Hot to continue living after a broken dream?

raquellexxx · Aug 23, 2020

Hello. I am a Christian in her 20's who desperately needs your help and spiritual guidance because from my family, only I am the believer and I absolutely have no other friends or close people who are believers, which makes it impossible for me to seek any similar help (and I started therapy because I couldn't bare the pain any longer).

Since I remember myself, I had a dream to live in the States and it wasn't the typical stupid American dream. I just always felt that I would be completely happy there - I loved almost everything there, especially the fact that I can share my faith properly. In my country, believers are not so many and they aren't Protestant - we go to church alone and etc. I had the chance to go there for Work and Travel and I loved it even more. However, lately, my only one dream to live there was completely shattered. No matter how much I tried all these years, there are so many reasons and personal obstacles in my life, making it completely impossible to realize. And I wanted to be legal, which is even more impossible since I can't achieve none of the things to be legal there.

I can't describe how difficult, devastating, and exhausting this is for me to the point that I stopped having meaning in life... Since I am a believer, it makes it even more harder as I keep asking God why did he let this happen when so many even non-believers successfully live my dream without even dreaming, working hard, and praying for it? It feels so unfair and painful since I've never made anything so bad or horrific in my life that would make God punish me or something like this. What is more - every time, when there was an opportunity for me and people around me to cheat or lie for something, I have ALWAYS chosen the right and truthful path, no matter what... and it makes me feel even more angrier, alone, and devastated..

I keep reading and listening that that God knows your true desires and when you work hard and pray for them, He will let them happen. And no matter how much I tried, my dream was shattered and made impossible. While I know many people that didn't even care about that and they successfully live my dream.... Why? It just doesn't make any sense to me... Also, I thought that maybe God has a better plan for me here in my country. However, nothing in my life is good here, not to mention to get better with all my endless problems.. My parents don't care about me, my friends are not there for me when I've always been there for them, despite all my hard work, I am treated badly in my work and it's an emotional abuse. And on the top of that - I am experiencing this hell all alone...

For me, every day is an emotional torture, trying to understand why did God allow my only dream to be shattered and as a result, to be extremely unhappy and devastated? Please, I really need your piece of wisdom and advice since it hurts so bad.

BlueTheComposer · Aug 23, 2020

That sounds really hard, but God does care about you. Sometimes it's hard for us to see it, but he cares about all of us. We can't see the future or why God is allowing certain things to occur, but you're still young yet and years from now you may realize "Oh, this is why God allowed this or didn't allow this." Sometimes it's hard to focus on God and his will and seek to glorify him when life gets hard. For example, Job lost all of his children, all of his wealth, and even lost his health, and David was often running for his life from people who sought to kill him even though both Job and David were upright, God-fearing men. Even in the psalms you can read of David's anguish as he cries out to God about his plights. They had no idea why God was allowing these things, but God has a purpose even if we cannot end up seeing it in our lifetime. These times are when we must trust God and continue to do our best even in the hardest of circumstances. Thanks for reaching out about this issue for encouragement and prayer, and I encourage you to try to find believers near you who will help. Feeling alone is hard and not healthy, especially among family and friends. Is there any other believer that you know whom you can contact or a church for help/prayer?

Subhumanoidal · Aug 23, 2020

raquellexxx said:

Well i can share a few thoughts to put things in perspective for you that should answer most things.

God does not promise to make our dreams come true. So you're starting out with a fault premise that God will give you what you want.

It seems you are also operating under works, not grace. Believing if you obey you'll be rewarded with being given what you want. That is not taught in the Bible. That is nothing more than obeying rules in hopes of getting what You want without ever seeking God for what He has for you. You made it all about you, not God, then wonder why God isn't giving you what you want.

I've wanted my whole life to be married, yet here I am, 44 and not married. I wanted to have kids as well. And I've watched people disregard their marriages and their children and walk away. Or stick around just to mistreat them. It never seemed fair, but I learned the hard way life isn't fair. And following God doesn't mean He'll make it fair. Consider most of those that most closely followed and even knew Jesus personally died violent deaths at the hands of others. Was that fair?

I was born and raised in America. And let me tell you, this dream you have is dying quickly. In fact things are so bad in this country I'm considering if I'll be able to leave in the next few years.
If you've been watching the news lately you'll see riots all over the country and some cities even taken over by the rioting. Rioters are showing up at the houses of police officers and attacking them and their families in their homes.
Corrupt government officials defunding the police departments by millions. And making new laws that make it harder for police to do their jobs. Police are quitting left and right. The criminals and rioters are being protected while the ones meant to keep us safe are threatened and punished by the ones who hired them. Not to mention the ambushes and assaults of officers on duty, at times just sitting in their police cars when someone walks up behind them and shoots them dead.

The US also has among the highest cases of COV worldwide.

You are only in your 20s and you seem to be under the belief if what you want doesn't happen now then it could never happen. One thing I've learned in 44 years is you have No Idea what may happen. Not tomorrow. In a week or a year. What your life is now may be drastically different in a year.

Have you ever considered your dream isn't what's best for you? That maybe if you came here it won't work out like you think? Maybe it could be worse than where you are now? Have you thought that maybe God is protecting you?
You have this very idealistic view of America that you've created but doesn't sound very factual to one that's lived here all my life.

Whoever is teaching you praying and working hard = God giving you what you want is a liar, or are deceived themselves.

And there are a lot of lonely people here in the US as well. Many with few to no friends. Even in church circles. Finding a church that is actually any good here isn't so easy. There are a lot of false teaching churches here.

I'd suggest you reevaluate your motives for following God, as well as your expectations of America. Also the kinds of teaching you're receiving. You seem to have a Lot of misinformation and lack of understanding of many things.

I've been in situations where I "had a feeling" and that feeling turned out Completely wrong. That sense of "having a feeling" is Not a fact. It's an idea that we convince ourselves is so good it must mean something.
Let me tell you there are some things I had feelings about that didn't work out and I'm am Grateful I avoided that mistake.

If your job is so bad, do something about it. Moving to America doesn't mean you'll have some great job and be treated well. I've hated nearly every job I've ever had, often times due to the People and bosses.

If you think not getting what you want is a punishment you have a lot to learn about life. That's a normal part of life for Everyone.

Butterflyyy · Aug 23, 2020

raquellexxx said:

Hello. I am a Christian in her 20's who desperately needs your help and spiritual guidance because from my family, only I am the believer and I absolutely have no other friends or close people who are believers, which makes it impossible for me to seek any similar help (and I started therapy because I couldn't bare the pain any longer).

Since I remember myself, I had a dream to live in the States and it wasn't the typical stupid American dream. I just always felt that I would be completely happy there - I loved almost everything there, especially the fact that I can share my faith properly. In my country, believers are not so many and they aren't Protestant - we go to church alone and etc. I had the chance to go there for Work and Travel and I loved it even more. However, lately, my only one dream to live there was completely shattered. No matter how much I tried all these years, there are so many reasons and personal obstacles in my life, making it completely impossible to realize. And I wanted to be legal, which is even more impossible since I can't achieve none of the things to be legal there.

I can't describe how difficult, devastating, and exhausting this is for me to the point that I stopped having meaning in life... Since I am a believer, it makes it even more harder as I keep asking God why did he let this happen when so many even non-believers successfully live my dream without even dreaming, working hard, and praying for it? It feels so unfair and painful since I've never made anything so bad or horrific in my life that would make God punish me or something like this. What is more - every time, when there was an opportunity for me and people around me to cheat or lie for something, I have ALWAYS chosen the right and truthful path, no matter what... and it makes me feel even more angrier, alone, and devastated..

I keep reading and listening that that God knows your true desires and when you work hard and pray for them, He will let them happen. And no matter how much I tried, my dream was shattered and made impossible. While I know many people that didn't even care about that and they successfully live my dream.... Why? It just doesn't make any sense to me... Also, I thought that maybe God has a better plan for me here in my country. However, nothing in my life is good here, not to mention to get better with all my endless problems.. My parents don't care about me, my friends are not there for me when I've always been there for them, despite all my hard work, I am treated badly in my work and it's an emotional abuse. And on the top of that - I am experiencing this hell all alone...

For me, every day is an emotional torture, trying to understand why did God allow my only dream to be shattered and as a result, to be extremely unhappy and devastated? Please, I really need your piece of wisdom and advice since it hurts so bad.

Dear Raquelle

I’m sorry to hear of your difficult trials... i am sometimes helped by remembering the verse which says that we know that God works all things together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purposes.
Also sometimes our difficult trials are used later in our lives to help others.
The Bible says that we please God by trusting Him and that this is how we live, by trusting Him with everything.
I’m sure people will be praying for you now you have messaged here.
Even in the West many Christians suffer depression and we must weather these storms by faith, by trusting our Heavenly Father who is faithful and will never leave you or forsake you.

I hope you find comfort in the Word and the Spirit of God and I’m glad you reached out to other Christians X

AndyMaleh · Sep 2, 2020

But whoever saith in the Spirit, Give me money, or something else, ye shall not listen to him; but if he saith to you to give for others’ sake who are in need, let no one judge him.

SoulWeaver · Sep 2, 2020

raquellexxx said:

We don't always know from our perspective whether something is good or bad. You view the current situation as bad, when in reality you don't really know. But God knows every situation. Maybe if you were now where you would like to be, you might have ended up hurt from the riots, or something else bad would have happened to you, or you would have met the wrong guy and ended up in an abusive marriage... We never actually know what happens along the chain of events that we think we want to pursue.

There's a reason why you are where you are. God obviously wants you there right now. Maybe you're to end up where you want to be later? Or maybe God prepared a better place that you didn't even consider? Maybe God needs you where you are to evangelize and maybe He will fulfill the desires of your heart when your mission there is over - you said, there are not many Christians around you? Also, are you able to change your job? Do you live with your parents? If so, can you move out?

It does often seem like the wicked are rewarded and prosper. Serving God, while we evade a lot of evils by doing so, doesn't automatically mean everything in our lives will go like we want or that we will be blessed with financial prosperity. Ecclesiastes speaks about this in depth. Please don't get discouraged. You're so young, life is in front of you. And beware prosperity Gospel (not saying that you stick to it, but do stay away from it) because many people lose souls over it, chasing this life. God and perfecting the walk in holiness must always come first... As much as we might want some things and petition them from God (which God allows), in the end of the day we must always say "Thy will be done" and be satisfied having the living God dwell in us. Because we were bought by His blood and suffering, not by money. How do I demand anything on top of it? I can't.

You sounds like you need refreshment and uplifting. It's very important to spend time listening to or reading the Word of God every day to be refreshed and renewed.

Mii · Sep 3, 2020

May I ask why the dream was shattered? There are options for emigration.

raquellexxx · Sep 3, 2020

Subhumanoidal said:

Well i can share a few thoughts to put things in perspective for you that should answer most things.

God does not promise to make our dreams come true. So you're starting out with a fault premise that God will give you what you want.

It seems you are also operating under works, not grace. Believing if you obey you'll be rewarded with being given what you want. That is not taught in the Bible. That is nothing more than obeying rules in hopes of getting what You want without ever seeking God for what He has for you. You made it all about you, not God, then wonder why God isn't giving you what you want.

I've wanted my whole life to be married, yet here I am, 44 and not married. I wanted to have kids as well. And I've watched people disregard their marriages and their children and walk away. Or stick around just to mistreat them. It never seemed fair, but I learned the hard way life isn't fair. And following God doesn't mean He'll make it fair. Consider most of those that most closely followed and even knew Jesus personally died violent deaths at the hands of others. Was that fair?

I was born and raised in America. And let me tell you, this dream you have is dying quickly. In fact things are so bad in this country I'm considering if I'll be able to leave in the next few years.
If you've been watching the news lately you'll see riots all over the country and some cities even taken over by the rioting. Rioters are showing up at the houses of police officers and attacking them and their families in their homes.
Corrupt government officials defunding the police departments by millions. And making new laws that make it harder for police to do their jobs. Police are quitting left and right. The criminals and rioters are being protected while the ones meant to keep us safe are threatened and punished by the ones who hired them. Not to mention the ambushes and assaults of officers on duty, at times just sitting in their police cars when someone walks up behind them and shoots them dead.

The US also has among the highest cases of COV worldwide.

You are only in your 20s and you seem to be under the belief if what you want doesn't happen now then it could never happen. One thing I've learned in 44 years is you have No Idea what may happen. Not tomorrow. In a week or a year. What your life is now may be drastically different in a year.

Have you ever considered your dream isn't what's best for you? That maybe if you came here it won't work out like you think? Maybe it could be worse than where you are now? Have you thought that maybe God is protecting you?
You have this very idealistic view of America that you've created but doesn't sound very factual to one that's lived here all my life.

Whoever is teaching you praying and working hard = God giving you what you want is a liar, or are deceived themselves.

And there are a lot of lonely people here in the US as well. Many with few to no friends. Even in church circles. Finding a church that is actually any good here isn't so easy. There are a lot of false teaching churches here.

I'd suggest you reevaluate your motives for following God, as well as your expectations of America. Also the kinds of teaching you're receiving. You seem to have a Lot of misinformation and lack of understanding of many things.

I've been in situations where I "had a feeling" and that feeling turned out Completely wrong. That sense of "having a feeling" is Not a fact. It's an idea that we convince ourselves is so good it must mean something.
Let me tell you there are some things I had feelings about that didn't work out and I'm am Grateful I avoided that mistake.

If your job is so bad, do something about it. Moving to America doesn't mean you'll have some great job and be treated well. I've hated nearly every job I've ever had, often times due to the People and bosses.

If you think not getting what you want is a punishment you have a lot to learn about life. That's a normal part of life for Everyone.

Could you pleas elaborate? I would like to know what's wrong with my motives and thoughts about God and religion? It's really difficult to be the only person in the family that is a believer so I will be extremely grateful if you elaborate and explain what exactly is wrong with my thoughts and motives for following God? I just feel like all this pain and guilt will eat me out from inside so I will be very grateful if you explain to me.

Mii · Sep 3, 2020

raquellexxx said:

Could you pleas elaborate? I would like to know what's wrong with my motives and thoughts about God and religion? It's really difficult to be the only person in the family that is a believer so I will be extremely grateful if you elaborate and explain what exactly is wrong with my thoughts and motives for following God? I just feel like all this pain and guilt will eat me out from inside so I will be very grateful if you explain to me.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 (the whole chapter really).

Lafftur · Sep 3, 2020

raquellexxx said:

@raquellexxx - I'm sorry you're in so much pain.......actually, you're not alone. None of us are really enjoying a perfect happy life on this Earth........no matter where we live, as a believer in Jesus Christ, we are experiencing trials, tribulations and persecutions......we have times of refreshing that teach us that our joy is in Christ alone.

Rest and know that if God wants to move you to another place, He is well able to do so and NOTHING can interfere when He moves you! Rest.....and know the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are with you.......all is well.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You for the struggle that breaks us and causes us to depend completely on You so that our flesh cannot get us in trouble. Your "No" is because You love us. Your "Yes" is because You love us. Everything You do concerning us is because You love us. We trust You!

Our days are in Your Hands. Teach us Your ways and help us to abide in Your Peace, not the peace the world promises but, the Peace You give us.

Thank You for raquellexxx, help raquellexx to rest in Your love, joy and peace with no fear, in the Name of Jesus Christ our Lord, Savior and King, amen!

Nehemiah6 · Sep 3, 2020

raquellexxx said:

The only thing which will help is the book of Job.

Encouragement · Sep 3, 2020

raquellexxx said:

Hi my dear..I hope they will elaborate soon for you.I know that when you are the only Christian in a family it can be really tough and you can feel so very alone with no one to share your life experiences with about God and about lifes hardships.
You are 20 years old and plenty of years ahead of you so pls don't think that your desire to live in America is somehow all over.
Sometimes things happen at the tight time in our lives and if you did move to America I assume the rest of your family wouldn't be going with you.It would be a huge step and you can trust God with this one.If God is frustrating the process then there is ALWAYS every good reason and God isnt done kind of kill joy who likes to deprive us of our ambitions,but he knows lies before us and he knows if there are dangers,economical issues and more that if you was over there now..it would be like hell on earth for you.
I do sense that because you are the only Christian in your family the enemie is now terrified that other family members could be influenced by God through you so he will try his best to make your life hell so that the light within you doesn't shine coz he know the spiritual potential you have.
Question what if God knows that if you were in America right now you wouldn't be around your non Christian family and it would be like the enemies won thinking "good i got rid of her..phew that was close"..
Sometimes therez a bigger picture which we cant alway see.God has a plan for life and he doesn't want you feeling so much pain and trauma NO WAY...and plz dont allow feelings of guilt rise up withing you...God knows what you are going through and he DOES love you and IS FOR YOU.💕

BlueTheComposer · Sep 4, 2020

raquellexxx said:

You have no reason to feel guilt. God places us where he wants us to be. Our feelings can get in the way sometimes, but feelings are fleeting. Sometimes we're happy, sometimes we're not, and they can change on a whim, whether by what others say or even our own thoughts. It can be hard sometimes, but we can't value our emotions. It's just not worth it. There's nothing wrong with you as many go through the same things. It's not your fault. But why do you think God's chosen you above others to be in the position that you are? Maybe others wouldn't be able to handle things as well as you are? Even though you may feel like you're not handling them well God knows you. God chose you to be where you are for a reason. Even if you don't know why, you must trust him and continue living as best as you know how. Continue praying and reading the bible, and seek other believers. Don't go it alone.

Subhumanoidal · Sep 5, 2020

raquellexxx said:

It seems that much of your faith has been on the idea that God will give you what you want. Now that you believe that won't happen you're struggling. When a person whose faith is trusting that whatever happens God is leading it and is what's best for you, then you won't need to be angry with God. But when your focus is God doing what you want, you'll find yourself angry with God.

Did Paul get angry with God while in prison? Look at the Apostles, which mostly were murdered or imprisoned, yet they were not angry with God. Job. Noah. Moses. All these people went through things much worse than you're dealing with yet didn't blame God.
And that's not to say you have no right to be frustrated, but if you are to this degree it would seem your reasons must be that God didn't give you something He never promised to give to start with. Or in the time frame you want to.
Joy and peace mean nothing when things are going well. They are there for when times are bad. Faith isn't about trusting God when He's doing what you want, it's trusting Him when things are going wrong.

So you have to ask yourself are you following God because you trust Him and believe that, good or bad, He's putting you where is right?
Or is following God about behaving morally in order to convince God to give you what you want?
It's a huge distinction. And no one but you can figure that out.

mar09 · Sep 7, 2020

Someone sent this, and i thot you'd appreciate what Christ has done for you and me. May you continue to know our Lord thru His living Word.

davg · Mar 17, 2021

Follow your dream to the end, even if it crashes at the end. That way you'll be sure you've done all you can. And believe, then, that you are taken care of. Everything will be all right, you can find a new dream.

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