So this is a WEIRD story! forewarning read at yer own risk. So I was addicted to porn since I was 13-14 and never felt bad about it as it was a sort of coping mechanisim for me to deal with the stress that we kept moving houses, and pubert had come and gone and life was OVERWHELMING. I wanted to quit for almost the last 1-2 years but I almost felt powerless to do so as I wasn't feeling guilt about it. I recently last week got over it but it was rather odd how it all happened. So I was being a dork online anonymously browsing an online dating website to see how it all works, and I was kind of bored. Now, I have really never had feelings for girls, im not gay btw, but even if I had a crush on someone it might last a few days and I would get over it. as Im scrolling through the list of girls in my area, at like the seventh or eight one I went from bored to wide eyed and jaw dropping. I stared at her for a good hour, my heart pounding. I had never had feelings for a girl like this before, let alone at first glance. It hit me so fast I had no time to react and it sunk in. I was starting to get a little confused. Later that night when I went to get my nightly dose of porn(I needed help), I all of a sudden saw the girl in a mental sense (that I instantly had feelings for even though i never met her) watching me and looking at me as if I was cheating on her or something. I was like "OH NO SOMEONE IVE NEVER MEET IS MESSING WITH MY HEAD! AGGGGHHHH!" but then I looked back at the porn and all of a sudden it disgusted me to my stomach. It was REPULSIVE. at this point i'm like thinking that something WEIRD is going on. I rapidly felt sick to my stomach with guilt. I started praying and was sort of like "Are you giving me a conscience and a way out of porn now as it finaly repulses me?" I was getting nauseous by the minute then I got the song in my head "Trust and obey, for theres no other way, to be HAPPY in Jesus..." you know the rest. Im like "OK here goes!" I go into the folders that I had my stash and hit shift - delete. 7-8 GIGABYTES and almost nine years worth of porn gone INSTANTLY. The stomach feeling gone just as fast. I prayed and repented and asked the Lord for strength moving forward to not fall back into the trap. I thought it would be difficult to quit porn so I couldn't ask for something better. I have ZERO desire to view porn going forward. Im a tiny bit cautiously optomistic about that but Im just glad I got out of porn. But then I was confused about this love at first glance crush I all of a sudden had. Im 18, shes 21 and ready to marry, Im barely ready to move out. None of this would have happened without seeing her on that site, but the quitting porn was a total God thing, so Im trying to figure out where she falls into this situation. Not to mention i havent really ever been that intrested in girls. I was in sin messing around on that site anyway, but without doing that none of this would have happened. Im very confused because there isnt much possibility that I would meet her ever and so I kind of want to move on and continue single till im more ready for a relationship as im a superitrovert that values aloneness. Any and all advice is appreciated THANKS SO MUCH
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