Battling with my flesh

This has taken me some time to get the nerve to post. It’s with complete embarrassment and shame that I share this with you. But I’ve kept so quiet for so long. I’ve opened up to the wrong group of people about this issue.

I am 24 years old and in a relationship right now and my boyfriend is absolutely amazing. He’s the man I want to be with for the rest of my life. Yet, I continue to get lustful thoughts about other people. Both men and women actually. And I crave making out with them, hugging them, just any type of physical attention from them. So it’s not mainly lust. Just touch. Any type of it.

And I get infatuated with multiple people. I’ve been this way my whole life, the farthest back I can remember is in the 2nd grade. I would have little crushes on about 5 or 6 boys at a time. It progressed onto high school and beyond.

I’m in love with the feelings of love. And I care too much about a person’s physical appearances. Not like “you need to be this way for me to be with you”. Not at all. I love my boyfriend for who he is, despite what he looks like. What I mean is that, if there is an attractive person by me I just have to look. I look the other way and just stop but then I find myself later looking over again. Feelings of infatuation come out immediately. It’s hard when I have coworkers or people I need to be interacting with. I avoid them as much as I possibly can and just try to embrace whatever these emotions are. It’s like an addiction. I always get immense anxiety over it and cry because I want the emotions gone. I feel like a cheater for just having them. More so because I have them so constantly over little things.

My boyfriend is aware of these things. I have broken down crying to him many times. Even broken up with him once because I thought I just needed to hoe around and get it done with before settling down. I thought I was the type of girl that needs to be an open relationship. Or in a polyamorous one. I did nothing and came back to him the very next day. It kills me because I just want to be with him. He’s who I want as a father to my future children and as a life partner. I see my future only with him. I picture myself with any other person, like some Prince Charming, and I still see myself behaving the way that I do right now. I play it so many times in my head and look at my past relationships and it’s the same thing. I have a problem.

I know deep inside me that the truth is God. God doesn’t want us to be promiscuous. He designed us to be one man and one woman. For a long time I thought was going against myself. That I was meant to be with several people, that I do not fall under the umbrella of monogamy. But by getting closer to God I know that this is just my flesh. It is my flesh wanting to sin. It is my special kind of sin, the one we all have that takes so much of us to not engage in.

I’ve yet to find other people, other Christian women, who share the same story as I have. Or who are in the same position as me. I guess what hurts the most is that I can’t find that community and that help. Even that therapist, because the ones of I’ve gone to told me to dump my boyfriend and go out with loads of guys. It’s taken over my head. I’ve wanted to commit suicide so many times because of this. I’ve been so close all those times to going through with it, to even having the items needed in my cart. Please help. I don’t know where to turn to and I just want this to stop

@Nunezsk3834,

Ever notice where the eyes go, the mind, heart and body follows...... Learn to control your eyes, focus on what God would want you to see, turn away from everything else.

All the commercials on TV or social media are absolutely awful.....it's the world, it's not God.

Philippians 4:8 New King James Version (NKJV)
Meditate on These Things
8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.

Also, stay in God's Word....memorize scripture and ask God questions about His Word....as you ask Him questions you'll start hearing His voice and He'll answer your questions and His Word will be life-giving to you. Ask to be filled with His Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit will guide, comfort, correct, instruct, and teach you God's ways......you'll learn how to walk by the Spirit so you do not fulfill the lust of the flesh.

What you're going through is actually very normal but, it is Jesus Christ that will deliver you and set you free....just keep pursuing Jesus Christ and keep asking for the power of the Holy Spirit.....and above all, give God your heart and love Him completely before you love anyone! God is FIRST.....always!

Dear Heavenly Father,

I thank you for Nunezsk3834. Help Nunezsk3834 to love You completely and be filled with Your Holy Spirit and strength to turn away from the world and all its deception and deadly vices. Take possession of Nunezsk3834's heart and mind and fill them with Your Word and Your Love, cause Nunezsk3834's eyes to focus on You alone, in the Name of Jesus Christ we pray, amen.

Thank you for your response

You can find a couple of studies Here and Here that should be of help to you...

The bottom line is the way to get victory over the flesh is fasting and prayer and imbibing the Scriptures, even our Lord Jesus had to get victory over the flesh and this is how He did it during His time upon earth...Heb 2v17,18, 4v15, Psalm 69v10, Matt 26v41,42.

If you truly want help, you need to obey Jesus. Your story reminds me of a woman that David Pawson discusses in the video below starting around 36 minutes and 50 seconds. I’ve provided a transcript of the section for you to read below the video as well.


I had another experience up in Aberdeen—Oil City. I was preaching the Gospel in a theatre for three nights. And at the end of the third night, a young lady came up to me. She was in a bad state. She was sobbing. She was, uh, angry. There were blotches in her skin. And she really looked in a bad way. And she said, “Mr. Pawson, you frustrate me!” And I said, “How do I frustrate you?” “You’ve made me want to be a Christian!” I said, “Well that’s why I came to Aberdeen.” And she said, “No, you don’t understand.” She said, “I’ve tried to be a Christian for 18 months.” She said, “Every Evangelist who’s preached in Aberdeen, I’ve gone forward at the end.” She said, “I’ve been counseled. I’ve tried to do what they told me. Nothing has changed.” And she said, “I came to the point where I believe there’s nothing in it.”

And I said, “How did you come to be in the theatre tonight?” She said, “A friend urged me to come along and hear you.” And she said, “I’d stopped wanting to be a Christian. Now you’ve raised it all again, and I’m frustrated.” And I asked the Holy Spirit for a word of wisdom, and He gave me one. And I looked her in the eye, and I said, “Who are you living with?” And she colored up a bit, and she said, “I’m living with a young man.”

I said, “Are you married to him?” “No.” “Are you living as if you were married?” “Yes.” “Why aren’t you married?” “Well, he doesn’t believe in marriage. He said, ‘It’s just a bit of paper. As long as we love each other that’s all that matters.’” So I said, “You’ve never made any promises to him, and he hasn’t made any to you. So if he leaves you tomorrow, he’s not breaking any promise?” “Oh, he won’t leave me tomorrow. He loves me too much.”

I said, “Well, you’ve got a very difficult decision to make.” I said, “I wish I could make it for you, but I can’t.” I said, “You’ve got to decide which man you want to live with: Jesus or this young man. Because He won’t join in an arrangement like that.” And she was turned on me with anger and said, “Nobody else told me that!” But I said, “Nobody else has helped you. I’m telling you what they should have told you.” I was really just telling her what repentance means. It means giving up a wrong relationship, apart from anything else.

And she then turned around and ran out of that theatre. And I heard her weeping all the way out. And my heart really went after her. And immediately I thought of the young man, a rich young man who came to Jesus. And He loved him. He said, “All that you need is to get rid of your money, and come on and follow me.” And the young man loved his money too much. And when faced with a choice, he chose his money. And this girl, she ran out of that theatre sobbing her heart out. My heart went with her. I’ve been back to Aberdeen. I’ve hoped to meet her again, but I never have. And I’ve never forgotten her. And I knew just how Jesus felt when the rich young man went away—loving his money. I was telling her what repentance meant, but that was what she wasn’t willing to do.

Nunezsk, there is so much on my heart that I would like to share with you. The first is just to say well done!
The first step to freedom is confession, which means you are well on your way there. I want to encourage you that there IS freedom in Jesus, so don’t give up hope. He came for people like you and me. I can’t say I have the same struggles as you, but believe me, I do have my own – as we all do; it’s just that some of us are not prepared to be as honest about it as you have been.

I’m really in two minds whether I should be saying these things publicly or privately, but seeing as your post is in the public, let me respond that way. But please know that I am free and available if you did want to respond to what I am about to say privately.

I read through your post a few times. My dear little sister, what came to mind – I could be wrong, but – I perceive there is a cause and a root to your dysfunctional behavior. Had I the opportunity to speak with you face to face, the first question I would have asked you is, what is your relationship with your father like?

See, oftentimes, when we default with affection and the like, it is because there is a deep-seated need that hasn’t been met (I know this one from experience!). You’re welcome to condemn yourself for your behavior, but really, your behavior is merely a symptom of a heart issue that needs to be addressed. Until now, you may have been trying to deal with the symptom, but I’d like to encourage you to spend some time on your knees and ask the Holy Spirit to search your heart and show you the root of the problem. Allow Him to take you to that broken place and show you where the ruins lie, and let’s ask Him to build you up from there.

You said you can remember having these feelings as far back as second grade. Is there something that maybe happened to you as a child that could have opened a door to promiscuous behaviour? I have counseled many young ladies such as yourself and it is shocking to realize how many of them were abused or harassed as a child. Forgive me, I am not insinuating or suggesting – I am just probing for your own sake and being open just as you have been open. More often than not, the team that I belonged to discovered there was often an incident in someone’s childhood that triggers a life-style they cannot shake. It doesn’t have to be as obvious as abuse; some of our biggest needs are caused from neglect; whether constant or even an isolated traumatic experience where we felt vulnerable. If that is the case for you, ask the Lord to take away that memory and fill that gap. Find someone – a fellow Christian – and share with them and get them to pray for you.

I want to encourage you, little Sis, the Lord has healing for you and He WANTS healing for you. There is good news for you today… that sin that you are so struggling with has been nailed to the Cross. Jesus is offering you His nail-scarred hand and wants to help you up.

My prayer for you is that as you have reached out, that you would find His hand and He would lift you out of the hole you are in. He loves you very much, and He longs for your freedom; in fact, He purchased it for you. May the Lord lead you out and set you free in Jesus’ Name.

There are many Scriptures that I could share with you, and as the others have said, the key to your freedom is found in the Word. But there is also a starting point; allow the Lord to show you and set you free.

I hope that this meets you in some way. My heart goes out to you, but I am confident that the Jesus I know is not just able; He is willing to set you free.

hey dear sis, I can relate to alot of what you said there, I wanna sahre with you these link: How to Practice Love of God | GOSPEL OF THE DESCENT OF THE KINGDOM (holyspiritspeaks.org) it talks about the love for God verses the love for our flesh and how satan uses our love for flesh and how it tempts us, also how we can get out of this circle, could you take your time in reading it? and let me know in my email: [email protected] what you think, would really like to hear your opinion..