for his salvation but ultimately it is in the hands of my earthly father, if he decides that he does not want to be with god, then i can not do anything for him. I would want to spend the rest of my eternity with all my family and all the people that i like and care and everyone else. But the person that causes me most pain in this regard is by far my dad.
Just remember, it is your sister's decision, we are not robots; we decide for ourselves.
 
BlueTheComposer

BlueTheComposer

Member
#5
Aug 19, 2020
80
52
18
#5
True, it is hard to see family members reject God, and sometimes we want more than anything for them to be saved, but we have to realize the choice is up to them. We can't change them, and by so trying may only diminish God's power. God has merely called us to spread the gospel and by doing that alone we've succeeded and must rely on God to cause it to the grow. It is a hard thing to accept, but we must continue loving and praying for them.

I feel that the same sort of behavior described in 1 Corinthians 7 regarding a believer married to an unbeliever and remaining in the circumstances in which God has placed us is a good example of how to behave towards family members as well. "Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them." Also, "How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?" There's no reason for a believer to divorce themselves from a family member, "But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace." By living in peace and devoted to God we may be more of a witness to those family members than by hurting and causing strife through accusations or condemnation.
 
SarahUmbreon

SarahUmbreon

Banned
#6
Aug 16, 2020
540
363
63
29
#6
Fabriziojavaline said:
Hi Sarah, i am in a similar situation, is not related to the sexuality of my family member but it is related to the salvation status.
After you become of some age (which i am not as they say "old" but i've seen some people dying) you start to get more and more worry about the person's status with god.
On one hand i will say that no matter what you say to your sister just tell her that God loves her and does not care if she is a lesbian or anything like that, god just wants her to let her know that she needs him and accept Jesus in her heart, i am telling you if she is a real christian sooner or later she will abandon those practices; not because god will punish her but because if you are a christian sin will only bring you pain, discomfort, lack of joy, horrible feelings all around.
On the other hand as i am suffering i also feel like you do, i am worried about my dad, but i also i accept that he is not a believer and i pray to god for his salvation but ultimately it is in the hands of my earthly father, if he decides that he does not want to be with god, then i can not do anything for him. I would want to spend the rest of my eternity with all my family and all the people that i like and care and everyone else. But the person that causes me most pain in this regard is by far my dad.
Just remember, it is your sister's decision, we are not robots; we decide for ourselves.
Click to expand...
That is true it is our choice...but the problem isn’t my sister’s sexuality, it’s how I typically am not sure how to say my opinions around my sister. For example, I decided recently to not go into the Videogame industry. I went to community college and did get my degree, but there was just something that made me upset: In one of my favorite games, A hat in Time, in the new areas they added to the game, they decided to put a hidden “Easter egg” (Those are references in games, they can be anything really) of the Transgender flag. Now I know that gender stuff (I don’t believe in Non-binary, at all, you’re either a man or a woman) is very complex, especially when it comes to the Transgender, but I just feel like if I were on that team, that made the game, I would want my name off the credits list (Plus to be honest there are a ton of other problems the industry is having right now. Loot boxes, bad working conditions, etc. ). So I just decided to focus on getting a full time job.

But anyway, when she was visiting in July (Cause she had a bad time, boyfriend broke up with her, near her birthday, so my mom wanted my sister to at least spend her Birthday with us), I kinda mentioned how I just lost interest in the videogame industry and how I changed my mind. She asked me why, I had to quickly come up with an excuse of: “Just because” and quickly change topics. I guess that’s what frustrating how I can’t what I want to say. My mom says it’s fine, but it still is sad how I need to be careful about anything I say around my sister.
 
F

Fabriziojavaline

Member
#7
Dec 17, 2018
65
31
18
#7
SarahUmbreon said:
That is true it is our choice...but the problem isn’t my sister’s sexuality, it’s how I typically am not sure how to say my opinions around my sister. For example, I decided recently to not go into the Videogame industry. I went to community college and did get my degree, but there was just something that made me upset: In one of my favorite games, A hat in Time, in the new areas they added to the game, they decided to put a hidden “Easter egg” (Those are references in games, they can be anything really) of the Transgender flag. Now I know that gender stuff (I don’t believe in Non-binary, at all, you’re either a man or a woman) is very complex, especially when it comes to the Transgender, but I just feel like if I were on that team, that made the game, I would want my name off the credits list (Plus to be honest there are a ton of other problems the industry is having right now. Loot boxes, bad working conditions, etc. ). So I just decided to focus on getting a full time job.

But anyway, when she was visiting in July (Cause she had a bad time, boyfriend broke up with her, near her birthday, so my mom wanted my sister to at least spend her Birthday with us), I kinda mentioned how I just lost interest in the videogame industry and how I changed my mind. She asked me why, I had to quickly come up with an excuse of: “Just because” and quickly change topics. I guess that’s what frustrating how I can’t what I want to say. My mom says it’s fine, but it still is sad how I need to be careful about anything I say around my sister.
Click to expand...
I know what you are saying...Are you a game developer? I do not get the shift that video games are suffering... It is like everybody wants to be so inclusive and all characters suddenly are gay or over the top transgenders or politically correct...This for me has gone too far, like TLOU2 that is a game in which everyone is LGBTIQ&%$#...
Sometimes i think they are just trying to include people to get more people to buy the game but it is still weird, it is like they've all lost it.

And if you care that much about your sister, just tell her, you know, big sister, i love you and all but i do not get it; why people now is so obsessed about being gay and having acceptance but at the same time they are bringing the subject up every time they can? it is like in the bottom they do not accept it. It ends up feeling just feels and weird to me, how everyone is making a big deal out of it to gain political fame and sales and benefits.

That is what i would say to her. I KNOW you feel that way. If you tell her that in a stance of love towards her maybe she will get it.
 
F

Fabriziojavaline

Member
#8
Dec 17, 2018
65
31
18
#8
And yes, if you ask me i feel like the more people talk about it is like they are forcing the conversation to play cool and fill their own agendas.
I mean, think about it, you would not go saying OHHHH IT IS OKAY TO BE BLACK to black people all the time, it ends up you are being kinda racist.

Anyway, i came up with the black hypothesis because i would get my back kicked if i where to be like that.
 
BlueTheComposer

BlueTheComposer

Member
#9
Aug 19, 2020
80
52
18
#9
SarahUmbreon said:
She asked me why, I had to quickly come up with an excuse of: “Just because” and quickly change topics.
Click to expand...
I don't think you need to be afraid of giving the reason why. It might be likely that she won't be understanding, but what if she is understanding? By being vulnerable to others shows we give them the choice to care and show them that we want them to care. If you end up being hurt, that won't affect the way you feel about her, right? You don't have to expect her to understand, but giving her a chance to understand might be worth the risk. In a way, she'll know you as a person little better, and in a roundabout way she'll know God as a person a little bit better.
 
SarahUmbreon

SarahUmbreon

Banned
#10
Aug 16, 2020
540
363
63
29
#10
BlueTheComposer said:
I don't think you need to be afraid of giving the reason why. It might be likely that she won't be understanding, but what if she is understanding? By being vulnerable to others shows we give them the choice to care and show them that we want them to care. If you end up being hurt, that won't affect the way you feel about her, right? You don't have to expect her to understand, but giving her a chance to understand might be worth the risk. In a way, she'll know you as a person little better, and in a roundabout way she'll know God as a person a little bit better.
Click to expand...
Thanks, I needed to read that. Personality wise, I don't like conflict and try my best to get along with everyone, but it felt wrong I couldn't be honest with my sister. I know it does say in the bible that Christians do get persecuted, and that it shouldn't bother me, but I guess I worry so much about not hurting feelings or causing conflict that I forget this important fact.

I will try to talk with her, I would prefer to talk to her "Face to Face" however, to get my point across, cause talking over the phone is not the same as talking to a person "Face to Face"...even if I struggle with that stuff, it's important.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.