Need help from God

Ok, here goes.
Always wanted to talk about this in my real life, face to face, but I'm scared to do so, hence why I am here.
So I have been struggling with this for quite some time, about 15 years now. I am still living at home with my mom, step-father passed a few years ago, so I am very close to the former. Got a few best friends in my life, however I have never discussed this with them as I am afraid of how they will react. It started when I was in my teenage years and continued from there. When I was around 13, 14 I developed a minor attraction to children. At the beginning I didn't think much of it, thinking it would go away, but as the years went by, these urges became much more. I initially repressed the feelings and asked god to take away, and I thought he had. When I grew older, the people I was attracted to stayed the same age. I always wanted to find a group for support, but there aren't any, and I can understand why. We are the most hated in all of society. I have never acted upon my attraction, nor will I ever. And I have never done anything illegal and don't plan to. Am I a peadophile? I obey the laws and respect and agree with society's position on it, and those sort of people. I was meant to go to a therapist about this, but in the end I backed out and never went due to the fear of being reported. Is there any way for this to go away? I am not afraid of commiting any crime, as I have controlled myself for so long. I consider myself a good Christian, and regulary go to church. Why is this happening to me? If there is hate replies, I understand why. Is there any type of counseling that one can go to where I remain anonymous, and I can get treated for this mental disorder?

I'm glad you posted this as it is very brave of you. Don't feel ashamed, you are fighting this urge very well. We live in a carnal world and all of us have demons to suppress, so don't feel like you're alone.
I understand why you would not want to tell your friends about this even though God has given you the strength to keep this in check. Think of all those in jail who have acted on their wrongful thoughts and hurt someone else.
I found this site https://pedo.help/ and it looks fine. The main thing is we are all sinners and God will bless you for confessing this urge and He will help you, He is a good Father, in Jesus Name Amen.

Father God, bless, swampconcept, and this prayer request, in Jesus gracious name, Amen!

Seek Gods counseling in sincere and heartfelt prayer, and seek a Pastor/Counselor to speak with and to guide you through this time in your life. What you are speaking of is a dangerous thing, do not falter! Have the courage to turn it over to God and face it head on. Do not give in to any temptation! I am praying for you.

First off, if we could spend 5 minutes in the brains of any and every person, we would be shocked with the thoughts and even urges they have.

There IS something wrong with you. It’s called sin. And every human shares your malady. It may not manifest itself in the same way it does with you, but it’s all ugly, despicable, and God hates it.

It sounds like you hate it in yourself too. That’s good!!

We live in a fallen world where our flesh, the world system, and the devil continually assaults us. And they don’t magically stop when you hear the Gospel, receive it, believe it, and then become a born again Child of God.

So the solution is to recognize WHO you are (if you have indeed been born again) in Christ, and the revelation that He now indwells YOU.

Take those thoughts that you know are wrong, and give them to Him. This is a continuous operation. It is NOT a one and done.

As hard as you are fighting the urges now, you may not ultimately completely suppress them, and you may fall.

But take heart! Jesus will NEVER fall or fail! You must rely on HIM, and not yourself to daily win the assault of temptations against you.

I pray this helps. Be blessed.

Keep with avoiding taking any actions in regards to this sin..

Keep acknowledging to God your sin every time the thought comes to your mind..

Thank the LORD for His atonement that covers your sin/sins..

Always remain believing the teachings of the Lord Jesus..

Always remain trusting in the Atonement of the LORD Jesus to pay for your sin/ sins..

I do not know what kind of treatment you can access.. Not sure how effective a treatment would be.. It must be a very specialized field..

You need to check out the Laws in regard to professionals reporting.. In my country Australia i think it is required to report a case of child abuse if the professional knows abuse has or is happening.. In the case where abuse has not occurred i think professionals keep things secret.. But again you need to investigate the Laws in your country / state..

Keep praying for deliverance from this.. And i hope as many as read your post also pray for your deliverance from these thoughts..

My brother. We all go through difficult times. And each of us have different urges which if we put to practice in life, we would be hurting others. We have our coping mechanisms and they are different, person to person. I just want to tell you that all children are like angels. When they are raised in a good home, especially a Christian home, they are in most cases protected by God and through parental care and instruction, their growth keeps them away from sexual activity at least until puberty.

Although, at times, the worst happens where they are sexually assaulted by sexual predators. Even kidnapped for those reasons. I feel their innocence should be protected at all costs. Otherwise, they will carry that trauma with them for life. And the best case scenario for those kids sexually attacked when young is that they will be looking to find a way out of that trauma caused to them in their childhood for most of their adult lives. The worst case, you can imagine.

Now I don't know why you have those urges. I cannot help you understand that as I am not in your shoes. But that's not right and it is a dangerous urge to have even though you would not consciously harm anyone. You don't have to be ashamed of mental illness. Almost everyone I have met in life do have some form of mental illness. I'm no exception either. No one is perfect. I suggest that you find someone professionally. You may have to spend some money, but if it will help you come out better, you should go for it.

People having mental illness can be stigmatized. I know that mostly, we as human beings are not open to discuss these things with our parents. Even friends. We are left on our own. Counseling will help you get breakthroughs. You have to find the right person for that and then go do it. Of course, confidentiality is assured by the Counselor/Case worker to their client. They will treat you like a patient. If they breach confidentiality, you can sue them legally. Client does have confidentiality privileges with his or her counselor/Caseworker. It takes a lot of courage to share this here or in any other thread or anywhere else. But if you take action, you will be better for it. Allow someone to help you. You need someone to analyze the issue from the outside and the factors that contribute to it and help you take action to break the patterns that hold you back from leading a fulfilling life as an individual. In this case, there is a lot more than you at stake should the worst happen. I say, always be prepared for the worst.

Not all people will listen to problems like these, true. I just want you to know that we all fight our demons and feel we're alone. We're not alone for as human beings we do care sometimes is what I feel. And inherently, most of us want to do the right thing in life. And me when I see you struggling to do the right thing, this is the encouragement that I can give you. Take action. You will be better for it. Find a Counselor. Find help. Seek professional help even though you think you can face this on your own. Your therapist cannot reveal anything without your permission as that is not legal. You are protected by law to seek help for curing mental illness. It's very important to take mental illness seriously. It is treatable and it can be cured. Nothing is impossible. Wish you good luck. God bless you.