Backsliding

Hello, I am a 14 year old christian and I backslide a couple of months ago and from that week on I have been trying to repent but this month I have gotten a lot more serious and I need honest help. During my backsliding period, although I was so evil to God and said the nastiest and most hateful things to him in my mind with my thoughts. The Holy Spirit is really grieved in me and I feel so hopeless and distant. I want to get back so bad to the Lord and Im trying but I feel like I'm sinning left and right because I have mental health issues and I am very confused and also I have a stronghold of fear. I need so much help and I can't do it alone. I have no believers around me and I'm so stuck. Please help me, Im so stuck, confused, and lost. Tell me your honest advice, experience, leading by the Holy Spirit, and the Lord's answers.

Your post made me think of how David repented of his sin with Bathsheba. I recommend reading all of Psalm 51. Here's one of my favorite verses from it: "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me."

Make sure that you prayerfully read the bible each day.

And pray and ask God to lead you to a group of sold out on fire for God Christians that you can fellowship with every week.

Then Google Spirit Filled Churches near me. Or something to that affect.
On Fire Youth Ministry Near Me. Assemblies of God Near me.
Then go visit them this Sunday or when they meet. You might need to visit more than one but keep praying and the Lord will do something to make it known to you which one you should commit to and then just go every week and get involved with them. It is God's method to mature us through the gifts that other members of the body have as we all contribute to the mutual edification of one another. God will grow you but also remember that he wants to use you to help others and don't just be focusing on what you can get out of it but what you can contribute.

Real life is discovered when we stop thinking about ourselves so much and think about blessing others.

Christ paid for every sin you and I have ever, or will ever, commit. The issue involved when we sin is the breaking of fellowship with God and the loss of the filling of the Holy Spirit. We regain the filling by confession of sin privately to God. You are your own priest, you represent yourself before God. So you have the privilege of coming before Him at any time, and as often as necessary, with a prayer of confession. The principle is found in 1 John 1:9, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

But living the Christian life requires learning the Word of God, believing the Word of God, and applying what you understand to your life.
The Word corrects our wrong values, wrong thinking, wrong attitudes, and replaces them with divine truth. The scriptures are the only source of absolute truth, and studying them and applying it to our lives, leads to spiritual maturity, stability, and sound thinking. This is not something that happens instantly. It requires a commitment to daily study under the leading of a faithful pastor. The scriptures are complex and require careful study under a good teacher. You need to find a pastor from whom you can learn. Make this a matter of prayer, that God will lead you to a source of sound Biblical teaching.

It is important to realize where fear comes from.
In 2 Timothy 1:7 we read:
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

When you feel that fear coming over you, remind yourself that it IS NOT from God and tell it so.


James 4: 7-8: tells us:
7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.

When you draw closer to God (with your heart, your actions/deeds, how you are being led to do deep down inside, NOT "this is what I see them do on tv church, so it's what I'll copy) God will draw nearer to you. Sometimes, it may not feel like it, but God said in His worrd, the Bible, that He would and He doesn't lie, His word is the same today as it was when he first spoke it, and as it will always be.

yes, while it is important to get under sound biblical teaching, there will be times in life when you have to stand on Gods word for yourself. The pastor is not always available to reach 24/7, the prayer leader isn't answering their phone or unable to return a text right now and it's "urgent"

Jude 1:20
20 But you, beloved, by building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, 21 keep yourselves in the love of God as you await the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you eternal life.

We do this by reading the Bible ourselves, and letting it "sink in". sometimes it takes reading the same stuff again and again before you really understand it, that's okay. As you read things and don't understand, simply ask "Lord, what does that mean". He'll tell you, it may not be right that moment, but understanding will come.


One more thought,

YOU ARE NEVER ALONE.
Matthew 28:20
And surely I am with you always, even to the end of the age.
(and that's written in red. Some Bibles will print the words Jesus spoke in red )


If you would like to talk more detailed in private, let me know. I can send you a private message.

I say Amen to this post by Godsgirl83! I have been learning to stand on and live the Word in 2 Tim. 1:7 for several years and it makes all the difference. In addition to the above post, I can also say that fear is a spirit which at times needs to be simply rebuked and cast out in the Name of Christ Jesus while you stand on the Words of God quoted above. The other prayer which I found to be a great blessing is the one written by the Lord's prophet, brother Hanola, and can be found at https://cm-mrm.ca/2020/12/24/prayer-of-an-open-heart/

I wish I could but I can't pay for the private message thing, Im sorry, I definitely would want to though.

no worries, I'll send one to you. You should see the notification at the top right of the page over the envelope icon.